Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the reviews! Sorry it took so long for this chapter, I was debating this chapter for awhile. Anyways, here it is!


September 27, 1976

Dear Lily,

You are sitting in front of me with your hair tied back in a ponytail, but, as usually, out of the hair tie it slips in curls, eurhyrthmically shaped like singular waves all reaching the same beach at the same time. I want so terribly to reach out and touch your hair, to cacoon myself in your waves, and oh my Merlin I sound insane.

Never mind that, dear. I just enjoy your hair a lot. Have I ever told you that the moment I saw you I knew there was something so ingeniously magical about you, and for three years I thought it was the hair. I mean, I had seen red heads before, but you were the only one I ever knew, plus the only girl whoever challenged me. That's silly to chase after, but you intrigued me to no end, with your sarcasm and short attitude, and let's not forget the hair, that bloody hair like fire dribbling down your neck like a faucet, streams and ribbons of beautiful cerise touching your skin. And for those three years I wondered if perhaps your ability to go against me, your interest in calling me "arrogant" and a "sexist pig" was fueled by the flames of your hair, like your locks stored this strange strength against me and only me.

Which is why first year I pulled on your ponytail in the Great Hall one day just to see what happened. You know how I was (yet you think that should be present tense) always causing mischief and aggravating people. Granted, we had only known each other for a month or so, but I'm certain my first impression wasn't the greatest. So when I wrapped your tail in my fist and pulled lightly, a glint in my eye as I ran back to Sirius, taking long strides as if I thought that would help. And you turned to look at me, the perfect explanation of disgust on your face. I grinned sheepishly, and with a shake of your head you stuck your tongue out at me, not in a flirtatious way, but in a way that said, "I think you're an idiot." And damn, I was smitten.

Then second year came around and I thought that if your hair wasn't red anymore, perhaps you wouldn't hate me so easily (I was exceptionally intelligent back then, right?). So Sirius and I dyed your hair brown one morning. So you could have hair like me. Sirius wanted to dye it purple or some outlandish colour (especially since the day before you snitched on him in Potions), but I denied him countless times. I just wanted to know what you looked like if we were equals, and to see if you were prettier as a brunette (and if you ever ask me later I will tell you of your adorableness, but honestly it was horrendous. I could not believe how deeply it made me cringe to not see you with red hair). And maybe I thought purple would only make you even angrier than red already did (like I said. I was an intellectual). So when you grabbed my hair at breakfast and pulled me down so you could shave part of it off, I realized perhaps the colour of your hair didn't matter at all. Perhaps you really didn't like me, not one bit.

But I was impertinent. Third year, after getting enough courage to look you in the eye without smirking, I went to your table at the library, your face hair covering the book you read, as, on that day, you decided perhaps a ponytail wasn't the best choice and damn you were right, damn whichever way you wore your hair was always right. So I sat in front of you, and I'm certain you knew it was me, but you did not move, perhaps hoping I would walk away. So I asked. "Is your hair the reason you're always angry at me, you know, being red and all, or is there another reason?"

You glanced at me with amazed annoyance and said, "The reason I'm always angry at you is because you are you. Now sod off."

With that you shut you book, picked up your bag, and turned away, taking my heart with you.

And now here I am, wanting so desperately to reach out and touch your hair, to run my fingers through your waves and pretend I am in an ocean of your entire being, intertwining myself with your very soul that courses through veins of red coils. I don't know why today this desire is so radiantly strong, but I need it, I want it, I even want you to turn around and swat my hand away, your eyes narrowed, those emeralds lost within your anger. I don't even care, I don't, I just want you to know I exist and -

Remus just pulled my hand back that was almost touching your hair. Shoot, I didn't even notice I had moved. He looked at me with a warning head shake, mouthing do not be an idiot today. The Bastard was always right.

Lucky for me, moments after our little exchange, you turned to your left, taking out a piece of parchment and handing it to Marlene with a swift smile. Your cheeks scrunched and the tip of your nose crinkled slightly. And, with your lips parted slightly, you murmured something I could not hear, a minuscule chuckle escaping from your breath, like little drops of amber slipping from your tongue. You held an aroma of Autumn and Vanilla, the very aromas I remembered from my amortentia last year.

And it was then I formally realized I am deeply, completely in love with you.

I don't know why it took so long to feel it, to see it sitting there in front of me in History of Magic, a careless smile gracing your lips. Perhaps it had always been there, lighting my nights and crossing into my dreams. Perhaps I should have noticed years ago, months, weeks, days, I don't know, but here it was, at the most everyday time. Isn't the moment when you fall in love supposed to be epic and dramatic beyond belief, like two people kissing in the rain? I always thought that was real love.

But I realized something. Perhaps love was just the everyday. Waking up next to someone beautiful and smiling, teaching the other person a charms spell she didn't understand, looking at her across the Great Hall and understanding, as she licks her lips upon seeing treacle tart which she so deeply loves, that you as well have found something (someone) you love. It was normal, it was odd, it was simple, but it was so magical. And I loved it.

You must have noticed my eyes boring into you because you glanced at me, apprehension filling your eyes. "Something wrong, Potter?"

Twenty days had passed since you last spoke to me, and damn I missed the way "Potter" fell of your tongue, even when it was filled with malice. But in this moment, your thoughts were fragile, your words nervous. Of course, you assumed I was going to ask you out again, it had been more than long enough - and Merlin know's I've been itching to do it. And with this new understanding, perhaps, maybe, I could show you how deeply I love you, and, finally, you'd understand everything, you'd want to say yes, finally I'd win you over.

But.

But there lay a part of me that was completely ridden with fear, with longing for you, but also with a such a fear that you would not long for me back. Was this possible? For once in my life I honestly feared you would not reciprocate, and that instead I'd dissolve slowly, my entire being breaking because even with all of my emotions laid out, you would not feel as I feel. I didn't want that, not now, not ever. I couldn't let you hurt me now.

I shook my head quickly, twisting my neck back to my paper, making sure I could not see your face at all. My neck burned, a blush creeping up slowly. Even when I knew you had turned around did I raise my head, earning a raised eyebrow from Remus. I didn't say anything, I just waited for the warmth to recede, hoping it would take my love as well.

Oh shit. This could be a problem.

Love,

James


Please read and review! It would mean so much to me, and make me want to update quicker.

-St. Walker