19xx
I have come to the conclusion that Archer is none too pleased with the way I have been handling this war. He is still sitting and drinking his wine. I am doing what I believe to be best. As my Servant he may not agree but he will listen. I'll leave him to enjoy that wine. Kirei has just arrived, I will go over tonight's events and we will sit and plan another strategy.
…
I have sent Archer out again tonight. He has come into contact with both Saber and Rider. This was a problem; apparently these three kings had a bit of an exchanging of words. Each pointing out the other's flaws in their method of kingship and their reasons for wanting the Grail. But it was the arrival of Assassin that seemed to be the most detrimental to my plans. Assassin seemed to be begging for a fight. But instead Rider offered wine. Wine. A peace offering? I hardly have any idea what his motives are. But apparently once the offer was declined, Rider had decided to show the other two kings just how powerful he is. I have deduced that Rider is rather boastful. Willing to take on any challenge offer and does not pass up an opportunity to show off his skills. Which he clearly did with Assassin. Rider unleashed another of his Noble Phantasms and revealed that he has an entire army at the ready. An army. And what more, by releasing this Phantasm, he had utterly destroyed Assassin.
We are now at a disadvantage.
Archer is also proving to be more of a liability than ever before, a loose cannon. His demonstration of how to be a leader had clashed with the other's ideals. I am surprised he took it so well when they did not agree. I was afraid that it would cause him to have another tantrum.
This behaviour is unacceptable, and I will have to quell this behaviour soon.
Speaking of, Archer does not seem to care for his transgressions, for he is downstairs once again enjoying some wine.
Kirei is understandably upset. He believes that now his Command Seals are gone he is of little use to me. However that is simply not the case. It does not mean that I count him out of this war yet; he is still a great source of support to me. I will show him how he can help, now that he is truly out of this war.
One thing I do find troubling is the constant interaction between Archer and Kirei. I suppose it's nothing, but I have found them to be spending a great deal of time together. I'm sure that I am merely looking too much into this. Archer is my Servant and I his Master. Kirei does have a place in this, but merely as support. Nothing more and nothing less. He is a good man an even better ally.
Although, sometimes, Kirei comes out of these conversations rather…different. Like something has shook him to the core and made him reevaluate certain aspects of who he is, and what he wants from his life. I sincerely hope that it is not Archer degrading him.
…
I have found out that Rider's Noble Phantasms are on par with Archer's. It was very wise not to engage in battle with him when the opportunity presented itself. It was the correct move to wait and see the full power he truly had. Patience, it seems, was, again, the right move. The time has come, with the intelligence collected, to engage the other Masters in battle. I am sure that Archer will be pleased.
…
The single biggest battle in this war so far has been concluded. Even as I write this now, I simply cannot begin to wrap my mind around what had transpired. I hope that by recounting it, it will help see my errors and where I need to make improvements.
Caster was not dealt with effectively, nor in a timely manner, and ended up resorting to complete and utter chaos in order to see his objective met. His Master did nothing to stop him; truly they were a match made in heaven.
Caster had managed to manipulate himself into a grotesque monster and had the potential to terrorize all of Fuyuki. Undoubtedly, this drew the attention of the other Masters, including myself. With the temporary cease fire in effect we gathered to put an end to this nightmare. I had wanted to defeat Caster myself, but fate is funny that way. Instead the majority of the battle was fought by Saber, Lancer and Rider teaming up to end the madness. However, Caster's regenerating powers were immense. Much like Hydra from the Greek legends, the appendages simply grew back. Clearly it was not going to do any good to just hack away at this beast like fools. He needed to be attacked at once, with a single powerful attack.
I knew that Archer would be able to easily defeat him. Up until that point both Archer and I were merely spectators, observing the other Servants try their hand at eliminating Caster.
Archer's vanity was sickening during this ordeal. He simply stated that if the three Servants below could not defeat him then they were pathetic and unworthy. He would simply not defeat him because he viewed the battle as beneath him and would not unleash Ea. Internally I was shocked. I did not understand the hostility. Did he not want to have the Grail Wars back on track? I could not appeal to his vanity, his distorted ego. It was becoming quite clear that I am losing control of Archer. I worry that he sees me as a Master in name only and nothing more. I fear that I am only able to control him, for now, because he is too powerful if left alone.
As if these realizations were not enough, we were interrupted by that louse Kariya Matou. I was rather perturbed simply for the reason that I did not want to have to banter with the likes of him. There were more pressing matters at hand. Sadly he challenged me to a fight, I knew that I was not going to get anywhere with Archer and I left to deal with Kariya myself.
I had known that this confrontation was coming for some time and I had formulated what I would say to him if we met, given the circumstances of his grievances with me. Yet my thoughts were not on this confrontation but they remained on Archer. I was still angered and frustrated that he would have the gull to turn his back on something as important as this.
I noticed, on my way to engage Kariya in a fight, that Berserker also made an appearance. His sights were set on Archer. I was hardly worried; this was something that he could handle on his own. I wondered now if I should have been worried, given the fact that Berserker had the ability to negate Archer's Noble Phantasms, yet I did not care. I know it was because of how arrogant he had acted towards this battle. While we may appear to be helping the enemy, it is only due to the fact that the War had gotten off of track. Nothing more.
Kariya was angered, how much he had changed since I last saw him. The left side was paralyzed and his hair now white. I hardly had any ideas as to what was causing this transformation, but in truth, I did not care. Nor did he, as he was fixated on this personal vendetta he has against me. I did not know that he was still upset that Aoi had agreed to my proposal all those years ago. But did not anticipate what he was truly angry over.
He had demanded my explanation for giving Sakura away to his family and to Zouken. I had known that he would most likely ask me that, and I had prepared a lengthy response. I would never let him know the pain that I live with everyday, the regret I feel and how I wish there was some way I could go back and revert my decision. I simply stated that it was for the benefit of both my daughters. That way they both could become a respected Magus in their own right. Both have exceptional talents, but only one was to be privy to the Tohsaka family secrets. I told Kariya that he would never understand because he turned his back on his family so many years ago. Now to simply reappear, pretending to know how the world of the Magi works? It is laughable. To really enrage him I added that giving the Matous a proper heir would ensure that one family would eventually secure the Grail, making the winner's family's legacy live on.
Truly I did not believe that, that is my greatest fear. Another Grail War would pit my daughters against each other. I struggled with the decision at the time. I have not gotten over it. I will never get over it. However I would never tell him my inner most thoughts.
Kariya was outraged that I broke up my family. To which I responded that he was hopeless to understand the tradition or pride that is essential to a Magus family. I told him that I would not hold either of them back. Their potential is too great. But I felt myself wish that I could have trained Sakura as well. No matter the consequences.
He had had enough talk and prepared to attack, but his levels of mage craft are subpar to mine and I easily over powered him. I sent him off of the roof, burning in agony. I regretted nothing. Casualties are a natural part of this war, and truly I was pleased that it was Kariya I dispatched. But I was overwhelmed by sense of regret as this was someone who Sakura had taken to. With him gone she was truly alone now. I had acted too rash and did not think of the outcome.
I told myself not to dwell on the incident and turn my attention back to Caster. But he was gone, obliterated by Saber, so I was told. Berserker lost interest in Archer when he discovered Saber; the notion is odd, very odd. However in order for Saber to unleash Excalibur she needed concentration, thus Archer and Rider took it upon themselves to deal with Berserker. It was puzzling that Archer chose that time to be noble and not before. His actions continue to puzzle me.
Clearly this is an issue that needs to be dealt with in a very timely manner. I am starting to lose control of Archer, and it will do me no good in this war to have a Servant I cannot control, even Archer.
19xx
The previous night, I have not slept well. Something is gnawing at my brain. I have been feeling that soon there will be a major event occurring in this War, even larger than the battle with Caster.
I cannot shake this feeling. I feel like death will soon pass over me. Dread sits heavily on my chest. I cannot determine what will happen, but I do know that this only the beginning and my fate is tied to the outcome of this War. I am starting to think that the outcome will not be good for me.
…
Risei has been murdered. I cannot fathom who would kill the moderator of this war. I am thoroughly shocked. My one other ally, has been eliminated. My advantage has been lost. Truly now, am alone in this Grail War. I need to start planning alternatives. It seems now I will have to prepare for battle. Saber, Rider and Berserker will be a challenge to defeat. I had known that I would face losses in this battle, but truly not within the Church.
…
Now with Risei's death firm in my mind I have decided to ally myself with Saber's Master, who is part of the Einzbern family. Irisviel is a homunculus, something the Einzbern's have prided themselves on. They have agreed to meet with me and discuss our partnership. Kirei has agreed to come with me. Perhaps not on the outside but internally I could feel it. I arrived home but I was still restless. Recounting this meeting, putting the words on paper makes me realize that fate has drawn its hand. Again this feeling of dread set upon me and I suddenly wished to have my affairs in order.
I went to Aoi and begged her forgiveness again for sending Sakura away. Again she forgave me but was still shocked that I had approached her like this. I knew I was worrying her. She knew that something wasn't right. I did not confess to her what my fears were. She did not need that burden. She hugged me, and I held her embrace for as long as I could without her becoming suspicious. I assured her that I was alright, when I knew I was not. I told her I loved her, loved our family and that I wished I could have done things differently.
When I prepare to leave for this meeting I will summon Rin, I have two gifts to give to her. A book, it will be useful to her in the coming years, and I will impart some wisdom to her. She is a bright girl and I know she will make the Tohsaka name proud.
Yet I wish that I too, could see Sakura one last time. Again my decisions have come back to haunt me. It seems I will never be absolved from them.
…
The meeting was quick. Saber was there to guard her Master as was another woman who had no part in this. I simply stated that I believed we should form this alliance to ensure that outsiders do not obtain the Grail. Irisviel, as she is called, had made a rather odd request. If they were to agree to this partnership, than Kirei would have to be pulled from this war. I did not know that they were aware of his position now that he did not have a Servant. True, Kirei went out to do his work that was beneficial to me, but I never asked, nor did he tell me. All he mentioned to me upon his return was that he interacted with other Master's but did not have the chance to properly eliminate them. They wanted him gone because he poses the greatest threat to one Kiritsugu Emiya. I had heard only briefly about his involvement in the War, he was a Magus killer dispatched by the Einzbern's to secure their victory in the Grail War. But we did not have the pleasure of meeting, yet.
Normally I would have turned around and left at such demands. Kirei was my partner and vital to me. But now…now things were different. My ally, they Church, was no more. Kirei had no Servant upon which to rely, only his abilities as a Magus and the training he received from the Church. I no longer had the upper hand in this War. It was time to face up to the truth. I had become desperate.
I hastily agreed that I would remove Kirei from this War and send him away, and I did truly mean it.
We ended there. I never pictured myself to be one who would crave an alliance, but I was becoming desperate.
Once I had returned home, I summoned Kirei. I also have two things I want him to know. I plan to make him Rin's guardian in case I should not make it out of this War. I know that Rin will not like it, but it ties in with my second gift. I will give Kirei the Azoth dagger as a sign that he has successfully completed the training I have had him do for all these months. It officially marks the end of his apprenticeship. This way, as Rin continues her lessons, Kirei will be able to successfully guide her.
Ah, Kirei has arrived.
Hi all, I'm alive. I hope you enjoy the chapter, don't worry I'm not done with it yet. I do have a few more plans for this story yet. Thoughts and comments are always helpful. Or if there are points that I missed out, on feel free to let me know!
