The Snow Moon


Year Four, Chapter Seven

Mating Questions


Renesmee's Point of View


Jacob started school last week with the rest of the family. I didn't like having him gone so long, but at least it was less time than before when he was away at Hoodsport High School. Now he was home all the time on the weekends, and away for just over six hours on Mondays. They were the worst, but again not as bad as before. Tuesday afternoons he left for three hours, then was back home all day Wednesdays, before being gone all morning on Thursdays and Fridays, returning just before and after lunch those days.

My family all had different schedules in college so they were always popping in and out of the house at various times. When Jacob was away and my family, who were home, but off doing other things – reading, play fighting, "couples activities", or whatever, I decided to use that time to start to get to know Nahuel a bit better.

I had been going over my choices between Jacob and Nahuel for a little over two weeks when something occurred to me that probably should have been pretty obvious. Vampires mated for life, or eternity, or whatever. But I was only a half-Vampire. What if I was more human in that regard. What if I never settled down with one person? Well one Wolf or one half-Vampire. What if my feelings switched back and forth, continuously over the centuries, between Jacob and Nahuel? That seemed like a strange concept, it was weird, hopefully highly unlikely, gross even... Maybe... Possibly?

But what about my Jacob? I was it for him since he Imprinted on me. I loved him, but did I love him in that way? I thought I did last year, but was I right? Was I too young? Jacob and my parents thought so, for different reasons of course. Am I still too young?

And if I didn't end up picking Jacob, he would never be with anyone else. In a way Embry had it easy. If his Imprint never chooses him he would have sixty to seventy years of platonic friendship until she died and then it would be over. But Jacob would be stuck in friend limbo forever, literally.

But, then again, what if I did choose him, initially, but then one day changed my mind, or heart rather, after fifty years? I could never hurt him like that. But would I be able to stay with him if I developed feelings for Nahuel, or someone else entirely? Or what if I just stopped loving him, even if there wasn't anyone else?

Nahuel was over one hundred fifty years old and he had yet to choose a permanent mate. Maybe half-Vampires didn't do that. I think I needed to have a conversation with him and get some answers, if he even had any. Maybe one or more of his sisters had found a permanent mate, like full Vampires did.

I had to work my courage up, but the next week I asked Nahuel to take a walk with me, while everyone else at home was otherwise occupied. Jacob was still at school along with Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett, but should be returning in two hours. I think that should give me plenty of time to find out what I needed before Jacob returned. I didn't want him hearing my conversation and worry needlessly.

We were taking a leisurely stroll through the woods a few miles behind the house. I had hoped to run but Nahuel thought that, since it was such a nice day, he wanted to walk. Time was going to be cut close now, but I was sure Jacob would be fine if I returned home a few minutes after him.

We were going to a little clearing I had found on one of my many hunting trips with Jacob. I wanted to get far enough away from the house that not only would no one hear us, but my father, who was home, would not be able to read our minds, at least not until we returned and thought about what was said. I needed a little privacy at least while I was talking, with no interruptions from my father or anyone else.

"Renesmee, have you asked me out here because you have come to a decision about us?" Nahuel looked so happy, but I had no intention of leading him on.

"Actually I had some questions regarding how half-Vampires mate."

He started chuckling. Why was he laughing at me? "You're not that sheltered are you? Surely you know how sex works?"

"Yes, I'm aware of how it works." I didn't mean to, I wanted to keep this straightforward and serious, but rolled my eyes at the absurdity of his statement. "That wasn't what I was referring to. I was wondering if you knew if we were more or less similar to humans or full Vampires?" He looked confused so I elaborated. "Are we capable of choosing one mate for life, forever, like my family? I know some of our cousins in Denali, Tanya and Kate, use to have many... um, partners over the centuries but never found a permanent mate, until Kate met Garret, that is. Now the two of them are mated together forever. Is it the same with us?"

"I too, have had many temporary companions over the years," he admitted, "none of whom resulted in becoming my mate, but from what I have heard from my sisters, once we find out mate, it is permanent."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, you don't know how good that is to hear."

"Did you have any more questions for me?"

"Not at this time, but it's nice to know I have someone to go to if I do."

"You can always come to me, Renesmee. Just let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you, Nahuel," I said with a smile. This was such a relief to learn I would not be hurting either of them if my feelings were not constant.

"Well then, now that that's settled, shall we begin?"

Begin? Begin what?

Nahuel grabbed my hand and moved in to kiss me. He wasn't moving fast, and his eyes were closed, so I was able to quickly sidestepped him and blocked his next attempt with my hand but he still had managed to get his arms around me.

"Nahuel, I think I gave you the wrong idea. I realize I'm the only other half Vampire that's known to exist, but I can't do this. I'm not ready for this yet, with you or anyone else," I said as I pushed out of his grip.

Suddenly my giant, four legged, russet protector was in front of me and growling at Nahuel. How did he get here so fast, and how did he know there was anything wrong? I was a little worried about what he had heard, but that was a problem for later. He was about to pounce.

"Jacob, calm down. I'm fine."

Nahuel took a single step back. "I'm sorry, Renesmee, when you asked me about us mating I assumed you meant -" He never got to finish his sentence though, Jacob began creeping towards him, growling louder and louder with every word he spoke.

"JACOB!" I half shouted, half pleaded. "Stop that, and phase back now. You're not helping. Nahuel is not a threat."

Thankfully he did as I asked and phased back to human. Unfortunately that didn't stop his attack on Nahuel.

"What EXACTLY do you think you're doing?" Jacob screamed at Nahuel as he knocked him to the ground. At 6'7" Jacob was a full foot taller than Nahuel's 5'7" frame. He wasn't as strong as when he was in Wolf form, but still much stronger than a normal human. I wasn't sure which one would win if a fight broke out now, Nahuel not being as strong as a full Vampire either.

"This does not concern YOU. This is between Renesmee and myself," Nahuel yelled back, as he sprang back onto his feet.

"EVERYTHING regarding Renesmee concerns me! And I heard your little chat with her. I don't remember her EVER saying she was interested in doing anything with you."

I didn't want to find out who would win in a fight between the two. "Jacob," I said, stepping in between them, "could you give me a minute, alone, with Nahuel?"

"Nessie, I -"

"Please?" I looked straight into his eyes, to show him how serious I was.

"Alright, if you're sure, but I'll be right over there," he relented, pointing over to a tree less than one hundred feet away, then turned to Nahuel and added a warning. "But if you even try to lay one hand on her, remember that I'll be back in an instant and bite it off."

Jacob walked away. This was going to be awkward. I didn't want to alienate either of them and knew Jacob would still be able to hear and see everything that was happening between Nahuel and myself. I would need to choose my words very carefully.

"Nahuel, I'm sorry if I gave you with the wrong impression. I only meant to speak with you in order to see if you had any answers to my questions. I needed to know what to expect regarding my choices for the future. But as has been pointed out to me, repeatedly, by my family and Jacob, I'm only three, or fifteen years old, depending on how you look at it, after all. Both are too young to choose to mate and begin that part of my life.

"I do not think you're too young. I do remember being your age, you know. And I have noticed the change in your aroma. You smell even lovelier than you did before."

My scent? What was different about the way I smelled? And what did that have to do with anything? "Yes well... also, as Jacob pointed out, I didn't exactly say I wanted to start anything with you right now. We don't even know each other very well, after all."

"Renesmee, we have forever to get to know each other, but the time before you stop aging is dwindling quickly."

"Not that quickly. I still have four years. Is that the only reason you're interested in me?"

"No, I genuinely like you, and believe we can grow to love each other someday. You're a fascinating young woman, Renesmee."

"How can you say that? You barely know me," I questioned again.

"I think I know you pretty well. What did you think I was doing coming all the way here, and to Washington before this, for your birthday every year. I wanted to spend time with you, to get to know you, so I could become your mate as soon as possible."

I heard Jacob growl lightly, but I still needed to talk to Nahuel so I shot him a warning look. Nahuel wasn't doing anything to me, or saying anything I didn't already know.

"I'm sorry to disappoint... your visit." Did I really know Nahuel? I knew Jacob, and my mother and father, and my Aunts and Uncles, and grandparents. I saw them every day of my life. But Nahuel? I guess I knew him as well as the Wolves in La Push, but did I really KNOW them? I knew their names, and a few odd facts about them, we hung out together a little. But I didn't know everything about them, like I did with my family.

I wonder how well humans got to know each other before they mated? Well, actually they didn't mate for life, like Vampires did, but I believe they did briefly get married or enter committed relationships for a small number of years before dying, getting divorced, or simply moving on to someone else. And from what I learned from books, poems, music, television shows, and movies they did sometimes engage in the physical aspects of relationships even before getting to know each other very well at all.

"If you do not believe you're currently old enough then I must respect your wishes, for now," he sighed. "But please keep the time constraint in mind. I know we would be good together. I think, right now it would be best if I gave you some space," he said, eyeing Jacob. "I shall be in Carlisle and Esme's guest room. Please come find me if you change your mind. I do not believe I'll be too welcome closer to you, presently. . Not until your protector has had a chance to cool down. But Renesmee, as the deadline approaches I'll be more persistent. Please think about what I have said."

Hmmm, I might need to add "possessive" and "arrogant" to Nahuel's cons list.

As Nahuel jogged back to the house, Jacob came back over to me.

"So, you and Nahuel?" Jacob snickered. Though he would never admit it I could swear I heard a little unease in his voice. He was trying to not act too upset around me but he was obviously still disturbed no matter how hard he was trying to hide it.

"Oh yeah, sure. I absolutely wanted my first time to be right here in the woods." Jakes eyes shot open wider than I thought possible. Oops, wrong thing to say. "What's wrong with him. Really? What was he thinking?" I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"I told you to watch out for him," Jacob lightly chuckled back. "But seriously Renesmee, I'm so sorry that I didn't get to you sooner. What were you doing out here all alone with him, without me? He's dangerous."

"I needed to ask him something in private. It's okay, really. He wouldn't have hurt me... and I can handle myself."

"I know, I saw, but it's my job to protect you, sweetheart."

"You don't need to protect me from Nahuel."

Jacob looked shocked and started stammering, "You don't... um, do you like him, did you want to... err, should I not have -"

What? He would just give me up, not that we were together, but if I wanted to be with Nahuel... just like that? I know he had mentioned it to me before, during the whole Embry Imprint fiasco, but I wasn't sure how much I believed him. Imprinting could be strange and possibly helpful in this situation... depending on what I decided.

"No. it's fine." I was getting irritated though. "I don't really even know him. He seems to think we're destined to be together but I always thought you and I were suppose to end up together. But it doesn't even matter right now because -"

"You're still too young," Jacob finished for me.

"Among other things."

"Well it's your choice who you want. But don't let him pressure you into anything. If you don't want to be with him, you don't have to, and I'm not just saying that because of… well... you know."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Jacob. You know I love you, right?"

"I love you too, sweetheart. So now would you like to tell me why Nahuel is so concerned about when you stop aging?"

"Oh... um... It's a long story." I guess I would have to tell him now. I was hoping to wait. He already had a problem with my lack of advanced years. Informing him of my reproductive deadline was something I wasn't looking forward to. Oh well. "Nahuel came to me and my parents a couple of weeks ago and asked to speak to us about some-"

"Renesmee?" Of course my father was here.

"Hi Dad. I assume you read Nahuel's mind when he returned to the house and saw what happened?"

"Yes, I did. Are you okay?" He seemed agitated but not overly angry.

"Of course. Is he?" Did my family do anything to him? If Jacobs reaction was any indication he might need Grandpa Carlisle's help.

My father started chuckling a bit too menacingly to himself hearing me think that. I however didn't think it was funny.

"He's currently in one piece, but it was decided that it was in his best interest, for the time being, to return to Huilen and his own home, for awhile. Emmett and Rose are already driving him to the airport."

He then turned and looked a bit... queasy?

"Renesmee, isn't there still something you need to talk to Jacob about? I'll give the two of you some time." He pointedly looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I knew what he was referring to, I had been avoiding it up until this point. The baby question. I had hoped I could ask him his position on children without talking about my deadline, but after what he overheard from Nahuel, and what my father just said, would he figure it out?

"Thanks dad!" Why did you do that? You were the one who suggested we not tell Jacob about my deadline until I at least appeared a bit older, physically, in the hopes that it would distress him less. Did you change your mind or was Jacob ready to hear this now?

"Don't worry Nessie, stick to your original plan. It will be fine," he whispered into my ear when he hugged me before taking off back into the house. I hoped he was right.

"You need to talk to me about something?" Jacob questioned.

"Yeah, um -" How was I going to start this?

Jacob could clearly see and feel my distress. "Nessie, you know you can talk to me about anything. Whatever it is."

"I know, my Jacob. I was just thinking how best to start. It's not really important right now, it's just that the whole Nahuel mating thing got me thinking."

"Nessie, I saw the look Edward gave you. Are you trying to break it to me that you do actually want to be with... HIM... someday?" Jacob looked like a sad little puppy. But he was looking directly into my eyes. I could see the love he had for me, that he just wanted me to be happy. But I also saw the disappointment... and fear?

"No, that's not what I wanted to tell you." Technically I wasn't lying. I hadn't made a decision one way or the other. He seemed to relax a bit.

"Okay, then what is it, honey?"

"It's silly really." I decided to pass it off as a whim I was toying with. Would he be able to see through me though? "When Nahuel mentioned mating, I sort of started thinking of one possible result of my mating with someone… and what the result might be. And I wanted to see what you might want. At some point in the future. For yourself."

"Um, Nessie, you sort of lost me? What is it you're trying to ask me?"

"I was just wondering if you ever thought of having children?... With me?... Someday?... In the future?" My eyes darted to the ground. I couldn't keep looking into his eyes any longer. I was barely able to get my question out as it was.

He didn't say anything for a long time. I really just needed a "yes" or "no" answer. Since I hadn't decided what I wanted, whatever he answered would probably not upset me either way. But I knew it wasn't that simple for him. It was why I had been avoiding asking him this question for the past few weeks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. It's not that important, just forget I asked."

"No, Nessie. I can see that it is."

"I know I'm not old enough for you, yet. And it's not a guarantee that our relationship will ever be like that. I don't really want to know what you see for us, either." I took a deep breath before I continued. "I was more interested in if you ever thought about having kids, in general. If it was something you had ever wanted at any point in your life."

"Yes."

"Yes?" Hmmm, I was expecting something more.

"Yes, I always hoped to have a child one day. But making a baby takes two people, so I guess it would be up to you, in the future. And if you do choose to be with me we can wait as long as you want before we started trying. There's plenty of time, though, so there's no need to rush. You're going to be young forever."

Oh, crap! Maybe I should tell him the truth. But I still had four years. I could wait a bit longer for him. He needed time.

"Or if you don't want children," he continued, "or choose to be with someone else, then I'll just have to deal with that. Not every person in this world is lucky enough to have a child, I know that. I'll be fine. Eventually. One of the perks of living forever," he added with a fake smile.

I smiled back, I know he was just trying to not make me feel bad, but now I was more confused than before.