So, I'm nothing going to spoil or hint anything. For those who know me usually know that... well... you should just read.
Enjoy.
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Little Loyalty
Chapter SEVEN-Losing
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I was stretched on the couch, lazily yawning as the movie progressed. I usually love watching movies, but I just couldn't seem to concentrate on the screen with Joe so close to me. I kept sneaking glances at Joe who was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch. He was so close, that if I reached out my hand, I could run my fingers through his hair, and just the idea of it filled my stomach with butterflies. And while I sat there totally focused on him, he was busy eating all the popcorn. Admittedly, he occasionally offered me a handful but I always refused; I couldn't eat with the swarm of butterflies inside me floating around lightly, tickling every inch of me.
"What's life like on the road?" I whispered. I thought I had said it too softly for Joe to hear, so I was startled to when he responded.
"Exhausting." He moved his eyes from the television and twisted around to look at me, "But rewarding. I still can't believe we have so many fans and the places we get to see. It's incredible."
I nodded in agreement. Traveling would be nice. I would like to go to the 2012 Olympics in London.
"What's winning a state championship like?" Joe asked.
I smiled, "It used to feel amazing."
Joe nodded and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Winning used to be amazing. I could still faintly remember how overwhelming it used to feel, but recently I realized that there were things even more amazing. Just sitting here quietly with Joe was much better than hitting that homerun or crossing that finish line, and that thought scared me.
"When does your tour kick off again?" I sighed. I purposely hadn't check dates or locations yet because I didn't want to be reminded of how my last year of high school was going to be lonely and miserable.
"On the first of September but we're leaving a week early to check out the stage and make sure it's good."
I made my mental calculations and discovered that there was only about two weeks left before they headed out on tour. I frowned. I didn't want to go through months of social solitude. I mean, I could make new friends but something told me I wouldn't be as open as I usually was. I just couldn't imagine anyone who could replace Stella or Joe.
"What are you going to do without me?" Joe ask grinning. "I think you can manage without Stella but without me? Sheesh."
"How will I ever survive without you Joe?" I said dramatically, hopefully not letting him know that I was wondering the same thing myself.
Joe got on his knees and faced me. He hovered a couple of inches above me and cocked his head to the side.
"Like this," he said. He held my hand and brought it up to his mouth. I felt his warm breath on my knuckles, "Just hang on to little moments and you'll be fine until I come back."
Having him that close to me was exhilarating and confusing at the same time. I had no idea why we kept ending up like this. Kevin and Nick never held my hand or looked at me the way Joe was looking at me.
"Why do we keep holding hands?" I finally blurted out. "It's weird."
Joe released my hand and narrowed his eyes, "Does it bother you? I'll stop."
I sat up, "Don't you think it's weird that we're doing things like this?"
"No," Joe quickly answered. "Why do you think it's weird?"
I pursed my lips and thought for a moment before I said anything.
"We're just friends, right?" I asked carefully. "Because we are being really friendly if you know what I mean."
"I know what you mean and I know exactly what I'm doing. But you didn't answer my question? Why is it weird? You like me, don't you?" Joe studied me.
My mouth slightly parted. Did he mean what I think he meant? How did he know? Was it that obvious that I love having him around? It could be the fact that I can't help but smile whenever I'm around him. I mentally scolded myself for being so un-careful about this. I never expected him to figure it out; in fact, Joe finding out about my feelings was about the last thing I ever wanted to happen.
"How did you figure it out?" I gasped. After I said it, I realized that I had just made a mistake. The smart thing would have been to laugh it off or deny it or to assure him I just thought of him as a friend. But apparently I didn't do well under pressure.
"I started to suspect when you stayed here all night to clean up the Stellavator with me," Joe said. "But I wasn't totally sure until we started to hang out this summer."
I felt embarrassed that he'd known for so long. Maybe that was why he'd been so incredibly nice to me. He felt a soft spot for Stella's pathetic little friend with the crush on him. I felt sick and humiliated. I had to get out of there before I broke down in front of Joe. I quickly scrambled off the couch and tried to get to the door, but I was so upset that I tripped over the edge of the table. Normally I could outrun him, but since I stumbled, Joe had no trouble catching up to me before I reached the door. He spun me around and held me. And then I did the one thing that I had wanted to avoid – I burst into tears. And he held me while I sobbed. I wasn't even sure why I was doing crying. Maybe the building guilt had finally gotten to me. I should not have enjoyed spending time with Joe the way that I had this summer. I was a bad friend. I knew that Stella would never forgive me if she knew that I had been crushing on her ex-boyfriend.
All the while I was crying, he was holding me and stroking my hair and muttering that it was okay. And all I wanted to do was stand there in his arms and pretend it was okay, but I needed to get away from him.
I took a shaky breath and gave him a tight hug trying to signal that it was time for me to leave. I let go of him and tried to step away from him but his arms still held me firmly on the spot.
"Is it really that bad to like me?" Joe said lightly, but there was a hint of hurt in his voice. "I thought it would be a pleasant experience."
I laughed shakily, wiping my eyes. "It's not that. I think it's wrong to relate to you as anything more than a friend because of Stella."
Joe finally let go of me, "Stella?"
My fingers fiddled around with the hem of my shirt, "It's a bit shady don't you think? Crushing on my friend's ex-boyfriend? It feels like I'm sneaking behind her back. I should really tell her."
Joe bit his lip, "If you've been sneaking around then you can count me in on being shady too."
I laughed, "Don't be silly, Joe. You can't blame this on yourself."
"Why?" Joe challenged.
I sputtered, "Well… because! You're not the one who's been acting stupid, falling for someone behind Stella's back. You didn't do anything wrong!"
"I have been pretty stupid before." Joe shrugged.
Another laugh escaped me but it quickly faded. What was Joe trying to say? I studied his face, sure he was joking. But he looked serious.
"We'll be stupid together." Joe cracked a smile.
It hit me like a blow to the stomach. Did Joe like me? After putting the pieces together it seemed like he did but I still couldn't believe it. I blushed and looked at my feet, taking a step away from Joe.
"What are you trying to say?" I asked in disbelief.
"I'll tell you if you admit it too." I heard him say. I was staring at my feet, afraid to look up. And then I felt fingers on my chin and realized he was trying to get me to look him in the eyes.
"I can't," I muttered. "Joe I can't."
"Why?"
"Because," I shook Joe's hand away. "You and Stella have unfinished business, and I'm not going to be the one to keep you two apart if there is still something left."
Joe sighed, frustrated at me, "Stella has moved on! Why is it so bad that I might have too?"
I gaped at him, "Because it's with me!"
Wow, I was arguing with Joe about us. Never in a million years did I think there would ever be an us.
"Can we try?" Joe pleaded. "Can we please try?"
"Joe…" I began, "There's only two weeks before you leave-"
"-So you see how we're limited." Joe interrupted. "We don't have to make anything official if you don't want to. We'll keep on hanging out for the rest of the summer but at least we would have things out in the open and when I come back we can pick up where we left off."
This was what Stella deserved. She deserved what Joe was offering me. I bit my lip trying to fight back the extreme complex emotions that were causing a storm in me. No matter how much I liked Joe I couldn't think of myself when I needed to think of my best friend.
"I'm sorry Joe. You're wrong," I lied. "I don't like you."
Joe frowned, "Stop it Macy."
"It's the truth." My voice wavered as I began for the door. I was a bad liar and this was no exception. The way he looked at me told me he saw right through me but there wasn't much I could do. I reach for the door knob and I took a final glance at Joe. I knew Joe wasn't going to stop me now but it didn't stop him from tearing my heart into two pieces at the sight of him standing in the same spot.
"I know you're lying Macy," he yelled. "Don't think this ends here."
I didn't look back again as I left. I climbed into my car and revved the engine up just as the rest of the Lucas clan pulled up next to me. I ducked my head and drove off as fast as I could because if they noticed the state I was in there would be lots of questions, and I couldn't face that right now. Because I had just walked away from something I desperately wanted.
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It's not like you couldn't see this coming. I could never make things run smoothly. EVER.
Thoughts?
