Blue Skies

A/N: Today is officially the premier day for Season 2 of Chicago PD. I am beyond excited. The premier of Chicago Fire was heart breaking wasn't it! Please excuse any grammatical errors. Thank you as always for your reviews, favorites, and follows. Read away and as always please leave a review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Chicago PD. Also I own nothing from the song "If We Hold On Together" by Diana Ross.


Chapter 7

Questions

Erin had gone stir crazy. Feeling like a prisoner in her own home, she pulled on her jeans, a fresh tee, and her boots. Locking her door behind her she decided to take the stairs as she jogged down them slowly and out her front door.

The walk to the district did not make the most sense but maybe if she didn't have her car the more and likely she got the chance to stay at work. Voight had put her out for two weeks to recover from her concussion and other injuries. Breezing through the front door she tried her best to ignore Platt.

Throwing up her hand in acknowledgement she punched in her code and pulled open the gate to intelligence. Walking up the stairs she already knew she would be met with resistance but staying at home was killing her.

When she made it to the top of the stairs it looked like the whole unit was staring back at her. Voight came out of his office and starred her down with a scowl on his face.

"Erin, what are you doing here?"

Erin not easy to be deterred stood firm in her stance.

"I specifically remember you are under doctor's orders and I said two weeks off."

Erin still silent clinched her jaw. He would never be able to sit a home either for two weeks she thought in her head.

"Does Kelly know you're here?"

Erin glanced around the room quickly to see the reactions of her peers at Voight's statement. Jay just looked at her watching; Ruzek and Atwater smirked at her, while Antonio gave her a sympathic glance.

"You know I am my own woman right" Lindsay answered.

"That's a no then. Halstead take her back home" Voight responded.

Erin looked in disbelief defiance was her middle name today.

"You want me to babysit Lindsay" Jay said in disbelief.

"Absolutely get moving and I am going to let Severide know this is not acceptable" Voight said looking at Lindsay eye to eye.

"Seriously" she whined.

"Yes, seriously I refuse to lose another person off this unit if I can help it. You could have died."

"We know the danger."

"Don't test me today Erin" Voight said obviously annoyed.

"Let's go" she heard Jay say as he pulled at her arm.

She was fussing and ranting about not wanting to go back home as they hit the bottom of the stairs. Not wanting to beg she couldn't bear the thought of sitting in her apartment again for the rest of the day.

"Want to take a ride" Jay asked.

Nodding her head eagerly she followed him out the front doors of the district.


During the drive she sat and looked out the passenger side window. She had no idea where they were going. When she asked he told her to shut up and not ask any questions. After about the fourth time of asking and going back and forth she gave up.

Finally somewhere outside of the city Jay pulled off the road and through the gates of a place simply called The Gardens.

"Wait here" Jay said getting out of the car.

Looking around she couldn't tell where she was or even why he had brought her here. When he came back to the car, he drove along a road past different sets of buildings and separate smaller gardens. Coming to a stop at the top of a hill, she looked around at the cluster of white buildings.

"So can I ask now where we are?"

"Come on get out, I want to show you some stuff."

Getting out the car, she zipped up her jacket as the air was crisp. Joining Jay on his side of the car she looked in the direction he was looking in.

"The larger building in the back is where the reception will be" he said stopping as if it to read her face.

She gave him the nod letting him know that it was okay.

"These three smaller houses are guest houses and over this way" he said walking away from their arrival spot. "This way you can see the gardens where the ceremony is going to be held."

"What do you think so far, I mean I know I haven't really shown you everything?"

She walked a little ways trying to get a closer view of the gardens. From what she could see it was beautiful.

"I can imagine what it would be like at night tea light candles, string lights, tents, and a wall of flowers."

"Something tells me you thought a lot about what your wedding day would look like."

"I never really thought about it much when I was younger. My future never really seemed bright until I met Voight and well you know the rest is still being written."

She gave him a small smile as she soaked in the grounds around them.

"You know this life that we got. Sometimes it is hard imagining a spouse and kids but I can see it now… It use to be so far off."

An older man came riding up on a golf cart waving his hand excitedly.

"Hey Mr. Halstead I was told you were visiting on the property."

"Hey how you doing" Jay responded.

"Oh my manners this must be the little lady. You are stunning Miss" he said taking her hand and kissing it.

Blushing she looked at Jay and shook her head. Jay just shrugged his shoulders in response.

"Thank you so much" she said trying hard not to blush. "But umm… I am not the lucky lady."

"Oh my, I do apologize it's just…"

"No apologizes needed. I am the best woman though. You know instead of the best man…best woman."

Jay made a face and said "I just wanted to show her the venue. We got off work early today."

"No problem, enjoy the rest of your day." With a crank of the key he was gone.

"Weird, right" Erin said searching for anything to kind of break up the moment. "Can I see more of the garden's before we go."

"Sure"

Reaching out her hand for Jay's she searched his eyes as he hesitated. Placing his hand in hers she walked with him down to the garden.

"If that guy sees us again he is going to be so confused."

"He won't be any more confused than me. Or should I say conflicted."

"What" Erin said as he let go of her hand.

He walked off from her and she was kind of lost in her own thoughts. What did she say and what did he just say. Was he confused or conflict about her or was he feeling that way about Allie. If he thought he was alone he wasn't. She was conflicted because every day the wedding got closer the more she wondered what if.

He was now over looking at a section of the garden ignoring her.

"I'm sorry" she yelled out.

He shook his head and walked further away from her. She needed to stop lying, she wasn't sincerely sorry.

Taking out her phone she stopped to take a picture of a cluster of flowers. She could hear his footsteps coming up behind her on the path.

"I am actually not that sorry so you know."

"Oh I know" he said with a sly smile. "You have a boyfriend that cares about you a lot" he continued.

"You have a fiancé that loves you a lot."

Jay acknowledged her comment as to say touché.

"We have a boss that said no romantic relationships in the department and we know he means that."

"Yes because he reminds me every other week" he said moving closer to her.

She could see the goose bumps rising on her arms. He was making her scared and nervous at the same time.

"We never had a chance."

"Maybe it's for the best" he responded quickly.

"Why"

"We are already changing at work. We are barely hanging on and keeping things professional."

"Your interpretation is barely huh? Do you ever wonder?"

Jay kicked some of the dirt with his shoe. He looked at her and then looked off.

"I can't because if I do so, I'm not walking down the aisle. I'm breaking the hearts of the family I love like my own. The Corson's are everything to me."

"I know… I know but is it me. It feels like something is off."

"It's you" Jay said sarcastically.

"No seriously we have this Saved by the Bell thing going on. Like I don't want to keep wondering what if!"

" What if what…" he said standing in her personal space.

"You know" she said matter of factly.

He was standing even closer now and he was looking down at her. His eyes were focused and they were so blue. In her head she was saying just kiss me. Maybe everything they needed to know was in one kiss.

She leaned slightly forward and he held his position.

"Maybe it won't mean anything just like in Saved By The Bell. Friends can be friends"

"Maybe" she whispered.

He was still hesitating and she could tell that he wasn't going to go through with it. She was willing to take the ownership.

She placed her lips on his. This time she was sober and she could feel how soft they were. Kissing him again her top lip brushed against his bottom. Tugging slightly she smiled.

Kissing him again this time he kissed her back. When she parted her lips their tongues met. In the movies when the made it seem like the girl saw fireworks and had butterflies in her stomach, Erin could relate. His hands were on the side of her face and he was kissing her back with equal interest. Absolutely nothing in the world seemed to matter.

His phone vibrating in his pocket is the only thing that snapped them out of their kissing frenzy. She watched as he fumbled for his phone.

"Hey" he said answering.

He looked at her while the person on the phone talked.

"I actually took Erin to see the venue. I will head in after I make sure she is settled in at her house."

"Who was that?" Erin asked.

"Antonio" he answered.


On the ride back to her place, Erin sung along dramatically to the radio in an effort to not let any conversation ruin her feeling. She felt light and she felt happy.

As she unlocked the door to her apartment she instantly began to pout.

"What do you have to eat? You hungry" Jay said looking through her fridge.

Still flailing on her couch, she could hear him laughing at her.

"What did you think was going to happen today?"

"I'm hungry" she said dramatically.

"Sandwiches it is" he said pulling out ingredients.

"I need to work" she screamed.

"You want to work and there is a difference. You will be back on Monday sit tight."

"I am going crazy sitting in here day after day. Thinking about any and everything."

"Let me ask you a question" Jay said handing her a plate with a sandwich on it.

"Shoot"

"What if the fireman asked you to marry him one day? What would you say?"

She contemplated as she chewed.

"Well"

"He can be sweet and he does have a lot of the qualities I would like in my future spouse."

"Would you marry him though?"

"I don't know to be honest. Right now I don't know if he is the one."

A knock at the door ended their conversation. Opening the door, Jay came face to face with Severide.

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Well it looks like your hero is here. I'll take my sandwich and water to go. Oh and Erin, bridal shower at the Corson's on Saturday. Another invitation may I say that you did not respond to again. Dawson and Shay are going…be there and no is not an answer."

He was out the door before she could protest.


It was Saturday. As she pulled up to the block where the Corson's live, her anxiety continued to escalate. Erin checked her make up as she waited for the text announcing their arrival from Dawson and Shay. They were the only reason that she finally agreed to go to Allie's bridal shower. No way would she walk into this thing alone with all of Allie's family and friends.

The text she was waiting for came moments later. Meeting the girls on the sideway a block from the Corson home, they exchanged hugs and pleasantries.

"Thank you so much for coming."

"We have your back" Dawson replied giving her a small pat on the back.

"Hey besides, we can see what one of these things look like as we get ready for Dawson and Casey's big day" Shay added.

"True True" Erin said as they walked up the stairs towards the front door.

Ringing the doorbell, Erin took a deep breath.

A brunette woman opened the door and smiled politely. "Hi, welcome I'm Gail mother of the bride" she said pointing her button.

"Hi, Ms. Corson, I am Erin Lindsay and this is Gabriella Dawson and Leslie Shay. We are friends of…"

Erin was interrupted by Ms. Corson grabbing her and giving her a warm hug.

"I know exactly who you are. Jay talks about you all the time and anyone he considers family is well family of ours as well. "

"Thank you so much that is so sweet of you."

Ms. Corson showed the girls to the outdoor space where the rest of the guest were sitting. Allie and Meredith had not yet arrived. The space was decorated beautifully with lots of what Erin could presume were Allie's favorite flowers. A small buffet and desert bar was situated in one corner and she couldn't wait to try some of the dishes. Erin made small talk with Dawson and Shay regarding things going on at the fire house while they waited for the guest of honor to arrive.

Allie arrived dressed in a simple white dress and appeared to be glowing as she excitedly greeted her guest. When she made it to the table Erin and the girls were sitting at she stopped and grinned.

"Hey Everyone, Hey Erin stand up please." "This is Erin, Jay's partner at work and his best woman for the wedding. Oh and I can't forget his other sisters in service Gabriella and Leslie."

"Hello again everyone" Erin said giving a small wave to the guest.

Erin caught Meredith's eye as she quickly took her seat. Shortly afterwards Meredith came over to the table.

"Hi, Ladies so nice to see you coming out to support Allie today."

"Absolutely no problem at all" Dawson replied for the entire table.

Erin politely smiled as she took a sip from her champagne glass. She already felt like she needed something stronger than what the pineapple mimosa could offer.

Time appeared to go by slowly until Meredith and her other brides maids decided to start up a game. Finally getting to the gift opening everything was becoming a little overwhelming. Smiling and pretending to be genuinely happy for Allie.

Erin excused herself and went to the bathroom. Coming out of the bathroom, she stopped and looked at some pictures that caught her eye. She picked up and looked at pictures of what she imagined to be Ben, Jay, and some pictures of Allie with her parents.

Her clutch began to vibrate and she pulled out her phone. Opening up a text message from Kelly, she read the following message.

"Guess who switched the 2nd half of his shift. This is waiting for you when you get home."

Her apartment had candles and flowers all over her living room/ kitchen area.

She couldn't help but smile it was a grand gesture. Putting her phone back in her clutch she walked back out to their table.

"Hey you alright" Shay asked.

She smiled "yep that friend of yours is too much some times."

"Always" she laughed. "He is doing good. We are proud of him."

Ready to bolt after the last gift was opened. Erin quickly said her goodbyes and headed towards her car.

In a better mood she sang along happily to a song on the radio. When her phone rang she grabbed it and said "Hello".

"I heard you were a hit at the shower."

"Really"

"Yes, Gail loves you."

"She is sweet; I see why you care about them so much."

"What are you about to do?"

Erin took a deep breath. Her head was not agreeing with her heart but she had to do what she needed to do.

"Jay, I'm going to try and you know try and make things work with Kelly."

"Erin"

"No"

"You always do this. Every single time with no fail… you can't do this back and forth anymore. It isn't fair. We are not being fair."

The music continued to play in the background and she fought with herself but remained silent.

"You can't miss what was never yours to begin with."

"Erin this is bullshit. Were you not just kissing me on Wednesday? What changed from all your what if questions."

"I was at your fiancé's bridal shower pretending to be happy for her. I had to hold it together around that amazing woman Ms. Corson. Why because Jay I know you. They are your family. Do you want me to pretend like I have a chance here… any chance at all."

"So this is all my fault? You're settling now… is that it?"

"Right back at you Halstead" she replied coolly.

Jay laughed but she could tell that he was angry. Hurt people will hurt other people.

"Forget it Lindsay, enjoy the rest of your day."

"See you Monday."

Hanging up the phone she repeated the rest of the way home. I can do this I can do this. She kept repeating it until she turned the key in her front door.

Opening up her door she walked inside grateful to be in her space.

"Hey beautiful"

"Hey"

Don't lose your way with each passing day
You've come so far, don't throw it away
Live believing dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story, faith, hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart