The story continues... hopefully this helps a bit. Everything will start making more sense as the story progresses. Thank you all for your feedback; especially Funkyshaz57 for going into a little more detail;) feeback is loved!
"So what did Addison say to you? Are we going to be making a trip to LA anytime soon?" Arizona and Callie sat at their usual table for lunch. Everyone else had gotten delayed or pulled into a last minute surgery and had been unable to join the couple for lunch. Arizona had taken the opportunity to ask Callie about their plans.
"No. She wants me to get some more labs done. She's been having some problems down there; so if there is anything, she said she'd come up instead. I think she just wants a break from everything that's going. I think it's better anyway, don't you? We don't have to worry about rearranging surgical schedules, and she can come and spend a few days with us. It's a win-win. I told her she could stay with us…" Callie finished hesitantly. She'd not consulted this with her wife before extending the invite and she knew one of Arizona's pet peeves was having something throw her schedule and life off balance. She waited a few seconds. Arizona seemed to be distracted; either that or she hadn't liked the news she'd just received. "I can make accommodations for her at the Archfield if it's a problem…" Callie began again.
"Of course she can stay with us. Our friends are always welcome in our home Calliope. The guest room is always ready. I'm sorry I didn't answer right away; I was just thinking about something." Arizona absentmindedly picked at her salad.
"You've been quiet for the last few days Ari. What's going on?" Callie asked, her face filled with worry.
"It's nothing Calliope."
"No, don't do that. It's not nothing. I'm your wife Arizona. Why won't you tell me what's going on?"
Arizona remained silent, not knowing where to begin.
"Does this have to do with the nightmares you've been having?"
Arizona's head snapped up. "You know about them?"
"I know of them. You've been restless, thrashing around in your sleep. I've not wanted to wake you, but you seem to calm down once I put my arms around you. What's going on Ari? What are your nightmares about?"
Arizona was completely shocked. She'd no idea the commotion she'd been causing. Normally when either of them had nightmares, they would wake the other and either talk about it or try to get them back to sleep. She'd not wanted to wake Callie; she didn't want her to know what her nightmares had been about. "I'm sorry Callie, I can't talk about them. It hurts to think about them. Can we just please leave this alone? It's nothing. I'm sure they'll go away. I'm sorry I've been waking you; I didn't know I was doing it."
"I'm not worried about you waking me; I'm worried about what you aren't telling me. Please baby, talk to me. We can work through anything together."
Arizona sat quietly for a few seconds; internally debating whether or not to share with her wife the nightmares she'd been having. It had been the same one, over and over for the past week. On one hand, she desperately wanted to tell Callie of the thoughts that had been tormenting her for the last few nights. They'd been apart before, and the idea of losing Callie again was breaking her apart. The other part didn't make any sense to her. They were together, happily married, trying to get pregnant. Their relationship had never been better. She couldn't find an explanation to the dreams, and they scared her. She knew Callie was worried about her, and now her silence was beginning to cause problems between them. Arizona couldn't decide which was worse: having Callie be mad at her for not telling her of her troubled thoughts or freaking her out with the nightmares she was having. She knew if she told Callie of the dreams, old demons would come back to haunt them. Thinking about it for a few more seconds, she made her decision. She reached over and took Callie's hands in her own.
"Calliope… you know that I love you. I love you and trust you with all of my heart. I know you're worried, but I'm telling you: I'm going to be alright. I'm asking you to trust me; please? I can't talk about what's going on right now. I need to figure it out, and I don't want to worry you about it. I've been thinking about making an appointment with Dr. Wyatt and getting some feedback from her. I'll get some help, and maybe she can help me deal with this, and find a way to let you in on it too, ok? I need you to trust me baby…"
"Arizona, you're scaring me…"
"I'm sorry, that is the last thing I want to do. Everything is alright. I've just had dreams in the past that have bothered me. They've marked me in a way, and I never dealt with them. I realize now that I have to face them. I've never told anyone about them, ever. It's not because I don't trust you, it because I don't want to overwhelm you. I promise you, once I can get a handle on them, we'll talk about them, ok?" Arizona tried to make eye contact, but Callie refused to look at her.
"Are you leaving again?" Callie couldn't bear to look up, afraid of the answer.
"Callie, baby, look at me."
Nothing. Arizona put her hand beneath Callie's chin and gently pushed her head up, forcing her to make eye contact.
"Listen to me. I am not going anywhere. I love you. I meant what I said. I'm in this for the long run. I want you to be the last person I see at night and the first I see when I wake up. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You're my soul mate, and I can't picture my life without you in it. Any decision I make about my future, our future, will not be made without your input and agreement first, ok?"
Callie gave her a weak smile. "Ok."
"I hope you can understand that I need to do this alone. Please understand that I'm doing it this way because I think it's best for both of us. Can you trust me with that?"
"Yes Ari, I trust you. Make the appointment with Dr. Wyatt. If you want me to attend a session with you at any time, just let me know."
Arizona leaned over and gave Callie a quick, soft kiss on the lips. She wrapped both of Callie's hands in hers, and laid her head on them. "I love you Calliope. Never doubt that."
