I'm back! Work and home life has been crazy. This chapter also took a long time to write. Again, I can't thank everyone enough for the encouraging reviews, favorites, and alerts. If it were not for everyone's support, I would never be able to get over my writer's block and finish these fics. One small warning for this chapter: Jade has a really long monologue in his head. I'm not sure how well that will go over. Thanks again for reading!
DAY 21
Clouded. I woke up this morning unable to think straight. It's a good thing we get one spare uniform issued to us. I would hate to explain to people why the one I wore to bed looked so rumpled. Right now, walking to school with Saphir, it seems to be taking all of my concentration just to keep up my usual image. We've been walking in silence, which by the way, is not normal. Saphir has always had something to talk about. Instead, he only squeaked out a, 'Good morning, Jade. Did you sleep well,' and stuck his face behind our textbooks as we walked. For the record, I don't make him hold my stuff, he just does it on his own accord. I hate to admit it, but I miss our conversations. I think his chatter made me feel comfortable somehow. How did things get this awkward between us? Why did things get this awkward between us? And, just how is it that every time I ask myself these questions, my mind goes back to Peony's cryptic statements. Nine days. Maybe when His Majesty's time runs out, and I win this stupid bet, things will go back to normal around here. I hear Saphir sigh heavily into the books. It seems as if he's conflicted by something. I keep my focus on the path to the school, pretending not to notice that he has been sneaking glances at me throughout our morning walk. I know he won't just give me a straight answer, but I decide to try anyway, "Saphir, what's bothering you now?"
"Huh?" Saphir stiffens, eyes wide with surprise, then he buries his head back into our books, "N-nothing..."
I thought so, but I'm not going to let it go so easy this time, "Really now, Saphir. We've been together for the better part of our lives. I can most certainly tell when you're distressed." 'Been together'? That was an odd way to put that. Damn foggy head...
Saphir hugs the books as close to his face as possible, "W-what do you mean? I'm not distressed..."
Bullshit. That last statement came out in that high-pitched tone, and his shoulders are shaking. I stop and block Saphir's path, this ends now, "Saphir..."
Saphir bumps into me, and then moves a pace backward, "Eep."
"Does this have anything to do with Peony's latest plot?"
Saphir trembles behind the books, "Does what have to do with that pea brain's latest plot?"
Feigned ignorance, really Saphir? "Your depressed attitude."
"I told you, I'm not depressed!" If his voice went any higher, I'm sure only dogs would be able to hear him.
"Saphir," I sigh, I don't want to say this aloud but, "I'm worried about you."
Saphir peeks over the books, "Who are you, and what have you done to my Jade?"
"Am I really that inhuman?"
"I stuck by you all these years, and never have you said that you were worried about me."
Really? I stood there in front of Saphir, dumbfounded. Huh, never thought I would actually say that about myself. Saphir lowers the books and stares at me. He shifts the books into one arm, and uses his free hand to adjust his glasses. Then, he runs his hand through his hair and crinkles his nose. He usually does that when he's trying to figure out what could be wrong with one of his devices, or when he's really focused on something. My stomach flips, and I feel heat rush to my face. Wait, do I find that... cute? I mean, I haven't given it much thought, but I seem to always get this way when I see that face. 'I bet whatever he's starting to feel, he thinks he's coming down with a flu!' For some reason, I suddenly remembered something His Majesty said over a week ago. Hold on. Before school, between classes, lunch, and after school in the labs are all times I am able to end up alone with Saphir. Could His Majesty be right?
"Anyway, who's worried about who here?" Saphir puts the books down and walks closer to me with his hands on his hips, "You've been acting quite strange yourself. You want to know why you have been feeling so strange? Which one is it? There's not something on your mind, there's someone! So tell me," Saphir sniffles, "which one of Peony's stupid cows is making you act this way?" Saphir turns away and wipes his nose on his sleeve.
As I watch Saphir try to hold back tears, I start to really scrutinize the so-called 'special treatment' I give to Saphir. When Saphir annoys me, I brush it off. When Saphir worries me or angers me, I get more frustrated at him than I would to anyone else. When Saphir is in trouble, I cannot just stand by and do nothing. When I can't figure something out, I go to Saphir. When Saphir avoids me, I need to know why. When we talk, I don't pretend to listen, I do listen. I become uncomfortable when Saphir is upset. I scold Saphir when he makes me upset. And if that isn't enough to make me realize what's happening here, there's also the complete 180 my personality takes when Saphir is scared, or when I even consider the thought of never seeing Saphir again.
Bringing myself out of my thoughts, I need to handle this current predicament. This is not the time or place to discuss how I may or may not feel. Well, I have to at least shut him up, "Saphir, I can assure you with confidence that I'm not thinking about any of Peony's 'stupid cows', as you so eloquently put it. To tell the truth, I'm glad most of them dislike me. They ignore me, and that suits me just fine."
I hand Saphir a handkerchief, and he blows his nose with it, "I'll wash it and get back to you."
"Keep it," I turn back toward the school, "I've been telling you to use one of those for years."
All through the morning class time, I try to sort out my strange feelings. I should try to compare my opinion of Saphir with the opinions I have the rest of my friends and family. I'll just use Nephry as an example for family, since I don't really give any care to my new family, or my deceased parents. Nephry would probably hit me if she heard that last part. Anyway, I remember Nephry's name, and I don't mind her company. She doesn't appreciate my efforts to make her happy, as demonstrated when I used fomicry to replace her stupid doll. I wouldn't let something bad happen to her, and I get rather disgusted when Peony implies he's interested in her. To me that defines my attitude toward family. So, do I think of Saphir as an annoying little brother? Remembering names and tolerating company is going to fit for everybody I care to know well, so lets move on. As appreciation goes, it doesn't take much to make him happy. Everything I do for Saphir, no matter how small the gesture, he appreciates it more than someone who just got their life saved by someone else. I have to say, though, it is a bit of an ego boost. I enjoy the praise greatly. Is that normal? Anyway, I also wouldn't let Saphir be harmed, but when it comes to believing someone may be interested in him, I don't just get disgusted, I get angry. That's probably not normal either, so a brother figure can be ruled out.
Next, the status of a run of the mill friend, or someone I care to remember their name and some of their personality. I've known Jasper for about two years now, and I can say with confidence that, while I don't approve of Saphir bullying him at times, I don't think I would be too terribly hurt if Jasper were to suddenly try to leave my life. As this month has shown, I acted much differently when Saphir was avoiding me.
That brings me to my final comparison, the 'best friend'. Since I'm comparing to Saphir, that title would most likely fall to His Majesty. Oh dear Yulia, if he heard me say that, he wouldn't let me hear the end of it. I certainly know more about the pair of them then I would normally care to know. There are many occasions that both of them vex me to the point of me dreaming up their deaths, but I would never follow through on any of those plans. I'm more comfortable around them than anyone else, and I don't put up as many walls when I'm around them. If I was keeping score; however, Peony annoys me far more than Saphir. I cannot engage in intelligent discussion with Peony most of the time, since he thinks everything is a game. He also never listens. Saphir listens. Although, when push comes to shove, His Majesty can be reliable in the end, and, I'll never say this to his face but, I respect him and trust him completely. That, to me, defines a good friend.
Now where Saphir is concerned, he's loyal to a fault, but when I think about his loyalty and His Majesty's loyalty, two completely different feelings seem to surface. With His Majesty, it's respect, plain and simple. With Saphir, it's some unidentifiable warm and fuzzy feeling. I can't place it at all. Also, I could care less about His Majesty's suitors, except my sister of course, but apparently I have problems with Saphir receiving affection from someone else. Every time the thought even crosses my mind, I get mad. Since I feel the need to stress that fact a second time, it's probably important. Also unlike Peony, I can talk to Saphir for hours. Considering how most people think of Saphir as a pest, normal people don't like to hear him talk. I actually seem to enjoy talking with Saphir. When I put people's opinion of Saphir's ramblings together with my own dislike of other people's useless chatter, it doesn't make sense why I make an exception with Saphir, of all people. Perhaps, it could be that I'm the only one who understands him. I know all too well the blank stares I get from adults when I talk about my ideas, let alone my own peers. But, there's the annoyance issue to consider. Saphir grates on everyone's nerves, and I've seen him annoy even my patient sister; Hell, I've seen him annoy the Professor. Usually, I'm rather impatient with people, but if I show more patience toward Saphir than even the Professor did, something is very unusual here.
Putting those facts together, I can definitely say I know how His Majesty came to his conclusion about me having some kind of special feelings for Saphir. The big question is; is he right? Am I just simply closer to Saphir than I am to His Majesty, or is there something more?
To figure that out, I'm going to have to ask myself some interesting questions. I guess the first question would be, do I find Saphir attractive? There are definitely times where I have thought of Saphir as 'cute'. I don't usually use the adjective Peony uses to describe his rappigs to describe much of anything, never mind a person. That said, thinking about Saphir's appearance, that word does stand at the forefront of my mind. I don't think many boys can pull off wearing girl pajamas without looking stupid. I also like what he's doing with his hair. Then, there's his eyes. Are they really violet? He has the cutest expressions, especially when he's concentrating... There's also the way he walks... All right, this is starting to get a little weird.
Moving on, how often do I think about Saphir? When I really think about it, he is the first person I see in the morning, and the last person at I see at night. When that changed, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Do I feel different when I am around Saphir? If I was asked this a month ago, I would say no. I believe the temporary separation from Saphir I experienced has stirred up something inside me. I have recently discovered that all of my instances of dizziness, nausea, and the like have occurred when I was either alone with Saphir or in very close contact with Saphir. Also, just thinking about this right now, I feel a bit light-headed and warmer than normal.
Can I picture myself... I run my hand through my hair, and sigh. I don't think I need to go any further if I can't even finish that statement without feeling all the blood rush to my head or hear my heart slam in my chest. This is crazy. I like Saphir. A lot. This is going to take some getting used to. Worse even, it's going to take getting used to the fact that I l-lost. Great. I'm stuttering. Breathe. I probably look like I'm having a heart attack at my desk. Calm down...
All right, now that I'm more composed, I need to think about what's next. What is next? I can't just tell Peony he won. He'll brag to the world. I have to tell him eventually; we made a fair deal. Saphir should be the first to know, but why does telling him about my feelings make me so nervous? He pretty much worships the ground I walk on. That could mean anything with Saphir. That could be just respect, similar to what I think of His Majesty.
Damn! I resist the urge to slam my fist on my desk. I can't believe I lost. I can't stand those disgusting little creatures... Are all wealthy people so eccentric? My adopted family members all have outlandish hobbies as well... Granted, I shouldn't talk. I'm trying to bring back the dead after all. Ugh, I'm going to have to walk all of them every time they need to... Repulsive. And I'm sure that no matter how many times they get washed, they'll still stink. Is he going to make me play with them as well? Then there's that stupid statement to the military and the school. Embarrassing, to say the least. What exactly is he going to make me say to everyone? How detailed is he going to get? I can't even picture any of this happening. I never lose. How in the world am I going to be able to hide this from His Majesty until I get the courage to tell Saphir? If Peony were to find out first, it would be a total disaster. However, even if I manage to hide this for over nine days, I have to be honest with His Majesty. If it were not for him, I would continue to be oblivious to my own feelings. I know I lost. I wouldn't let His Majesty back down from his promise to give me a live subject, so I shouldn't try to weasel out of this myself. Still that said, I'm not letting Saphir hear such news from anyone but me, in private.
Lunchtime was once again a quiet affair. After about five or ten minutes, His Majesty breaks this silence, "Are you really not going to lecture me about last evening?"
Unfortunately, that caught me off guard, "Lecture?"
"That's weird," Jasper points out, "You were ready to kill us when we last saw you."
Ready to...? Oh, that. I have nearly forgotten last evening's fiasco at the cafe, "I have no idea what the two of you were trying to accomplish with all of that, so I don't even know where to begin."
"Why did you idiots make me go out with that girl anyway?" Saphir glares daggers at His Majesty and Jasper, "You not only made sure I went, you also stayed and watched. That's simply perverted and creepy."
Peony grins at Saphir, "You mean you didn't like her?"
"Tell me that's your attempt at sarcasm, Pea Brain. I'd like to think you have some living brain cells inside that thick skull of yours."
"Well," Peony smiles proudly, "I believe everything is going according to my plan. I got this bet won."
Don't react, that's what he wants, "Confident, are we, Your Majesty?"
"That's right. Act ignorant all you want, Jade. I know how your mind works. If you hadn't figured it out already, you will in a couple more days." Peony turns to Saphir, "And you're helping me more than you think."
"I would never help you, especially when you go up against Jade."
"Not on purpose." Peony chides, "You are going to owe me your soul after this."
Saphir's face becomes red with embarrassment and anger, "I never asked for any favors, so I'm not going to owe you a thing. Besides, how exactly am I helping you anyway? I don't even want to know why you think you claim my very soul."
"I know how your mind works too, Saphir." It sometimes may not seem that way, but His Majesty is very intelligent. Just not in the same way Saphir and I are. Now that I know he has in fact already won this, his damned riddles are all starting to make sense. I need to keep my frustration at bay, though. The slightest hint that I understand him, could set him off. Honestly, I'm even more shocked about Jasper knowing from the start. At least, he never believed Peony could succeed in his crazy plans. As I hear Peony draw in a breath, I groan in my head. He's not done, "You're very quiet today, Jade."
Damn. "I'm always quiet."
"You haven't shot back any witty comments, or denied any of my claims. Fishy..."
I must stay in control of the situation. Peony and Jasper are indeed on the same page, and know everything each other knows about 'Peony's master plan'. Jasper is just trying to stay out it, probably fearing for his life. Seriously, I need to work on that fear issue. Anyway, Saphir knows probably half of what Peony and Jasper know, due to Peony trying to get his help at one point, probably the night he visited Saphir in his room, and Saphir refusing in the end, probably because Saphir didn't want to see me lose the bet. I also noticed that Peony must have something on Saphir, since Saphir hasn't informed me of what he does know. Of course, this also means Saphir has been keeping something from everyone for quite a while. If there's one thing I learned, it's that if Saphir can't tell me about something, it will always be something he believes would displease me, and this particular secret is a big one, and, what's more, Peony knows it. Getting back on track, I cannot make it appear he has won at this time. Everyone is looking at me expecting a retort. I think out line number twenty-six will do nicely, "Sometimes, it is best not to respond to ridiculous statements. If you'll excuse me, I'm going back to class now." I get up, grab my things and start toward the door.
"Ah," Peony snickers, "I believe that was 'out line number twenty-six'." I turn and glare at Peony, "My babies love carrots, you might want to remember that."
Is it unhealthy to want to murder one's so-called 'best friend'? I cannot let that get to me... Come on, just turn and walk away, "Think what you like." I make it out the door, but my body suddenly feels paralyzed, and I collapse to the floor behind the door. After a minute, I open the door a crack. Pick a number between one and six, Peony. If you piss me off any further, I'm going to need an idea of how you want to die.
"That's it!" Saphir squeaks, "What the Hell did you do? Jade told me he wasn't interested in any of those women you've shamelessly thrown at him, I'll have you know!"
Peony grins evilly at Saphir. He's going into full on tease mode, "Did I say I found him a girlfriend, Saphir?"
"You're really starting to grate on my last nerve, Peony!" Saphir seethes at Peony. I really wish I had a better picture of what was going on between those two. I may have figured out His Majesty's puzzle, but I'm still not sure on how much he has told Saphir. Thankfully, Saphir still seems to be in the dark about who His Majesty has paired me up with. I'm sure that as long as I stay ignorant in His Majesty's eyes, he won't let anything slip in front of Saphir. I'm still very wary about it, though. I just can let those two be together without my supervision.
"So Saphir, who do you think Jade would fall for?"
Saphir throws a book at Peony, "You really expect me to answer that, you shit dwelling beast!"
As Peony deflects the book, Jasper watches the exchange in awe. It is rather hard to see His Majesty as a normal person. Most people don't. I don't either half the time, but Saphir is a different story entirely. I don't think I have ever seen Saphir treat Peony like a prince, no, I know I have never seen Saphir treat Peony like a prince. If people didn't recognize His Majesty, their exchanges would look like two normal friends who can't agree on much of anything. The sad thing is Peony seems to enjoy the treatment. That's probably why 'Piss Jade Off Until He Snaps' is Peony's favorite game. Closely followed by, 'Tease the Crap Out of Saphir'. Poor innocent Jasper. I don't think he knew what he was getting into when joined our little 'inner circle'.
"What if I do?"
"Well, I'm not."
"But your prince demands it."
"Go to Hell and rot, Pea Brain!"
Peony's grinning like an idiot, and Saphir is reaching for another book. Jasper sighs as the book sails past him, and Peony catches it. Peony chuckles, "You have to at least know I'm right."
"Would I be so pissed off if I didn't believe you? I just don't know who it is, okay?" Saphir pouts.
"Do you want to know?"
Don't. I hardly ever ask anything of you. Don't do it.
"I-I'm n-not s-sure..."
"Well, I like living, so I'm not going to tell you. I'm sure Jade will tell you soon enough. Oh, and don't forget our little agreement..."
"Are you sure you want me to do it? We made that agreement in front of him, you know. You also know he has a photographic memory. He learns my dark secret, he'll demand to know yours." Saphir gives Peony a wicked grin.
"Crap," Peony curses, he must've lost this argument. Rare, I know, but it happens sometimes nonetheless, "I forgot about that. You don't have to-"
"Well, fair's fair. I might do it. Let's let things officially resolve, then we'll talk."
Peony nods, and Jasper looks at the two with a confused expression on his face, "What agreement? You mean the thing about Jade's-" Jasper gets cut off when a book hits him in the face, "Ow! Your Highness?"
"I like living, and I haven't heard Jade's footsteps on the stairs, Jasper."
