Guilt
For so long Mattie had felt numbed by guilt. All the lost souls… too many, and it was her fault. Some days anger tended to get the better of her, but on each occasion her mother had talked her down. No, she could not admit to what she'd done. So many reasons not to. But still, Mattie had wanted to… and maybe she even still did. It was the right thing to do, surely?
But with Leo awoken from his coma life held a shine to her again. To see him breathe, talk, and glance at her ignited what she'd missed in her heart. Worse, he called her out in an almost blunt honesty of someone who sought himself.
Leo made her feel and breathe again too. Less than a day spent together, and he was closer to her than anyone else had been for a while. With him she could not hide her needs.
In his naked skin Mattie saw her vulnerability reflected. His physical scar reminded her of the one torn into her mind. They were both not without blame… but here in her room, on her bed and in his arms she felt at peace for a while.
And as he slept she watched over him. Maybe if they stayed together they could both find their way to a future which made sense again. One where humans and synths did not die every day? Or where self-forgiveness did not seem quite so impossible anymore?
