A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews, PM's, favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate every one of your comments.
Huge thanks as always to my lovely friend's Purdy's Pal, Daisyday and Jedi Skysinger for reading through parts of this.
7
Sam stared at the man opposite him in stunned silence. His mind was still trying to process everything that had happened in the last few minutes, but every time he tried to make sense of the situation he ended up more confused than before.
"How…" he managed before his mind froze again. "Huh…?"
In all the time he'd known Michael he'd never once mentioned that he had a daughter and neither had Fiona. As far as he'd always been led to believe, their relationship had been rocky at best when they first met.
Just recently he'd witnessed the moments when they were united and solid but over the last few months their relationship had been volatile. He'd lost count how many times Fiona had been angry at Michael. She'd made no secret that she didn't want him to work for the government, and that had been the main instigator in their conflicts, but now here they were acting like a perfect family unit, and he had to wonder when the inevitable explosion was going to happen.
Sam eyed the little girl and tried to find any kind of explanation that would shed some light on all of the questions that were swirling around inside his mind. He couldn't ever remember a time when he'd witnessed the sheer contentment in his friend's eyes. Michael had always been so serious and so guarded, but now he portrayed the visage of a very happy man. Opening his mouth to try to formulate a question, he closed it again when he saw his friend's face merge into one big smile.
"Caitlin," Michael looked at the child in his arms and nodded towards the man who was staring at them. "Are you going to say hi?"
Caitlin wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her face against his before she smiled shyly. Moving her face away from her father's she eyed the older man who couldn't take his eyes off of her before she muttered a shy, "Hello."
"Uh…" Sam's words seemed to stick in his throat as he suddenly noticed the resemblance between his friend and the little girl he was holding. There was something about her deep blue eyes and the expression she held that caused him to draw in a ragged breath before he stepped closer towards them. "Hi…"
"Daddy brought me sunny glasses," Caitlin told him shyly as she leaned into her father again so that they were cheek to cheek.
Sam's mouth opened and closed before he finally shook himself out of the shock that was stopping his brain from working. "Your dad…"
"Yep," she told him with a bright smile.
Sam couldn't seem to make his mouth work. Here he was in the presence of a child who had the same eyes as Michael and he couldn't seem to say anything else.
Fiona was watching the exchange with barely contained amusement. For a man who had always boasted to have a certain way with the ladies, he was failing miserably. Shaking her head she sighed and made her way towards him to lay a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "If it's any consolation Sam, her father reacted the same way!"
Turning from her sharply, Sam's eyes widened as he looked back towards Michael and lifted a hand, gesturing towards his friend. His eyes clouded in confusion until Fiona squeezed his shoulder and nodded towards Michael when he placed Caitlin back onto the floor.
"That would be me," Michael grinned, "if you were wondering."
"I uh…kinda got that," Sam told him with a scowl as he stepped forward to hold his hand out to shake Caitlin's fingers. "Well hi there li'l darlin', you're a cutie aren't ya?"
Caitlin smiled up at him when she pulled her hand away to move backwards to lean against Michael's legs. The smile on her face widened as she inclined her head back when his hands came down to rest on her head.
"Daddy…" she giggled, lifting her hand to his on her head to pull it to rest on her shoulder. Keeping their fingers joined she glanced back up at Sam and offered him a toothy grin.
"Are ya going ta tha beach too?"
Sam looked at her in confusion before he shook his head slowly, wondering why she'd asked. "No, I haven't been to the beach for a while."
"Mammy said I can go ta tha beach wit' nana soon," Caitlin told him excitedly as she moved away from her father's legs to step in front of Sam, bouncing up and down. "Do ya want ta come?"
Sam couldn't seem to stop the smile that formed on his lips when the little girl beamed up at him. She had an infectious smile that melted away every ounce of shock that had encompassed him only moments ago. "Maybe I could come with ya for a while."
Caitlin moved a little closer and looked up at him. His smile caused her to grin at him as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "We're goin' ta have ice-cream."
"Really?" Sam asked. For some reason he'd imagined any child of Michael's to favour frozen yoghurt. Glancing up to Michael's besotted face he couldn't help but smile down at the child standing before him. "Ice cream huh?"
"Yep," she grinned, moving even closer. "Do ya like me dress?" she asked as she looked down at herself. "It's pink."
Sam couldn't help but fall for this little girls charms. When she gazed up at him with bright blue eyes and a big wide smile he could already feel himself melt a little more.
"You like pink?" he asked as he reached down to pat her head gently." Nothing like your mom I see!"
"Hey," Fiona mock scolded when swatted his arm playfully. Looking down at Caitlin she felt herself falling more in love with her daughter when she looked up to cast her a big smile.
"Mammy, Uncle Sam's comin' ta tha beach too," she beamed. "Can we go today? Pleeeease…"
"Don't you want to go home and spend some time with your uncle's before they come and stay with your nana?" Fiona asked her cautiously. "They'll be going back to Ireland soon."
Caitlin stopped and looked up at her for moment and for a few seconds Fiona could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Was this going to be the moment when her daughter would finally realise she was staying here without them. Lifting her eyes she met Michael's concerned gaze and swallowed heavily before dropping her eyes back to Caitlin's smiling face.
"After?" Caitlin asked quickly when she jumped towards her mother and held onto her hands, bouncing up and down. "Please mammy?"
Fiona took a shaky breath and found herself nodding her head in stunned silence. Caitlin propelled herself forward and hugged her mother's legs before letting go just as quickly to turn back towards Sam.
Moving to stand in front of him again she took his hand and held onto him as she bounced up and down. "Are ya goin' ta come too Uncle Sam? When Uncle Seamus and Uncle Sean go home?"
Sam looked up to Fiona who drew in a sharp breath before she turned away from them. He didn't miss the concern in his friend's eyes when he moved around the table to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder. He had no idea why Fiona reacted the way she had but he knew it had to mean something. Looking down at the little girl holding onto his hand he distracted her quickly before she could turn around.
"I like your dress," he told her. "It's like my shirt."
Caitlin looked up at him and suddenly burst into a fit of giggles. "Yer silly," she told him as she held onto his hand. "Ya got trees on yer top." Looking down at her dress she held the skirt out for him to see. "See…I've got flowers."
"It's real pretty," Sam grinned down at her, feeling more at ease with every passing second. He waited until Fiona left Michael's side to go into the kitchen with Madeline before he squeezed Caitlin's hand. "You look just like your mom."
Caitlin gasped in a breath and smiled brightly when she turned back towards her father who had moved to sit in one of the chairs beside the table. Releasing Sam's hand she clambered towards him and pushed his hands away from his knees so she could pull herself upwards to sit on his lap.
"Uncle Sam's funny," she giggled, putting both of her hands over her mouth.
"You think I'm funny?" Sam grinned, feeling lighter than he had in a long time. "What's your dad been telling ya?"
"Nothing," Michael told him quietly, his voice serious until he saw Sam's eyes spark with delight. "That's not funny, Sam."
"Oh come on Mike, just the look on your face," Sam chuckled. "It's a little funny."
Michael shot him a glare before he glanced back towards the kitchen to see Fiona talking to his mother. Sam followed his gaze and wondered again what had rattled Fiona's cage. She seemed to teetering between elation and fear, but he knew whatever was bothering her was something he wasn't privy to.
Michael was so engrossed in watching Fiona that he didn't hear Caitlin saying his name until she leaned forward to tap his face. His head shot around and he smiled down at her, worry still evident in his eyes.
"Daddy, I need tha bathroom," she told him as she slid down off of his lap. When he didn't move she reached forward to grab his hand. "Dadddddy..."
Michael's mouth opened and closed, sudden fear sparking in his eyes. "I…uh…let's get your mom—"
"Nooo," Caitlin whined. "I want ya ta come."
Sam couldn't hardly contain the laughter that bubbled up inside him. He saw his friend's eyes flare with terror as he started to try and find a way out of the situation.
"What's wrong?" Fiona asked suddenly when she came towards the table and looked from Michael to Caitlin with apprehension.
"I need a wee," Caitlin told her as she pulled her father's hand.
"Okay, come on," Fiona smiled. "Let's—"
"Nooo…I want daddy ta take me…" tugging on his hand again she started bouncing from side to side until he stood up to stand beside her.
Michael glanced helplessly towards his girlfriend, his eyes imploring her to help but she shook her head with a defiant smile. "Just show her where the bathroom is and wait outside the door," she told him. "She can do everything else herself."
Michael glanced up at her dubiously, apprehension filling his eyes when he looked down at his daughter. Nodding his head cautiously he took her hand and led her towards the bathroom, trying to act natural as he smiled down at the little girl who was chattering to him the entire time.
When they'd gone, Sam picked up what was remaining of his beer and downed it in one gulp before breaking out into a wide grin. Shaking his head he knew the image of his friend's terror filled eyes would stay with him for long time. Somehow Michael Westen, spy extraordinaire, was a million miles away from Michael Westen the father.
Sam couldn't ever remember a time when he'd witnessed his best friend become terrified by any situation, but it seemed that taking his daughter on a bathroom break was more than enough to unhinge the once stoic spy.
Glancing back towards the kitchen he could see that Madeline was watching the younger woman beside her with concern. There was something going on here that went deeper than he realised and when the older woman cast him a pleading look he swallowed hard before he moved towards them.
Madeline patted him on the arm before she made some lame excuse about needing to find something in the garage. She looked back towards Fiona worriedly then she made her way outside.
Sam watched after her for a few moments before he turned back around to find Fiona's eyes on him. Usually he would come out with some kind of joke, knowing that she would snap right back, but when he caught the look of complete desolation in her eyes he felt every one of his defences slipping.
"She's a sweet kid," he started, not really knowing what to say. Moving closer beside her he stopped when she turned around to lean against the kitchen counter.
"So," Fiona's voice broke through the silence, causing him to lift his eyes to hers. "I guess you want an explanation?"
"Look Fi…" shaking his head he lifted his hand to stop her from talking. "You don't owe me anything. I gave up questioning you two a long time ago!"
"But aren't you curious?" she asked him suddenly, not sure if she was relieved or offended that he didn't have any questions. "Don't you want to know why I hid her all these years?"
Sam couldn't explain it but the moment she lifted her gaze up to his he was suddenly drawn to her. "I've never cared much about the past…it weigh's ya down…"
"Yeah, it does doesn't it," she sighed sadly as her eyes dropped down to her fingers. "I always wanted her back, but…"
Sam shifted uncomfortably and for one fearful moment he thought she was going to burst into tears. Looking behind him he silently prayed for Michael to come back from the bathroom trip to defuse whatever was going on with his girlfriend, but then a sudden thought struck him.
"Is Mike staying with the two a ya?" he asked her, keeping his voice low as he looked at her. For a few seconds she didn't reply and he wondered if he'd over stepped the mark but when she lifted her eyes to his, whatever he was going to say died on his lips.
"He's staying… for now," she nodded. "I'm not sure for how long…"
"Come on Fi, this is Mike we're talkin' about. He's a lot a things but he ain't about to leave ya."
"He's left me plenty of times Sam," she told him sharply, her eyes sparking with fire. "You really think Caitlin is going to change anything?"
"Now Fi—"
"No Sam…you told me yourself that the second he hears those magic words he's out of here," she told him defensively. "We both know it's only a matter of time."
Sam tried to think of something reassuring to say to her but he knew she was right. Michael wasn't ever going to change despite knowing what he could lose if he left. His eyes drifted over to Fiona's resigned form, knowing that he would never stand by and let her think she had to do this alone.
"I just want ya to know somethin' okay… if Mike ain't around, Maddie an' me will be here to back you up."
His words caused Fiona's breath to hitch in her throat and sudden tears to well in her eyes. She loved her brother's but this man beside her had become so important to her over the years, and she was probably a lot closer to him than she was her own family. Her eyes flooded with emotion but she blinked it away when he suddenly panicked and withdrew his hand. Stepping away from her he shook his head and held up his hands in dismay.
"I didn't mean to upset ya…"
"No, you didn't," she told him with a shaky smile as she patted his arm reassuringly. "That's…good to know Sam…thank you."
"Uh…anytime, Fi." Coughing to hide the lump in his throat, Sam turned away from her and towards the doorway to see Madeline making her way inside. He had no idea where his offer had come from, but he knew that this young woman didn't deserve the harsh treatment that his best friend had delivered to her over the years. Even he was amazed that she'd stuck around for so long.
"She was born in Ireland," Fiona told him suddenly, breaking him out of his thoughts. "By the time I realised I was pregnant Michael had already left..."
"Fi you really don't—"
Shaking her head, Fiona closed her eyes and took another breath. She knew she didn't have to explain herself to anyone; she'd never sought out anyone's approval in the past. Opening her eyes again she sighed heavily when she realised that the older man before her had always treated her with respect, even though at times they'd fought over trivial things. He had always been honest.
"O'Neill was looking for me and I was forced to leave Ireland without Caitlin…it was too dangerous…"
"I get it Fi," Sam told her, trying to sound reassuring even though he was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. "It's okay—"
"It'll never be okay, Sam…" lifting her eyes to his she knew she couldn't hide the sadness that had been welling there since Caitlin had arrived. "He's going to leave and she's going to hate me—"
Her voice broke off when the unmistakable chatter of the little girl who had caused so much chaos came bouncing back into the room. Stepping quickly away from Sam, Fiona drew in a shaky breath and turned away, unwilling to allow anyone to see how deeply this was affecting her.
"It's going to be okay, honey," Madeline told her softly when she came to stand beside her. She could see how much the younger woman was struggling to remain in control, so when she turned back around to plaster a false smile to her face she couldn't help but admire her. She had used that same smile so many years ago when she'd hidden her misery away from prying eyes. Back then she'd had no one to turn to and there was no way she was going to let Fiona go through this alone.
She knew that her son loved the woman standing beside her; she'd witnessed it with her own eyes on more than one occasion. It was just the little gestures he lacked, and those were the things that Fiona longed for the most. She needed to know he was committed and that he wasn't going to run off and pursue his own career to leave her alone with his child. If Michael couldn't see these things on his own then she was going to make damn sure he knew about them.
Standing back she watched on proudly as Fiona moved towards her daughter with such grace that she couldn't help but smile. Whether she believed it or not, Fiona was portraying motherhood so well and there was nothing about her that screamed she didn't know what she was doing.
"Mammy, daddy showed me his old room," Caitlin told her excitedly when she took hold of her hand.
"Yeah?" Fiona asked her with a smile, pushing the impending fear to the back of her mind as she led Caitlin over to the couch and sat down. "Did he show you his old box of models in the closet?"
"Yep," Caitlin grinned, but the smile slipped away when she looked up at her mother seriously, "but thar wasn' any dolls."
Sam was in the process of swallowing down a mouthful of beer when he heard the innocent complaints of his friends' little girl. Swallowing quickly before he choked, he coughed and spluttered as he tried to draw in a deep breath.
"Something wrong Sam?" Michael asked him with a knowing smirk as he turned away from him to sit beside Fiona and Caitlin on the couch. Despite the light heartedness he knew by the way Fiona tried to hide the hurt in her eyes that something was wrong.
The last twenty-four hours had been a rollercoaster for both of him, but he knew this was what Fiona had been dealing with on her own for the last five years. Guilt had found a permanent place in his heart since the time he'd left her alone in their bed, knowing that he wasn't coming back. He didn't even think of what he was doing to her by leaving, all he knew was that the memories of that night had haunted him more than just once.
Reaching behind Caitlin's back he touched Fiona's arm to gain her attention, and when she slowly turned around to face him he knew he had to make her understand that despite the past, he wasn't going to leave her again.
"You okay?" he mouthed, his fingertips tracing a pattern over her bare arm before it came to rest on her shoulder.
His concern brought a burst of hope to Fiona's eyes. She didn't know if she would ever be the same again. With a sigh she nodded her head and offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile as she leaned her cheek onto his hand. She knew she had to get over this, but after every other part of her life had presented her with some bitter disappointments, she didn't dare hope that things had changed.
Pushing her worries away she pressed a kiss to Caitlin's head and pulled her tighter against her side.
"I don't think your daddy was the kind of boy who liked playing with dolls," she told her before glancing up at Michael, smiling brightly. "I think he was more of a gun kinda boy."
Michael could feel the tension melting away from her when she relaxed against the back of the couch, taking Caitlin with her.
"And your mom liked things that went boom," he told her as he cast Fiona a teasing grin before he sank back against the cushions and nestled Catlin in between them
"That's because I grew up with so many brothers!" Fiona retorted with a wide smile. "It isn't a lot of fun being the only girl…"
"I don't like boys," Caitlin announced from where she was nestled in between her parents. "Daniel was mean."
Fiona exchanged looks with Michael before she touched Caitlin's hand, running the tip of her fingertips over her skin. Her brother's eldest son flashed into her mind but she was finding it hard to picture the ginger haired ten year old.
"What did he do that was mean?"
"He pulled me hair," Caitlin pouted as she snuggled into her mother's side. "An' he said I didn' have a mammy."
"Well that was mean, baby," Fiona told her softly. "But sometimes boys do that."
"He said aunt Marie wa' goin ta…habdopt me…" Caitlin moved out from between them to climb onto her lap and leaned against her. "Ya won't let har though will ya mammy…ya won't let har cut all me hair."
For a moment Fiona's eyes sparked with fury. She was pretty sure that Pat's son had overheard the adoption word and chosen to torment Caitlin with it. The only thing she was thankful for was that Caitlin had no idea what it meant. Her mind slipped back to a conversation that she'd had with her brother a few days after she'd called her mother to tell her she was coming back to Ireland. She'd been feeling lost and alone and all she wanted was to have her daughter back with her, the small piece of Michael that she knew would love her without question.
"No one wants ta take yer babby away from ya sis," Patrick told her when she held the phone to her ear. "Yer don't have ta worry abou' tha' okay."
"How do I know tha' Pat?" she asked, her heart beat thundering inside her chest. "She doesn't even know who I am."
"O' course she does," he snapped. "I tell har every day who har mammy is."
"Yeah? And wha' do ya tell har when she asks why I'm not thare?"
"Fiona…it's not—"
"Do ya tell har I didn't want har? TELL me Patrick."
"I don' tell har anythin'…Marie takes har away an' distracts har wit' stuff…I don' know…tha' kids are har thing."
"I wan' me daughter back Pat, she should be with me—"
"An' as soon as yer settled ya can have har. She's yer babby Fiona, I ain't goin' ta take tha' away."
"I'm comin' home, she'll be livin' wit' me," she told him defiantly, waiting for him to tell her he'd see her soon, but the next voice that answered hadn't been her brothers, but his wife.
"Fiona," Marie's voice softened as she spoke, "I know ya want ta have har wit' ya, but think wha's best fer har."
"This is best fer har Marie. I'm har mother, I'm coming home."
"Wha', when?"
"Soon," Fiona told her. "I'll be thare within tha week."
Her thoughts came back to the little girl beside her and she suddenly realised that she's drifted away. Squeezing her shoulder she placed another soft kiss into her hair. "No baby, no one is going to cut your hair."
"But Daniel said—"
"Daniel was teasing you," Fiona told her quickly, her voice rising slightly. She could already feel the anger simmering inside her and the first instinct was to head back to her place to confront her two brothers and demand answers. She wanted to know the truth and if she had to go back to Ireland to rip the entire place apart to find out for herself, then she was damn well going to do it.
Sensing her changing mood, Sam met Michael's eyes and moved towards the couch to focus on the little girl that was nestled against her mother's chest.
"Hey Caitlin, if it's okay with your mom and dad, maybe we could go to the beach for a couplea hours after all?"
Caitlin's eyes grew wide and she sat up on Fiona's lap before she dived towards her. "Can I mammy? Pleeeeease…"
Fiona looked down at her daughter before lifting her eyes up to Sam. Any other time she would have been furious but when she saw the apology in his gaze she was actually grateful for the distraction. Nodding her thanks, she touched Caitlin's shoulder to keep her from bouncing up and down excitedly. Taking a breath she tried to keep her voice steady and focus on her daughter rather than what punishment she wanted to dish out on her brother's.
Seeing her struggling to remain in control, Michael sat forward and tapped Caitlin's cheek affectionately before sliding his hand over Fiona's arm. He knew being separated from their daughter wasn't something that Fiona was handling well, but he also knew she was like a ticking time bomb, and when the time came for her to take out her anger on her family he wanted to be right there alongside her.
"How about we go back home to pick up your bathing suit first," Fiona suggested as she turned to look at the man beside her before turning back to their daughter.
Caitlin squealed excitedly and leapt forward to throw her arms around her mother and then sat back in her lap to smile up at her. "Yer coming to tha beach too aren't ya mammy?"
Fiona was taken aback for a brief moment before her lips turned upwards into a smile, "Of course I am baby, as soon as me and your dad have brought Uncle Sean and Seamus's things over here we'll come and find you."
"Can we jump in tha sea?" Caitlin asked excitedly as she bounced on Fiona's knee to emphasise it. She giggled when Michael looked at her with an adoring smile and promptly propelled herself onto his lap. Turning half way around to face him she captured his face in the palm of her hands to keep him still. "Will ya jump in tha sea wit' me?"
"Uh…"
"Of course he will sweetheart," Madeline piped up from the kitchen as she came to stand beside Sam. "That's what daddy's do."
Michael's eyes whipped up towards his mother and fixed her with a steady glare that slowly dissipated when Caitlin wrapped her arms around him.
"Come on li'l darlin'," Sam chuckled as he held out his hand to her, enjoying seeing the discomfort on Michael's face. "Let's go and see if we can find somethin' for ya to eat while your mom and dad are out."
"Okay," Caitlin beamed a smile in Sam's direction before she climbed off of Michael's knee to grab hold of Sam's hand. Looking back at her parents she grinned happily and waved before she hopped and bounced all the way towards the kitchen, her voice echoing throughout the room.
"Are ya goin' ta jump tha waves wit' me Uncle Sam?" she chattered happily as she clung to his hand.
Sam's laughter rumbled as he grinned down at the little girl who had everyone enraptured. "Ya know, honey, I just might…"
Madeline couldn't help but smile when she watched their retreating form. This little girl was something that they had all needed for a very long time. Turning back around to face Fiona and Michael she sighed heavily when she could still see the dazed expression on both of their faces.
"Go," she told them forcefully. "We'll be on the beach when you get back."
"Thanks Madeline," Fiona told her thankfully as she got up from the couch to take one last look towards her daughter. "We won't be too long."
"Take as long as you need," the older woman told her as she patted her arm. "She'll be fine."
"Mom—"
"Michael," Madeline fixed him with a piercing gaze and folded her arm across her chest. "Your girlfriend needs you."
Michael's eyes shot to Fiona who was still watching their daughter's interaction with Sam. Nodding his head he touched Fiona's shoulder to gain her attention before ushering her out of the house and towards the charger, knowing that the two Glenanne brother's had better have a good explanation for why Caitlin mentioned something about adoption.
Getting into the car, Michael turned to watch Fiona worriedly when he could already see her biting the inside of her lip. He knew she was angry, and so was he, but they weren't going to get answers by beating it out of them.
"They were going to keep her," Fiona's words came out in a rush when Michael started the car. "I'm going to kill 'em…I'm going to kill all of 'em…"
"Listen, Fi…I want answers too but—"
"Oh no, you're not taking this away from me Michael," she hissed angrily. "I stood there and watched my brother and his wife lie to me. Believe me, they're going to pay…they're all going to get what they deserve."
"Okay, but I want to be there too when the bullets start flying."
"Oh look, there you go on your white charger again," she told him dryly before she flashed him a slight smile. Pulling her bag onto her lap she delved her hand inside and rested her hand on the cool metal that nestled in the bottom of her bag. "Just as well I brought my own fire power."
Shaking his head, Michael felt his lips turn upwards into a smile as he reached across and took her hand in his before he turned his eyes back onto the road. For their own sake he hoped Sean and Seamus were in a talking mood because he wasn't sure he could keep Fiona from shooting them first. Squeezing her hand, he smiled when he felt her spread her fingers over his thigh while he drove, and he knew right in that moment that whatever happened, they were going to be okay.
TBC
