The days seemed to grow slower for Tony after having left Chris' gravesite. Tony had decided to take Vance up on his offer to become the ADD and take over the behavioral science unit, he'd informed Gibbs of this decision as well, and was now serving out his final days as Gibbs' SFA, at home since he really didn't feel like being around a whole lot of false compassion from coworkers who truly didn't understand the pain his heart was experiencing.
Tony sighed as he stared blankly up at the ceiling of his old apartment, memories of Chris here were few and far between but some still held precious to his mind and heart as he laid in the California King that his husband had insisted they bought, the rationale behind the purchase was sound though…
~*~ Flashback ~*~
"It doesn't make sense to keep this small twin sized bed, we've been dating for nearly seven months now Tony… I know you enjoy the privacy of your apartment sometimes, but seriously… How is a guy my size supposed to fit in this thing comfortably with you?" Chris complained as he tried shifting his six-foot-five frame on the small mattress, while simultaneously trying to keep Tony from falling over the edge of the bed.
Tony laughed as he clung to Chris' body like a second skin, "You're not supposed to, that was the whole point of buying this bed in the first place – So I didn't have to share the space!" Tony jested as he rested his chin comfortably in the center of his boyfriend's chest, mirth dancing dangerously in his emerald green eyes.
Chris grinned as he lifted his head up, and looked down at Tony, "and, do you plan on leaving me anytime soon?" Chris questioned curiously, thin eyebrow raising upward in askance as he stared at the love of his life with a loving look in his own sea green eyes.
Tony shook his head as he nuzzled into Chris' chest, reminding the taller man of a large cat, "No… Not ever." Tony whispered as he curled his fist around Chris' shoulder and pulled himself up to meet his lover's lips in a tender and passionate kiss.
The kiss only deepened as Tony squirmed relentlessly against Chris' body, both men breathless and aching for more as Chris – in the heat of the moment – turned him and Tony over, effectively falling out of the twin sized bed and came to a startling crash on the hardwood floors, sheets tangled around their legs and waists.
Both men began laughing as soon as the initial shock wore off, Chris burrowed his head in the juncture of Tony's neck and shoulder, his entire body trembling with laughter, "You are so getting a new bed… Tomorrow." Chris said with finality after his laughter had finally ceased.
Tony nodded as he slid his long fingers over the short strands of his boyfriend's buzz cut hair, "Okay, we'll go pick one out together, if we're going to be sharing the bed, I think you should definitely have a say in what we sleep on." Tony relented easily, especially because he knew he'd definitely have a bruised tailbone from landing so harshly on the hardwood floors.
They ended up sleeping on the floor that night, and the next day a California King was delivered after several hours of shopping, testing and retesting mattresses for much of the day.
~*~ End Flashback ~*~
Tony sighed as he rolled off the bed and ran a hand through his hair tiredly, he wasn't getting any more sleep just thinking about his husband, and he really didn't want to wake Nick up with his restlessness, it was already six AM and typically Tony would have already been up and functional by now anyway.
Tony trudged into the kitchen, looking around the room with a frown deeply inset on his face as he walked over to the coffee pot and grabbed onto the coffee mug that hung on the hook just above the machine, he poured the freshly brewed sludge into his mug, and leaned back against the counter as he stared at the identical twin of the one he was sipping from.
~*~ Flashback ~*~
Tony walked into the house, sighing tiredly as he dropped his backpack on the floor by the door. He hadn't expected Chris home for another hour, and was pleasantly surprised and shocked when he saw the latter sitting at the dining table, holding Nick on his chest while searching the internet with his free hand, "Hey, what are you doing home so early?" Tony asked as he stripped off his gun and badge, setting them into the lock box on the mantle.
Chris shrugged as he stopped typing and looked over at Tony with a slight smile "Nicky and I wanted to surprise you. I was released from duty earlier than anticipated, so we came home and I ordered a couple of pizza's… Why, were you planning on inviting your side-guy over for a little romp in the hay?" Chris teased, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, the pink of his tongue poking out past his lips slightly.
Tony laughed softly as he walked over to his husband and three month old son, kissing the latter on the top of his soft head, then his husband, whom he'd only been married to for the past month, he kissed lovingly on the lips "Nah, my side-guy is already here, and such a shame, he's already asleep." Tony said quietly as he ran a gentle hand over the fine blonde hairs on Nick's head.
"Hm, well… You should have come home when we did – I couldn't get him to settle down for anything, even bribed him with money!" Chris said, chuckling quietly as he returned his eyes to his laptops screen, scrolling down the options of ceramic coffee mugs.
Tony shook his head as he sat down beside Chris "And what is it that you're shopping for? Normally you would go to a store." Tony questioned, leaning his head against Chris' shoulder to get a better view of the website "Coffee mugs? Don't you think you own enough?" Tony asked, looking up at Chris' face.
Chris nodded "For here I do, yeah… But your apartment suspiciously lacks a copious amount of coffee mugs, and quite frankly I'm tired of using your Mighty Mouse coffee mug." Chris said as he clicked on one of the mugs, then looked over at Tony's affronted facial features, "Hey, don't get me wrong… Mighty Mouse is an awesome dude, but… It's definitely not big enough to contain the amount of coffee I consume in the morning." Chris added, grinning as he leaned over and kissed the adorable pout away from Tony's features.
Tony rolled his eyes as he set his chin onto Chris' shoulder, "I like that one…" Tony said, pointing to the coffee mug that read 'My husband has an awesome husband' on it, centered on a rainbow heart in black lettering.
Chris tilted his head to the side, then nodded as he read the ounces it could hold, "It's big enough, and look – They're having a buy one get one sale… So, I'll buy this as a wedding gift to you, and I get the free one, sound fair?" Chris asked as he turned his head towards Tony again, grinning brightly.
Tony nodded as he grabbed Chris' wallet from the table and extracted the man's debit card "Yeah, it does… But, how will you know which one is the paid for one, and which one is the free one?" Tony questioned as he propped the card on the corner of the laptop.
It was Chris' turn to roll his eyes as he began entering his billing information into the designated spots "Does it actually matter which mug is which? They're both being paid for technically…" Chris retorted as he clicked 'Buy Now' on the screen, then kissed Tony lovingly on the lips and nuzzling into his husband's cheek lightly.
~*~ End Flashback ~*~
Nick came into the kitchen, rubbing tiredly at his sleep filled eyes and leaning heavily against Tony's thigh "Hey buddy, what are you doing awake so early?" Tony asked as he set his coffee mug down and lifted his toddler into his arms.
Nick yawned and laid his head against Tony's shoulder "I no sleepy anymore. We watch toons?" Nick asked as he looked tiredly up at his father.
Tony nodded and smiled as he ruffled his son's curly blonde locks "Sure Nicky, do you want breakfast or do you want to wait a little while?" Tony asked as he headed towards the living room with Nick slowly falling back to sleep in his arms, "Guess we'll wait…" Tony whispered as he shifted onto the couch carefully, then turned the TV onto Nickelodeon, sighing as re-runs of SpongeBob Squarepants came onto the large TV screen.
Tony was nearly asleep himself when a low knocking on the front door began echoing in the rather barren apartment – since a majority of his belongings were at the house – Tony sighed as he opened his eyes and stared at the door, "Well how the hell am I supposed to answer that?" Tony questioned to no one in particular as he looked down at the top of Nick's head, his son still fast asleep.
A few seconds later he heard keys rattling in the doors lock, and he sighed in relief knowing it was someone who had a key and not anyone of his nosy neighbors that he hadn't seen in months. Gibbs came into the apartment a few seconds later, swinging his set of keys around on his index finger, "Morning!" Gibbs said quietly but cheerfully as he pushed the door shut and headed straight for the kitchen to refill his traveling mug.
Tony waited patiently until Gibbs returned to the living room and took up his usual spot on the reclining chair next to the couch "To what do I owe the pleasure, boss?" Tony asked sardonically as he shifted uncomfortably on the couch as Nick pressed an excruciatingly painful knee into his ribcage.
Gibbs shook his head and smiled "Not your boss anymore, Tony. Yesterday was your last day as my SFA…" Gibbs said wistfully as he sipped on his steaming cup of fresh coffee, smirking as the fluids were up to his standards of marine grade sludge and not the weakened hazelnut fluff that Tony seemed to enjoy more.
"Okay, well that still begs the question, what can I do for you?" Tony asked quietly, pushing Nick's knee out of his kidney and back straight against his stomach.
Gibbs shrugged as he settled one leg over his knee and cradled his traveling mug in his hands "Thought you'd need a babysitter for tonight… Heard that the guys have decided that tonight they were taking you out on the town, and although they begged me to go with them – I thought it prudent that someone watch Nick." Gibbs said curiously, looking at Tony as a thousand different emotions and facial expressions clattered for dominance on the younger man's face.
Eventually settling on a slight scowl and furrowed eyebrows, Tony shook his head "I don't feel like going 'out on the town' Gibbs… Have you told them that?" Tony asked, anger lacing his soft spoken words. Gibbs nodded wordlessly as he sipped his coffee "And, being who they are… They're still going to try and get me out of the apartment, and into the nightlife…" Tony surmised as he set his hand against Nick's back, rubbing a soothing hand across his toddler's spine.
Gibbs nodded again in confirmation and watched as Tony mulled it over in his head, "They're not going to try and force me into hooking up with anyone, are they?" Tony asked cautiously, the frown creasing his forehead deepening, Gibbs shook his head negatively and raised a skeptical eyebrow. Tony sighed and rubbed his forehead with his freehand "Alright… But I have free will of the time I feel it necessary to leave – I don't want to be out too late, nor do I want to get into any uncomfortable circumstances." Tony reluctantly relented as he laid his head back against the couch, sighing miserably as he stared at the ceiling.
Gibbs chuckled as he reached over and patted Tony's knee reassuringly "You are your own man Tony, you don't even have to do this if you don't want too… They just thought a night out at Tornado would boost you up a little… Get you back to feeling more like…" Gibbs stopped and furrowed his own brows as he stared down at the lid of his coffee.
"More like my old self? Yeah, I don't think I'll ever get back to that particular point again… But, on the other hand, it might be nice to actually just… let loose and try to relax and enjoy something other than this bundle of chaotic energy." Tony said quietly, a fond smile on his face as he looked down at Nick's head.
And so, there Tony was with Steven and Jimmy, staring at the long line of people waiting to get into the nightclub Tornado, a highly popular gay club that was meant for the older generation, but often times garnered a lot of attention from the younger 'raised by the eighties' crowd. Tony sighed as he tugged at his leather jacket sleeve, an obvious nervous habit of his that he could never seem to break.
"Everything is going to be fine Tony. We'll drink a little, dance a lot, and just enjoy the night and see where it leads us!" Steven quipped happily as he slung his arm over Tony's shoulder, grinning at the slightly taller man.
Tony shook his head "I know exactly where the night is going to lead us… Back home to your spouses, and my son… That's where every night leads us, typically." Tony stated flatly as the trio took a few steps forward in the line as it moved along at a snail's pace.
Steven sighed "Not tonight. I'm going home to a lonely cold hotel room…" Steven sing-songed quietly, "Well, not really a cold hotel room, but cold bedroom nonetheless… Troy is out on maneuvers, getting ready to redeploy back to the unit." Steven said wistfully, staring at the concrete beneath his feet for half a second before he turned back on a charming grin.
Jimmy chuckled quietly "And I won't be going home to anyone either… I'll be going home to an empty house until Gibbs gets home from babysitting Nicky…" Jimmy added to the conversation, popping his sleeves button in and out of the eyelet in boredom.
"Huh… So in all actuality I'll be the only one returning to someone tonight… Well that's mildly disconcerting." Tony said ruefully as he scraped the bottom of his leather dress shoe against the concrete, then continued walking towards the entrance of the nightclub, the line having gotten a lot shorter in the time that they'd been standing there.
By the time they got into the nightclub, the music was pumping loudly and energetically, matching the rhythm of the pulsating strobe lights and other colored lights that constantly moved and grazed over the surfaces of the club "This is so not the Tornado we used to come too…" Tony shouted over the loud rave music.
Steven and Jimmy both shook their heads, "No wonder the line was full of twenty-somethings! Wonder when the hell they changed the club?!" Steven shouted back, glaring around the atrocity that once used to be a delightful place to party at.
A younger man approached the three in a t-shirt with a neon blue tornado on the front "The club changed about three months ago, new management!" he informed them, having overheard their conversation.
Jimmy furrowed his brows "Well what the hell for?! Tornado was doing just fine the way it was before… this!" he protested, waving a hand around the obnoxious club surroundings.
The young man shrugged his shoulders helplessly "Not really sure, but you're right – It was better – just don't tell my boss I said that! If you want, there's a club about three blocks from here that still caters to the older crowd, it's called Nightshade, it's classy and a bit more elegant than what Tornado even was." He told them as he pulled out a pamphlet from his back pocket and handed it to Steven, whom he was closest too.
Tony sighed as he leaned against the side of his SUV, scrubbing a hand down his face tiredly "Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all…" Tony mused out loud, kicking the tip of his shoe against the concrete.
Steven frowned slightly "You look exhausted Tony… I'm sorry I didn't notice beforehand… Since this outing was a bust – How about we do lunch this weekend? All of us, like old times…" Steven questioned, biting back his bottom lip nervously as he stared at Tony, hoping that his words wouldn't strike a chord with the still grieving widower.
Tony shrugged his shoulders "Sounds like a plan, I'll call you tomorrow morning about it and tell you what Nicky thinks… I'm sure he'd love to see all his uncles again, especially before Troy deploys." Tony said quietly as he fished his keys out of his pockets, a small but genuine smile gracing his features for a few seconds before he turned to his SUV "I'll see you guys later." Tony said as he hopped into the driver's seat and started the engine.
Tony dropped his keys on the foyer table, and furrowed his brows slightly as he looked at the display on the DVD player '9:48 PM' "Early for a school night…" he said to himself, chuckling as he pulled his leather jacket off and landed it on the coat rack.
"NICHOLAS SCOTT, GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE!" Gibbs shouted from the back of the apartment.
Nick ran from the back of the apartment, all the way to the entry hall, stark naked and covered in soap suds and water "DADDY!" Nick shrieked as he launched himself into Tony's now wide open arms.
Gibbs came out of the bathroom, his entire front half soaked in soap and water, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a scowl firmly in place, "Nick… What have I told you about running out of the tub in the nude?" Tony scolded lightheartedly as he walked past Gibbs with a grin on his face.
Nick shrugged as he wrapped his soapy arms around Tony's neck "Dat I could slip and huwt myself if I falled down." Nick recited as he bounced excitedly in Tony's arms as they headed back for the bathroom.
Gibbs followed father and son back to the bathroom, crossing his arms over his soaked chest as he watched Tony settle Nick back into the porcelain antique claw foot tub, with mountains of bubbles and every water-toy that Nick owned, "Right. And I also told you it's not nice to get other people wet when they're bathing you." Tony said, glancing over his shoulder at Gibbs.
"Dat was unca Gibbs' fault! He splashed me fiwst!" Nick protested, furrowing his brows and pouting his bottom lip out angrily.
Gibbs grinned, stifling a chuckle in his upper arm as he watched Nick glare at his father, then turn the angered, but madly adorable glare onto him "You're the one who declared submarine wars… All is fair in love and war, young sailor." Gibbs said as he snapped off a two finger salute to his nephew.
Nick sighed dramatically as he returned the salute sharply, "Aye, aye captain!" he said chipperly as he dove into a mountain of bubbles, giggling as the soft suds tickled his nose, "I santa claws daddy!" Nick exclaimed as he looked up at his father and uncle with a bright grin on his face, soapy bubbles covering his entire face and head.
Tony laughed heartily as he leaned back against the toilet, a happy and bright grin on his face as he brushed bubbles away from Nick's eyes and lips, "There, now you look more like Santa Claus… What do you think, Gibbs?" Tony asked, turning towards where the older man had previously been, only to find that he was now gone.
Nick furrowed his brows again, "Unca Gibbs is bery sneaky. He sneaked away from us!" Nick stated, crossing his arms over his bare chest and plopping down into the tub with a harrumph.
Tony nodded as he grabbed a soft pale yellow towel "That he did… It's well past your bedtime now Nick, let's get you into your pajamas. And, if you behave for me, perhaps I'll read Thomas and Friends for ya tonight…" Tony said as he lifted the toddler out of the tub and wrapped him in the towel.
After getting Nick settled into his pajamas and having read two different Thomas the Train books, Tony laid down beside his son, his eyes locked on the ceiling once again as his mind traveled through memories, he couldn't quite shake the feeling of his emptied heart, but, tonight had definitely made him realize that he couldn't keep living a life of solidarity if he ever wanted Nick to grow up to have healthy relationships with other people.
The realization of that was definitely a hard pill to swallow, but he had no choice, he couldn't let Chris' son – their son – growing up without knowing that true love does exist out there somewhere for the young toddler. Whether his son grew up straight, bisexual, or gay, none of that mattered to Tony, but what did matter was Nick's happiness, and Tony would give up everything all over again to make Nick the happiest kid in the world.
"Daddy…" Nick said quietly, turning tired green eyes to look up at his father.
"What's wrong buddy?" Tony asked just as quietly, turning his head down to look into the reflection of his late husband's face, more specifically the same exact eyes and hair.
"Daddy is happy, up in heaven?" Nick asked softly, a single tear filling those beautiful sea green eyes and falling down the toddler's cheek.
Tony frowned slightly as he lifted his toddler up onto his chest, rubbing a soothing hand down his son's spine "I'm sure he is Nicky. He's probably up there with Grandpa Joe again, and they're probably there right now playing baseball…" Tony said quietly, he hated that sometimes, just sometimes, his two year old son was as smart as he was and acted a bit older than what he should, but he wouldn't hurt Nick, not ever, even though possibly telling the toddler what he thought his husband could possibly be doing in heaven was a minor lie in itself, it was better than telling the boy that Chris wasn't actually in a place called heaven, but just merely in a box underneath six feet of dirt.
"Unca Gibbs said that daddy watched us from heaven, can we see him?" Nick asked quietly, twisting his fingers around Tony's pajama top slowly, something the toddler often did when he was thinking about things.
Tony sighed slightly "Well, not exactly… You won't be able to actually see him… but, more like… feel him, whenever you need someone to watch over you… You'll feel him in your heart, and you'll know that he's protecting you, like he always would if he were here with us… Does that make sense?" Tony asked, looking down at the head of blonde on his chest.
Nick nodded as he slid off Tony's chest and snuggled into his father's side, "Uh huh… Daddy say he will always be in my heart, just like you… I won't go nowhere because I was forever." Nick said, setting his hand over Tony's own heart and smiling sadly up at his father.
Tony nodded and kissed the top of Nick's head lightly "That's right. Daddy will keep you and me in his heart always and forever, and he would never let us go." Tony confirmed as he laid his head back down onto the pillow, "Go to sleep Nicky, we both have busy days tomorrow… I've got to go back to work, and you're going back to preschool with all your friends." Tony said as he continued his soothing ministrations on Nick's back, smiling sadly as he closed his own eyes, although sleep didn't come easily for him that night, and thought that sleep might be an elusive opponent for a long time to come.
