Chapter 7: The Feast

"Can't I just skip the feast?" James asked Lily in the thestral drawn carriages.

"No." Lily said. "But we can leave early."

James looked out the window. The rain had started pouring.

Lily sighed. So close, and yet so far. She looked at James' face through the reflection in the window. The Head Girl wasn't too sure, but she thought she caught a glimpse of a tear running down his face as he looked at the thestral.

"James?" she asked.

"I've never actually SEEN a thestral before." He explained. "Only those who have seen death can see them."

0000

"Welcome to another year at Hogwarts!" Dumbledore announced. "As usual I have a few announcement. Mr. Filch has kindly asked me to remind each of you that no magic is to be used in the corridors. The Forbidden Forest is strictly off limits as is the Shrieking Shack and the Whomping Willow."

Lily saw Snape turn and glare at Sirius and Remus. He then turned his glare to James who was starring at his plate.

"Also," Dumbledore added. "The Head Girl has asked me to tell you that if you have any questions, to please direct them to her and not the Head Boy."

James looked over at Lily and mouthed Thank you to her.

She smiled at him.

"I have one more thing to say before we begin our feast. Even if we feel that we are alone in the world, and there is no one else to turn to, we are never truly alone."

The feast appeared.

"That never gets old." Melissa said as she grabbed a roll.

About halfway through the feast, Lily noticed that James wasn't eating.

"Aren't you hungry?" Lily asked. "You barely ate breakfast and lunch."

James shook his head.

"At least TRY the chicken." Lily suggested. "You don't have to eat a lot. Just enough."

James sighed in defeat as he took a small piece and started cutting it up into small bites.

Suddenly, he put his silverware on the plate and walked out of the Great Hall.

That had been the same meal his family ate the night of the attack.

Lily looked at Dumbledore in horror. Dumbledore and McGonagall had seen the whole thing.

McGonagall nodded at Dumbledore and got up to go find the Head Boy.

0000

"Sir Nicholas!" McGonagall caught the attention of the passing ghost on his way to the feast.

"Ah. McGonagall. What can I do for you?"

"I'm looking for James Potter."

"I saw him run up the steps to the observation tower." He said pointing up the stairs.

"Thank you." She said with a silent prayer that the boy wasn't going to do something drastic.

0000

When she made it to the Astronomy Tower, she found that James had no intention of throwing himself over. He was leaning against one of the dips on the towers, where telescopes were normally set, looking at the stars.

"There you are." She said. "You really gave us a scare at the feast."

"The meal down there was the meal we had that night." James admitted quietly. "The night they…died."

"I'm sorry." She told him as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "If we had known…"

"No." James said still looking at the stars. "I would have found another reason."

"James? Do you want to talk?"

James shook his head.

"Don't dwell on the past, James." McGonagall told him. "It does no good for anyone."

"I try." James admitted as she started to head back down to the feast to give him some time to reflect. "I honestly try. But whenever I come close to getting out, I fall back in."

"That's what your friends are for." McGonagall informed him. "And the professors."

"I know." James said looking down over the lake. The crescent moon reflecting in it. "it's just…so hard. I never needed to turn for help. And I don't want to start."

She walked back over to him and placed her hands back on his shoulders. That was when she noticed that they were shaking.

0000

"Hey Lupin!" Frank Longbottom asked after the feast. "Where's Potter going to sleep? All of the beds are taken."

"And I didn't see him on the train." Kingsley Shaklebolt added.

"Oh. I forgot to tell you guys." Remus stated as Sirius picked up some prank books from his trunk and started to carry them to his nightstand. "James is Head Boy."

THUNK

Sirius had dropped the books.

"You're joking." Peter gasped.

"I'm seri…telling the truth." Remus stated. He had to be careful with the word "serious" around Sirius.

"How are we supposed to help him now?" Sirius asked.

"We have been given permission by the Head Girl and Headmaster to visit." Remus said.

0000

Later that night,

Lily was on the couch in the Head's common room reading. Suddenly the portrait swung open. She looked up and saw James walk in.

Without a word, he went straight to his room.

Lily sighed before going back to reading.

KNOCK KNOCK

Lily put her book down and got up. After she opened the portrait, she found the three Marauders standing there with a blank piece of parchment Remus was sticking in his pocket.

"Well, well." She teased. "If it isn't the Three Musketeers looking for D'Artagnan."

"No." A clueless Sirius said. "We're looking for James. Who's D'Artagnan?"

Remus whacked his friend upside the head.

"I apologize for my friends' lack of literature." Remus said.

"Come in." She said. "He just got back."

"We know." Peter said. "We've been watching."

She let the three enter the dorm.

"Nice." Sirius said looking around it.

"I don't think Potter is up to seeing anyone yet." She told them. "But that's his room."

She pointed to the closed door with the huge sign: HEAD BOY.

"I'm not dumb." Sirius said.

"Could have fooled me." She teased him as he walked up to the door.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Go away." James' voice came.

Sirius opened the door anyways. He was shocked to see his best friend sitting on the bed with his knees against his chest. James was clutching the invisibility cloak.

"Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"I guess you want the cloak." James said looking out the window.

"No." Remus said. "We want YOU."

"Let's go prank the Slytherins!" Peter suggested.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Lily told them to let them know they had her approval.

"Go on without me." James said shoving the cloak into Sirius' hands as he got up and sat on the window seat.

"But…but…" Sirius stuttered.

"I just want to be alone." James said.

Remus placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder and motioned towards the door. Sirius laid the cloak on the bed and got up.

"Come back to us Prongs." Sirius said before closing the door.

TBC