September 12
"I can't do this!" I groan, burying my head into my hands.
"You'll be okay. We'll be around you. We'll stop this," Alice whispers, patting my shoulder and trying to reassure me. It isn't working. I'm a mess and I can't stop fidgeting.
"What if I screw up, Alice? I can't hurt Tanya. She's been there for me, through a lot of stuff," I say, trying to hold back the tears. I want to cancel. Just skip the party all together, but they won't let me.
"You'll be okay. This is silly Bella, maybe you've been getting things, but this wish would have to make a faithful boy cheat. Maybe this huge kiss is just a simple peck on the cheek," Alice says, trying her best for optimism. It's not working. I'm still freaking out.
"What's got your panties in a twist, Bella?" Emmett crudely asks from the driver seat.
Emmett volunteered to be our ride to the party. Rosalie swats him in the back of the head.
"Ow. I was just asking a question," he groans.
"Just drive," Rosalie says, and flips down the visor to check her makeup.
Emmett meets my eyes through the rear view mirror. His brown eyes are full of questions. I look away. I can't explain things to him.
"We're here ladies," Emmett says, cutting the engine and unlocking the doors. Or maybe they did that by themselves. Since I've started driving I've noticed stuff I never did before. Like how cars unlock when you shift to park. I didn't know that.
I whimper softly as a group of people pass the car and head toward the house. Alice pats my hand and scoots out the door.
I hurry and do my best to climb out the car without tripping. I'm not a fan of the heels Alice put me in.
"She promised this would be small," I groan, catching all the cars lined outside her house.
"We'll you know Tanya, she's a go big or go home kinda girl," Emmett says and shrugs. I did know Tanya and I knew this wouldn't be small. I can't say I'm too surprised, but I was hoping.
The doors our open and music blast through. I can hear the chatter of people. Rosalie and Emmett go on ahead of us, but I'm still stuck by the front porch. My heart is beating within my chest.
"Bells! You need to snap out of it!" Alice says. My eyes meet her hazel ones.
"How?"
"Just… don't allow yourself to be alone. We might be making a bigger deal out of this than what it is," She says and I nod, trying to let her words sink in.
"Yeah, you're probably right," I mumble. Alice grabs my hand and pulls me into the house. I'm surprised how warm it is in here. It probably has to do with the fifty something bodies swaying around every crook and cranny around the house.
Girls and guys I don't recognize are stumbling up stairs, making out in corners, swaying to music.
"Bella!" Tanya squeals, wrapping me in a tight hug. I startle. I hadn't seen her come out. She just popped out of nowhere.
"Hi."
"You look gorgeous," she says. Her eyes widen as she twirls me around. I'm wearing the dress I received a few days prior. The black velvet material clings to my curves and the dress shows off just enough. I smooth it out a bit, feeling just a little bit self conscious.
Tanya's wearing a much shorter silver dress. I can't help feeling like an imposter next to her. There she is, looking naturally gorgeous, while I had to have several hours of primping.
"Thanks, so do you," I say, blushing. She waves off my compliment.
"Not as great as you. Seriously I love this dress and your hair looks awesome," she says, fluffing it up. I shrug. It wasn't my doing. Alice spent hours putting some kind of gel and using a curling iron, which I have a burn to prove.
Someone calls Tanya's name and she flits away. I watch as she stumbles and sway and then disappears into the sea of people. My eyes narrow because I recognize a drunk Tanya better than anyone.
I'm left to myself and I don't recognize anyone immediately. I make my way toward the living room where the music is the loudest and the people seem to be spilling out of.
Bodies sway and move against me and I cringe. I don't recognize half these people and I don't need their drunk sweaty bodies rubbing all up on me. I spot Angela, a girl from drama, chatting in a corner and I make my way towards her.
"Hey," I yell over the music. She turns suddenly and smiles.
"Happy Birthday!" she screams and throws her arms around me. I'm shocked. Angela isn't really a touchy feely kinda girl. When she pulls away I notice the red cup in her hands.
Oh, well that explains it. I wonder how many people here are actually sober.
"Great party! I love your birthday!" she slurs slightly. I smile. I don't really know how to answer. Then she's giving her cup to some random dude(who decides to drink it) and is pulling me toward the middle.
"What are we doing?"
"Dancing! Now dance!" she says and begins to dance. I laugh at her silly movements and join along.
I'm surprised I'm actually having fun.
This isn't so bad, I just need to avoid Edward. And Tanya.
I can enjoy my own party! It is mine and I refuse to sulk at it!
After a few songs I spot Edward at the other side of the room. He sees me and sends a smile. He cuts whatever conversation he was having and begins to make his way towards me.
In a panic I move through the mass of bodies and away from him.
This continues several times throughout the night. I do my best to keep away from him, even though I know he's clearly trying to talk to me. I feel kinda bad about it, but I mean what can I do?
Tanya eventually catches up with me. I guess I was worried about Edward I forgot all about her.
"Bella, I've been looking for you," she says and quickly grabs my arm. She leads me to the kitchen.
It's cooler here. The backdoor is open letting in cool air and there is less people crowding around. Emmett's there, with Edward, both of which are talking to a tall blonde guy.
A couple girls, who had been getting drinks, quickly leave the kitchen, their giggles echoing behind them.
Tanya pulls us toward the guys and they smile as we get closer. Emmett nods his hello, before walking out.
"Jasper, this is Bella," Tanya says. The tall one looks down and smiles.
"Hi, Bella," he greets.
"Hi," I say shyly.
"Hey Bells! Where have you been?" Edward asks as Tanya moves to lean against her side.
"Um, nowhere. Around. With people? Why? I wasn't hiding or anything," I babble and then blush fiercely as I realize the words coming out my mouth. I sound like an idiot. Like an idiot who was clearly hiding from him.
"I just keep trying to talk to you. But you were gone before I could get to you," Edward answers. He takes a sip from his cup and then looks down at it. It becomes awkwardly quiet, and that's quite a feat saying as there's music loud enough to shake the walls.
"Jasper's transferring to Forks," Tanya says, trying to make conversation.
"You told me. Where are you from?" I ask.
"Chicago. My family just recently decided to move closer to family," He says and gives a shy nod.
"I have family in Chicago," I say.
"I thought you guys might have things in common. Jazz you'd really like Bella, she's great, ain't she Edward?" Tanya says, nudging Edward in the ribs. I blush. My whole face feels warm.
"She's really… great," Edward says and then suddenly walks out the room. We stare after him.
"Why don't you get to know each other and I'll check on him," Tanya eventually says and walks off.
I look at Jasper, who stares at his plastic cup. He looks uncomfortable. I'm not going to lie, Jasper is really attractive. He has golden blonde hair that hangs over his eyes and curls slightly. His eyes are a deep blue, like a crayon and he has a great smile.
He's just not my type.
However…
"Have you met my friend Alice?" I ask. He looks up, his baby blues foggy with confusion.
"Um, no I don't think so," he drawls. I smile. Alice chooses that exact moment to stumble into the kitchen. She's still laughing from something, but stops when she sees me.
"Bella! Where have you be—" her words are cut short as she spots Jasper.
"H-hi," she says shyly, a light pink blush lighting her cheeks.
"Hey," he says a matching blush.
"Alice this is Jasper. Jazz my friend Alice," I say quickly.
"Oh, you're Edward's cousin," she says, her eyes flitting to mine. I know she must know of Tanya's plan to set us up. I give her a small nod, letting her know I'm not interested.
"Uh, yeah. Just moved back."
"You're from Chicago!" she says enthusiastically.
"Yeah. How'd you—"
"You're accent," she says, shrugging slight.
"Alice, he barely has one," I say confused she figured it out.
"Well it's enough for me to tell. Wouldn't you be able to spot a New York accent?" she asks, but her question is directed toward him.
"I guess, but how—"
"The same thing with Chicago. I can figure it out," she says, using her Alice logic on him. I can see he's not understanding it either, but he doesn't seem to be complaining. In fact it looks like he's enjoying it.
I sneakily make my way out the back door, leaving them to socialize.
A few people are lingering the backyard. They're near the swing sets and I can hear there soft chatter and small giggles. Beside them, the backyard is empty. The air is refreshing and clam and chills my heated skin.
I walk over to the pool's edge. Her parent's haven't covered it up, but since the weather isn't ideal for a pool, no one has jumped in. However, I happen to know that Tanya's pool is heated. I slip my heals off and start to feel the soft ache. I sit on the edge and dip my feet into the water, swishing them around and watching the ripples across the smooth black surface.
"Hey."
I look up and find the source that has distracted me. Edward smiles and waves softly. He sits cross legged next to me, making sure to keep his feet of the water. The right side of my body is suddenly tingling.
"Hey," I answer softly, I don't look at him. Just continue to stare at the water.
"Why aren't you inside?" I ask, eventually, after the silence between us seems to bother me.
"I could ask the same. Where's Jazz?" he asks.
"With Alice. They seem really compatible," I say with a heavy sigh. I hope things go great with Alice, but I can't help but feel that now I'm going to be the fifth wheel in a group of couples.
"Oh, um, sorry about that," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. Only he doesn't sound sorry about it. Not really.
"I introduced them. Jasper's cute and all, but I have a feeling he and Alice might hit it off," I say honestly. I'm distracted as the group who were at the swings gets up and begin to stumble out the yard, laughing and joking.
"So he's not you're type either?" he teases, bumping my shoulder lightly. I'm confused for a moment, before realizing he's talking about to our little banter the week before. I blush and a shocked giggle comes out my mouth.
"I'm not as picky as you make me out to be," I quip and look at him over my shoulder. He smiles and I look away, back at the water.
"Really, that's hard to believe," he kids. I roll my eyes and kick my feet. The water lands on my bare legs and I watch as the drops slowly slide down. The water feels amazing and I'm feeling heated next to Edward.
A brilliant idea comes into my head!
Well, okay it might not have been brilliant, but I had been drinking some of the punch (which I had thought was only punch) and a foggy sorta what-the-hell feeling has come over me. Someone may have spiked it, or perhaps it was meant to be like that. Whatever.
I stand up quickly and begin to pull my dress over my head.
"Whoa, what are you doing?" Edward asks, backing away from the pool edge. I roll my eyes.
I have some shorts and a small tank top underneath. It covers more than my actual bathing suit would, so I figure there is nothing inappropriate about it. At least I don't think so. I pull the dress off and throw it behind me.
"Bella? What are you doing?" Edward asks, but I don't listen as I take a few steps back.
"Bella!" Edward calls, but I've already jumped.
I'm airborne for all of 3 seconds before gravity calls and I plummet into the water.
Water consumes me. I open my eyes, but I can only see black. I can hear some muffled noise and look up as Edward shadowy figure looms above me. I slowly begin to float up.
I break the surface, taking a deep gulp of air and pushing the hair away from my face. My curls are gone and my normal straight hair is back. Alice will kill me if she finds out.
"Are you crazy?" he yells. He's leaning over the pool staring out at me.
"No, I'm having fun. You should join me," I say, softly kicking my feet to stay above the water.
"No, get out. You can get hurt," He says and extends his hand to help me out. I glare at it.
"I don't want to come out," I pout.
"Bella!" he says my name like a warning and looks down at me in disapproval.
"You're no fun."
"I'm being responsible."
"That's no fun."
"It's called maturity."
"It's called being a party pooper!" I shoot back and smile at his glare. He shakes his extended hand and just sends a glare. Another brilliant idea begins to evolve in my foggy hand. I grab his palm and he pulls me toward the edge.
I hope this goes the way I plan and not turn into an awkward mess.
Instead of using his hand to get out, I grab it, jump up, grab his shoulder and begin to pull him in.
The surprise lowers his defenses and he comes falling into the water with me.
We go under together. I open my breath only to see his shadowy figure desperately trying to swim to the surface. I can't help but smile as I float to the top.
We pop up at the same time. He's sputtering water and pushing hair away from his face. His green eyes are angry. I can see that even in the dim light. Then I begin to doubt my oh so brilliant plan. What if he had his phone, or wallet, or other important document/item my mind cannot come up with.
Oops.
"Bella! What the hell!" he yells.
"Oops?" I offer. Maybe if I pull off I'm drunk I'll get in less trouble. I'm not drunk, though. Not a lot. Well I don't know, I've never been drunk before. Would I know if I was drunk? I know a lot of drunk people always say they aren't drunk when they are. Is that's what's happening?
No, I doubt I'm drunk. Buzzed maybe. A little bit.
"Oops? What is wrong with you?" he says and I swim slowly away from him.
"I'm sorry. Did I get your phone wet?" I ask, because honestly that's the only reason I can imagine why he's angry.
He shakes his head.
"No, I don't have my phone on me. Do you think it's funny throwing people fully clothed in water?"
I think it's a rhetorical question.
"Maybe." I shrug and leisurely swim toward the shallow end of the pool. Not being able to reach the floor has me nervous.
He quirks an eyebrow and before I can do anything, he's propelling himself toward me. I squeal and feel my own body being pushed against the water and then I'm held against the pool wall.
"You think it's funny?" He quirks a brow and I suddenly feel like I can't breathe. Warning bells are going off somewhere in my head but the fuzzy feeling can't make me concentrate on them.
"I think you have no sense of humor," I quip and he raises his brows. I watch as his eyes dip toward my lips and back to my eyes.
"I don't, huh?" he asks, but I've already forgotten the question. I swallow hard.
It gets silent between us and tension is thick. I'm reminded of last week when we were in Tanya's room. I know I should pull away. I should push him away and get as far as possible, only his lips are getting closer and closer and my eyes are fluttering close and I'm finding it hard to think of reasons to stay away.
Just a kiss, one, how much could that hurt.
Then it happens. His lips are pressed against mine and suddenly my face is on fire as his lips slowly move against mine. They're not rushed or trying to get my mouth open. They're simply…there. Moving with mine and causing heat to spread throughout my body.
It's wonderful and I don't know what I'm doing, but I think it's okay. This doesn't require much thought. If it did, I would be screwed.
The feel of his skin on mine has my head dizzy, or maybe it's just the lack of oxygen.
His hand travel up the sides of my body and back down again. He pushes me closer toward the wall of the pool and I feel a bit uncomfortable as the stone digs into my back, but I can't bring myself to care.
My hands find themselves digging into his beautiful wet hair. He moves his lips softly now, and I realize I feel like it's not enough. My lungs burn with the need for air, but I don't want to breathe. I don't want to move. I want to freeze the moment and keep us here forever.
It was one of those moments.
The kinda moments where everything is so perfect, you almost don't think it's real.
He pulls away slightly and I gasp air, but I don't let him move any further than a few centimeters. Our breaths mix together, breathing each other in. I feel like I'm on fire.
Which is a bit ironic, considering we're in a pool.
His eyes meet mine and I can see questions and confusion.
Why are we doing this?
This is wrong. Stop me.
Please don't stop me.
We should stop. This is our moment to stop. No one's out here. No one saw us. We could get off scotch free. All we have to do is stop. Pull away. Act like nothing happened.
But that's not what I want and tears form in my eyes because I feel guilty.
Then his mouth is back on mine and he's holding my chin and caressing my neck and for a moment I almost believe he returns my feelings.
His mouth opens and his warm tongue enters my mouth. I'm not sure what to do about this either, but I kinda think I like it so I go along.
This was the best wish of my life.
Wish.
OH MY GOD!
I stop kissing him. I stop moving. This isn't real. It's just a wish. He's probably under some stupid wish goddess spell. He doesn't really want to kiss me. He doesn't really like me, or else he'd be with me and not Tanya.
Edward notices my sudden stillness and pulls away. He floats away, leaving a few feet between us.
We don't move, just stare at each other with wide eyes.
"I…" he stutters over his words. I swallow and turn around. Using all my strength I pull myself over the edge and begin to run around the pool.
I know what he's going to say. He's going to apologize. Say he doesn't know what came over him. Because he didn't want this. Because it wasn't real. It was just a result of my stupid selfish wish.
"Bella!" he calls, but I quickly grab my dress and heels and run inside. I push past the swarm of bodies and everyone jumps as my soaking skin touches theirs.
I make it to the bathroom, but before I can close it, Tanya's hand comes out and stops it. She comes into the bathroom and closes the door. She locks it and looks me up and down. raising a brow.
"What happened? What happened to you?" she asks, coming closer and wrapping me in a hug. She doesn't care that I'm soaking wet and getting her outfit wet. She doesn't care that my crying eyes are probably staining her shirt. She doesn't care, because she loves me and I've betrayed her. I've been betraying her all this time. I hold on tightly, not sure how much longer I would have her as a friend.
I want to tell her everything. Let her know now. Let it out. But my heart is broken and she's the one I want to comfort be.
God, I'm such a sick fuck. I cry harder.
"Hey, hey, sshh. It's okay," she says softly, rubbing her thumbs under my eyes and wiping away my tears and runny mascara.
"I-it's not," I say, sniffing and grabbing a towel off the hook to wipe my face.
She smiles.
"Wait here," she tells me and leaves the bathroom. I sit on the toilet, shivering. I'm going to have to tell her. I have to confess. She's probably going to hate me. Our friendship is probably over, but I can't keep lying to her.
The door opens a few moments later and Tanya holds a plain chocolate cupcake with a candle in it. I offer a watery smile.
She lights the candle and turns the bathroom light off.
"Make a wish," she whispers and hands me the cupcake.
A wish…
Please let her forgive me, I wish and blow the candle out. She claps and turns the light back on. I place the cupcake on the sink and look at her.
"We need to talk," I say solemnly. Her smile vanishes and she nods. She knows something's not right. I take a breath and start.
I tell her about the huge crush I have on Edward. I tell her how much I had fallen for him. I tell her about how torturous it had been to see them together. I let her know how much I liked him. I tell her how I felt the night she threw me a party.
I tell her about the summer and how even though he wasn't mine, I fell for him harder. I told her about the time in the bedroom, why we were acting weird. She listens with tears in her eyes and I keep apologizing.
I finally tell her about the kiss.
I leave out the wishes. I don't need her thinking I'm psycho.
"You what?" she whispers, her diamond eyes finally spilling the tears she had held back.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean too. I just… I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry," I cry, because she's hurting and it's my fault. .
"I… I can't believe you!" She didn't yell. She whispered it, but it was filled with so much hurt.
"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say. She's supposed to forgive me. That was my birthday wish wasn't it.
Figures the universe would pick now to stop the wishes. Fucking hell, I knew it hated me.
"You don't get to cry! You hurt me! You…You… I can't believe you would take it this far!" she yells. She's pacing the bathroom floor her hands in her hair. I want to apologize again. The words on my mouth. But then something stops me. Her words echo in my head.
"Take it this far?" I whisper, but she doesn't hear. She's still ranting, still yelling, but I don't listen. I just told her everything… why would she…unless…
"What do you mean take it this far?" I ask, louder now. She stops her pacing and faces me. There's still anger and hurt behind her eyes, but now something slips in. Fear.
"You knew! You knew I liked him didn't you!" I accuse and she doesn't deny it.
My emotions are everywhere. I know what I did was wrong, but Tanya's betrayal changes things a bit. I stand up and face her.
"You knew all along and you were still with him. You bitch!" I shout. I'm angry now. I'm angry because she put me through hell for a year!
"I—" She tries to say something but I cut it off.
"You had me feeling like shit for a year! A year of pure torture and you knew all along. And here I thought you were my friend. I thought you were an innocent victim, but you're just a heartless bitch!" I shout.
I don't mean half the things I say, but I'm angry, heartbroken, and a bit buzzed(Or drunk, still not sure).
"You didn't do anything about it! You acted like he was just a platonic crush. I gave you time and you did nothing with it. I liked him. I had the guts. He became mine and I thought you would get over him! Just because you like him doesn't mean it was okay to kiss him! I obviously misjudged the kind of friend you were!"
She stares at me with fire behind her eyes, but I don't feel anything. Not guilt or shame or even anger. I just feel numb. She throws her hands in her hair and plops down on the toilet.
"I can't believe we're fighting over a boy," she growls and I laugh. It doesn't have emotion it in it. It's not a humorous laugh. Her head snaps up. I throw my dress over my clothes and avoid her glance.
"No. This isn't about a guy anymore, Tanya. It's about how our friendship was nothing more than… a plaything to you," I whisper. Opening the bathroom door.
"You're not innocent, Bella Swan!"
"No, I'm not. What I did was wrong. I know. But I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted this to happen. You knew you were hurting me and you… didn't even care. I can't forgive that," I say and I hear her sob loudly. I want to comfort her, because you don't throw away 16 years of friendship away in one night, but I can't. I'm done and it kills me.
So I close the door behind me and walk out.
I don't try to find Edward, or Alice, or Rose or anyone. I simply make my way toward the front and walk out the house.
It was a long walk to my house, but I endure it. By the time I get home my feet are covered in blisters and cuts. My legs are sore and I'm shivering so much my teeth chatter. My cheeks are stained with tears and I'm so exhausted.
I open the door quietly. The house is quiet. My parents are already asleep.
I make it up stairs and change quickly.
My heart hurts because tonight I lost a lot and I don't know what tomorrow holds for me anymore.
I cry myself to sleep.
So it's late, but it's longer than the other chapters.
So most people we're expecting it, but what do you think of Tanya's little betrayal? She's not as evil as she may seem in this chapter. REALLY. She IS Bella's friend and I think they both made mistakes here.
So there's not much left of this story. About maybe 2 or 3 more chapters. It was never meant to be long anyway. :/
But in the mean time, leave me with your thoughts.
-Dr.
