7 Gunshots and Kinky Boots

"Of course," Alex complained, "when we announce we're going on a mission to save the greatest agents in the ministry, Mother blows a gasket and locks us in our rooms."

"But you got out," I pointed out. "Otherwise, the two of you would still be in your own rooms and I'd be in here all by myself."

"This is because we took the macaroons," Ayla said. She reached under my bed and pulled out one of the boxes of cookies. "Macaroon, anyone?"

I pulled out the multi-purpose mystery gadget. "Over 900 uses," I murmured. "How can it help us now? My parents are being held prisoner in New York, and I'm just sitting here, doing nothing!"

"Mother said he would get some of other agents to rescue them," Alex said, accepting a macaroon from his sister. "Bullshit."

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

Ayla licked her fingers and lay back on my bed. "Because all the agents capable of going there have already gone, and haven't come back. Why else would your parents have had to go?"

"What was the mission, anyways?" Alex said, staring at the ceiling. "I don't think I ever heard what it really was."

They looked at me expectantly. I blinked. "What, you think I know what the mission is? I didn't even know about this until a few days ago," I said.

"Then let's ask Nancy," Ayla announced. She swung her legs off the bed and went to the wall, where she knocked loudly. "Nancy?" she called. "Come over here, we need to talk to you."

"Ayla? What are you doing in Emery's room?" Nancy replied.

"Mixing drugs. You coming or what?"

We heard Nancy practically fall out of her bed at Ayla's words and sprint over to my room as fast as she could. She yanked the door open, looking flustered. "You're doing what?" she cried.

"Good, you're here," Alex said. "What was the mission Mr. Steed went on?"

Nancy surveyed the room uncertainly. "You're not mixing drugs, right?" she interrogated.

"No, Nancy," I promised. "Do you know what mission my parents went on?"

Now that she knew there were no drugs, she calmed down and sat next to Alex on the floor. "They went to New York on a reconnaissance mission. We had heard something about a gang that was taking over the U.S., and that they had plans to go international. Naturally, we panicked, sent people over, and they didn't come back. So we sent more people to find the first people and collect information, and they didn't come back, and so on, until we had to resort to your father."

"And now they're not coming back," I said with crushing realization.

"You could have had one parent," Ayla pointed out, "if your mom wasn't so stubborn."

Nancy smacked her. "That was not nice."

But the damage had been done. I stood up, so furious I wouldn't have been surprised if my hair had been waving around my head like electricity. "My parents love each other very deeply," I insisted. "I will not let them die in New York, not when there's something I can do about it." I stepped over to where my backpack lay on the floor and yanked out all my textbooks.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked as I began stuffing the bag with various items from around the room.

"Packing," I snapped. With my bag full of everything I thought I would need, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. There was a credit card for emergencies only, and my passport was in the front pocket of my bag. Well, this was an emergency if there had ever been one. Surely Mom wouldn't mind me buying a plane ticket if it was to save her life, right?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Emery Lynn," Nancy said, leaping to my side. "I'm not going to let you fly to the States by yourself. Your dad would kill me."

"Then come with me," I said. "The more the merrier."

"I'm in!" Alex announced.

"Me too!" Ayla said. "Oh my God, America! I'd better go pack." She frolicked out of the room.

"I never said anyone was going to America!" cried Nancy. "You three are staying here." She said the last word with finality, as if the matter were closed.

I zipped up my bag and turned to glare at her. "There is no way in heaven or hell you are keeping me here," I told her darkly. "You can go and tell Mother, or keep your mouth shut and join us on the plane. But either way, I'm going to America to save my parents."

Nancy stared at me, at the stubborn way my jaw was set, at the ferocity in my eyes. She exhaled and shook her head. "Okay, Emery Steed," she said in exasperation. "You win." I waited for her to turn around and scream for Mother, but instead she just folded her arms and asked, "Did you pack your toothbrush?"

***

There hadn't been time to scream. In fact, there hadn't been time to even think. Keel had simply pulled the trigger and that was it. Thank God he hadn't been intending to kill her. Emma was certain he could have ended her life right then and there. Instead, he had shot her in the left arm.

It hurt, there was no denying that. Sure, there was blood pouring from the hole and seeping through her clothes, but she was alive. And right now, that was all that mattered.

Keel made a satisfied "hmph", blew the smoke off the barrel of the gun, and pocketed it. "Just so you know I mean business, Steed," he said. He dropped Steed's phone on the ground, stomped it to pieces, and up the stairs he went.

"Emma," Steed gasped, scrambling over to her. He yanked off his jacket and wrapped it around the wound. "Are you alright? He has such a good shot, I was so scared he would really kill you, oh, Emma, please tell me you're alright!"

"I'm fine," she said, grinning at his panic.

"No, you're not fine!" he cried. "You just got shot! This is exactly why I didn't want you coming with me. What if he actually killed you?" Suddenly, he kissed her forehead. "Oh, please be alright!"

"John," Emma laughed. "Look at you! I don't think I've ever seen you like this. It's just my arm."

"But it's my favorite of the two," Steed whined.

She smacked him lightly on the head. "Idiot," she grinned. "Come here and kiss your wife."

So he removed his bowler hat from his head, placed it on hers, and kissed her. She wore his bowler hat as a joke, to remind them of the first time he kissed her, and how it had been an accident. Emma had stolen his hat, and was wearing it, taunting him. "Come and get it from me," she had teased.

In the process of getting his hat back, Steed had wound up on top of her. They had found themselves extremely close, their noses nearly touching. It hadn't been intentional, but he had just leaned down a bit farther, and closed the distance between them.

"If this is how you get your hat back," Emma had murmured, "I should steal it more often."

Emma sighed. There were some things you just wished you could experience a thousand times over, every day of your life. Unfortunately, time is never on your side. Especially when you need it most.

"By the way," Steed breathed when they pulled apart, "I think our daughter is coming to rescue us."

***

We gave Mother a box of macaroons, laced with sleeping powder Ayla happened to be carrying around in her pocket, as an apology. He was conked out in ten minutes, allowing the four of us to leave the house without so much as a "Sto-!"

At the airport, Ayla dragged me and Nancy to the ladies' room and opened her bag. "We need disguises," she announced.

"What about Alex?" I asked.

She waved her hand dismissively. "He can take care of himself. Now, for you, Nancy, I have this." She pulled out what looked like a leather cat suit.

Nancy's eyes bulged. "That's Mrs. Peel's! I mean, Emery's mom's!"

"That's my mom's?" I cried. "How come I've never seen it before?"

"This was her spare mission outfit," Ayla explained. "I nicked it from your house when Man Lady attacked us."

For a brief moment, it occurred to me that maybe we shouldn't have left Man Lady hanging in the kitchen for Mother to deal with when he woke up, but I dismissed the thought quickly. "You little sneak," I said with a sly grin.

She smiled proudly, tossed my mother's suit at Nancy, and continued rummaging through the bag. "These are mine," she muttered, placing a light dress and low heels on the bathroom counter. Someone flushed a toilet, stepped out, and gave us the queerest of looks. Nancy took the stall the lady had just come out of to change.

"Ah ha," Ayla said victoriously. In her hands, she held a filmy material, and I realized it was a shirt. She placed it on the counter and pulled out a very short skirt.

Wait… if Ayla had the dress and Nancy had the cat suit, then… those things were for me?!

"Oh no," I said, backing away slowly. "No way, Ayla. I haven't shaved my legs since Monday. You are not putting me into something that revealing."

She paused. "What about your armpits? Have you shaved those recently?"

"Yes, it'd be just plain gross if I didn't!" I said.

"Good," she said, and she threw the clothes at me. "I have pantyhose and boots for your legs, so you should be fine. Keep your undershirt on with this, though, unless you want your high beams on."

Nervous, I raised my arm across my chest and prayed my nipples weren't showing. I mean, what else could high beams mean? One of the women in the bathroom was staring at me. I gave her a frightened smile and hurried into the nearest stall.

With the skirt on, I was afraid to bend over. I hadn't packed underwear for the occasion, and the ones I had on happened to have strawberries and shopping bags all over them.

When I came out, the boots and pantyhose were on the counter. I took one look at them and started laughing. Ayla frowned, thinking I was laughing at her dress. "What?"

"It's the boots," I chuckled. "You didn't tell me they were kinky boots!"

"Kinky boots?" she repeated in confusion.

I nodded. "That's what my dad calls all leather boots that got past the knee. Mom has a pair, and whenever she wears them Dad announces it every chance he gets. Like, he'll whisper it to me, holler at her down the hall, anything."

Ayla raised an eyebrow at me, but I totally ignored her.

"He even has a song about it. Cracks me and Mom up every time he sings it." I laughed at the memories, but stopped abruptly. "I never learned all the words," I admitted in a soft voice. "What if he won't be able to teach me?"

She gripped my shoulders. "He will teach you. In fact, he'll teach all of us, cuz this sounds like a song I would like." Ayla thrust the boots and pantyhose into my hands. "Now wear the kinky boots, and make Mr. Steed proud."

I grinned. Dad certainly wouldn't approve of his fourteen-year-old daughter wearing kinky boots, but it would make him laugh for a little while.

I hitched up my skirt and slid into the pantyhose, and the kinky boots over that. Ayla watched me, her face plain. She chewed on her bottom lip, observing me stuffing the boots with paper towels since my feet were too small for them. My phone and iPod went into the boots as well, since I had no pockets. It was either the boots or bra, and I didn't want my boobs lighting up every time my phone rang.

"You're so lucky," she said finally.

I looked up from my stuffing. "How so?"

Nancy was still in the stall, and we could hear her struggling to get dressed in such a small space. "Because," Ayla continued, "your parents love you."

Slowly, I straightened up and met her lonely gaze. "I just thought your parents were dead," I said.

Ayla shrugged. "Well, I don't know what happened to them, really. Dad was part of the Ministry, and one day he took us to work with him, and left us there. I don't think anyone knew we were there until we started stealing food."

"He just left you there?" I gasped.

"Yup. Alex and I were alone for a few days. We had to eat something, got caught, and next thing we know we're standing in front of Father, the head of the Ministry." She snorted. "Imagine, two five-year-olds cowering in front of Father. She couldn't see us, of course, but she and the rest of the Ministry decided that they would take care of us, rotate us around like a foster care system."

Five years old? FIVE? What kind of parent was that!?

"Of course," she continued, "they didn't know what they were getting when they took us in."

"But they kept you all the same," I whispered.

Ayla nodded. "Yeah. They love us, by some miracle of God. Apparently, Dad quit the day he left us, and hadn't given anyone contact information. So our fate was entirely up to the Ministry, and they decided to love us." She pushed her hair behind her ear. "They're crazy, for sure."

I really wanted to hug her, because she looked like she needed one so desperately, but I wasn't sure how she would react to it. So I did the dorky thing and asked permission. "Would it be alright if I gave you a hug?"

In response, Ayla came up and embraced me. "Thanks for listening," she whispered.

Nancy came out of the stall then. "Hey," she called. "I can't zip this thing all the way up. Little help, please?"

Ayla grinned and zipped up the back of the suit. "Comfy?" she asked.

"I feel like Catwoman," Nancy complained. "How your mom wore this every day, I'll never know."

I grinned shyly and shrugged. Ayla just laughed. "Wait till you see Alex's disguise."

***

"Oh God," I said when we came out of the bathroom and saw Alex.

He grinned in a very gentleman-like manner, swung his umbrella, and tipped his black bowler hat. "Ladies," he greeted.

"Those are my dad's!" I cried.

"And you thought we would leave your house empty-handed?" he countered. "I think I look good." Suddenly, he lost the cool aura and became excited. "Check out this wicked umbrella, guys. It's got-," he clicked a button, "a voice recorder," click "a camera," click "a pen," click SHWING! "and a sword!" He slid the sword back into the umbrella. "Your dad is the coolest guy ever."

"How he got that all past security is a mystery to me," Ayla said. She looked so proud of him, like she wanted to rumple his hair and give him a big hug.

Nancy looked like she was on the verge of tears. "You look like such a gentleman!" she exclaimed. "I'm so proud of you, Alex."

Alex whipped off the bowler hat and tapped the top. It made an unexpected thunk noise. "Steel plated," he stated. "I am so ready."

"New York, here we come," I announced. America was going to need all the luck it could get.

***

Emma was panicking. "Does he know what Emery looks like? What if she dies before she even makes it here? What if he finds out she's coming?"

"If you talk that loud, he certainly will," Steed replied. "Don't worry about her. She has the twins on her side." He placed a soothing arm around her. "Calm down or you'll start bleeding again."

"We've got to get out of here," Emma proclaimed. She pulled herself to her feet using the bars for support. "What can we use?"

Steed leapt up and allowed her to lean on him. "Emma," he said sternly. "There's nothing we can do right now. Please sit back down before you fall."

"I have bobby pins," she said, completely ignoring him. She ran a hand through her hair and pulled one out. "We can pick the lock."

"And then what?" asked her husband. "There's only one exit, and that is up through Keel's house, where he'll undoubtedly see us. Most likely, he'll kill you and spare me, because it will hurt me more." He pulled her close. "I don't want to lose you, Emma. I love you."

Emma stared into his lovely eyes, and recalled the first time she fell into them. "My daughter's safety is more important than my own," she whispered.

"I wish you'd let me teach her fencing," Steed said in an exasperated tone. "Then you wouldn't be so worried right now."

"I wish you didn't have so many enemies," Emma replied. "Then we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Touché," said Steed. He held out his hand. "Give me the bobby pin."

With a victorious smile, Emma placed it in his hand and sunk back down to the ground. Steed stepped over to where the lock was and, muttering something about not being able to stand up against his wife, began to work the pin into lock.

AN: Steed doesn't actually have a song about kinky boots, although Patrick Macnee and Honor Blackman do. I am referring to that song. Hopefully that makes sense.