Disclaimer: Man, I hope no one's used this idea already... No, I don't own anything to do with 'Xiaolin Showdown'. I only own the people who aren't in the show, duh! I also own Dumbasso the Clown (you'll see). Oh, and being busy and forgetful SUCKS!
LONG STUPID CHAPTER ALERT!
--
Part I
A Day at the County Fair
"A fair."
"Yay."
"Oh, what fun."
Kimiko looked over her shoulder and glared at Raimundo, Jack, and Chase. "Will you three stop whining!"
Wuya also scowled at them. "Yeah! It's getting really annoying!"
It all started with boredom. No Shen Gong Wu revealed itself that day. Jack didn't feel like working on any robots today. Chase didn't feel like meditating either. Hannibal Bean was off wreaking havoc and destruction somewhere, but the Xiaolin Warriors didn't feel like going after him. So, they agreed to go to a county fair ('they' meaning 'Kimiko and Wuya' of course).
Omi and Clay were eager to go.
Raimundo and Chase were literally dragged there. At least Jack, who also didn't really want to go, went with them reasonably willingly, deciding he had nothing better to do.
So, here they were on this sunny, cloudless, summer day, at the fair.
(A/N: Yuck. I prefer cloudy, rainy, autumn days. Don't you?)
Clay looked around, then perked up when he saw the thing he was looking for. He went over to where Omi was standing, staring up at a tall roller coaster and tapped his shoulder. "Omi partner! I found the petting zoo!"
Omi raised an eyebrow. "What is this 'petting zoo' that you speak of?"
Clay explains it to him.
"YOU GET TO PET ANIMALS!" Omi screamed then darted with Clay to a fenced off area.
Wuya spotted the Tunnel of Love and grabbed hold of Chase's arm, trying to pull him over to it. "Come on, Chase!"
"He's not going with you, Wuya." Apparently Jack had seen the Tunnel and was currently clinging to Chase's other arm. "He's going with me!"
Wuya smirks at the goth. "Well, Chase isn't gay!" She yanks on Chase's arm her way.
Jack growls at the Heylin Witch. "Chase would never want to go in there with you, though!" He yanks on Chase's arm his way.
It wasn't long before there was a Chase-Tug-of-War between the two redheads.
"Let. Go. Of. Me. NOW."
Wuya and Jack instantly let go of Chase at the harsh sound in his voice that meant 'I will kill you and ENJOY IT'. He was in a bad mood already and he could be VERY scary when he's angry.
Raimundo snickered at that, then his stomach rumbled loudly. "Hey, I'm hungry."
"Wow. We never would've guessed." Kimiko takes out some money from her purse, counting it. "I have $50 dollars. What do you guys have?"
Chase Young, Wuya, and Rai dug into their pockets and other places, taking out their money.
Chase had $2.
Wuya had $10.
Rai had 3 cents.
They all look expectantly at Jack, who just stared back. "What?"
"Whatcha got?" Kim asked.
Jack digs through his pockets, taking out... "...Do bits of string count?"
Chase slapped a hand to his forehead and sighed roughly. "If you knew you were coming here, why didn't you bring money?"
"I'm poor!"
"But I thought you were rich!" Raimundo shouted. "You live in a mansion and all!"
Jack shrugs. "Doesn't mean I'm rich." He stuffs his hands into his trenchcoat pockets and looks away.
"So, we have $62 and 3 cents." The Dragon of Fire says after counting the money in her hands.
Wuya stops her from saying anything else, snatching her money back from the way younger girl. "I'm keeping my $10."
Kimiko sighs. "Fine. Make that $52.03. I guess that'll be enough to get us all something to eat and play a few games."
So, they split up. Kimiko went off to the arcade area, Wuya decided to wander around, and Raimundo left with Chase and Jack to get some expensive food.
--
WITH OMI AND CLAY...
In the petting zoo, Omi and Clay were petting many animals. Omi kept pointing at everything screaming "OOH! Look at that! No! Look at that!". Clay just smiled and had to keep telling everyone that this was Omi's first time at a county fair. He was just about to tell another person that when he heard his bald-headed friend screaming in fear.
"Omi! What's wrong?"
"S-SQUIRREL!"
--
WITH WUYA...
The Heylin Witch was wandering around with no specific destination in mind.
She saw many interesting sights in just the 10 minutes of walking. She saw many rides, one consisting of making a long car-like thing to speed around a giant metal ring that seemed to stand on its side. She found a clown sitting above a tank full of dirty water holding a microphone, insulting people. On the side of the tank was a target and people were throwing baseballs at it. Wuya didn't understand the concept of that game, so she decided to keep walking.
She was about to go look for Chase when the ferris wheel caught her eye. She rushed up to it and stared upwards, tilting her head back as far as her neck would allow. Wuya had never seen such a structure. She heard screaming coming from the top when the giant wheel stopped and started wondering whether or not it was some sort of modern day torture device...
"Hey, old hag!"
That particular comment snapped Wuya out of her thoughts of putting Jack at the top of "The Ferris Wheel of Doom". She narrowed her eyes and looked around angrily for the person who had dared to say it.
"Over here, genius!"
It was the insulting clown over the tank of water. Wuya glowered at him and began storming through the crowd of people that were now staring at her, murmering among themselves.
Wuya stopped in front of the insulting-game and fixed "Dumbasso" with a piercing look. "What did you say to me?"
Dumbasso sneered at her. "You, doofus."
"Ooh!" everyone says.
Wuya screeched and was about to climb up the ramp toward Dumbasso to beat the crap out of him, but man that worked there stopped her.
"Whoa whoa whoa! You gotta pay first, lady." he explained to her.
Wuya didn't say anything and merely scowled at him. She still wasn't accustomed to the way this current period of time worked. Back in her day, if someone insulted a Heylin Witch, their fate was sealed at the first word.
But, knowing that if she did what she wanted to do now would send her to prison (she learned it was NOT a fun place to be after the bus incident), she sighed and climbed down from ramp. "Fine. How much do I have to pay to beat the living daylights out of him?"
"$1 per try."
Wuya smirked. "I believe I will only require one try." She held out a dollar to the man. Then she started rolling her sleeves up, green magic pooling from around her hands. (A/N: She has her powers in this chapter.) She stopped when the man held out a baseball to her. "What's the meaning of this?"
"You're supposed to throw the ball at that target," the man explains, pointing to the target. "If you hit it, you win and the clown will fall into the sewage water."
Wuya's shoulders drooped. "That's all that happens?"
"Yup."
"Boy, she's the one they should call 'Dumbasso'!" the stupid clown shouted.
That did it. Even if he wouldn't die, Wuya was thirsty for revenge. So, she snatched the baseball from the man and cocked her arm back.
"Stand back."
--
WITH RAIMUNDO, JACK, AND CHASE...
The three men that didn't want to come here were currently standing in line for food and have been for well over 20 minutes. Some stupid guy was being indecisive about what to order and it appeared that the line wasn't going to move any time soon. To make things worse, Rai and the two villains were about 10th in line.
The Dragon of Wind was getting more and more pissed off by the second. "DECIDE ALREADY, YOU BASTARD!"
Jack looked at him. "So, your censor wore off, too?"
Rai nodds. "Yeah. HURRY UP, DAMMIT!"
Jack starts pouting, folding his arms. "Chase's wears off. Wuya's wears off. Ashley's wears off. But does mine wear off? (BUCKA!) NO!"
Almost instinctively, everyone in and around the line searched for the chicken that might have escaped from the petting zoo.
"Ah! I know!" the guy at the front of the line says, snapping his fingers. "I'll take some chicken fingers." He leaves with his order and they were all one step closer to getting some food...
Only for the next person to have a family of nine bratty, snot-nosed little kids.
Everyone behind them groans and Rai blows up, along with a few others. They were hungry and all the other food stands had lines miles long! This line was the shortest!
Chase was getting impatient with the waiting and getting annoyed as Jack kept saying stuff under his breath and Raimundo kept cursing out the people in front.
"I've had just about enough of this nonsense."
He grabbed Raimundo and Spicer's sleeves and dragged them through the line, forcing people to get out of their way, earning a few "no cutting" comments which were ignored. He stopped at the front of the line, let go of the boys' sleeves, and turned towards the children that were in the original ordering person's group.
Chase knelt down and gave the little kids a rarely seen cheerful smile. It scared Rai and Jack to no end. "Hello there, kiddies. Wanna play?"
Those poor unsuspecting children were bored, so they walked right into Chase Young's trap and all shouted, smiling, "Sure!"
Chase's smile turned into a wicked grin. "Okay." He transformed into his lizard demon form, still grinning, just with a mouthful of razor-sharp teeth. "Play with me."
Everyone (except Raimundo and Jack) screamed and ran in a panic as Lizard-Chase roared. By the time it was over, the area around the food stand was empty, though areas nearby were in a frantic effort to get through the now horrible traffic to lock themselves safely in their homes from an evil lizard thing. Chase laughed and morphed back into his human form.
"Well, that was fun." The evil warrior then turned around and began reading the menu, ignoring the cowering woman inside the cart where the food was made.
Raimundo was celebrating. "Alright! Go Chase!"
Jack was completely in awe. Oh, I love how Chase Young handles long lines..., he thought, staring dreamily at his evil hero. You could practically see the hearts in his eyes. He's so awesome...
Once they all decided what to get, the area was already as busy as it was before the Lizard-Chase issue (they took advantageof the large amount of parking space). Now, people were cursing at them, though they were doing it on purpose to annoy the people, making them suffer through what they had to go through.
The woman in the cart-stand thing was a lot calmer, though she was still afraid of the man in armor. "Are you ready to order now?"
"I'll take a beef and bean burrito with a Mountain Dew." Rai orders.
"I'll have two double hamburgers, an extra large cheese fries, and a large lemon ice." says the Evil Boy Genius.
"...A-and y-y-you, si-sir?" the now shaking woman asked Chase, who was still looking at the menu.
Young then looks at the lady. "What's a hotdog?"
No one answered that. Instead, they started laughing histerically, even the nerdy food-woman.
Jack gawked at him. "You've been alive how long and you have no idea what a hotdog is?"
Raimundo was too busy laughing to say anything.
Chase was looking around confused. "What? I've never had one!"
The redheaded goth puts a hand on Chase's shoulder. "Maybe you should get something else?"
The older man sighed and looks at the menu again, then back at the woman. "Then what's a funnel cake?"
The girl seemed more calm now that the man had unintentionally made her laugh. "Well, it's some batter that's deep-fried in oil and we smother it in your choice of cinnamon, powdered sugar, or both."
Jack and Raimundo's eyes eyes widened at the words "cinnamon, powdered sugar, or both". They already saw what happened the last time Chase had a lot of sugar in one sitting.
"I'll take the funnel cake, then."
"NO!" the two boys screamed.
"Cinnamon, sugar, or both?"
"Both, please."
"GASP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jack screamed. He didn't want to know what happened if Chase Young had both at the same time!
The woman ignores Jack and punches in numbers on the register. "That'll be $21.47."
Since Jack was too busy screaming at Chase not to get the funnel cake, Raimundo reached into Jack's pocket (Jack: GAH! BOUNDARIES!) and took out the ten andtwenty dollar bills Kimiko had given them to spend. With only the thought of filling his stomach with fatty food, he handed over the money to the woman, stuffing the change into his own pocket when she gave it back.
Jack was still trying to convince Chase not to get the funnel cake. "It'll be covered in greasy, fatty crud and the weight will go straight to your perfect, muscular thighs!"
Chase's eyes widened and riveted to Jack, who was frantically waving his arms. "How would you know what my thighs look like, Spicer?"
Jack blushed as he realized what he just said. He turned away, scolding himself for saying something so stupid.
Chase rose an amused eyebrow at this interesting display. It wasn't until he felt Raimundo's presence getting farther and farther away that he realized he was making off with his food. He ran after him, leaving the still embarrassed Jack Spicer.
Jack looked behind him and squeaked when he saw Chase's handsome form disappearing into the crowd and he hurried to follow him.
As the three men ate under a tent where a band was playing (Chase kept eating Jack's cheese fries), it wasn't long before everything was eaten except the funnel cake. Every time Chase made a move to get a piece, Jack would make a noise or say something to distract him from doing it. Raimundo kept cracking up every time.
Chase: (reaching for funnel cake)
Jack: Fatty.
Chase: (stops, looks at Jack. ...reaching...)
Jack: Thighs.
Chase: (stops, glares at Jack. ...reaching...)
Jack: Piggy.
Chase: (stops, growls. ...reaching...)
Jack: Oink oink.
Chase pounds the table, snarling. "Will you stop it!"
Jack stands up, also slamming his palms to the table. "Excuse me for worrying about your physical health!"
"Why would you care, Spicer!"
Raimundo gives Chase a sly look. "You haven't figured it out yet, have you?"
Jack points a menacing finger at Raimundo. "DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!"
Chase took the chance to quickly grab the funnel cake and put it into--
"CHASE! NO!"
"Oof!"
Jack sitting on top of Chase's chest, holding the funnel cake high in the air.
"Spicer, why did you glomp me!"
"It was for your own good!"
Before Chase could reach up and strangle him, Jack jumped off of him and took off with the funnel cake. Chase rose to his feet and bolted after him. Raimundo threw away his food remains and also raced after them.
--
WITH KIMIKO...
Kimiko was on a winning streak on the Soul Calibur arcade game. She kept on beating kid after kid after kid, winning whatever tokens they had left, allowing her to play more games. The Japanese Dragon of Fire was just about to beat another kid when she heard girly screaming coming from outside. She glanced out of the tent, a costly mistake that led the kid to defeating her finally. But it was worth it.
She just saw Jack screaming as he ran with the sugary goodness of a funnel cake and Chase was chasing him. Kimiko pocketed the tickets she won from other games and ran outside, ramming into Raimundo.
"Raimundo, what's going on! Who in their right mind would let Chase Young near sugar!" Kim asked angrily.
"Long story! We can't let Chase eat that funnel cake! It has both sugar and cinnamon!"
--
WITH WUYA AGAIN...
Wuya was strangling Dumbasso and trying to drown him by keeping his head under the water, people cheering her on. She was momentarily distracted when she saw Jack running away from Chase, closely followed by Raimundo and Kimiko.
Kimiko stops, panting. "Wuya! Change of plans! We have to keep that funnel cake away from Chase!"
With a sigh, she drops Dumbasso into the water and walks through the hole shecreated in the metal fencing that was around where he sat; she had missed all ten of her tries and resorted to trying to kill Dumbasso, not caring whether or not she went to prison again. She turns back to see him spluttering, his make-up everywhere. "I'll be right back."
--
IN THE PETTING ZOO...
It was pure chaos in the petting zoo. Omi was being attacked by squirrels everywhere, the poor Dragon of Water running around desperately, screaming his head off. Although, he wasn't the only one screaming.
"COMIN' THROUGH!"
Omi paused in his panic. "Jack Spicer?"
Clay, who was trying to help Omi from the squirrels, stopped and saw that Jack was trying to keep some sugar food stuff away from Chase Young, who was hounding him.
"SPICER! GET BACK HERE, DAMMIT!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
When the two male villains, closely followed by Wind, Fire, and Wuya, left the petting zoo area, Clay and Omi ran after them, the squirrels also chasing them.
And so, Jack led them all through the county fair, Chase knocking almost every attraction and tent and shop in his way. He was hungry! It seemed that Jack would never stop running, despite the lack of air in his lungs and the cramp in his side.
Which is why it surprised everyone when he suddenly stopped, everyone slamming into his back as they tried to stop themselves. That caused him to send the funnel cake flying, right into a nearby horse's mouth.
They all looked at the tent that Jack had stopped in front of.
--
Ooh... Long chapter AND cliff hanger! Personally, I think this idea is just plain stupid, but it was stuck in my head for so long...
