Hello everyone!
So I was really unhappy with how incomplete chapter 7 felt. So I reworked and extended it. If you reviewed before you will have to re-review as a guest. Please review and include your pen names so I know who you are! I really want to hear your feedback as we learn more about CG's past and that night in the bar! I have added about 2000+ words so there is a lot to learn! It is unedited... but I made a promise to post tonight so... ignore any issues... sorry
I had some bad writers block, and it was the support from you guys that really kept me going so to all of you that reached out to me on facebook, twitter and Tumblr thank you sooo much...
I plan to post a new chapter for at least one of my stories every Sunday between 9 and 10 EST... SO this week is security... Next week maybe Magic of Fifty Shades... That one has been neglected...
So please review, review review!
XOXO PPP
I take a large bite into the crisp cool apple, I bit of way more then I can chew and the juice drips down my throat as I struggle to swallow it. I realize that this is a metaphor for my life. I have always bit off more then I can chew, and I always struggle but somehow I dominate and rise up. I only hope that this winning streak keeps up because I can see the road stretched out before me will not be an easy one. The next five years will shape and mold all of my plans and ambitions. By the time I am twenty seven I will have to make a huge choice and I can already see that it will not be an easy one. But I don't have to worry about that, at least not today. All I have is this apple in my hand and Christian Grey in my apartment. And that is enough for now.
I feel this pang of anxiety and fear deep in my belly. I am way too excited that he is here and for the life of me I wish I wasn't. I wish he didn't have this hold on me. I wish I never would have met him or touched him. I wish I never would have danced with him and felt oddly safe in his arms. No, stop! Ana, pull it together. I keep reminding myself that he is an asshole. I repeat it over and over in my head until it sounds like a Buddhist chant.
Christian Grey is an asshole… NAM - MYO - HO - REN - GE – KYO… Christian Grey is an asshole… NAM - MYO - HO - REN - GE – KYO…Christian Grey is an asshole… NAM - MYO - HO - REN - GE – KYO…Christian Grey is an asshole…
I am feeling very Tina Turner post Ike as I make my way towards the library. But the closer I get the more my body starts to hum with anticipation and I just don't understand why this man is capable of making me feel this way. What is it about Christian Grey that pulls at my body and mind in such a way that I lose sight of myself.
I know from is four inch file that he had a very hard childhood, very hard. His father Carrick got a girl pregnant the summer after their senior year of high school. A waitress in the restaurant they both worked in and he knew nothing of it. Carrick went off to Harvard on scholarship and this girl Ella, ran away (her father didn't take the news of her pregnancy well) and somehow ended up in California in the bowels of Los Angeles. I know that his mother was an addict and a stripper. She married a drug dealer Ricky Lauder, who had spent more of his adult life locked up than he ever did on the street. But in the small amount of time he was out Ricky managed to leave a lasting impression on Christian. I know that he was abused physically and emotionally. I know that Ella was found dead in a dumpster and her killer is still unknown, but is presumed to be her husband who hasn't been seen since. At the age of seven Christian was alone in the world, his mother murdered, his step father at large and his birth father out there somewhere. The only thing that tied them was the fact that Christian's birth certificate named Carrick as the father. I can't imagine what that must have been like for Carrick, married to Grace, Elliott entering kindergarten, just starting his practice and then one day getting phone call that he had a seven year old son.
There were photos of him, he was small and so frail looking. Underfed, under loved. His bruises and split lip were visible even in the grainy black and white police photos. I can't imagine how it must have been for him, so young and enduring so much. Coming into a new home with a father who is a stranger and a mother who is not your own. From his file I can tell it was rough. His early teen years are laundry list of drunken nights and fights, weed and coke arrests. Around sixteen the bad behavior stopped completely and his focus shifted to his studies. He was always a good student but then he became a great one. I wonder what happened to case the shift and set him on his path to that bar in Boston the night he took a man's life. I wonder about this man Jack Hyde. A fellow student of Christian was he just at the wrong place at the wrong time or was there more to the story. Most of the details are sealed and there was no trial. Christian plead guilty and cut a deal for Manslaughter. The press had a field day apparently looking for details because Carrick Grey is probably the most highly sought after divorce attorney in the country. There were whispers that he pulled some strings on his son's behalf, and I don't doubt that one bit. Carrick has a kind heart and a gentle soul but he is also a powerful man and he makes things happen.
Jack Hyde was an attractive man, but there was something in his eyes that looked a bit – evil. I have only seen this in another human once before and I hope I never see it again. Leila Williams, Christian's girlfriend at the time is another enigma. There were rumors and articles that she and Jack had an affair and an enraged Christian beat Jack to death. Leila is living in New York now; I find it funny how a poor struggling artist from Boston ended up with a free ride to Parsons in New York and over a million dollars in her bank accounts. But again, Carrick makes things happen.
My apartment is very open, and there are very few walls but this space that is my library is behind a large brick peninsula, my little corner in the world. I am surprised to see it has been surrounded in thick foggy sheets of plastic from floor to ceiling, I guess to keep the construction dust from getting everywhere. I can see the shadow of his body moving around as the sun lights casts his shadow against the plastic. His body, it is for lack of a better word perfection and I often find myself wondering what he looks like underneath is tie and tux or jeans and work boots. I hear the muffled sounds of Otis Redding singing I've Been Loving You and I chuckle because it is so not the music I expected him to listen too. Not by a long shot, he seems like a rock guy or something. But then again in a way, the tortured soul of the blues suits him. It fit his past and his present like a well-worn leather glove.
"What's so funny?" He calls out to me from behind the plastic, I jump surprised and I can't believe he heard me laughing over the music.
"Uh nothing." I manage to mutter out, my cheeks blazing red as I awkwardly push my way through a break in the plastic wall. I trip over a fucking hammer and go flying forward through the air. A moment before I hit the ground I feel his arm wrap around my waist pulling up like a rag doll. It all happens so fast because before I know it my chest is pressed against his and we are both breathless. We stand there for a moment in silence until our breathing is matched and somehow the world feels so small like he and I are the only two people in it. His eyes are their usual grey but from this closeness I can see a hint of navy blue around the edges. He smells of man and sweat and freshly cut wood and I am swooning, literally swooning in his arms.
"Jesus Christ Ana! Are you okay!" His voice is gruff and I am not sure if he is angry or concerned but I know one thing for sure - he is excited because I can feel his mammoth erection pressing into me. Oh my fucking god. He gently tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear and my entire body clenches at his tender touch. My hormones take over as I wiggle my hips against him, and I can hear the wisp of air release from his clenched teeth. I fight this urge to press my lips to his, to take his mouth and then I see Taylor in my head and guilt seeps into this moment. I want to pull away but I can't, I feel tethered to him in such a way that I can't bear to not have his hands on me. I take a deep breath to center myself and I picture him fucking Elena over a washer machine, I let myself drift back to that horrid moment and finally I am able to try and push myself away from him.
"I am fine. I'm fine, really. I fall all the time." He won't let me go; instead he takes a few steps forward, pushing me back until I am pressed against the rough surface of the brick wall, the mortar and grout scratching the exposed skin on my back. His hands are on my shoulders pinning me to the wall as he looks me over.
"You're shaking Ana. Just take a minute and breathe." He finally releases me and I relax against the wall doing my best to inhale and exhale but I am struggling just to do that. "I get now why you are surrounded my so much security, if just to save you from yourself."
I push myself off the wall and stand in front of him on my own two feet trying to reign in a wealth of emotions. I am feeling lust, guilt, pity, fear, anger, sadness, happiness and longing all at the same time and my mind can't catch up with my body. I am thinking about Taylor and how I am totally and completely betraying him with my mind and an overwhelming sadness takes over. I take two deep breaths and center myself, this is not who I am. This is not who I want to be. I pride myself of loyalty and fidelity. It is the basis of everything my father has taught me. I need to shift the way I see Christian and see him the same way I do Elliott or Jose. A friend.
"Very funny. You know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." My attempt at snarky humor sadly does not work. He looks at me with pain etched on his face and I wish I could hear his thoughts.
"Well I am the lowest form of man so I guess that makes perfect sense." The candor in which he speaks is startling. His words burn though me because this is how he really sees himself and I realize all the arrogance and pomp is just a shell. It's all just a way for him to hide and honestly there is so much for this lost soul to hide from. The pity I feel for him must read on my face because he scowls and turns away from me, running his hands though his hair.
"Christian…" I want to reach out and touch him, I want to wrap my arms around him and soothe away his worries, not as a lover but as a friend. I want to somehow reconcile the man I know from the file to the man that stands before me today. He leans against an old metal ladder and to me he looks like a lost child.
"So… The ceilings are much higher than I expected and you have way more books then any one person should have, so I think we can take them up higher and I can build you one of those rolling ladder things. How does that sound?" He turns to be with a forlorn look on his face and suddenly my shelves seem like the furthest things from my mind, I nod absentmindedly.
"You are not the lowest form of man Christian." I speak before I can really think and his expression changes just a bit and I can see the anger swell within him.
"You don't know me Ana. That file you have can't even to begin to cast a light on what I really am." His entire body tightens and he grips the ladder with such intensity that his knuckles go white, I can feel his rage. I sit on the edge of my plastic covered desk and cross my arms against my chest, I am slowly shifting into my CEO mode and I hope it will work because right now I am just on the edge of being scared of him.
"So tell me…" I raise an eyebrow to challenge him and I hope he rises to it. He raises his eyebrow in kind and crosses his arms against his broad chest. I can see him relax but a tiny bit.
"Ana, come on. You hate me, I know you do. I get that I am here because you and Elliott have a cat and mouse thing going on but let's not pretend to be friends."
"First of all I don't hate you, I don't always like you but I don't hate you. And Elliott and I are just friends nothing more, he is love with Kate. And you are here because somehow you knew what I wanted my library to be even before I did. Okay, Elliott asked me to help you out but your plans and ideas were all good ones, really good ones. Had they not been, well you wouldn't be here right now. As far as us being friends, you need one. So… Tell me." He stands there for a moment, and I can tell he is just processing not only what I have just said but me as a person. His face softens and I think I may have gotten through by then he shakes his head, his lips forming a hard line and then his face goes blank and impassive.
"What I need to do is get started, so If you would please leave me to it." He pulls the plastic back, his face neutral the mask is on and there is nothing I can do to separate him from it.
"Fine. Whatever. Crestfallen I jump of the desk and walk past him with my head held high. "You know one day you are going to regret pushing everyone away. I just hope for your sake that a few of them stick around and wait for you."
"Fuck… Ana… Wait." He grabs me by my elbow and spins me around to face him. I am stunned by not only his touch but the speed of his movements. "Look, I just am not used to…I mean, my family cares but strangers caring. It hard for me. And I can't understand why you would even care. I have been such an asshole to you."
"Yeah you have, I have no clue why I care I just do." He looks at me and starts to slowly lean his head down to mine; I can feel his breath on my lips. My whole body is ringing like church bells on a Sunday morning but in the second before our lips touch I turn my head away.
"No, Christian. No. I'm sorry but that… you and me… can't happen. That is not WHY I care. I want us to be friends but no more."
"Because of Elena?"
"No, not really. You need a friend, I am sure there are plenty of people for you to fuck and I am not one of them. And because of me and because I am already in love with someone." He releases my arm and backs away, nodding as he goes.
"Oh, okay. I mean that makes sense. Friends. You would be my first one."
"Well I promise to be gentle."
"So what do "friends" do?" he smirks slightly and cocks his head. An unruly strand of hair falls over his left eye and I literally fight the urge to brush it away.
"We talk… about stuff…"
"Like the stuff that happened in Boston?" Okay, so I was know I was pushing and not being so covert in my quest for knowledge about his past, but it keep me up sometimes wondering what the hell happened.
"You don't have to tell me. I mean I read the file I got the jist but it does not all add up."
"No it doesn't. So who is this person you are in love with?" I froze, fuck. I hate that can't answer honestly and talk about Taylor without any repercussion.
"Wait, person?" He shrugs his shoulder and smiles.
"Mia said that you are very secretive about your private life and that you VP Ros something or other is… well a lesbian. You have been able to resist me so far and honesty that never happens…So…" Holy FUCK, he thinks I am gay! This rumor started years ago with Adina and has followed me around. Not that I really care, but still.
"I am not a lesbian and if I was it would not be a secret. And you are not that hard to resist."
"Ahhh I see… so who is this man you are in love with?"
"None of your damn business."
"Wait, so if you were gay that would not be a secret but the man you are in love with is. Wait is it that Spanish boy from the bar, the one with the redhead?"
"No. He is like a brother."
"Ahhh so unrequited love then."
"Shut up , no it is not José! "
"I think it is… I think you L-O-V-E him…"
"You are such an asshole you know that don't you!"
"Baby, you have no idea."
I hate him, that is it. I mean here I am trying to be a friend, and all he does is tease me for an hour. Stupid jerk. I can hear the buzz of the saw as I get in the tub to get ready for my date with Taylor. I have a few hours but I want to take time and get extra pretty. It feels strange being naked with Christian directly below me. I can feel the vibrations under me and the usually still water quake. I sink in deeper and rest my head against the egg shaped tub gazing up on to the blue sky above me. I wanted the skylight and my father would only allow it if we used bullet proof glass.
My mind drifts and all I can think about is him sliding into the tub with me, watching him as he immerses into the hot water, the feel of his legs brushing against mine. I can see the look on his face, a sly smile and I feel this twitch at my core. I glide my hands up and down the length of my body and imagine they are his, the vibrations beneath me only adding to the effect. My nipples pucker and I moan as I pinch them. I want so badly to lower my hands and touch the places that only Taylor knows. But the guilt of thinking about Christian is overwhelming. Loyalty and Trust, that is all I have and that is what I have to hold on to.
The rest of my bath is uneventful as I fight to keep thoughts of Christian to the back burners of my mind. The sound of the saw stops, and honestly that helped quite a bit. It is almost four and he said he was leaving around then. I can almost feel when he is gone. It is the oddest feeling but I know he has left my apartment. I breathe differently when he is not around, my heart beats at a different pace.
I took my time getting ready. Taking great care with my hair and makeup. I chose this black dress that I know he loves and strappy black heels. I put on this delicate white and black ribbon thong and bra. I know we have been together for months but this is actually out first date. I got back to the apartment a little late and I sat in the kitchen waiting for him. I have been careless with him lately, letting these confused feeling for Christian cloud my heart but I realize what I have in Taylor and that is the most important thing. He is my heart. He is my everything. I remember the night when it all changed. When I begged him to see me as the Ana I was now, not the girl he knew years before. I told him that what I felt for him was real, and that there have been many security guards over the years. All good looking, all young but that he was the only one that made my heart beat faster, he was the one who could make me laugh. I explained that it wasn't a crush, that I had crushes over the years and what I felt for him was different. He was different. All I wanted was a chance. I wanted him to look at me and see ME, Ana who was and what I had become. And he did. He saw me, the first person who ever really did.
I hear his longs strides come up behind me and my heart smiles because despite my unfaithful mind I have missed him greatly. He wraps his arms around my shoulder kissing my neck.
"Darlin' I'm sorry for being late. Soph was upset. She and the ex are not getting along."
"How is she?"
"She's sixteen… that's how she is… If she wasn't my kid I would shoot her." He chuckles and kissed me gently. "Are you ready to go, I made a reservation?" I stand up and he gets a full view of me, a smile spreads across his face. "Damn baby… could you do a little twirl for me?"
I blush but I do as he asks and smile when I hear a long whistle and his tried and true darlin'. He takes my hand in his and leads me to the elevators and the butterflies begin their flight. I want him to kiss me so badly, but I know that he won't. Instead he looks straight until the doors open and he gives me a sideways glance before doing his usual garage security check. For a quick second I forgot that I needed security and it was one of the best seconds of my life. He takes my had once again and instead of taking me to the limo we head towards his truck.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I figured the limo was a bit much…This way you can sit beside me and I can rub your thigh…"
"Perv…"
"You mean dirty old perv… don't cha." I chuckle and slide into the door he has opened for me. AS we drive through the streets of Seattle his hand does find his way to my thigh and my hand finds it way to his. Everything feels so normal, so easy. Why would I want to risk all of this for an asshole… the answer is I don't.
"He made some good progress on the shelves. I see."
"Oh, really. I didn't check yet…"
"You should it did some good work. Sawyer said he was busy all day with it. I don't like that the security cameras are covered with plastic but it makes sense."
"I told you, he is trying to get his life together."
"Yeah, yeah. I still don't trust him, not one bit."
"You don't trust anyone."
"Sugar, I trust you." He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles and then my palm. All I feel is guilty and shame. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Nothing will ever change that." There is something wistful in his voice and I make a solemn vow to wipe my mind of all thoughts of Christian. I will be his friend and nothing more.
"So where are you taking me for our date?"
"You will just have to wait and see."
We drive for a while until we are in the middle of nowhere. The sun is setting as we pull off to a road made of dirt and rocks. There is a clearing and then a lake that is reflecting the early night sky.
"Stay here. I will be right back." Taylor grabs a few things from the back of the truck and I watch as he builds us a fire and then sets up a small table and folding chairs. I am giddy with excitement as he sets out plates and wine, candles and food. He even brought his IPod and I can hear the overture for Tristan and Isolde begins to play.
He opens the door with a huge smile on his face and I can hear the night that surrounds us.
"Who knew a Jarhead from Texas could be so romantic."
"Darling, you have no idea how romantic this night is going to get.
My hands on clutching the seven hundred thread count sheets on my bed. I can feel the sweat drip off my body as my body quakes over and over again. I am sprawled out my legs stretched wide, as Taylor's mouth and tongue ravage me, his long deft fingers weave their way in and out of me and he has no intention of slowing down. My body is stiff, my toes curled and at some point I lost touch with reality. I can't even believe the sounds that are coming out of my mouth, a mix of moans and his name over and over. Taylor is changing the whole game tonight. Everything feels different.
I grip my nails into his shoulders and he looks up at me, but his mouth keeps going.
"Please… I can't…" I can feel the vibration of his chuckle against my sex and that is just enough to push me over the edge as I come again.
"You could and you did." He lies beside me and slides his arm under my neck, wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling me close to him. I snuggle against his chest and kiss the edge of his pec, biting the skin. He growls just a bit, so I do it again only this time closer to his nipple. I reach down and grab his cock and gently begin to stroke it at the base, ignoring the head all together.
"Fuck Ana." I pump him slowly but with a firm pressure until the tip of his cock is a deep dark red. I work my way down his body with nips and kisses and position myself kneeled between his opens legs. I run my fingers through the soft sandy hair on his upper thighs, in small circles. I watch as the veins pop out of his lover abdomen all leading to his tight throbbing cock and I know he needs a release. I touch him with only my mouth, my hands still on his thighs. I coat his tip with the slickness of my tongue and his body jerks at the sensation. I let a pool of sip collect there and then finally drag my hand over him from tip to base. I pump him over and over switching hands back and forth until I feel the dry friction between us. I take in fully in my mouth until I can feel him in the back of my throat; I hum just a little bit and begin to suck dragging my teeth along his shaft. His hands pull at my hair guiding me over him. I grab his balls and give them a sharp tug and I can feel his pre-jack on the back of my tongue. Fueled by this I suck harder and faster, I can feel my spit dripping down my chin and a new wetness begins at my sore core. He comes hard in my mouth and I struggle to swallow the first rope of his orgasm. But I do just in time to conquer the next three. My neck and jaw are aching but the look of supreme satisfaction on his face is like human morphine and I feel no pain, only love.
