Weltschmerz

Durch Hanomaru

Disclaimer: (Might as well do a full one, seeing as I haven't yet.) I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or any copyrighted idea, product or corporation I mention in this fanfiction. This fanfiction was written with no intention of using it for my own or anyone else's profit and is solely meant to entertain the reader. I offer my apologies to Hiromu Arakawa-sensei for defiling her brilliant work.

Caveat Lector: Language, talentless writing. Shonen-ai is upcoming.

A/N: I also offer my apologies to any readers whom I may have upset even in the slightest with my "abandonment" of the community. You see, because my parents fail to understand that a) my mind is not suited towards academics and b) this semester consisted of my four least favourite courses, they took away my Internet, assuming that that was the cause of my 74 average. (Note to them: If you want to see my grades improve, give me my Internet back, you illogical mortals you.) Therefore, I haven't been able to upload any new chapters onto the site except through the computers of others, resulting in a very low post rate. Again, my apologies and on with the story. (This note is from January, by the way.)

-

Erschrecken

Ed's worries were quieted with a phone call from Central the next day. As it turned out, Al and Winry were fine. Winry had gotten into a bit of a spat with her new landlord for wanting to re-establish her automail business in the apartment, as well as expressing her distaste for city life, but everything ended up working out. They managed to find a nice little shop space for lease that fulfilled both the needs of both Rockbell Automail and the ornery landlord. The injury on Al's arm, a minor laceration, had healed quickly and well. He was helping Winry out with the automail and occasionally managed to give "new life" to old automail. Winry would threaten him with the wrench for doing as such and made him apologize to the customers, who weren't entirely enthralled with self-delivering automail. Despite the amusement this brought, Al was still starting to miss Ed and was awaiting orders from Roy or Havoc or whoever else. Ed assured him that they would be returning to Central soon, gave the two his best wishes and hung up the hotel lobby phone.

Both his superiors were still fast asleep even though their train left in an hour. Ed would have already woken them up if it weren't for the hearing of their neighbours. Ed looked at the clock, looked at the hotel owner at the desk, said good morning, looked at the icebox behind his desk and suddenly had a very evil idea.

-

"If you EVER try to pull something like that again, Fullmetal, I will personally ensure that you will not be able to. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir." Ed tried to keep the sarcasm to a minimum.

"Yes, sir, what?"

"Yes, sir, I will not ever try to pull something like that again."

"What made you think I deserved it?"

"Well, you see, sir, our train leaves in three quarters of an hour, and since all previous attempts at waking either of you tosspots had failed, sir, that was the gentlest way I could think of." Of course, I forgot to take hangovers into account. Maybe if I'd poured hot coffee on his neck he'd be more pleasant about it. Thinking of which, "Would you like some coffee, sir?"

"No."

"Mustang, calm down. It was just an ice cube." A drowsy, but definitely wakeful Havoc chimed in.

"It was just bloody cold is what it was"

"Easy! Easy! Okay, you know what, I'm just gonna go down and get that coffee anyways, right, sir?"

"What the fuck ever."

"He takes his with whatever's available, Ed."

"Seems like the type. See you in five, then." Ed laughed nervously, exited quickly, closed the door, and wandered past displeased or purely curious hotel-goers and down to the lobby to the small coffee stand in the corner. After obtaining holy liquid for three and its common partners in crime (milk, cream and sugar), he returned to the room to find Havoc sitting on his bed, smoking as usual, and Roy, once again, unconscious. Ed put down the milk, cream and sugar and began to tip Roy's coffee over his head.

"I'm thinking maybe not, Ed. Give me that." Havoc took the cup from Ed and put it to his lips. Roy promptly awoke and seized the coffee. After ensuring that Havoc had drunk none of it, he downed the whole thing in one go. Ed handed Havoc his coffee and started drinking his own after putting in a minimal amount of sugar.

"You know, Ed, it's a lot better if there's a little milk in it."

Ed glared.

"What? What did I say? Oh - You and your sick little mind. Jeez. Can't even breathe without getting a look like that. Please, just try it with milk - and no, I don't mean that."

"No."

Roy gave Ed a stare that would make a polar bear shiver. "Try some milk, Ed," he said flatly.

"No."

"Then give it to me."

"Like hell I am."

"One drop of milk, Ed. One drop of milk in a cup of coffee. That's all I'm asking you. Try it or give it."

Ed put down the cup and crossed his arms. "This is idiotic. I'm a goddamn adult now, in case you didn't notice. And I'm not putting goddamn milk in my goddamn coffee." He glared intently at Roy.

"Give it to me."

"No! You didn't even say 'thank you' or anything for your own!"

"I need it more than you do."

"Well, I can see that, but -"

"GIVE IT TO ME!" Roy leapt for the coffee, but hit a very surprised Ed instead, knocking Ed backwards into the head of his bed and knocking the coffee cup so that it made a large brown pool on the cheap wood flooring. Havoc pretended to be very interested in the design painted on the outside of his own cup. Screaming ensued, mostly "GIVE IT TO ME!" from Roy and "RAPE!" or "ASSAULT!" from Ed. Havoc tried to say something amidst the chaos about getting a room, but it was unheard and at best redundant. He proceeded to leave for more coffee.

Ed finally shoved Roy off about five minutes later and sighed hoarsely. "I'm hoping that was the alcohol."

"No."

Ed went into pre-flip-out mode. Hair: spiking, fists: clenching, eyebrows: twitching -

"It was the post-alcohol."

"A - Ah. Okay. Right. Thanks for that." A short silence followed.

"Can I have it, then?" Roy, almost cheerfully, asked.

"NO."

Havoc re-entered. "Um, guys? We've been kicked out."

"Why, Lieutenant?"

"Because you two and your wild desire are getting some complaints from the neighbours."

Ed's face flushed deep red. "D-desire?! What the hell did they get that from?!"

"Okay, fine, just Roy's wild desire, then." Havoc sighed around his cigarette, sending a puff of smoke into their faces. "The guy says if we're out within fifteen minutes he'll give us our money back."

"You mean my money back," Ed grumbled.

"Sure, sure. But, fifteen minutes."

"Okay. We've got a lot of work to do, and I think I just... overextended myself. Ed, you clean up the coffee. Havoc, you get your clothes back in the bags. I'll... supervise." Ed rolled his eyes and grumbled many authority-questioning things, but went to get rags immediately. He once again went down to the front desk, apologized to the hotel manager, retrieved a yellow bit of cloth that could have been the sleeve of a white sweater at one point along with some paper towels and assured their still somewhat curious neighbours that they would no longer be a problem.

He stopped at the door. A conversation was happening beyond it and he wasn't sure if he wanted to get involved. So he waited, ear close to the door, until the opportune moment.

"...Look, Havoc, it's okay, I'm all right. I just pulled a stitch out is probably all."

He's still in stitches?! Crap, I probably reopened a lot of his wounds when I was fighting him off... Dammit!

"Sir, just let me say this: you should probably take it easy after we're in Central. Rest up, see the doctor often, wait until everything's healed over."

"No. I have a responsibility to the men who are fighting for this country up there."

You also have a responsibility to live so that you can order them around, you dolt! I can see the obituary: "Died because his stupid responsibilities overruled his life." No frickin' way!

"Sir, you really should wait. I have to go back, but the Elric brothers can look after you." Ed could almost hear a grin. "You'll get your chance then, right?"

A pause, then Roy cleared his throat. "I cannot imagine what you are implying."

"Oh, come on, sir. If there's one thing you're not, it's naïve. You know exactly what I'm implying."

Roy's voice was almost a growl. "He already knows, Havoc. You should remember that."

"Yeah, but apart from this morning, you haven't actually made a move yet."

"That was not a 'move', Lieutenant. That was a simple need for caffeine."

"Which conveniently ended up with you in his lap."

Ed blushed a bit when he realized that indeed it had. He heard Roy grumble quietly before a large amount of shuffling about drowned him out. Then, very quietly, almost inaudibly, he said, "I just don't want to frighten him."

Ed picked this moment to open the door slowly and begin mopping up the coffee with the paper towels. He could feel the stares on the back of his head. He turned around and barked "What?", then turned around again and continued mopping, perhaps a bit too violently. His hand made a sizeable dent in the floor. Ed grunted, alchemized the floor back to normal, and then used the rag to clean up what was left.

-

The situation, as Ed saw it, was both a blessing and a curse. They had gotten the cushy private compartment due not only to Roy's rank but his wheelchair as well. On the downside, this meant that boredom and isolation - a very bad combination indeed - came together. At least Havoc was in the room. Ed wasn't willing to even consider thinking about what Roy would do with no inhibiting factors except his wounds and the potential for violence that had been proven that morning. But he can't be that stupid. I know love isn't a rational feeling, but jumping a guy who hasn't reciprocated your feelings is just dense. No, it's not dense, there's a legal term for it. It's rape. He knows it's a crime and he knows I'd sue his ass off if he tried anything. Ed grunted in semi-amusement at himself. If I don't stop thinking about it, I'm going to get interested. Then it'll all just go to hell.

Havoc stood up.

Oh shit. He's going to leave. Ohshitohshitohshit. No - no way. There goes my last line of defence, walking out the door! Fuck, this is NOT. GOOD. Now Mustang's gonna try and start a conver -

"Fullmetal?"

"What?"

"...I'm sorry if I frightened you."

"Um, heh, well, really, you didn't."

"Then I'm sorry for upsetting you in any way."

Great. What can I say to that? I can't tell him he didn't upset me, that I was just surprised, 'cause then he'll start making assumptions...

"Fullmetal? Are you okay? You seem... worried."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

No... I'm not. Why can't I tell him the truth? This man has seen me at my lowest. Why can't I get over myself and just tell him: No, I'm not fine, I'm confused! "Yes. I don't want to talk about it."

"I only want to help... Ed."

Ed spun himself, wide-eyed, to stare at Roy. "...What did you just call me?"

Roy turned to him and raised his eyebrows. "I've always called you Fullmetal. Isn't it time for a change?"

"Yeah, but why change?"

Roy raised his hand to his temple and sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I thought you might be offended. To call someone by their first name implies closeness. I get the feeling you aren't comfortable with that."

"Havoc calls me 'Ed.' You think Havoc and I are 'close'? Then why don't you call Hawkeye 'Riza?'" Ed's voice was rising with his temper.

"I respect her enough that I don't need to."

"But that's Hawkeye! So what if she's got a gun? She's a helluva lot closer in rank to you than I am!"

"Well, I'll just have to fix that, then."

"Just how are you thinking you're gonna do that, huh?!"

"I'm of high enough rank in the Amestrian military to promote a State Alchemist up to, oh, Lieutenant-Colonel. The position is vacant."

"Are you suggesting - agh! Just what the hell kind of bottom feeder do you think I am?! Trying to win me over by offering me a promotion in exchange! Well, guess what?? There's one law I will never disobey, and you know what it is, and a promotion is nowhere near equal to - " Ed stopped his own mouth with his left hand.

Roy waited. "To what?"

"SHUT UP!" Ed surged up, stomped out the door and slammed it behind him.

He calmed himself down before walking up the aisle of the train car, eyes locked onto a vacant seat near the front of the cab. Before he sat down, he asked his new neighbour calmly, but with a vague leaning in the general direction of disdain, "Do you mind?"

The person - he couldn't even tell whether they were male or female, they were wrapped up in so many layers of clothing - shook his or her head. Ed sat down as the person watched him.

Many a moment passed in outward and mental silence. Ed had no regrets about his actions in the private compartment, except perhaps for thinking the word he almost said. It was true. A pay hike and a title weren't worth a blade of grass next to it. His thoughts started again, but as less of a scream in the back of his head and more just ideas passing through his mind like mist on the wind. Maybe Roy didn't want to offend him. Maybe it was just that he was used to going after girls for so many years, and now he didn't know what to do. Maybe he was back in the compartment contemplating suicide. No, that's crazy. He wouldn't lose his cool over something so trivial. Then again, Ed wasn't exactly the kind of person one would call 'trivial.' That is, if one had survival instincts. Ed couldn't help feeling a little bit sorry for the guy. He looked like he meant everything. Well, maybe if he'd just chased after a guy who wasn't straight... or, well, Ed didn't really know for sure, did he? I mean, he'd had that crush on Rose, and admittedly Winry had crossed his mind that way a few times, but he'd never looked at a girl as 'girlfriend material'. Maybe he was asexual, in which case Roy was in even more trouble. Or maybe he was indeed capable of loving another man...

"Eduard Elrik?" said the figure next to him, saying the words with care and a heavy accent.

Ed was jolted out of his introspection. "Y-what is it?"

The figure turned its head slowly. It pulled down a bit of scarf to reveal what appeared to be an automail ear. It flipped it forward and pushed a button that had been under it.

Ed leapt out of his seat and screamed for everyone to get off the train. One of the staff attempted to calm Ed down before she heard the mailbot say, in an elegant, pre-recorded female voice: "Diese vorrichtung wird selbst-zerstören in dreißig sekunden..." at which point she began to loudly agree with Ed while running for the emergency stop. The train stopped ten seconds later, giving the population of the train twenty more seconds to evacuate. The message had been sent out. People had already jumped out of windows. Ed ran back to the private compartment where Havoc was attempting to carry Roy out. It appeared the latter had reopened a wound on his leg. Havoc told him to take Roy while he grabbed whatever luggage he could. Before Ed could ask any questions, Havoc had dumped Roy into his arms and turned to grab the bags. Ed went back out into the insanity and got off the train without much trouble. Seeing a large number of passengers staring at the train like confused cattle, Ed screamed at them to get farther away while he ran. After reaching a safe distance, he began to set Roy on the ground, but before he could, he heard a tiny, quiet voice in his ear and felt an arm wrap around his shoulder.

"Don't let go..."

The explosion was deafening at the mere forty metres Ed had run. For an object of that size to carry that much explosive power meant whoever had built it really wanted someone dead. Ed's thinking power was reduced by the situation, but he could ascertain that whomever the target was had also appeared at the Rockbells' house. That meant it was probably either him or Roy.

-

The phone rang.

This was, in itself, not an unusual occurrence. Roy's thoughts were as such.

Then he heard the voice: the alto, almost feminine voice that seemed engineered to catch his eardrums in a vice grip.

"Hello, Mistur Mustang. I realise zat I am, heh, calling across ze varfront, but I vould like to talk to you about a little... advantage I could lend to you."

Roy proceeded on light feet. "Well... what sort of advantage would this be?"

"A form of artillery zat can infiltrate enemy lines visout even ze suspicion of it being zere. I haf named her 'Fullmail.'"

"'Her?'"

"Ja. Using your country's automail and my country's artificial intelligence, I haf created a valking, talking, fighting bomb. Very useful for assassinations, as it can identify targets vit cameras zat ve can see srough her eyes vit."

"Who are you?"

"Zat is not important. Vhat is important is zat I get your agreement zat you vill use zis device against ze Drachman soldiers. Osservise, I may haff to lend her povers to... ozzers instead."

"Who are you?"

"It doss not matter, Herr Mustang! Vill you accept my help?"

"Not until I know who you are!"

A protracted, pensive pause. "I see. I shall go elsevere, zen." Roy heard a click. A tone told him there was no more mystery caller.

He had something else to contemplate than the identity of the mystery caller, however: that wasn't a Drachman accent like anything he had heard before.

-

I mentioned his country of origin once, though. Waaay back in the fic.

Crappydoodles. I'm starting to project myself onto Roy. My ideas, my fears... Maybe if I just jump my boyfriend it'll help the story get to the gay porn faster. (Also a note from January.)