"Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen." - John le Carre (1931 - ), "The Chancellor Who Agreed To Play Spy", The New York Times, May 8, 1974
Nothing changed. At least physically. Maura expected to come to a bit of a difference in her home. Angela kept things just the way they were, with the occasion reorganizing of things in alphabetical order. When she opened the door to her home, she almost expected something along the lines of a gathering. Intrusion of some sort. Angela would be in the kitchen, idling her hands because her mind was too busy worrying about Jane or even Maura herself. Jane would be either at work or there watching ESPN and drinking a beer that she shouldn't be having while she's still on call for work. Frankie would be modeling after his older sister because that was what he did. Whatever Jane did, Frankie did. That raised hell when they were teenagers.
The medical examiner took a moment to take in her home. She couldn't believe it'd been three months. Her memory never served her correctly.
"Excuse me, ma'am." The cab driver said, politely, from behind her. Maura moved aside so he could finish helping her carry her bags in. She put Bass down so he could rediscover his old home.
"Thank you." She tipped the cab driver way more than necessary. He thanked her in return then left. Now, she was alone with her thoughts. Her thoughts and a tortoise that was probably on an adventure to unearth the place. The worst part of it was that there was absolutely nothing for her to do. Technically, she was still on sabbatical so she couldn't really go back to work. And Angela did a great job of making sure to clean up behind herself so there wasn't anything for the doctor to clean. She was alone with her thoughts.
Shower. She thought. It suddenly seemed to be the most exciting thing at the moment so a shower was what she would do. She looked at her luggage. Most of it needed to be cleaned. That was also something else she could do when she was done with her shower. She walked the short trip to her bedroom. The vacancy was obvious. Everything had been where she'd left it. Her robe was still on her bed because she hadn't had time to put it back where it belonged. She had been in a rush to get to the precinct to say goodbye to everyone then get to the airport.
She took the robe in her hands. It smelled like her. She was discovering her former self in this room. Who she was before Patrick Doyle was killed. But, also who she was before her safari. She wasn't angry. She spent a lot of time thinking on her trip home. What Jane did was out of training. In Jane's defense, she did think that Maura wanted Doyle out of her life for good. But, it wasn't just that; it was that Patrick Doyle had a gun. He raised it. He pointed it. Jane wouldn't have been able to stop herself. There had been so many instances where Patrick had a gun pointed to Maura. He even had a gun pointed to her little brother, Tommy. All of the anger from that memory, all of the fear just washed ashore in her head. She didn't want to shoot him but she couldn't help but fear that this would be the time he pulled the trigger.
After dealing with the anger and coming the conclusion that if Jane hadn't done it, it would have been Barry. No matter what, he raised a gun to detectives. He was going to die that day. It took a little over twenty-four hours for Maura to come to that analysis. Something that she hoped she would've learned in the three months of her absence. Now, she was just hurt. Hurt that finding her mother won't be impossible just even more difficult. She was hurt that he was gone. The only person that could answer her questions about why she was so different from everyone else. Maura was so deep in thought and revelation that the knock on her bedroom door startled her.
"I'm sorry!" Angela was startled just as well when Maura yelped. "I...I saw your bags." She pointed to the living area. "Are you back?" The question was fully loaded like a gun. Each bullet had a different meaning to it. By 'are you back', Angela meant: are you still upset with Jane? Are you returning to work? How have you been? Where did you go? Please don't tell me you're leaving again? Did you go look for you biological mother? Did you find her?
"For the moment," The honey-blonde dropped the robe back where it had been reserved. "I'm staying for a week or so. I wanted some time to rest before I go to see my mother."
Angela smiled. "So, you found her?"
"Uh," Maura looked at the older woman with a look that said she had no idea what Angela was assuming. "Was she lost?"
The older woman laughed. "No," She shook her head. "I thought when you left...you went to go find your birth mother. So, when you said you were going to see her I thought that you found her."
"No." The doctor gave her a firm nod. "I did not search for her. Not consciously, at least. I searched for myself, really."
"How did that go?" And so the prying began. Jane's mother took a seat right on Maura's bed and patted the spot next to her, inviting her to sit down and begin talking.
Maura took the hint. "I ran into Ian." She paused for a moment, debating on if she should explain she had no plans on actually meeting with him. "He and I traveled together for a month. He actually convinced me to go see my mother."
"How is he?" Angela was still under the impression that Ian was an Australian spy. Maura never had the heart to correct her and Jane thought it wasn't any of her business. So both women agreed that whatever Angela assumed about Ian would be what they went along with.
"He's...fine." She couldn't really answer that truthfully. She settled for what she thought how he was. He had seemed fine. Physically, at least.
"Where did you go?" The questions, just the question from before had been loaded with other questions. A question that summed up all of her other questions and hopefully could answer them all. When Angela asked 'where did you go' what she meant was: Was it exotic? Did you try new things? Have sex with strange men? Was it a city? Town? Forest? But before the good doctor could respond, she heard someone open then close her front door. If she hadn't basically left the house to Angela for the last three months, she would've been terrified. Or offended.
"Ma?" The intruder called out. "Ma, where are you?"
"In here sweetheart." Angela turned to Maura. "We're not done talking. I want to hear all about your experience."
"Maura." The intruder was at her bedroom door now. "Wow, it's good to see you."
"It's good to see you as well, Tommy." The medical examiner stood with the older woman. "How have you been?" She was genuinely interested in how all of the Rizzoli's had been.
"You know..." He shrugged. "Good I guess."
"Well that's good." She smiled. "I guess." She noticed his blush in his cheeks. But, before she could comment on it, Angela was pulling him away from the room.
"The Doc has to get settled in." She excused. "She'll be joining us for dinner, don't you worry." Maura fought to keep back a smile. Just like that, she was accepted back into the family. It wasn't going to be easy to be around all of them but she was glad that all hope wasn't lost. Carrying on with her original plans, the honey-blonde showered. It was a long one. She would feel guilty for it later but it was something she needed. She hadn't had a proper shower in three months. She had wash offs and even baths in lakes and rivers but she hadn't had a real shower in three months. After her incredibly long shower, the doctor started assessing her laundry. When she'd arrived, it'd been noon. She was sure Angela was at work now, otherwise she would call the woman and ask her if she'd like to catch up while she did her laundry. She had nothing to do now. She mindlessly flipped through the television channels. When she passed ESPN, she briefly saw them speaking of the Celtics. She almost smiled but continued to flip mindlessly. Settling on the Food Network, she watched Rachel Ray instruct how to make Pollo e Pasta. At least, that was what Maura only could assume she'd been making. It involved pasta. And it involved chicken. She'd missed the first fifteen minutes of the show.
Time went by quickly. Soon after Rachel Ray, the doctor watched Paula Dean make an incredibly unhealthy but delicious looking meal. After Paula Dean, a few chefs she paid no mind to talked about their meals. It was rearing to four, and Maura found herself asleep on her couch. She hadn't realised she'd fallen asleep until she heard a dog bark. It startled her from her sleep. Joe Friday.
"I'm sorry she woke you." Angela ran her fingers through her hair. "Jane needed me to take her. She said her case just got really interesting."
Curiosity raced through her. "What's it about?" She questioned through a yawn. Surprisingly, Angela understood her. It might have been because of all the practice she had with her own three kids.
"Well, yesterday, a young woman was found." She grimaced at the thought. It was never easy for her to discuss cases. "Then today, another woman was found."
"How are the bodies related?" The doctor asked, stretching out her limbs.
"Oh, they both lived in the same halfway house." Angela looked at her watch. "I only came to drop Joe off. I have to get back to work. Would you like to come down to see everyone?"
Maura thought for a moment. She had nothing to actually do with her time now. She could only wait until Angela and the rest of the Rizzoli's returned for dinner. So, she nodded. A feeling in the pit of her stomach almost startled her. She was going to see Jane. After three months. She was going to see her best friend. Could she even consider Jane her best friend? Of course she could. Three months of distance couldn't destroy years of friendship. One day she would forgive Jane, but until that day arrived, she needed Jane just as much as she needed her before. Actually, she needed her more than she did before.
"So," They were in the car now. The silence had been killing Angela. Maura was actually comfortable with it. "Are you excited to see everyone again?"
The doctor smiled, briefly. She couldn't believe how truthfully she could answer this question and not feel bad about it. "Yes." It wasn't just Jane she was excited to see, because actually the feeling in her stomach made her believe she shouldn't see her. But, she was excited to see Barry and Vince. To see Frankie. To see her interns.
"Good. We all missed you so much." The sincerity was noted. "It's been hard for the detectives to even get a case solved without you. They have Dr. Pike. Once he was in the cafe, and I swear he and Stanley both were cleaning the place up!" Maura let out a shaky laugh. "But they don't just miss your work. They miss you. We all do. Even Jane." There it was again. That wave in her stomach.
"I have this feeling," She started, unsure of how she should explain it. "It's almost like a wave through my stomach. It happens every time you mention Jane. Or every time I think of her. The closer we get to the precinct, the more it happens."
"Butterflies?" Angela guessed with a grin. "Are you nervous about seeing her?" The medical examiner nodded. "Oh, honey. There's nothing to be nervous about. I mean, she's different. You'll notice that when you look at her. But, she's not going to bite your head off or anything." Angela's words didn't bring any ease to the doctor. It wasn't because they didn't help, it was before Maura could respond she noticed Angela entering the precinct garage. The waved rolled then landed once more but another one built up when Angela parked the car.
A few detectives and officers noticed Maura walking from the car. She smiled at them when they welcomed her back. She didn't care enough to tell them that she wasn't officially back yet.
"You're five minutes late, Rizzoli!" Stanley yelled to Angela when they entered the cafe. If looks could kill, Maura wasn't sure who'd be dead by now. Angela or Stanley.
"I'm sorry, sir." She muttered through her clenched teeth. She pulled her apron over her head but decided not to tie it just yet. "Can I get you anything?"
"A coffee would be nice." The doctor tried to stifle a yawn. "I'm still really tired from the trip."
"I'm surprised you don't have jet lag." The older woman smiled as she poured the coffee into a mug.
"Doc?" Maura heard from behind her. "Dr. Maura Isles?" It was Vince. She could tell by the age in his voice. "Boy, is it good to see you!"
She turned around to accept his hug. "It's good to see you too, Vince." She smiled at him. "How are you?" She knew she was in for a lot of pleasantries today. A lot of How Are You's and How Have You Been's.
"A lot better now, I'll tell you that!" Vince smiled. "Does Janie know you're here? I'll go get her!" He pulled away.
Another wave. She pulled on his arm to stop him. "Maybe we shouldn't distract her from her job."
"She could use a distraction." The older man mumbled.
"Excuse me?"
"It's just..." He knew he had to explain now. Jane would kill him later. "Ever since, you know, she's been feeling really guilty. She distracts herself from her feelings by working. She works us a lot harder too. I mean, don't get me wrong, this new found determination is great for the cases. But sometimes you need a break. The only break she gets is if she sleeps. That's, you know, if she sleeps."
Maura looked to Angela then back to Vince. "She's not sleeping well?"
Both of them shook their heads. "Not really." Vince said. "Like I said, she's feeling real guilty Doc. I think you could talk to her, you know? Maybe if you tell her it wasn't her fault, then maybe she could stop feeling sorry for herself. Then she'll stop working us so hard." The doctor felt her heart break for Jane. She never really thought of how all of those would affect the detective. To be honest, she really only thought of herself. But, how could she talk to Jane? She couldn't lie to her and tell she didn't blame her for everything that happened. Even if she didn't want to blame her. Even though she wanted to forgive Jane, she couldn't lie to her and tell she has already when she knows and Jane would know that she hasn't.
"I'll see what I can do." The honey-blonde gave a firm nod.
"Thanks Doc!" His face lit up. It made her feel even more guilty. What if whatever she told Jane didn't work? She would feel like she failed him. "I gotta go but I'll see you around, yeah?"
"For a week, maybe." She tried to get out before he left. He was already gone by the time she got to the last word. Angela nudged at her side.
"Here." She handed the coffee to the younger woman. "You're definitely going to need this. These men are like little boys when it comes to you. Barry is going to be ten times worse."
"How do you think Jane will be?" This was a question that Angela herself couldn't answer. Normally when Maura came around, Jane was always excited. But, after disappearing for three months and three months of guilt, no one was able to guess the reaction from the detective. No one really wanted to guess what reaction was to come. They all feared it.
While Maura and Angela caught up – and Maura tried to keep the attention focused on the older woman – Jane had been down in the morgue with Dr. Pike. Bored to death the notes he'd been going over. She asked a simple question: What was the time of death? The man decided to recite the entire file to her.
"Detective," He said, stopping momentarily after she heaved a heavy sigh. "Could you not sit on my equipment?" She'd been swinging her legs and keeping her patience under wraps as she sat on the other autopsy table across from him. She couldn't help but think that Maura never cared where she sat. Maura. The detective's heart fluttered again at the thought of her best friend. Earlier in the morning, when she'd woken up, she wrote another letter to her. A letter she would never be able to send. Not because she didn't want to but because she had no idea where Maura was. She didn't even know if Maura was alive. She'd quickly vanished that thought from her mind, but not before it brought tears to her eyes.
"Sorry," She slid off the table, not having to land too far to the ground.
"You're not going to believe this," Barry said from the entrance of the morgue. "We have another body."
"We've lost Keisha and Gail." Jane sighed. "Who else?" Stomping behind her partner. She didn't even feel bad about walking out on Dr. Pike as he was talking.
"Victoria." He turned after pressing the button for the elevator. "Korsak wanted me to meet him in the lab but that's when he got the call."
"Where was she found?" The brunette questioned, disbelivevingly. She didn't know how the perp was getting to all of these women but she knew they had to act fast to protect the rest. When Barry gave her a look, she realised she already knew the answer to her question. "The house?"
He nodded. "She was found in the shower."
"This has to be an inside job." She walked into the elevator. "How could anyone get into the house without someone noticing? Did you get the results for the background check for all of the staff?"
"I got the guards, I'm still waiting for the housecleaning and others." He looked down to his feet. "Uh, Korak told me something. I'm not sure if he was just screwing with me or if it's true..."
"What did he tell you?" She looked at him. "If it's something about dead bodies, I swear to God I'm going to punch that man. He needs to stop hassling you. Just because you're not entirely comfortable around dead bodies doesn't make you any less of a good detective than me or him." Her rambling had filled most of the elevator ride. So when Barry was ready to reveal what Vince had really said, it was too late. The elevator doors opened. There she was. Maura Isles. Getting ready to go down to the morgue. At first, Jane had thought her mind were playing tricks on her so she didn't take it seriously. But, she looked back at Maura again.
"Jane." Maura's voice was soft. A lot softer than Jane remembered. She looked tanner. She lacked make-up but she was still breathtakingly beautiful.
"M-Maura..." The detective was at a loss for words. When she stepped out of the elevator, she fought the urge to touch the woman to see if she was real. "What are you doing here?"
"Son of a gun, he wasn't lying." Barry's face was taken over by a grin that stretched from earlobe to earlobe. "Are you back?" He asked, pulling the doctor into a hug. "It's so good to see you're alive."
"Why wouldn't I be?" Maura asked, disregarding their questions.
"You've been gone so long without a word, Doc." He was oblivious to her tone. "So, are you back? Of course you're back. It's so nice to see you!" His smile was firm, proving it wasn't going anywhere any time soon. "I bet you were going down there to tell Dr. Pike to take a hike, huh? Well, Jane and I can give you a ride to the crime scene."
"Actually," The medical examiner started but she was interrupted by her eyes. She'd glanced at Jane. The brunette was skinnier than she remembered. Unhealthily skinny. The bags under her eyes proved Angela and Vince right, Jane hadn't been getting any sleep. Her hair was pulled lazily into a ponytail.
"We should get going." Barry said, suddenly. Jane looked at him, he'd been the one holding them up. But, far behind Barry had been their Lieutenant. She nodded, although she wanted nothing more than to talk to Maura. To apologise for everything.
"I'll see you tonight, Jane." The doctor turned to press the button for the elevator.
"Tonight?" She asked, while Barry pulled at her arm.
"What are you still doing here?" Lieutenant Cavanaugh asked. "Rizzoli, there better be a good ass reason why you're not rushing over to that halfway house." He hadn't noticed Maura yet and Jane was kind of glad for that.
"Sorry, Loo." She sighed. She stalked off with Barry. But she couldn't shake those words from Maura. Tonight? When did she plan on seeing Maura tonight? There was Angela's Sunday dinner but she never went to those anymore. She never felt like she belonged anymore. Did Maura think she would see Jane there? Did that mean now she had to go because of Maura's expectations? All of this confused Jane to no bounds. She sighed again before getting into detective mode. Now her attention belonged to her latest victim. Victoria.
A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews and personal messages to keep me writing. I forgot to address that. If you haven't received a reply from me it's because you rendered me speechless. Anyways, I thought I'd answer a review or two.
From Chesteroonie: I want to be hanging on every word, but I'm not. So much info about characters we don't know nor care about, I hope it picks up soon and gets rollin.
To Chesteroonie: I know it starts off a bit slow. The next few chapters will definitely start to pick up since the two are back in each other's lives and such. I'll definitely start transforming them into Rizzles soon.
From Dallas: hi... its me again.. thx for updating and replying my review... well sounds like you have everything planed for us already... i trust you with this story to be absolutely good.. oh i have a question... even though it was an accident for maura to run into ian.. but there is nothing going on with them right? sort of like just friend? (not with benefit though hahhahaha)... well keep writing.. cant wait for the next chapter...
To Dallas: No, there's nothing going on with Maura and Ian. I will bring him back but there is definitely going on with them.
From Unzipme: Just found your story and wanted to let you know i love it so far! I really like it all - please continue!
To Unzipme: Thank you! I love the support.
So, here's where the story actually starts to pick up and I get the ball rolling with the two. Thanks for sticking with me. Also, if you're an Experiences reader, I posted a new chapter! I'll post my new chapter of Cold Wind as soon as I get on again tomorrow.
