Hi, all. Sorry, this semester has been a lot crazier than I thought it would be.

The only thing I want to point out is that after this chapter, there's going to be a little bit of a time jump. I have about a year or so of stuff to get through before we get to the prologue and so far things have been slow moving. I promise that is going to pick up after this chapter! Thank you all for your patience and I hope you enjoy!

Also, someone messaged me and asked me if I plan to make this story have kind of a love triangle between Andy, Haley, and Nathan, and I thought I would answer it here: not necessarily. There are going to be some moments where there are obvious tension and jealousy, but I don't plan on making it a love triangle or a back and forth kind of thing. Once Haley and Andy are over, they're over for good. (Which, not gonna lie, is mostly because writing romantic/coupley scenes between Haley and someone who's not Nathan and vice versa is so damn hard for me, lol).

I didn't proofread...but I feel like you guys are used that by now lol.


Chapter Six

Between the loud ticking of the wall clock and Andy's light snoring, Haley felt like she was seconds away from going insane. Andy's arm, which was resting over her stomach, felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, holding her down and hostage. Haley glanced over at him, envy shooting through her at his relaxed face. Short, dark eyelashes rested peacefully on tan skin. His dark hair was messy, smattered against the pillow.

He was a beautiful man. Extremely smart. Sophisticated. Driven. In the perfect equation of the world, he would be her perfect match. It was textbook. It made sense. But—

Haley felt queasy, a product of unnecessary guilt, as the images from the past few hours flashed through her mind. Nathan's hands on her body were like phantom limbs. If she moved a certain way or focused too hard, she swore she could still feel him. The electricity that flowed through her at the contact, the way she could have given in without second-guessing…it terrified her. It took everything that she thought she knew and shook that very foundation.

She tried to lose herself in Andy. God, she tried. As soon as he'd opened the door to his apartment, she tossed her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a startling kiss. When he didn't pause to question her, she kissed him harder. She tried to focus on every touch and every kiss, but the harder she tried, the more impossible it seemed.

More than once, Nathan's face appeared behind her closed eyelids. His husky, maddening voice echoed in her head. She didn't understand it. He was one mistake that she made years ago and he wouldn't stop coming back to haunt her. He represented every crazy, whimsical, wrong-doing her life had to offer her.

Staying away from him was the only logical explanation. But how could she do that when they were partners? How could she do that when every single time she looked in his eyes, she saw the life that she could have? Whether she wanted to admit or not, she was drawn to him. He was right when he said that he saw a side of her that no one else had and she hated him for him.

Oh, how drastically different her life could have been…

Maybe she looked at things too metaphorically and used that rationale as a scapegoat for her own feelings. Fuck her dad. Fuck him for conditioning her to believe that there was only ever one right answer, one right way to be.

The anxiety rose quickly inside her. It felt like an elephant was standing on her chest. Cold sweat coated her skin, as her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. Glancing over at Andy, she slowly inched herself out of his grip. When she was free, she quickly grabbed his discarded t-shirt and slipped it over her bare body.

Once in the bathroom, she turned the cold water on and cupped her hands beneath the stream. A couple of splashes later, she felt significantly better. Grabbing the towel off the rack, she dabbed at her face and sat down on the edge of the tub. Her head still felt like it was spinning and she felt like she was crawling out of her own skin.

She found herself doing this a lot—burning the midnight oil with nothing but racing thoughts and a heavy heart. It was like she was being pulled in a million different directions, but by invisible wires with faceless puppet masters. It was times like these where she wished her sister was still around. She could use her wisdom, her ever-positive outlook on life.

"Why'd you have to leave me, Tay?" Haley asked quietly, a few tears streaming down her cheeks.

~x~

"Her name is Nicki Miller and she's not talking," Clay grumbled as he walked back into the office quarters. He slapped the file he was holding down on his desk before sliding into his chair.

"Of course, she's not," Nathan responded with a roll of his eyes. He leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands behind his head. "If her dad really is behind the murders, she's not going to give him up. Family allegiance and all that."

Clay shook his head. "That's the thing, I don't think it's her father. I think it's a boyfriend, or maybe even a friend."

Nathan's eyebrows furrowed in concentration. "What makes you say that?"

"I looked into her father, Arthur Miller. He signs all the bills and contracts, but he hasn't physically stepped foot in the club since last January. Apparently, he owns a couple clubs and he's in the process of opening another one…in the Bahamas," Clay explained.

"Huh…"

"So, unless he's running an out of the country operation, I don't think it's him."

"She might be scared, that's why she's not talking. When Haley and I saw her that first night, she looked a little beaten up. Possibly a threatening situation?"

"That would make sense," Clay agreed. He eyed Nathan for a few moments as he went to work on his computer. His tongue was quicker than his thoughts. "Speaking of Haley, where is she?"

Nathan tensed briefly. His eyes, which were scanning a database file, halted and zeroed in one blurry word. He cleared his throat, which he hoped would also wipe his memory but to no avail. "She went home. She wasn't feeling well."

When it came to lying, Nathan Scott usually excelled. But even Clay could see the transparency through that lie.

"Look, man, you know that I love you, but you need to be careful," Clay warned.

Confused, Nathan glanced over at him, caught off guard by the genuine concern on his face. "What?"

"You and Haley," Clay clarified.

"There's nothing—"

"I saw you guys in the hallway. That wasn't nothing," Clay continued. "Now, you and Haley, you can have your secrets. Whatever you guys are hiding is none of my business. But you know how Keith is with in-house romances and with her being the Chief's daughter, he's definitely not going to let it just slide."

Nathan's thoughts tumbled around recklessly inside his head. Shock and confusion muddled around inside of him. He felt like a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. His first instinct was to deflect, to deny what he was sure Clay was insinuating. But if he were to deny it…was there anything to deny? Deflection seemed safer.

"Where is this coming from?" Nathan murmured, swiveling his chair so he was facing Clay head-on.

"I'm just looking out for you," Clay explained. "I know how you are, Nathan. You're stubborn and you're determined. Once you get your mind set on something, there's no changing it. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just telling you to be careful."

"I appreciate that," Nathan said simply, ending the conversation. He didn't need another reminder of the fucked-up situation he was in.

~x~

Haley was alone in the office, leaving it eerily quiet and lonely, making it the perfect recipe for her to get lost in her thoughts. They had reached a lull in the Behind Closed Doors case. Nicki did, in fact, have a boyfriend—Felix Taggaro—who was linked to a drug ring that operated in lower Manhattan. So far, they had no leads on his whereabouts.

Brooke and Clay were out talking to their criminal informants, while Chris and Julian were interviewing more of the staff. She and Nathan were tasked with digging up as much information on Nicki or Felix that they could.

But her concentration was elsewhere. She had read over the police report on her computer screen at least five times and still hadn't retained a single word of it. The words were starting to blend together as her vision struggled to maintain focus.

Her heart took a nosedive when the object of her every thought rounded the corner and into their office quarters. His head was buried in a file, his face pinched in grave concentration.

A week had passed since the incident at Behind Closed Doors. Neither one of them had brought it up, which Haley was grateful for. She expected Nathan to goad her about it, use it as a way to get under her skin. During their conversations, which were nothing but casual or work-centric, she searched his eyes for any kind of recognition. She never found any. It was like he was pretending it never happened, which she had no complaints about.

But that didn't stop the panic from surging through her whenever she saw him. Her cheeks would heat up for a brief moment as she recalled the heated things he whispered into her ear or the way his hands roamed her body.

Without a word or glance in her direction, he sat down at his desk, which was directly across from hers.

Haley attempted to return to her work, but the silence in the room felt louder with his presence. It wasn't awkward, but there was obvious tension. She wondered if he felt it, too, or if it was just a product of her own guilt. Maybe she was just imagining it.

The silence was broken a couple minutes later.

"Haley, the Chief is on line one for you," Meredith, the precincts secretary, said as she popped her head in the office quarters before disappearing.

Haley went rigid as she glanced at the phone on her desk. The red blinking light next to the "line one" tab had her stomach knotting. Her dad never called her at work. He didn't believe in friendly or casual calls in the workplace. Whatever his reason for calling was, it wasn't good.

Straightening her posture as if she were about to see him, she reached for the phone. "Detective James," she answered, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.

"We need to discuss your 30-day evaluation," Jimmy said, cutting straight to the point of the phone call. His voice was missing his normal fatherly tone and instead was stoic and professional. That made her even more nervous.

"30-day?" Haley asked, confused. "I thought we only did 90-day evaluations?"

"For you, I ordered a 30-day."

Haley's face scrunched further into confusion. "What? Why?"

"Because I'm your father and because I can," he snapped harshly.

Haley's lips fell into a hard line. He was in one those moods. She squared her shoulders in defense as she mentally prepared herself for the lecture she knew was coming. She could already feel her throat tightening.

"Just say what you're going to say, Chief James," Haley forced out.

Nathan's eyes burned in her direction, but she refused to look at him. She focused so hard on her computer screen that her eyes began to burn.

Jimmy sighed heavily before beginning his tirade. "You're sloppy, Haley. You let your emotions get the best of you. Logic is supposed to direct you in this field, not emotion."

Her cheeks burned red in response. The only thing she can assume that he's referring to is what happened between her and Nathan in the hotel hallway. But the only way he would have known about that is he if bugged her location with a camera…which she, unfortunately, wouldn't put past him.

"You have a big heart, and in this field, that makes you weak."

Haley wanted to argue, the fighting words already crawling up her throat. She swallowed them back, both out fear and hopelessness. Tears stung in her eyes. These words aren't new. She's heard them come out of his mouth at least a hundred times, but they still hurt.

"You're punctual and dependable, I guess that's good. You practice proper firearm etiquette. You follow protocol when attaining someone and when undercover. All of those are good things, but they mean nothing if you can't separate yourself from doing your job and your emotions. I told you when you first decided that you wanted to be a cop that you were going to have to toughen up. It's not a surprise to me that you didn't listen," Jimmy continued to rant.

Haley could picture him—he was probably sitting at his desks, phone pressed to his ear. His fingers were probably wrapped so tightly around the receiver that his knuckles were white. His cheeks were most likely flushed and he was grinding his teeth so hard they were seconds away from shattering.

"It's never too late to reconsider your career choice, Haley."

"Are you done?" she choked out. His insults hung low in the air, suffocating her like toxic smoke. In Jimmy James' eyes, Haley was never going to be enough. Not unless she forced herself into the mold he built for her on the day she was born.

It's never too late to reconsider your career choice. Could he be any more transparent?

"I'll reevaluate you again in 30 days."

Haley gritted her teeth. Her emotions were caught in the crossfire of livid and heartbroken. "Is that really necessary?"

"For you, yes."

Then, a click, followed by a dial tone.

She slammed the phone down, uncaring of the fact she wasn't alone. She dug her hands into her hair as she fought the urge to both sob and punch something.

When it came to her being a detective, her dad had pulled a lot of shady shit. He refused to even help her pay for her classes but promised to pay for her education if she pursued something else. When he attended her graduation, he never said he was proud of her or even bothered to mutter the words "congratulations." He dictated where she could apply for jobs…most of them which were districts that he closely presided over.

But out of everything, this felt like the lowest. Requesting a separate and out of bounds evaluation for her? She didn't even know that was possible. Every step forward she made, he took from her. He was trying to push her out of her chosen line of work and it terrified her that he might just succeed in doing so.

Nathan had stopped reading the second he heard Haley's voice. Throughout the entire phone call, he noticed how strained her voice was, teetering between tearful and strong. He knew that she and her father had an…interesting relationship. When they were in the academy, while she never disclosed the fact her father was the chief, she made fleeting comments about how hard he was on her. He could still recall the sadness in her eyes.

Nathan had only been in the same room as the Chief a handful of times and had only spoken to him directly two or three times. He was an intimidating man by nature. No one had ever seen him smile, even at award ceremonies or in pictures. He ruled with an iron fist and never let anyone walk over him. People took what he said like it was straight from the Bible. And, he was the best Chief of State Police that the state of New York had in the last fifty years.

"Rough phone call?" Nathan inquired, piercing through the sound of her heavy breathing.

Haley heaved a sigh, dropping her hands from her hair. "You could say that."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

The anger was still vile inside of her, null and voiding her usual filter. "There's nothing to talk about other than the fact my dad's sole reason for existing is to make my life a living hell. He'd rather me be anything but a cop and he'll never stop trying to convince me that I've made a mistake."

Nathan didn't even flinch at her sharp tone.

"Why did you decided to become a detective?"

"To spite him," Haley spat venomously.

Nathan looked at her curiously. A raging inferno was reflecting in her gaze. "Is that so?"

"No," Haley sighed dejectedly. The phone call with her father had her bursting at the seams, saying whatever she had on her mind regardless of who her audience was. "It didn't start off that way."

"I'm all ears," Nathan said sincerely when he noticed her hesitation.

The genuineness on Nathan's face caught Haley off guard. There was only one other time he ever looked at her like that.

"It didn't start off that way. When I was five and my sister was seven, he took us on a ride along. He was just a lower level detective in North Carolina at the time, working his ass off towards a promotion. We toured the precinct, met everyone from the desk clerks to the Sargent, and even got little plastic badges with our names on them."

Haley smiled at the memory. It was her favorite memory from her childhood. Her dad smiled…a lot that day. They shared laugh after laugh, which rarely, if ever, happened.

"He got a call while we were there. A woman believed that her college-aged daughter had been kidnapped because she hadn't answered any of her calls in the last 24 hours. It turned out to be a fluke. The daughter's phone had broken and she had no way of reaching her mother," Haley continued to recount, unaware of Nathan's captivity on her every word. She had a dreamlike look on her face.

"It was such a simple call. A simple, insignificant moment. But it stuck with me. The look on that mother's face when my dad told the mother her daughter was okay, the way everyone rallied together to find the daughter…it lit something inside of that little five-year-old girl with the world at her fingertips."

Haley paused for a second to swallow the growing lump in her throat. The next part of this story was the hardest for her to tell.

"It wasn't until a couple of years later when I realized just how much I wanted to grow up to be just like my dad. I was so young, but I idolized my dad and that ride along trip stuck with me. I remember being so excited to tell him that I wanted to be a detective just like him. I expected him to be touched, to be proud…at the very least, happy."

She paused again. Her voice was cracking as the emotion built up behind her eyes. In the back of her mind, she could picture her adolescent self—her eyes wide with admiration, hope, and innocence as she waited for her dad to get home so she could tell him.

"But he wasn't, not even in the slightest. As soon as I told him, I remember him looking at me with these cold eyes, said 'over my dead body,' and walked away. Over the years, I kept pestering him about it, insisting that being a detective was all I wanted to be. He would just tell me over and over again that I wasn't strong enough and that he would never support me. He tried everything he could to push me away from what I wanted, and the harder he tried, the harder I fought back."

By the time she was finished, her voice was barely above a whisper. A few tears threatened to leak from her eyes, but she blinked them back. She couldn't believe how emotional she was getting over this. Through the pain of saying all those words out loud, she felt lighter, like she could breathe a little easier.

"God, Haley," Nathan mumbled as he pushed himself out of his chair. It clattered loudly as it hit the wall. If there was one thing he knew for certain about Haley James was that she never let anyone see her cry.

"You know that he's wrong, right?" he asked as he crouched down on the opposite side of her desk. He folded his arms across her desk. "Haley?"

She wouldn't look at him. This was a side of Haley he'd never seen and he had a feeling that not many people had. His heart both ached at that, yet felt as if he had a responsibility in making her feel better.

"Yeah, I know, he's only trying to keep me safe and all that jazz," Haley mumbled, almost sarcastically.

"He loves you," Nathan murmured as if it were a shaky explanation. He studied the emotion on her face like a calculus problem he was having a hard time figuring out. He can tell that she doesn't appreciate his attempt at justifying her father's actions, but what he can't figure out is why?

"That's the problem," Haley sighed quietly, yet heavily. Her gaze is deadlocked on the only picture on her desk. It's of her and Taylor, the same one that's hanging up on her bedroom wall.

Nathan's expression fell into a perplexed pinch. "It's a problem that your dad loves you?"

It was a snap of a response, one that had Haley's head jerking up. She had that fire in her eyes that Nathan always found endearing. But instead of preparing for a battle of banter, he waited for her to respond.

"You can either love someone too much…," she trailed off.

"Or not enough," Nathan filled in for her.

The stare between them was long and heavy. Without breaking eye contact, Nathan reached up to brush away the single tear that had fallen down her cheek. His heart leaped in his chest when she leaned slightly into his touch.

Keith's office door swung open with a loud bang, causing both of them to jump. He had the look of a man on this mission. He was so focused that he didn't seem to notice or even react to their closeness.

"James! Scott! A car registered to Felix was spotted down at Brooklyn Bridge Park. According to eyewitnesses, he's accompanied by a brunette female," Keith relayed to them.

"Nicki?" Haley asked.

"Most likely. I need you to go check it out. Now."

~x~

By the time they reached Brooklyn Bridge Park, it was dark. The chilly air nipped sharply at their skin as the light dusting of snow crunched beneath their feet. It was a little unusual for it to snow in April, but winter seemed to be hanging on until the last possible second that year. The park was empty, except for a couple of joggers across the way.

They walked quietly around the park, towards the last known location of the car. So far, there were no signs of the car, Felix, or Nicki. Keith had directed them to assume that Felix was armed and dangerous, which left them on high alert.

"Didn't Keith say the car was parked on the corner of Main?" Nathan asked, looking around. The streets surrounding them were clear.

"Yeah…," Haley trailed off, her expression concentrated. "Maybe it's further down by the bridge. You check the parking lot, I'll check the meters."

They walked further down, splitting up as Haley headed towards where the meters were and Nathan towards the parking lot. Only, they didn't get very far.

"Shit, Nathan!" Haley suddenly hissed, pointing.

Following her finger, his jaw ticked when he saw what she was pointing at. The red Maserati that belonged to Felix was crashed into a pillar of the protection railing from the river. The driver side door was wide open and smoke was pouring out of the front end.

Nathan and Haley took off running towards the car. When they got closer, they noticed the blood and the shattered windshield. Blood and small pieces of ripped clothing clung to the shards of glass. Peeking inside the car, there were obvious signs of a struggle. The steering wheel was obviously yanked in one direction, while seat belt to the passenger side was serrated at the clip.

"Son of a bitch crashed this car purposely," Nathan growled, kicking the tire.

Haley eyed the shattered windshield. The hole was large, jagged, and only on the passenger side. The driver side of the windshield was domed forward, letting Haley know that the impact came from inside the car, not from the car hitting the bridge. Her eyes then darted to the river.

"Nathan," Haley called out nervously. Her eyes were wide with fear. "She was propelled out of the car."

"What?!"

She pointed to the windshield. "Look at the point of impact, the way the glass is domed."

Nathan took one glance at the windshield before looking at the river. "Fuck, she's in the water!"

Everything after that was a blur. Haley fumbled around for her phone while Nathan peered over the side of the bridge.

"We gotta get her out of there. That water is still freezing and we have no idea how long she's been down there."

"We have to wait for the fire department!" Haley shouted as she inched back towards their car.

Nathan shook his head as he ripped his jacket off his body, allowing it to drop to the ground haphazardly. "There's no time."

Things were moving at rocket speed, Haley could barely make sense of what was happening.

He backed up a few steps, placing his body in a running position. "Call for help."

"Nathan, what the fuck are you doing?!"

The panic was clear in her voice as her heart threatened to pound out of her chest. She watched, frozen with utter fear as Nathan dove off the side of the bridge. She didn't move until she heard the splash his body made in the water a few long seconds later. She jetted over to the railing, her heart sinking in her chest. There were ripples in the water, but no sign of Nathan.

"Nathan!" she shouted down to the now motionless water.

The cool air burned her lungs as she struggled to breathe. With shaky hands, she finally grasped her phone in her pocket and ripped it out. She struggled to dial 911, her quivering fingers sliding over the numbers like they were coated in butter. Finally, she got it.

She didn't even wait for the 911 operator to speak.

"This detective Haley James. I am at Brooklyn Bridge Park on the corner of Main and Brooklyn. There's been an accident involving a suspect and another officer."

Haley was surprised she was able to get the words out without completely stumbling over her words. When she was sure help was on the way, she ran back over to the railing. Her legs threatened to buckle from beneath her as she stared at the motionless water.

"Come on, Nathan…"

~x~

"I'll let you know if I have any more questions. Thank you for your time," Haley said, her voice quivering slightly.

She turned away from the witness. The ambulance and police lights blinded her as she made her way towards where she was told Nathan was. It had only taken minutes after her call before the fire department and police officers showed up to the scene, Keith not far behind them. Through all the commotion, a witness had come forward to say that they had seen the crash. Keith assigned her to go talk to them. She didn't have the strength to argue.

The entire time she was distracted, constantly glancing over at the river. The firefighters had sent a dive team into the river and she swore she didn't breathe until she heard word that they recovered two—breathing—bodies on the river bank.

Nathan had gotten Nicki out of the water after all.

Haley exhaled sharply when she saw him, the weight on her shoulders rolling off.

He was sitting on the back of the ambulance with a thick, black blanket wrapped around his body. His dark was matted down, water droplets still sliding down his face. He was pale, skin and lips tinted with the slightest shade of blue. He looked better than she expected, but still like he'd just spent the last ten minutes swimming in below freezing water.

He was alive, though. That's what mattered.

"That was about the stupidest thing you could have done," Haley chided when she finally found her voice. It quivered noticeably. She wasn't sure if was the adrenaline that was slowly exiting her body or the sharp, cold air that had her body shaking.

Nathan looked up at the sound of her voice. Unlike the ghostly appearance of the rest of his body, his eyes were bright and lively.

"My, my, Haley James, were you worried about me?" Nathan sang, only a slight break in his voice. Cool lips twisted into a half-sided smirk.

At first, Haley remained quiet. She kept her head tilted towards the ground as she claimed the spot next to Nathan. Lifting the edge of the wool blanket that was draped over his shoulders, she tucked her body beneath it. Her heart somersaulted when he slid his arm around her waist, securely wrapping the blanket around her. She made no effort to move away.

He was still cold. The feel of his icy skin had a shudder rolling through her body.

"I wasn't," she finally choked out. "I was worried about Nicki."

"You're a terrible liar."

"And you're an ass."

They shared a short, almost forced laugh. When it died down, Nathan shifted his gaze to Haley. She was still looking down. Her bottom lip was tucked securely beneath her teeth. He could practically hear her thinking. He noticed that she did that a lot—got lost in her own thoughts to the point of forgetting reality. Nathan often wondered what she was thinking about in those moments.

"Hales," he murmured softly.

"Hm?" she responded without looking his way.

"Look at me," he commanded gently.

When she does, the pained expression on her face momentarily paralyzed him. It takes a few tries before he successfully swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I'm sorry."

Confusion replaced her worry. "For, what?"

"For a lot of things."