For the next few weeks I avoided Ponyboy like he was some kind of Soc or something. Every time I was hangin' out with the other guys, and he would come up, I'd make some rushed excuse and hurry away. Every time, he'd try to follow after me, but I'd run and hide somewhere. I was being so childish, and I knew it. But, my mind was still whirling from that night at the movies, I was still so confused about it all! Most of all, I was just scared.

Scared that if we actually talked, things would change. After he'd dropped me off, I'd had a lot of time to really think about it, and how much I didn't want anything to be different. I loved talkin' to Ponyboy. Loved talkin' to him, sharin' secrets, being there for one another when the other was upset. I was afraid that if we actually became more than friends, that would change. We'd only talk about stupid stuff, and he wouldn't be the best friend I so cared about. The fear was too much to handle, so I avoided him. There was nothin' else I knew to do. I wanted to avoid conversation whatsoever.

I was thinking about this one day at Buck's, sittin' at the bar and talkin' to Soda and Steve.

"Scout!" I jumped at the voice, being pulled from my thoughts, to see that Steve was looking at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

"Why've you been avoiding Pony?" he asked me again. I sighed and looked away. I hadn't been tellin' them anything, but that didn't stop them from asking several times every time we spoke. Once again, I shook my head and just looked down at my coke.

"Not. Just pretty busy." I lied, even though they both knew that was a huge lie. Apparently Pony hadn't told them about the kiss, because none of them ever asked her about it. Or maybe they figured that couldn't be the reason I was avoidin' him, seeing as I was so crazy about him. They knew that better than even I did. But how could I possibly explain to them how I felt. That was the exact reason I wanted Pony to stay Pony, because he was who I would have normally gone to with this. Before Steve could reply, however, Sodapop suddenly straightened up and looked at the door in alarm. I turned to see that a police officer had just walked in, and immediately I looked for an exit. I wasn't supposed to be in here, since I was under eighteen and all. However, the officer didn't even look at me when he got to the counter.

"Do you fellas know a Sodapop Curtis?" the officer questioned. Soda nodded, looking confused.

"That's me, Officer."

"My apologies, I'm Officer Carter." they shook hands, Soda still looking startled.

"What's wrong, Officer?"

"Your brother, Darrel Curtis, is in the hospital."

"What!?" Steve, Soda, and I all said at the same time. The Officer looked between the three of us, surprised himself by our shouts, then turned back to Soda.

"What happened?"

"He had a bad fall. We tried calling your house, but no one answered."

"Thanks a lot, Officer." Soda said, hurrying out from behind the counter and grabbing hold of mine and Steve's wrists, pulling us towards the door. The Officer nodded and left out before us, we followed suit. Instead of walking, like we usually would have when going anywhere else, we piled up into Steve's car and headed in that direction.

"What about Ponyboy? How'll he know?"

"He was workin' with Darry wasn't he?" Soda replied. "He'll be there already."

"Oh right," I nodded, frowning and looking at my hands. Of course this was going to happen. Forced together under horrible circumstances, then I would have to talk to him. This wasn't good, and I wasn't very happy about it, but Darry was more important than my stupid fears. It took us ten minutes to get to the hospital, and when we did, the nurse directed us to Darry's room. Soda had been right, Ponyboy was already sittin' in a chair by Darry's bed when we barged in. They're conversation ceased abruptly, which had me wonderin' what they were talkin' about.

"There you all are." Darry greeted, waving'. He had one leg covered by the hospital sheets, the other was in a cast propped up a little bit with some pillows. He seemed perfectly fine.

"What happened, Dar?" Soda demanded, sittin' on the other side of the bed. "When that cop came and told us, scared the hell outta me!"

"I fell off the roof I was fixin'," Darry shrugged. "It wasn't too bad. Just broke my leg up."

"Lucky too, he fell a long way." Ponyboy chimed in. I looked over at him and saw that he was watching me, and instantly looked away. I heard him sigh, but didn't look back over. "And it's more than just a little break, too. He broke it up bad."

"How long 'till it heals?" Steve asked.

"Doctor won't tell me." Darry shrugged. Ponyboy stood up, and I looked around at him. He wasn't looking at me anymore, but when he passed by, he took hold of my elbow.

"We need to talk, right now." he whispered. "I'm goin' to get some coke, want some?" he called to the rest of the room. They all shook their heads, and he turned, grabbing hold of my elbow again and dragging me out the door with him. He let go of my arm halfway down the hall, but didn't talk yet. I supposed that was okay for now, so I just walked quietly as well. I was scared even more so than before at what he wanted to say. Finally, we reached the cafeteria downstairs and he stopped right outside the doors.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, but my voice cracked.

"Cut it out, Scout!" he snapped, and I took a small step back at his sudden anger. "I know why you're not talking to me, and I'm sorry, alright? But that's not what I wanna talk about-"

"So-sorry?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry for kissin' you, that was a stupid thing to do. I just thought…" he let his voice trail off and sighed softly.

"B-b-"

"I thought you wanted to, okay?" he sounded harassed, like he'd practiced this with himself but it wasn't at all going like he had hoped. It was cute, the way he looked so worried, but I hid my smile. This was serious.

"I did!"

"Then why aren't you talkin' to me?" Ponyboy demanded of me. I hesitated, biting my lip and looking away from him. How could I explain this to him without sounding like a jerk? How could I tell him that I didn't want our friendship to change, without it sounding like I wasn't into him? I actually couldn't think of a way to do that. I settled for the simpler version.

"I just don't want anything to change, is all!"

"What would change?"

"Us! I…we're just…you're my best friend! I don't want to ruin that."

"I see." he nodded, but the look in his eyes told me that what I said hadn't been the right thing. He either understood really, or misunderstood and took it as meaning something else. The look told me it was the latter. We stared at each other for a few more moments, before he just shook his head and stalked off. I watched him go until he rounded the corner, my eyes starting to sting. That's when I remembered he hadn't just wanted to talk about the kiss…he had said there was something else… I was so stupid! Why hadn't I just said something to him? Just explained what was on my mind? Instead, I had taken the 'easy' way out, I'd ignored him, and now he was angry with me. Now he thought something that wasn't true. I bought a coke for him, hoping he would see that I was sorry if I gave it to him, but when I got back up to the hospital room he was gone.

"Where's Pony?" I asked, frowning.

"He left. Said he wanted to find Two-bit and let him know." Soda replied, shrugging as if it were no big deal. My shoulders sagged and I thrust the coke into Steve's hands before hurrying out of the room. I knew exactly where Ponyboy would be goin', and it wasn't to find Two-bit.

I got to Ponyboy's house a while later, having took the bus to get halfway back across town, then walkin' the rest of the way. When I walked around the house, he was right where I knew he'd be, sittin' outside his bedroom window, starin' at the ground. I crept around the house the rest of the way and walked up to stand in front of him, hopin' I looked as guilty as I felt, which mighta made him talk to me more. Apparently, I didn't.

"Wha'dda you want now?" he snapped at me, moving his gaze to glare at the ground again.

"Pony, I'm sorry-"

"I don't wanna hear no apology, Scout." I was shocked to hear that, because I thought that was exactly what he had wanted to hear. Before I could point out my confusion, he continued to talk. "You say you don't want us to change? Don't want us to stop being best friends? Real good point you showed back at the damn hospital,"

"What-"

"I needed you back there, Scout. I needed to talk to my best friend!" I took a small step back, because he was startin' to raise his voice now. "Two-bit wouldn't understand, Soda's too busy tryin' to be the funny guy to listen, Steve don't even like me much. You're the only one I can talk to Scout, and if I thought that was going to change just because you might be my girlfriend, I wouldn't of kissed you in the first place!"

"I kno-"

"No you don't, Scout. Stop tryin' to say things you think I wanna hear when you don't even mean it!" I looked down sheepishly. He was right, I shouldn't say stuff I didn't mean, but he was wrong about that too. I did know what he meant, I realized that on the way over, which was what I tried tellin' him, but he wasn't havin' it.

"I'm real worried, Scout." his voice got real quiet all of a sudden, and I shuffled closer to hear him. "Darry lied when he said it was just a little break. Doctor said he shattered it."

"What's that mean, Pony?" I asked gently, not wanting to set him off again. He really did look worried, and it was startin' to worry me. His eyes looked sad.

"He can't work on roofs no more, Scout! That leg won't heal right, not ever."

"Ponyboy-"

"Forget it, Scout. Our friendship obviously don't stand for much to you if you think it'll just disappear." He said, turning and opening his window to climb in. When he had returned to his bedroom, he turned back to me, eyes narrowed in what I knew was anger and spoke.

"Just so you know, I'd still call you my best friend even if we did kiss and hold hands." then he slammed the window shut and I heard a sound that made my stomach drop, my shoulders sag, and my heart hurt.

For the first time ever, Ponyboy had locked me out.