Olivia was nervous, she was on the way to meet Trevor and she didn't write him back when she recieved his last message. She still couldn't believe what he wrote, how could he? They were dating for two months, how could he write her that he loves her.
First she was shocked, then she was angry and now she was pissed, he was destroying everything. She tried to calm herself down, he did nothing wrong, he just pushed her weakest point. On a intellectual base she knows that it is stupid but her childhood experiences were way to dramatic to just ignore them, they left deep scares behind, even if she tries to fight it. She always couldn't trust people if they came to close, boyfriends who wanted to move in with her or even who wanted to push their relationship onto an other level were always suspicious to her. She couldn't understand how they could love her, how could anyone love her at all? She was brought to this world by force. Her mum didn't love her and if not the mother who else in the world could ever love someone.
She knows that this is stupid and she can see George sitting in front of her giving her a psychiatric speech about how irrational this is. She knows that all, that's the reason why she never talked with someone about it, but the knowledge doesn't change her feelings.
She would meet Trevor in his appartment this would make it easier, she can just tell him that it is over and then she can leave.
She felt a tear running down her face and was asking herself why she was crying. And she realized that she didn't want to leave, she really started to like him, she felt so comfortable with him. She stopped the car at the sideway and started to hit the steering wheel. She did not know what to do next, it was to much everything was overpowering her, she wanted to run off but she does not want to lose him, she felt like a stupid 16year old girl and not like a grown up woman. And then she had suddenly an image in her head, she saw herself with Trevor and she was happy and the feeling to talk to him became overpowering, she wanted to talk to him about her fear and what he did to her by saying that he loves her and she knew that this was one of this rare moments in life where you realize that your life will take a different path depending on the decision you make right in that moment.
And she made the decision, she wanted it all, a partner, a family, beeing happy, a normal life with normal problems and she wanted it with him, she just wanted him to slow down a little bit and she was going to tell him.
She drove to his appartment and was shaking when she pressed the doorbell. He opened the door holding the dishtowel in his hands trying to dry them. He looked at her and immediately asked: "What happened? Is someone hurt?"
She forgott that she must look as if she went through hell, cause her face was still wet from the tears.
"No, everything is alright, can I come in", she weakly responded.
"I'm sorry, come in.", he said. "Olivia, what happened?"
"You said you love me, after two months of dating and you send it as a textmessage, how do you wanted me to react to that?" she aggressively said.
He was absolutely confused. "That is the reason why you were crying? Olivia, I didn't wanna hurt you by saying that and I admit that it wasn't one of my best moments to send it as a textmessage. But I didn't realize how bad I would hurt you by saying that I love you."
Suddenly she was so tired she just wanted to stopp talking, she had a headache and she thought maybe it was a bad idea to come to his appartment. She turned away from him and burried her head in her hands. "You know what, I shouldn't have come here. I'm really tired and I'm not feeling well, I should leave.", she said preparing herself to leave and to crawl back into her shell where she spent all her life in and what she just a few minutes ago so bravely wanted to leave.
She felt Trevor stepping closer to her. "No, you're not running away from me." "Trevor, please?" "You don't know how messed up I am. You should not get involved believe me, you should leave right now, as long as nobody gets hurt."
"Olivia, what the hell happened to you that you don't feel yourself worth to be loved by anyone. Please, don't push me away. Give me a chance, please?"
She started to cry again and she turned around and embraced him, she pulled him close to her body and laid her head onto his chest. He started to stroke her hair and after a while he said: "Come on, let us try something from the fantastic pasta I made and then we just lay down and sleep, we can discuss everything else after some food and sleep. And she gave in again and let him take the lead.
