Innocent Trip
Chapter 7: So I Must Let Us Break Free
DISCLAIMER: I still don't own Evangelion. I'm just a fan writing something based on something I love.
A/N: I think I made a mistake when I said that Shinji first met Kaworu in the manga after Bardiel, as after some research, Kaworu first appeared in Volume 9, after Zeruel. Anyway, here we are. We're almost at the end of the line. This chapter was originally supposed to be two chapters because I believed it would've been too long as one chapter, but then I just decided "Well, what exactly is too long?" and decided that I could fit this into one. So without further ado, I present to you this chapter.
And I love you too, you idiot.
Day 6 – December 10th, 2030
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be in Purgatory? What it's like to be floating in Limbo? Simply existing in nothingness? Asuka wasn't exactly religious, but if there was an afterlife and she was sent to Purgatory after dying, she imagined it'd be something like this. Of course, she had died before, but when she had died all those years ago, she had been immediately transported to Instrumentality. The merging of all human souls.
This odd place that Asuka had decided to label as "Purgatory" for now was quiet. Lonely. No laws of physics seemed to apply here. One second, it felt like the redhead was floating in mid-air. She could feel no ground to support her weight. In the next second, she then sat up, as if some sort of surface had manifested to indeed support her.
As she looked around to examine the area, she found nothing. After all, there was nothing to examine. Only nothingness. Blankness. Loneliness. As Asuka also found that something felt different about her, she examined herself and was surprised to see a familiar sight. But a sight she wished she'd never see again.
She was dressed in her old plugsuit from when she was a pilot. Those were the days. Though she hated the days of being a pilot, she also cherished the memories as well. They made her into the woman she was now. If not for her piloting, she would never have met Shinji or Misato, two of the three people who were most important to her. The first being her mother, of course.
And yet, she hated those days because of the pain. The physical pain of facing the Angels and dying at the hands of the Mass Production Evas. The mental pain of encountering the entity known as Arael and the perceived rejection at the hands of Shinji Ikari, the Third Child.
Staring at her body, it turned out her situation was quite similar to that fateful day on the beach after she had rejected Instrumentality and returned to the world of pain and sadness. Not only was she dressed in her crimson plugsuit, she also sported familiar bandages on her arm and eye.
The main difference was that she was totally alone. Shinji was not there with her.
"Are you happy?" A strange voice asked. Alarmed, Asuka blinked and looked around, only to find that no one was around. She was still alone.
"Who's there?!" Asuka yelled out, attempting to stand up, but finding that these bandages were present for more than just decoration. It seemed that somehow, she was still wounded from her final fight. Her wounds hurt like hell, but that was the last thing on her mind. Just what the heck was going on?
There was no response. Only silence. And then another voice asked another question. "What are dreams?" It asked. It was Shinji's voice!
"Shinji?! Where are you?!" She shouted at the nothingness surrounding her, though again, there was nothing.
"The fate of destruction is also the joy of rebirth." An unknown voice stated. After that, whispers began manifesting everywhere. Some audible. Some incomprehensible. Some hurtful; You don't understand anything. You just stay away from me. Some graceful; I want to stay with you, and I want to be with you. Some familiar. Some foreign.
"What is this? Stop this!" Asuka bellowed, growing more afraid by the second, not understanding what was happening. And then she heard her own voice. She herself didn't say it. She simply heard it among the whispers and the voices everywhere.
If I can't have you all to myself, then I don't want anything from you!
"No! Stop this! This isn't me!" She yelled at the voices, though they would not stop tormenting her. They just kept coming. Funny to think that in just a matter of seconds, Asuka had transitioned from her normal state of mind, as normal as she could be anyway, to a state of absolute fear. Horror.
Just like Instrumentality, she realized. Was she back in Instrumentality?
The voices became louder and harsher. How disgusting, one said. Don't come near me; all you ever do is hurt me, another said. Please help me! Don't abandon me! Please don't kill me, another pleaded.
Why are you there?! You won't do anything! You won't help me! You won't even hold me!
"I love you."
And with that proclamation of love, the voices had stopped as suddenly as they had come. Asuka sat down, hugging her legs and looking down, hiding herself from nothing.
Asuka Langley Sohryu was once again awakened by the sounds and smells of Shinji's early cooking. Instinctively, Asuka looked at the clock and saw that the time was roughly 6:30 AM. She was a bit grateful that Shinji woke her up when he did, seeing as how the dream was quite less than pleasant.
The woman was glad she could never remember her dreams for long. If she was lucky, she'd completely forget all about this in no time! As the redheaded German stared at her ceiling, she began thinking about Shinji.
If he was up this early again, perhaps he was still troubled about something, Asuka mused. After some quick stretching, the woman got out of her bed and made her way into the kitchen, yawning. "Morning, Baka-Shinji," she said, greeting the man, who turned around and looked at her, nodding.
"Good morning, Asuka. Did you sleep well?" He asked, turning his head back to the food he was cooking.
She nodded, rubbing her eyes as she walked over and quickly kissed Shinji on the cheek. "I did. But I'm guessing you didn't?"
"That's why I'm cooking," he confirmed.
"Was it something to do with last night?" Asuka said, stepping back and making a hypothesis.
Shinji briefly froze, before proceeding to continue cooking. He nodded simply, pursing his lips. "Yeah. Err…we need to talk soon, okay? It's sorta…important."
"Ooh, I'm a bit worried now," she said somewhat playfully, though in actuality a bit more worried than she'd like to admit. As she sat down at the dining table, she was met by Shinji a few minutes later, who set down the plates and utensils as usual. "So what is it you want to talk to me about?" She asked as he sat down.
Shinji simply sat there, trying to find the appropriate words while also trying not to make Asuka angry. Of course, making her angry seemed inevitable, so perhaps a better option would be "try not to piss her off as best as you can." In Shinji's mind, the best case scenario would be that she wouldn't care, which is also somewhat depressing in its own right. Worst case scenario she kicks him out and vows to never speak to him again.
Things weren't looking good, were they?
"Err…well, you see…" Shinji began. He believed he had thought things through, but now that he was here, it felt like his thinking was for naught. He knew he couldn't lie to Asuka. Her flaming eyes would melt him with her magical heat vision before he'd be able to tell a believable lie to her, "I…I care for you a lot. I love you, Asuka. You know that, right?"
Asuka never thought Shinji would be able to make her feel uneasy. At least, not like this. She nodded, frowning a bit. "Yes. What is this about?" She asked, trying to get to the point. Just what was going on now?
"I…" Shinji sighed, standing up and turning around, leaning against the table. He refused to make eye contact with her, it seemed. He wouldn't be able to look her in the eye for a while, would he? "I…umm, well, you see…" He stammered and stuttered in an attempt to find the right words.
Asuka frowned, beginning to mentally take guesses at what Shinji is intending to say. What was he trying to do? Did he do something bad? Did this have something to do with his dream?
"Say, Asuka, would you like to…come to Japan with me?" He asked nervously, "You don't have to stay with me there. It can just be like you're taking a vacation at my home, like how I…I'm on vacation with you," he said slowly, "I-It's okay if you refuse. I'll understand."
"Shinji…" she whispered, looking at him, "…You have to come back home, don't you?" She said. In the back of her head, she wanted him. No, she needed him, even. But what would that say about her if she refused to let Shinji live his own life? Would it prove to her that she hadn't changed? That even after all this time, it turned out that she just wanted to possess and own Shinji? After all, during Instrumentality, she said some of the cruelest things to him.
If I can't have you all to myself, then I don't want anything from you! A voice yelled in Asuka's mind. It was her voice. She remembered it from her dream, and by extension, she remembered it from Instrumentality. The need to take Shinji…it was…
"Yes, I do," Shinji said rather dejectedly, looking down. "I'm sorry, it's just that…well…" He began, but finding that he had no excuse.
Asuka frowned deeply, looking at Shinji. She saw this coming, but in every scenario she played in her head where she predicted Shinji would drop the news to her, Asuka never actually thought how she'd react to him. She was busier trying to predict how the actual events would unfold. Most ending with the idiot running away for some odd reason.
A small silence filled the air, save for the sound of Shinji's heartbeat. Needless to say, he was afraid. Would Asuka reject him while believing that leaving was a sign of him rejecting her? Would she hate him for the rest of his life? That would devastate him. After all, Asuka was one of the first people Shinji Ikari came to truly care for. But then, it seemed that everyone who came close to Shinji went away, died, disappeared…
He couldn't afford to lose Asuka. Not again.
Please, please, please, Shinji pleaded to no one in particular, Please don't hate me. I'm not running away, I swear it! He tried to assure himself, but seemingly failing to do so, I just…I need to go home.
I want to stay with you, Asuka, and I want to be with you, a voice whispered in Shinji's head. He suppressed a gasp as he remembered what he had said during the event that had triggered Third Impact. The event where he choked Asuka. He remembered that well. Instrumentality wiped away all of the truth and lies and reset everything. He really did want to be with Asuka then. And he still did now, but home…
Home was where he belonged. Shouldn't that be good enough?
"I'm sorry, I…I can't go with you," the German woman said tensely, looking at Shinji with sad eyes, "My work is important to me. This place…is my home. I can't leave it," she continued, putting her hand on the table. She knew that deep down, she could never go home with Shinji. Not even for a so-called vacation. She would probably be overwhelmed by the temptation of staying and…
Shinji nodded understandingly, but was visibly saddened. Turning around and laying a hand on Asuka's, he looked into her deep blue eyes and saw sincere sadness. She was probably seeing the same thing as well. But did Asuka understand him? Did she understand why he had to leave?
Who am I kidding? Shinji mentally sighed, I can't even understand why I'm leaving. Am I really just that afraid? And if I am…what exactly am I afraid of? Am I afraid of myself? Asuka? Or maybe I'm just scared of being in a relationship? Am I still scared of letting others get close to me? I really am still just a kid…
"When are you leaving?" She asked softly, gently placing her other hand on his, which in turn was still over her first hand. Shinji was like a victim to Asuka's touch. He stiffened a bit when she touched him. It seemed that the man was fine when he touched her, but seemed to be reluctant to receive contact. Still, he enjoyed and loathed the touch of his lover. It reminded him how much she cared for him, and yet…it also reminded him of that day on the beach.
"…Tomorrow morning," he said, looking away once more. This situation seemed to be getting harder and harder for him as the minute passed. But then, how could he be so self-centered? Imagine how Asuka's feeling! Do you really want to do this?! He mentally scolded himself, though not doing anything about it. It seemed that a little while ago, Shinji had convinced himself that it was too late to back out now.
"…Oh. Okay," she replied. Asuka was having her own mental fight. She was trying to figure out what to do about this. She couldn't win, could she? If she demanded that he stay with her, she would come off as possessive and demanding. Just like she was when she was 14. It would prove that she hasn't changed. But she really did want Shinji. She needed him.
But did she? Asuka was never one to believe in predetermination, she wasn't naïve like that, but maybe Shinji came back into her life to remind her that the girl who she once was and the woman she was now are two different people. Was this all a test?
"I…I'm sorry," Shinji said truthfully, before withdrawing his hand. He was afraid that staying with Asuka would have been selfish of him, but now that he thought about it, leaving her was also selfish, wasn't it? He couldn't win. But even after all this time, even after all he had given, he deserved to be selfish, didn't he? Just for once. Just this once.
If he decided to stay with Asuka, he would be leaving the friends he had in Japan behind. If he left Asuka, would the woman he loved call him out on his behavior? I wonder what she's thinking about, Shinji pondered idly, She must think I'm a big jerk. She's probably calling me an idiot in her head like she always does.
"I wish I could bring you with me," he continued.
"And I wish I could come with you," Asuka replied, "But I can't. You know this."
Shinji nodded, "I do know. I still have to leave though," he sighed, "But I still want us to be together. If…" he swallowed, "If things don't work out between us, I want us to still be friends. I don't want to lose you. I…" He said, before stopping. There was no point in continuing, was there?
"Shinji…" was all Asuka could utter. For once, the great and almighty Asuka Langley Sohryu was at a loss of words. She didn't know what to say. Was there anything to say anyway?
The young man closed his eyes briefly, as if to push away all the pain that was soon to come, but he mustn't run away. He mustn't run away. Reopening his eyes and looking at Asuka right in the eyes, he did one thing that truly surprised her.
He smiled.
"Let's dance together. Like we did when we were 14. Remember, Asuka? Do you remember when we danced?" Shinji asked, a tear rolling down his cheek as he fondly remembered the days of his youth, "We thought it was hell back then, but…looking back, I want to hold you. Please, just one more time."
Asuka nodded. She did remember when they danced. When they had "synchronized" to defeat the enigmatic twin Angels that made up the entity Israfel. They danced together, held together, ate together, and even slept together…though not in the way they slept together now. Complying, Asuka rose from her seat and took Shinji's hand. "I hope you've gotten better at dancing," she smiled sadly.
"The last time I danced with a girl like this, I kept on accidentally stepping on her shoes and making her trip," he commented, trying to lighten up the mood as he wrapped his arm around Asuka.
"And how long ago was this?" She asked.
"Oh…a year? Two years? I don't remember," he said, still holding onto his smile as he led Asuka into an area with more space to dance.
"Agh, then I have to hold your hand through everything, don't I?" Asuka asked, a tad annoyed.
"Literally or metaphorically?" Shinji asked jokingly.
"Both."
Shinji couldn't help but laugh lightly. And in return, Asuka couldn't help but laugh warmly.
Day 7 – December 11th, 2030
Asuka woke up in the morning not to the sound and smell of cooking, but rather, her alarm. Her eyes still closed, Asuka shot her arm out and smacked the annoying machine, silencing it. Assuming that Shinji was still sleeping, or at least just waking up due to the alarm, she scooted over closer and attempted to wrap her arm around him…
…only to realize that there was nothing. Opening her eyes, Asuka was surprised to see that her bed was empty. Sitting up, she looked at the empty spot, before scanning the room to see if Shinji was around. Remembering what had transpired the day before, Asuka sighed. He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, would he? She thought as she slowly got out of the bed.
"Shinji?" She called out, though there was no response. Frowning, she began walking out of her room, looking around the house for Shinji. As she made her way into the kitchen, hoping that the chef somehow managed to cover up the scent of the breakfast he was making, she was greatly disappointed to see that he was not there. Asuka could not find him.
However, what she did find was a curious piece of paper on the counter. Hmm? What's this? She thought as she raised an eyebrow and picked up the note, before quickly shaking as she realized it was written by Shinji.
Dear Asuka,
I had an amazing time with you. I truly did. I'm grateful we managed to see each other again. I'm grateful that we got to talk again. It was nice. Actually, to say that I was just happy to see you again is a great understatement. I felt like I had another chance. Another chance to say all the things I always wanted to say to you. Another chance to do all the things I wanted to do with you. And I'm so very glad that I got to spend time with you again. It put a lot of things at rest. Finding out that you didn't hate me after all the years that had passed, remembering how much you meant to me, discovering how you cared for me, and realizing how much we had changed over the past years. There's so much more that I want to say, but I don't want to start rambling. Plus, I wouldn't be able to fit it all onto this piece of paper. Anyway, I left without personally saying goodbye because I wanted to get this over with. I didn't want any objections because I don't exactly want to leave either. I was conflicted, I was scared; I was whatever you want to call me. I guess you might say I'm still the stupid brat I was back in 2015, and for that, I'm sorry. I guess that if I haven't really grown up after all these years, maybe you deserve someone better than me. If you do still want to remain in touch however, I'd be delighted. My address is on the back in case you want to send me a letter or something. Goodbye, Asuka. I love you.
Sincerely,
Your Baka-Shinji
Goddammit, Shinji. Goddammit, Shinji! Asuka covered her face with her hands and began sobbing quietly. If only there was more time to spend with him. One week wasn't nearly enough time to make up for the time they had been separated.
Needless to say, Asuka was devastated that Shinji had left without a personal goodbye, and instead leaving a cowardly note. All sorts of emotions swarmed throughout Asuka's head, like betrayal, sadness, anger, despair, and other negativity. However, perhaps the most powerful emotion was yearning. She already dearly missed Shinji.
But she just couldn't leave work. She couldn't! Could she?
Home sweet home. It really didn't feel all that sweet to Shinji. After spending just about a week in Germany at Asuka's house, it was odd to find that his own apartment was foreign to him. He was taken aback at how it was smaller than he remembered, how he realized everything was so cramped compared to Asuka's house, which was beautifully decorated.
It was late, but the Asian man found that he couldn't go to sleep. At least, not yet. He was tired, but not tired enough, it seemed, so with a loud sigh, he practically crashed onto his own couch. It certainly wasn't as comfortable as Asuka's couch, but it was still his couch. Dammit, it seemed like everything was reminding him of Asuka.
Next thing I know, I'll probably end up taking down everything that's red, Shinji bitterly joked in his mind. Leaning back, he began thinking of how much of a jerk he probably was. He began thinking of how much Asuka might be steamed at him right now. But that's okay, right? He could live with someone hating him. After all, he just about lived his whole life hating himself, the recent years having him repress his self-hatred in a way and making it less obvious, even to himself.
And he could live with people hating him, right? He was used to it, right?
Calm down, Shinji told himself. There was no way to undo what he did anyway. He always had a problem with replaying the past instead of living in the present, but he couldn't help it. His past has haunted him for a long time and it probably will for the rest of his life, seeing as how he lacked the will and courage to put his demons to rest.
Standing up, Shinji made his way into his room. Whenever he was stressed like this, he found that playing the cello or the piano would calm him down, and though it seemed to him like it wouldn't put his mind at ease, it was still worth a try. He didn't play the cello often, so he forgot several of the songs he knew as a teenager, and mostly played the more advanced songs he knew.
His bedroom was relatively simple. On the left, there was a window and a bed. There was a nightstand next to the bed and a door leading to the restroom on the right. In the corner of his room, several inches away from the bed, there was Shinji's cello in front of a chair. As Shinji walked over and sat down onto the chair, he rather quickly played the instrument, playing the first song that came into mind.
Bach's Suite No. 1. G Major. BWV1007.
In the rare occurrence that people listened to his cello playing, they would applaud and compliment his skills, to which Shinji would usually reply with an "Oh, it's no big deal" or something of the sort. It wasn't exactly a beginner piece, far from it actually, but Bach's Suite was a tune that brought Shinji comfort and pain at the same time. The soothing melody calmed him, and yet, the fact that he had known how to play this song since before he was 14 brought back a few unpleasant memories, like say, his actual "first kiss" with Asuka.
And with the thought of Asuka invading his mind, Shinji came to an instant stop rather quickly. Sighing a bit in a mix of frustration and regret, Shinji decided to just go to bed. It shouldn't be all that bad, right? He deduced that if playing the cello wasn't doing anything for him, then perhaps the piano wouldn't do anything either. After all, he only learned the piano in memoriam of a certain Kaworu Nagisa.
It worked both ways. Sometimes when Shinji would play the piano, he would think of Kaworu, state to the heavens that he would dedicate his song(s) to the silver-haired boy he once knew, and start playing. Other times, it would bring back horrible memories, and Shinji would completely avoid the piano for a long time. Music was a hit or miss for the young man. Sometimes, it would ease his pain, and sometimes, it would amplify his state of anxiety.
Tonight was a night where music amplified his anxiety.
He was not going to have a good night's sleep.
The days passed by uneventfully for the two former pilots. Claiming to be sick, Asuka had called work and asked for a day off. Of course, she didn't do this without raising a few eyebrows, as when word spread that the feared "Red Devil" of the office was absent because of a mere fever, at least one person suspected something was wrong. Asuka was known for not letting sickness take her down and prevent her from working. One may say that she was just very dedicated to her work, or perhaps she didn't want her pride to be hurt by having to stay home from a mere cold or so.
Unlike Asuka, Shinji continued working rather quickly, believing that work would distract him and divert his thoughts. It didn't go well. In fact, despite the fact that business was now majestically better now, the rude customers and strong scent of stews could not get Asuka out of Shinji's thoughts. Maybe he was better off calling in sick.
"Hey, Shinji, you okay?" A co-worker asked, snapping the man out of his thoughts.
"Uhh, yeah, yeah," Shinji replied, blinking as he adjusted to living in the present again, "Just a bit…err, tired."
"You made yourself a cup of coffee like, fifteen minutes ago or so," the co-worker responded, raising an eyebrow in concern as he crossed his arms, "Are you feeling alright? You're not usually one to just sit there, y'know. Not when everyone else is actually doing something, at least."
"Sorry," Shinji apologized, getting up from the chair he was sitting in and getting a look at his co-worker. He had short ebony hair and brown eyes, a nametag that said "Daisuke," and a naïve expression on his face. Shinji scratched the back of his head, looking straight at him, "I err…was just thinking of something."
"Did something happen during the vacation?" The co-worker asked nosily, "You've been back for three days, and each day since you've came back, you either seem distracted, tired, or motionless."
Shinji pursed his lips mildly, before shrugging. "It's…a long story," he sighed tiredly, "What time is it?"
"2:45."
"Oh, good," Shinji murmured, "It's gonna be a small while until I get home."
The co-worker named Daisuke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and looked at Shinji. "Go home, Shinji. I'll cover for you. You don't seem very well."
"What are you talking about?" Shinji asked in surprise, "I'm fine! I just…y'know, got some things on my mind, but they can wait."
All Daisuke had to do was smile with an expression of "Are you for real?" hidden somewhere, and Shinji sighed in defeat. He was never good at lying. Not to Asuka, and perhaps not to anyone.
"Alright, alright, fine. I'll go home. Are you sure about this?" Shinji finally said, rubbing his face in a vain attempt to clear his head.
The co-worker nodded. "Yeah! Besides, I owe you one, remember?"
Shinji shook his head but turned around and began to walk away anyway. "No, not really, but I'll just take your word for it. You got me covered?"
"Yeah, I gotcha. Take the day off, man."
Nodding, Shinji discreetly dashed out of the restaurant, finding that he had to rely on another person to bail him out. Of course, maybe this wasn't the best thing to do anyway. It was almost like he was running away again.
Asuka sat home after a long day of trying to forget about Shinji. On the fifth day after Shinji left, Asuka had tried to put this all behind her and forget about him. After all, his letter was right! She deserved better than a coward like Shinji! What Asuka needed was a real man! It was times like these that she truly missed the dashing Ryoji Kaji from her childhood. He would have never left her! He was a true man! Full of confidence and smoothness, as well as the perfect face and laid-back personality! Asuka needed a man like him!
So why was she still thinking about Shinji?
The redhead frowned as thoughts of him swirled around in her head. Sitting alone at the dining table, she couldn't bring herself to forget Shinji. The fool had made such a deep impact in her life that it was just about impossible to forget about him completely, wasn't it? The letter Shinji left in the kitchen was still where it was, Asuka never bothering to take it off. She wanted to make sure she didn't miss anything, but every time she reread it, she couldn't come up with anything new.
Maybe Shinji was right. Maybe Asuka did deserve to be with someone better than him. But maybe she didn't want someone else. Maybe all she wanted, all she needed, was just him. Just her Baka-Shinji. Maybe that was all she needed for her life to be right. She didn't care about what she deserved. The German woman had learned that life wasn't about what you deserved anyway.
People often don't get what they deserve, whether it be damnation or salvation.
She didn't care if it would turn out in two more years or so that the perfect man would walk into her life. If for some magical reason, a tall, handsome, confident, and overall flawless hunk appeared, then Asuka deduced that she wouldn't accept him. Behind all the insecurities, all the flaws, and all the desires, she knew that she needed Shinji. Instrumentality changed her perspectives on a lot of things, but before she got a chance to fix everything, she found that she was leaving Shinji, so maybe this was it. Maybe this was how Shinji felt when she left him on that fateful day all those years ago.
But to be honest, deep down, Asuka didn't want to return to her so-called family. If she had to pick between the two dysfunctional families, one making up her father and stepmother, and the other making up Misato and Shinji, she would choose the latter in a heartbeat. The drunken slob and the selfless idiot changed her life for the better. It was a shame she just didn't realize it until it was far too late.
Deciding that she ultimately wasn't hungry for dinner, Asuka walked into her room, before spotting a certain object on the nightstand on the side Shinji slept. Asuka scowled, walking over quickly and picking it up, before proceeding to examine it. Stupid idiot was such in a rush to leave that he forgot it, didn't he?!
Clutching the object tightly, she made a decision. She would go to Japan and teach that idiot a lesson! She wasn't going to let Baka-Shinji just run away! Asuka Langley Sohryu demands an explanation!
So thus, she made a decision that would shake her life. And the life of Shinji Ikari.
How long has it been since Shinji had wimped out and returned to Japan without saying a true goodbye to Asuka? A week? Hmm, something like that. Shinji sighed. It was probably longer than that, actually. But Shinji had stopped caring. He had grown more apathetic about things in a way, but that was okay. His apathy would leave, and things would go back to normal. That's how things would go; whenever something bad would happen, whether because of an action of Shinji's or not, he would become icy, uncaring, and have something of an "I don't care" sort of attitude that would go away rather quickly.
This was normal, right?
Hmm, it doesn't really matter, does it? After all, Shinji was one of the furthest things from normal. And his life. He had stopped trying to be normal a long time ago. He had stopped trying to lead a normal life, as his past would always be there, mocking him.
What day was it? Checking the calendar on the wall, Shinji sighed in relief. Not a work day, that's all I care about, he thought lazily to himself.
Perhaps today would be a "kick back and do nothing" day. Then again, that would mean today would be the exact same day as all the other days. Ever since he left Germany, Shinji found Japan to be more boring than he remembered. He often ran out of things to do, took naps a little more often, and so forth.
Did his choice really influence him that much? If he knew how things would be different, maybe he wouldn't have left. Maybe. Just maybe. But it was too late by now, wasn't it? As always, it's too late to have regrets.
But if Shinji was any more flippant about the past, and not careful enough about his choices, who knows where he'll be in the near-future? Even before taking his Germany vacation, his life was going nowhere. Unsuccessful relationship after unsuccessful relationship, uneventful day after uneventful day.
Perhaps staying with Asuka would have been the better choice. It would've opened a new chapter in his life, but instead, he chose to stay on the page he was at, as if he were content with his life, when he really wasn't. But he already used up his second chance. It was too late to—
Knock, knock, knock.
Shinji jerked up, realizing that as he was lost in his thoughts, he had begun to doze off into another nap. How stupid.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Coming," Shinji yelled at the door tiredly as he got up from where he was sitting and made his way towards the door.
He was in for quite the surprise.
Hmm, this place reminds me of Misato's apartment. It also reminds me of Shinji. That's a good sign, right? Asuka thought as she used Shinji's given address to track him down and totally not murder him in cold blood with the object that Shinji had forgotten at her home. And here I am. At least, this is where I should be. Let's hope for the best, she thought, before proceeding to knock three times on the door.
Oh, she was going to do him in good! She was going to put the idiot in his place and remind him what it means to cross Asuka Langley Sohryu!
Ever the impatient one, Asuka proceeded to knock on the door another three more times, before hearing a familiar voice respond. "Coming," it said.
Her eyes widened, but when she recovered, she clenched her fist, ready to sock Shinji right in the face, object in hand. She prepared, took a deep breath, got into a ready position, and…
She couldn't do it.
When the door opened, Asuka saw Shinji again. That was all she needed. Again, she had ignored what she really wanted, and as she saw the stupid expression on his stupid face, all of the "anger" had disappeared. All that was left was a desire to be with him.
Shinji, needless to say, was surprised to see her. His eyes widened greatly as he stepped back. "A-Asuka?!"
Asuka looked down briefly, before looking straight up at Shinji, her blue orbs of eyes looking deeply into his. Smiling, she raised her arm, revealing the SDAT player that Shinji had forgotten to take with him. The forgotten memory and the relic of his past.
"You forgot something," she softly said. It was almost a whisper.
"Wh—" Before Shinji could formulate an intelligent response, he felt Asuka practically leap into him, arms wrapping around him tightly in a loving embrace.
And with that, he accepted he wouldn't be able to escape the Red Devil. And because of that, he realized how happy he was. How blessed that he had a devil walk into his life and change it all for the better.
A/N: Okay, yeah. I did not have fun writing this chapter. This probably shows, seeing as how you might say that the ending was quite abrupt, and in my opinion, this is the weakest chapter. Heck, I had to use original characters. Ugh. Anyway, you can try changing my opinion of this chapter with a positive review. I mean, that's great if you like it, but I think I could've down better, but even with a bunch of revisions, I couldn't find that one "thing" that automatically makes my chapter stronger. I don't know. Anyway, yeah. Next chapter is an epilogue of sorts while the one after that is an alternate/secret ending. Cheers.
Also, I just want to say that Asuka's sudden change in personality and thinking train in her scene comes from the fact she's "sorta" tsundere and "sorta not" tsundere. You know how tsunderes are like, right? Well, tsunderes that are done right anyway.
…Even if I probably didn't even do it right.
