Thank you guest for your thoughtful review. It made my day.
Last chapter was not longer but I am trying to go deeper into their feelings and I cut back on dialogues.
I am having a harder time writing Allison. I have always felt like the show was not consistent with her character as seasons went by.
I personally loved House and Thirteen odd bond on the show and I want to explore it. I have always felt like there was a connection between them that House did not share with the other characters. Maybe because they are somewhat alike regarding sharing their feelings.
Please tell me what you think. It is never too late to leave a review if you happen to read this (even a negative one). I am insecure about my writing but enjoy the exercise very much.
Allison was sitting in the doctor lounge enjoying a break and a cup of hot coffee. It was already December and she had still not talked to Remy since their argument. She had been madden and disturbed by the brunette's behaviour. She did not understand why the young woman was so relentless at pushing her away. But she had to acknowledge the brunette had a point. Why was she always attracted to broken people?
Since she had been a young teenager, Allison had always been attracted to the lonesome and broody guy rather than the joyous friendly one. It had generated many setbacks and frustrations in her life. However, she had been happy when she had found her first husband and married him. He was everything she could have dreamed of, except he was dying. House had once said that it was that component that had attracted her. This man had enjoyed messing with her head. The misanthrope was drowning in misery and enjoying bringing people down with him. She wondered why she had fallen for him. But another person had come to the same conclusion. Her now latest ex-husband, Robert, had spent a lot of time moaning over the fact that she could never utterly love him because he was not damaged enough for her own taste. He felt like he could never compete with her first husband. Evidently, she had always put down his allegations and found a way to escape asking herself this question. She had loved Robert. Maybe not enough to stay with him but he had been good to her and she valued him for that.
Allison did not understand why this trait of her personality could be perceived as faulty. Sure, she was good at helping others and enjoyed it. If she had to be completely honest she knew helping others was helping her in the process. But even if she was getting something out of it, it was not the aim. It would be cynical and fatalistic to summarize it in such simplistic manner.
Allison cringed at the idea of House talking about all of this to Remy. She hoped he did not mention her past crush on him. But knowing him, she was pretty sure he had. She was still mad at herself for this. She had been a fool with her ex-boss. She had made herself believe they could be something. She had pursued him even though he had rejected her on multiple occasions. And to be sincere she had always kept a weird attachment to him. She would never had admitted it to Robert but that was the reason she felt compelled to quit his team. She knew it was not healthy for her to remain around him while she was trying to build a relationship with someone else and she also did not have it in her to take more evidences of his rejection. And now, with Remy she was doing the same. Pursuing her while she had explained she was not looking for a relationship. She must have thought it would be different. Thinking of it now, she recognised she was acting like a schoolgirl and it made her snort. To her own defence, Remy had some times been receptive to her affection. This girl was so difficult to understand. Maybe that was her type.
Allison sight. This thinking process was becoming too exhausting. She got up from the couch and went back to her ER patients.
xxxx
After their altercation, each time they had seen each others they both had looked away.
To a certain extent, Allison wanted to talk to Remy but at the same time she wanted to avoid another confrontation or just plainly annoying her. Remy had made herself perfectly clear. She wanted to be left alone. And frankly Allison was fed up with the brunette blowing hot and cold at her. So Allison found it easier to avoid her.
For that matter, she was glad the hospital was running slow and she did not have yet a significant case to bring to House. However, the holidays were approaching so she knew the calm would not last. People always went crazy during the holidays, pilling up the ER with the weirdest cases of the year. She thought of taking some holidays herself to relax and forget this drama. Maybe all this drama was only living in her head and Remy had already forgotten all about her. After all, the brunette might had had at least two or three new girls in her bed by now.
xxxx
Allison shut down the idea and refocused on her current train of actions. She was dressing back in her street clothes before going back home. When she grabbed her handbag to take her lip balm she saw the red glove still in it. Her souvenir from Remy was staring at her insolently. She should have given it back but every time she saw Remy she felt unable to approach her even for that simple purpose. If Remy had wanted to talk to her, she would have done it by now.
Lastly, Allison put on her coat and picked the bag to head toward the parking lot. While walking toward the entrance of the hospital her path crossed with Remy who was walking up to the locker room. They both saw each other and advertised their gaze immediately.
xxxx
It had been a little more than two weeks, and House had not talk to Remy again about her diagnosis while Allison had not talk to her at all. She was glad for both.
Remy had feared that House would use this piece of information and reveal it to the rest of the team for the purpose of a good joke but it seemed like she was wrong. Though he might still be using this leverage on her for her to behave. However his ultimatum had been very clear and she was not needing a reminder. She had stopped going out so frequently and had reduced her drug usage. She had created a code of conduct to determine her limitations. She was not mixing drugs and alcohol anymore. It was either one or the other and if she used ecstasy she made sure to take it not too late into the night and to take a sleeping pill to lessen her comedown symptoms. And since ecstasy was pretty exhausting, sometimes she switched with cocaine. It was not as pleasurable but the come down was smoother. Those rules seemed decent enough because House did not complain. She did her work and she shut his month.
The fact that Allison refused to address her presence when they saw each other bothered her. She was certain that now Allison hated her and she did not want to hear what the blonde would be willing to say to her. But she could not blame Allison. She was still feeling ashamed for her behaviour with the blonde and there was no way she could explain her past actions. So maybe their situation was for the best. The older woman would forget about this careless idea of starting a relationship with her.
xxxx
On a Wednesday, Allison realised that a woman admitted into the ER three days ago was becoming a case she could not avoid to bring to House any longer. The woman had already been in four different hospitals and no one had succeeded to diagnose her while her symptoms kept worsening. Allison sighted at the idea of an interaction with Remy. Luckily it was still early in the morning, so she took her chance and went to House's office, hoping his team might not be there yet. She barged into the office not waiting for an invitation.
House was siting at his desk playing with his foam ball. When she pushed the door energetically, he looked away from the ball.
"Long time no see", House greeted her with his natural playfulness. "Are you avoiding me?", he continued miming offence and gloom with a hand covering his heart.
House had noticed that his former employee and his current employee had stopped talking to each other. He had made more than a few comments to Remy but until now he did not have the chance to also pester the blonde.
"Thirty eight year old woman with arrhythmia, pulmonary oedema and kidney dysfunction. The kidneys are now starting to fail but the blood screens don't tell us why." Allison wanted to avoid at all cost to start any kind of personal discussion so she ignored his previous remarks.
"It's the heart", he stated still his hand on his own. "No need for me to tell you that", he added with a shrug before losing eye contact with Allison.
"It's not. The echo shows nothing", Allison countered to persuade him.
"Then it's metabolic. Might be interesting", House answered tilting his head and raising an eyebrow with curiosity.
"Glad I didn't have to beg you for too long", Allison said relieved and already turning on her heels.
"You sure you don't want to stick around to see your girlfriend", he added wiggling his other eyebrow. "Or should I say ex-girlfriend", he continued with a pout. He had not been able to get a confession from Remy about their quarrel. He was pretty sure the substance abuse of the brunette was part of the motive but he wanted more information. He knew the blonde was uptight about drugs, even after three years working for him, but he had not expected her to ice out his junkie employee for that long.
"Goodbye House", Allison said quickly turning her head toward him while still walking toward the door and completely ignoring his tentative to fish for gossip.
Passing the door, Allison let out a sigh of relief and at that same instant she bumped against Remy who was walking quickly toward the door. Both women were surprised and a little bothered by this unexpected physical contact. Allison felt unsettled by the closeness of the brunette and annoyed at herself for feeling this way. Remy felt worried but glad to see the blonde and yet unable to find something to say to her. They both stared at one another for a little too long before saying a distant "Good morning" to each other.
House did not miss a moment of this. He was taking a vicious pleasure in observing the uncomfortable interaction between the two doctors. The level of tension present between the women was definitely beating what its daily soap opera was providing him. He focused intently on their expression in the hope to understand what was causing their reactions. Obviously his employee did not share her medical condition with the ER head. He knew the blonde well enough to know that after such an announcement she would have been all over the brunette.
After their awkwardly polite greetings they both averted their gaze and took a small step on the side. Unfortunately they stepped on the same side and bumped again, raising their eyes toward each other again. With a head signal and a constricted smile, Remy stepped aside again and signified to Allison she could go on walking. She looked at the blonde walking away with a small sigh escaping her mouth unconsciously. Then she turned toward the door and realised House had been observing them all along.
"I'm guessing she doesn't know about you being more than a plain idiot", he offered sarcastically.
"Why would she?", she answered glumly before leaving her bag near her chair and going to the coffee pot. Remy had given up on concealing to House their obvious conflict. He had seen them friendly and talkative and was much too perceptive to be fooled any longer on the level of intimacy they once shared.
"Because you like her", he stated as if nothing was more obvious. He had resumed playing with his ball and seemed to be in a decent mood.
"No, I don't", she retorted as much to convince him and herself. Her back was facing him while she was pouring coffee.
"Try convincing yourself", he said rolling his eyes incredulously and letting his ball fall in the process.
Remy sighed again, at her coffee this time.
xxxx
After a differential on the new case, House had assigned Remy to patient's care to draw out of her any reason for her symptoms that she might have been ashamed to share before. What he did not tell Remy was that he had paged Allison to ask her exactly the same thing, pretending that her people skills could not be imitated. Allison appeared annoyed and unwilling to go but caved anyway. When it was about patients care she was easy to manipulate.
At the moment Allison entered the patient's room, she was pissed and it was written all over her face. Remy was already there, standing near the woman and questioning her. The woman in the bed saw the blonde and smiled at her. This forced Allison's face into an unnatural smile. She had been the main doctor dealing with her and Allison knew she was glad to find some consistency in her days at the hospital. So she walked toward her anyway.
Remy heard the sound of the door opening and turned around expecting another member of her team. Instead she saw Allison and knew House had something to do with it. She offered a small contrite smile before refocusing on the patient.
Allison was not expecting a smile out of the brunette. And she was not expecting either how far from immune she still was to this smile. She waited silently for Remy to finish her interrogation and joined the patient on the other side of the bed. At the end of the questionnaire, she added a few inquiries herself and discussed cordially with the patient before telling her she could rest.
Remy had waited for Allison to finished her questions and her comforting small talk with the patient without moving from her spot. When the blonde went for the door, she followed her. She was not sure what to do but she felt the urge to say something so that they could at least remain civil to each other.
"Allison, wait", Remy uttered to the blonde who was still walking in front of her.
Allison stopped slightly shocked. She was not expecting the brunette to initiate a conversation between them, not even a small one. Curiosity and maybe something else made her turn around and look at Remy. The brunette was still as beautiful as she remembered and it bothered her that it was the first thing she could notice. She did not say a word.
"I'm sorry Allison", Remy said directing her gaze on the side before finding the floor.
"You might hate me and you have good reasons for that. I just hope it won't affect the work", she said regaining some control and finding the blonde's eyes.
Allison was surprised. She was not expecting an apology. But was it really an apology?
"I don't hate you. I'm just annoyed by House's schemes."
"I'm sorry for what he identifies as funny", Remy said with sympathy and a small smile. "I never should have started this", she added with contrition.
Allison interpreted this last comment in a way that exasperated her even more. However, she did not respond to it. She just nodded and said, "I have to go now".
Remy felt the tension increasing in the blonde. Her cheeks were pink but not because of a saucy blush. She guessed that know she would have to get accustomed to generating annoyance in the blonde. She cringed at this idea and nodded to avoid irritating Allison even more. She remained on her spot longer than necessary, finding difficulties to resume her process of thoughts.
xxxx
Interacting with Allison had unsettled Remy. At the end of the day, she felt the need to go listen to music and maybe have a talk with Elliot. She needed to spend time with someone who appreciated her and could make her laugh. The atmosphere at work was starting to be too much between House holding her secret over her head and Allison resenting her so strongly that she could feel her anger three floors apart.
Remy arrived late at the pub and the band finished early. Elliot was pleased to see her and felt her unusual need for comfort. He sat down with her and made her smile by telling her about his new relationship with Eric. Remy was pleased for her friend but had a hard time acting cheerful. Tonight she had decided to just have a few drinks with Elliot but apparently it was not enough to calm her down. But somehow seeing the results of her compulsions on Allison had made her lost the taste of drugs for the night. Noticing her gloomy mood, Elliot finally asked the brunette what was causing this condition. Not without effort and with the help of some wine, he manoeuvred to make her admit she had hurt a colleague and was feeling regretful about it. He was impressed by how solemn Remy's feelings were.
"Have you ever cared so much about hurting someone?", Elliot asked with a vivid interest in the answer. Remy had achieved to remain a mystery to him while she knew nearly his entire love life history.
"Of course I have. I'm not heartless", she defended herself. Remy was always queasy when she talked about her feelings but she disliked the idea that people could believe she did not have any. She was just very skilled at pretending they were not there.
"Never said you were", he reassured her with a smile and a pat on the hand. "But usually you don't brood on the possibility of having hurt your latest lover", he told in all honesty. He liked the girl but she normally was more of a player and rarely looked back at her preys.
"Usually, I avoid working with them", she stated with as much sincerity. She knew she did not have a perfect record track regarding her love life, or should she say sex life. It had been two years since her last real relationship and she was not willing to enter another one, even less in her condition.
Her dismissive retort elicited a quick laugh from both of them before Elliot looked at her knowingly while adding with emphasis, "Or liking them".
Remy stared at him surprised and defensive.
"I don't like her", she fend him off, understanding she was lying.
"Fine. You don't like her", he offered with a sympathizing smile. His eyes compelled the brunette for truthfulness when he asked, "Then why are you so bothered by what she thinks of you and the reason behind her moods?"
Remy's eyes admitted defeat. She sighed looking away. Then she stated, "I can't like her".
