A/N: Merry Christmas Eve, Kas here! What's better than having a new upload as a Christmas present? Nothing is! And thank you so much for the reviews, they really made my day. Really, you don't know how much it means to us! I consider it an early birthday/Christmas present. Anyway, this chapter is written by hetalia-is-definitely-a-textbook, but I call her Textbook for short. Enjoy and review!
Chapter 7: Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed...sorta...
Alfred walked toward where he remembered the baskets had last been. He was met with empty space and a greeter asking him if everything was alright. "I'm just…looking for a basket."
"Oh, we remodeled recently," the greeter replied unhelpfully, "The carts and baskets are over there now." Alfred knew they were pointing; he could tell by the shift in their voice and the almost quiet noise of fabric rubbing together in movement. Alfred frowned deeply. Of course they hadn't noticed. Just like always.
"I can't see," Alfred groaned out and missed the quick gasp from the greeter.
"I'm so sorry," they said quickly; searching for a way to soften the blow, reach a mutual understanding of the mistake, and fix their interaction before this meeting was taken to the manager and cost them a job.
"It's fine," Alfred reconciled, pushing the irritation down. After his last interaction with Ivan, it felt better just to ignore the anger gnawing at the back of his mind. "Could you lead me to where they are, so I can remember for next time?"
"Of course, sir."
Alfred felt his arm being grabbed and, although he would have much rather he not be babied like this in public, kept himself from repeating the scene he had made with Ivan. He didn't need to be the subject of any more public scrutiny.
Once he left the entrance, Alfred hoped dearly nothing else had been moved too drastically from their original positions. His fingers lightly ran over the outer sides of shelves and signs plastered on them with Braille for to be convenient for the blind. Alfred sighed at the discovery that the produce aisle had been moved and replaced with pre-cooked meals. He'd have to map the entire store out again.
He walked aimlessly for a while, until he found the aisles he'd been looking for and where other aisles had been moved to. Others were roaming the supermarket along with him, but none stepped in his way. Most shoppers maneuvered around him, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Alfred couldn't tell, but he knew from what his brother said that when a blind man walked past, people either stare or look anywhere but in his direction. It was heartbreaking and frustrating.
It wasn't fair that he was treated with contempt over something he couldn't even control. It wasn't his fault he was blind. He hadn't chosen his name. If Alfred could have picked his name, he would have made sure he would have enough 'i's to see. The world was beautiful and he was absolutely discontent with the knowledge he may never get to see it. Alfred had been told countless times about the sights and colors around him, but hearing about it wasn't the same as actually seeing it. Alfred could hardly count the number of times people had made poor attempts to comfort him by saying that there wasn't much to see anyway.
So many with sight had become so used to being able to see their loved ones, the sky, the stars, everything. They were taking it for granted. Maybe there wasn't much for them to see anymore, because they assume they've seen it all; that sight is just another part of their lives that dull and trite, but Alfred knew better. If a single person had been aware of how hard he prayed, he bet he could send a sinner to church.
He snorted chidingly. Feh, as if anyone would listen to him.
As Alfred strolled alone in a supermarket full of people, his thoughts wandered to the ashen blond.
Ivan seemed like a jerk, there was no denying that, but as Alfred thought back to their previous interaction, Ivan seemed less patronizing and more endearing. He hadn't truly meant to upset him, Alfred thought. Ivan was just the byproduct of a society that praised sight and glorified eyes. Alfred's hand raised and his fingers lightly touched his eyelids, his soft pads etching out the slight creases and folds. He wondered what it must be like to see with three eyes, or two, or one. He heard it was different somehow, but Alfred wouldn't know. Ivan hadn't meant him any harm. In fact, he seemed to genuinely care about him.
"He has a pretty strange way of showing it," Alfred remarked aloud to himself.
The mother of two beside him, ushered her kids away before they could even open their mouths. Alfred didn't notice.
Alfred sighed as he realized he shouldn't have treated Ivan so terribly. He had been angry and irrational. The least he could do is apologize. However, some self-doubting part of himself told Alfred that Ivan wouldn't want to see him again, let alone accept any apology he offered.
'God, why am I such an asshole?' His feet squeaked against the tile, stomping around the corner, his frayed sweater slightly brushing the corner as he did so. He had never felt a tantrum such as this one come upon him, but he didn't want to create another scene where he'd have to pick up the pieces. His bruised knuckles throbbed in agreement.
He shouldn't have yelled, that was obvious. Getting worked up, just because the guy was trying to be nice. Maybe he didn't realize Alfred found it irritating. Maybe it was just his way of showing he... cared? Alfred scoffed. Could that Ivan-guy even care about someone like him. It almost seemed like it.
"I shouldn't have said any of that," Alfred muttered to himself, before remembering it was strange to talk to yourself in a crowded place. He kept his next thoughts to himself. 'Understatement of the year, Jones. You should have told the guy you were fine and went on with your life.' At least then, he wouldn't be feeling so terrible.
Had Ivan looked sad? Had he watched Alfred leave in disappointment and regret? Had Alfred actually lost his chances to meet a great guy who'd treat him like a person and love…? Alfred stopped in his tracks and blinked. His mind was starting to go to strange places. There was no way Ivan would go for him, nor did he even want to think about dating the guy.
...Right?
This guilt thing was really getting to him.
He should apologize though, just to get these thoughts to leave him alone. There's no reason both of them should feel bad when a simple apology could relieve them both of this needless tension.
Alfred reached the aisle he had been searching for and felt for the Braille that would direct him toward the food he wanted to buy. He inched his arm towards the hamburger buns first, his fingers slightly twitching, hesitant and sore. There was a slight pause and in that moment, he made up his mind. He would contact Ivan again. Hopefully, he wouldn't be too upset to hear from him. A denied apology could leave you feeling worse, but it was better than feeling like something could have happened had he not been such a jerk.
Alfred grabbed what he had come for and strided toward check out, determined to set things right.
