So, here, as vaguely hinted at in the last author's note, Dan's chapter. I find he's the most boring character I've done so far, so bear with me. Unfortunately, I still have to make my way through Rufus and Vanessa before posting Georgina's chapter, which I've already finished. Anyway, without further ado, Dan. The title comes from the Smash Mouth song "Everyday Superhero."

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victim of ordinary things

-ten true facts about Daniel Randolph Humphrey-

10. He really hates being called Daniel—it was one of the things that turned him against Celia from the very beginning, because he always associates the use of his full name with getting in trouble. It's not his fault.

9. The first story he ever wrote was called the Little Puppy, in which a lonely Labrador retriever went on a journey to find friends. It was eight pages long, complete with six-year-old scribbles. He's sure that, someday, a psychologist will use it as a childhood case study, but until then he's keeping it locked in the top drawer of his dresser.

8. Dan always wanted a tattoo. His dad had one, a flower, on the back of his hand. Whenever he asked about why he got it, he'd look away and change the subject. He didn't understand why his mother was constantly asking when he was going to "get that lily tattoo removed."

7. Serena was the first person he slept with, and the only girl he's ever really and truly loved. He keeps that with him, tucked away in a secret part of his heart, while the rest of him is filled up with a different kind of love for her—the right kind this time.

6. For a little while, Dan really, really wanted Chuck Bass to like him. To this day, he still can't figure out why—it wasn't the pot or the money or the girls, that's for sure. Maybe it was the close relationship he had with Nate, the kind of relationship that he craved for himself.

5. He's never really been into practical jokes, but one April Fool's Day he woke up early and took all of Jenny's left socks and placed them around the apartment in innocuous places.

It took her ages to figure it out, but when she did, she screeched and chased him to his bedroom, tickling him into submission.

4. He was never really mad at his mom for leaving. Sure, she shouldn't have stayed away for that long, but he could understand why she did. That wasn't to say he didn't wish she would come back, but he didn't resent her for going in the first place.

3. When he's twenty-four, long since broken up with Olivia, he meets Fiona at a bar, a tall, beautiful blonde and aspiring model. He falls in love with her on sight, and they marry two years later.

Sometimes Dan wonders if he's only attracted to blondes.

2. Blair Waldorf absolutely terrifies him, and even though they maintain a civil relationship now, he sometimes feels like cowering when she sets her gaze on him.

1. When he's twenty-six, Dan gets a tattoo. A heart on his chest, for Fiona. When he's twenty-seven, for the first time, he doesn't whap her when she teases him by calling him Daniel. When he's twenty-eight, she gives birth to his son.

And when he's thirty-three, he takes out the original copy of the Little Puppy from the bowels of his dresser drawer, and he reads it to her.

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Done. I'm kind of glad I got that chapter over with, because I'm that much closer to moving on with the more interesting characters. Review and tell me who you want next: Rufus or Vanessa.