DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creations of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Bella can't find Edward after her testing with Carlisle.

Relaxation

I walked down the hallway, rubbing my temples, glad to be done with another day of testing. I felt more tired than usual, probably because my mind had been raging for the last fifteen minutes. I was anxious to find Edward. Curling up in his lap was the only thing that ever relaxed me and allowed all the thoughts and memories to stop flickering around in my freaky brain.

Carlisle was aware of what happened to me on testing days and promised me it was nothing to worry about. His theory was that my memories were extremely strong and rifling through too many at once was like watching a movie in fast forward. It would hurt your eyes and confuse your mind, but it wouldn't harm you. I knew my father believed my memories were a key to whatever power I might possess. My theory was that he believed if I could regain my past before Edward, I would open my mind up in some way. But that was where my theory ended. I had no clue what he thought might happen if my mind did open up.

I stopped and sniffed the air, expecting to easily pinpoint his location. But his smell was very faint. He wasn't in the house. I walked downstairs and out the front door. I sniffed again, frowning when I got that same barely there whiff. Where was he if he wasn't inside or outside? Even on the days when he wandered deep into the forest, his scent lingered strongly.

Edward knew I was testing today. He knew I would need him when it was done. I sat down heavily on the top step, pulling myself into a tight ball. The images and random ideas were speeding up, swirling into a waterspout – no a mind-spout! I groaned, knowing that I needed to calm myself. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.

I heard the door open and smelled the unmistakable scent of Alice. "Bella, would you like me to help you to your room?"

I nodded my head and opened my arms, refusing to stand. Honestly, I don't think I could have gotten up on my own. I was too tired. Alice scooped me up and I clung to her shoulders. She rushed me up the stairs and into my room, gently setting me on my bed. I curled up on myself, tucking my hands under my chin.

Alice sat with me, stroking my hair, brushing it away from my forehead. "Sorry, Bella. I thought you would be with Carlisle longer. Edward wanted to do something special for you and I told him he had time. He and the others should be back very shortly."

I nodded my head to let her know that I heard her. My mind was still swirling and I was starting to feel very weak.

"What happens to you, Bella?" she whispered. I could hear the concern coating her voice. "Why does Carlisle let this happen to you?"

I forced myself to speak, but couldn't manage anything above a hoarse whisper. "He doesn't let it happen. We have no choice. We have to know about my power, if I have one, long before anyone else. You know that."

"I know. I wish that my checks on them were enough."

"It's not your fault, Alice. You can't help it that they know how to get around you."

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" she pleaded.

"I can try, but Edward didn't have much luck understanding."

Alice chuckled somewhere behind my eyelids. "I'm not surprised."

I grunted at her teasing of Edward. "Ok. Here goes. Keep in mind this is just my interpretation of how my freaky brain works. When Carlisle has me do any testing that involves my memories, which is almost always, it's like everything runs wild in my head. Normally, my memories are like pictures arranged in little boxes, all nice and neat. My random thoughts flow back and forth in front of the boxes. When I go through my testing, all the lids come off all the boxes and the memories and the thoughts dance around each other, slam into each other, and just make a mess. They move too fast and I can't grab them and put them back where they belong. It feels like getting lost in your head and being trapped by your past and not being able to get out."

Alice hugged me tightly and whispered, "Poor, Bella."

"How much longer, Alice?"

She knew just what I was asking. She was still for a while then started smoothing out my hair again. "Five minutes. What does he do to help you?"

I was quiet for a while, silently praying for the minutes to pass faster. I could feel Alice watching me and waiting for an answer. "He holds me."

"That's it?"

"It's all I need. I feel so safe in his arms that I stop caring if everything is out of place. I know he won't let me stay lost. Somehow, that makes everything slow down and go back to the way it's supposed to be."

"I don't get why he has a problem understanding that. You've explained it quite well."

"Thanks, Alice."

"Would you like me to try to talk to him about it?"

"If you think it would help. I get the feeling he's just not ready to listen because he's afraid this is somehow linked to me developing a power. We both know how that still terrifies him."

"They're nearly here, Bella. He's already heard me. He's coming straight upstairs as soon as the car stops."

I forced myself to keep the little bit of calm I had left. "Good. I don't think I can take more much of this."

"Everything okay, girls?" I heard Esme call from somewhere near the door.

"She's just worn out from testing, Esme," Alice said for me.

I felt the bed sink and knew that Esme was with us now. She rubbed my arm lightly. "Do you think you'll have enough strength to hunt, dear?"

"I don't know," I whispered.

"Esme, could you please ask Carlisle to give her some extra time off? I don't like this. She's too weak," Alice begged.

"Alice, you know your father would never put Bella in jeopardy," Esme scolded. When she spoke again, her voice was softer. "I'll ask anyway."

"Thanks!" Alice said. I could hear the relief in her voice.

All at once, his smell filled my nose and I inhaled deeply. I was cradled in his arms now. He had me tucked into a ball, protecting me with his entire body.

"Edward," I sighed, elated to finally be able to fully breathe again.

Alice and Esme's scents were fading and I knew they had left us alone. I felt bad that they had to endure this with me. I would make it up to them later. Right now, I just needed Edward.

"Bella, my sweet Bella," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me."

I was quiet for a while, breathing him in as much as possible. I tried to clear my mind, imagining his smell as a thick wave floating across an empty room. Relaxation was finally here. I forced as much of myself as possible to melt into his embrace. "Where were you?" I asked, still unable to stop clutching at his shirt.

"I wanted to get you a small surprise. You've been doing so well with your training and I wanted you to know how proud I am of you. I checked with Alice. She assured me you would still be with Carlisle when I got back."

"Don't be upset with Alice, please. It's not her fault. Carlisle was trying to make things interesting for me by changing things up. He didn't have his usual questions for me and he let me ask him questions. We also didn't do as many pictures as usual. I suppose you'll have to check with both of them next time."

He kissed the top of my head and pulled me tighter against him. "There won't be a next time. Nothing is more important than being here for you."

"I wish I could tell you to not sit around waiting for me, but I'm too selfish. If I tried hard enough, I might be able to calm myself, but I don't want to try. I want to always be able to crawl into your lap and have you make it better."

"Then I'm just as selfish, love," he said, snuggling his nose into the hollow behind my ear. "I need you to want me here for you."

"Then we shouldn't call it being selfish. We should call it compromise."

He softly chuckled. "Would you like your lullaby?"

"Please," I sighed.

I relaxed my hold on his shirt and allowed him to help me stretch across the bed. He pulled me tightly to his chest and put his mouth right on my ear, resting his head against mine. My lullaby softly flowed from his lips directly into my ear, filling up my mind with its sweet melodies. I thought briefly about familiarity, and how very familiar my needing Edward to care for me was. A certainty fell upon me – one so big and so true that it actually felt like it had weight to it. I would never last long without Edward by my side, especially on a day when my mind raged.

"I have a quandary, Edward."

"What is it, love?" he whispered, kissing my cheek.

"I'm too weak to hunt for myself and I can't let you go," I admitted.

"Emmett," he said, using a normal tone of voice.

I heard our door open and Emmett's deep voice filled the room. "How is she?"

"Weak. Would you mind?" Edward asked.

"I'll be back soon," Emmett replied, closing the door behind him.

"I must look really bad," I sighed.

"Why do you say that?"

"Emmett didn't crack a single joke," I muttered against his Edward's chest.

Edward chuckled. "Don't worry about anything. Just know that you are loved deeply by every member of this family."

"You remember that too. Don't give Carlisle or Alice any trouble over this," I warned. I don't think my words held much power seeing as I couldn't manage a volume louder than a whisper.

"As you wish, Wife," was his only reply. Good enough for me.