I never thought that you would leave me
I always thought that I could find you
Somewhere near a phone to answer when I call
Now you have my full attention
Now you're all that I can think of
This is not what I expected at all
I thought there was time
I thought there was time
Are you even on this planet
Can you see these pretty flowers
Or am I standing here just talking to the wind
How I wish that I had told you
How I wish that I had shouted
I love you I love you I love you I love you back then (I thought there was time by Blake Shelton)
2000 (13 years ago):
"Well tell the Director today is my day off and there is no way I'll answer to his phone calls." Erin listened to her secretary as she rambled about the Director being on her ass about the cases. "No Casey, I am not joking and I am not going back in. Tell him I'll see him tomorrow." And like that she hanged up.
David Rossi watched her as she talked on the phone and he was glad she hadn't noticed him yet. He knew she was dropping her daughters at their dance classes and spent two hours at a Café reading his books. He had observed her for the last two weeks trying to find a way to approach her but he had not figured it out yet. She looked different, not bad different, just different. She had her short hair up in a bun and was wearing a suit even though she wasn't supposed to work that day. He imagined it was probably the way she looked now that she was Section Chief. Her promotion had been announced everywhere, it was the first time a woman reached that position. He was proud of her but he hadn't been able to tell her yet.
"I've heard he isn't that good of an author." David said as he sat on the chair across from her.
"Whoever said that is a big liar." Erin said without taking her eyes from the book.
"My publicist said it with the first manuscript."
"Oh my god! David Rossi." She raised her eyes and looked at him. "How come I didn't recognize that unique voice of yours?"
"I guess you've already forgotten it."
"Well, you stopped calling a long time ago."
"I'm sorry." He looked at her. "Happy belated birthday. I should have called you on Monday."
Erin shook her head pushing the memories and the tears away. Ever since he had left the FBI in 1997, she had never missed any of his birthdays. She'd call him really early in the morning, before her children and Edward woke up, and wish him a lovely day. He did the same the first year, but for the last two years he had never called her. She knew everything about him because she stayed in touch with Andrea but she had missed hearing his voice.
"I brought you something for the last two birthdays I've missed."
"You brought me?" She looked confused. "Did you know I was going to be here?"
"Okay this will sound really creepy but I've been following you for the last two weeks."
"David is this some kind of joke?"
"No. Let me explain."
"Please do so."
"Two weeks ago, I came to this Café with a friend of mine. We had to meet somewhere public, somewhere no one would ever suspect we were at."
"Your Mafia friend?"
"Yeah. Anyhow, he had to leave earlier so I stayed to watch the sunset. And that's when I saw you and your daughters walking out of the dance classes building. I wanted to go after you but I knew it wouldn't be the right thing to do in front of your daughters."
"So you stalked me?"
"I just came back a couple of times to see if you were here and the only day you were here was Friday. So the last two Fridays I've been coming here trying to get the courage to talk to you. I watched you read my book and wait for your daughters."
"You could have talked to me, Dave."
"I… I just couldn't find the right words. I had no idea what to say."
As he finished talking, he slid a tiny black box through the table and put it between her hands. He didn't speak, he just nodded and she knew she had to open it. When Erin opened the tiny box, her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't believe what she was looking at. Inside the tiny box there was a necklace with the infinity symbol and their initials on the middle of it. The gesture had been wonderful but seeing what he had bought for her had left her speechless. Slowly, she took the necklace out of the box and put it on her neck. As he watched her wearing the necklace, he knew she still was the most beautiful woman he had laid eyes on. Erin Strauss was his definition of perfection; all her flaws made her perfect in his eyes.
"What's your husband going to say about the necklace if he sees you wearing it?"
"I am no longer married to Edward." She showed him his hand and there was no ring on her finger. "We divorced each other last year."
"I am really sorry, Erin."
"You are not."
"You are right, I'm not."
She laughed and her eyes lighted up. "You are terrible, Dave."
"That's what you like about me."
"I do. Thank you so much for the necklace, it was a beautiful gesture."
"I hope that's able to show at least a bit of the love I have for you."
"It does."
David couldn't look at her so he looked out the window. He could see cars driving by, women and children walking in and out of the dance classes building, men walking down the street talking on their phones and the sun was starting to set. For the last two weeks, he had imagined himself talking to Erin and asking her to run away with him, but that was not needed anymore. She was a free woman and they were able to start their lives together. They could finally show their love to the world and nothing would stop them. Erin was the only woman he had loved for so many years and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
"Tell me about your life, Dave." She said bringing him back to reality. "What's been going on?"
"Don't lie, I know Andrea tells you everything."
"I want to hear it all from you."
"Well… I am a three times divorced man, but you already knew that. All I've been doing for the last three years is write and write and write a little more. It keeps me occupied and away from all my worries. I found out that writing really helps me think about my life, so that's all I've done since I left the FBI."
"Your writing is purely amazing; I enjoy reading your books quite a lot."
"Thank you, Erin. I am really glad you've been reading them." He looked at her and smiled. "Now your turn, tell me about your life."
"Well, where shall I start?" She laughed and thought about all the things that had happened in her life since they had stopped talking. "In 1998, Edward and I started suffering. Our marriage was a big lie and we couldn't keep going with it. He cheated on me in 1999 and I think that was what opened our eyes."
"But you had cheated on him too."
"He cheated on me with my sister, Dave."
"What?! There is no way your perfect sister did that to you."
"She blamed it on the alcohol, something us, Strauss, do all the time." She shook her head. "Anyhow, he cheated on me and I was done. I asked him for a divorce and he obviously agreed. Two months after that we were officially divorced. I moved out of the house, because I never liked it, and got my own place with the kids."
"You could afford a new house?"
"Oh, yeah back in 1997, a few months after you left, I was named Section Chief."
"Well congratulations!"
"Thank you." Erin smiled proudly. "After the divorce, I dedicated my entire life to my children and my job. And that's pretty much all my life."
"How are the kids doing?"
"Really good. Allison is 13, Eli is 11 and Kate is 9, they have all grown a lot since the last time you saw them. Allison and Kate are both taking dance classes, different courses of course, and Eli plays football, he loves it. The three of them are really good children and I am really proud to be their mom."
"I am sure they are proud to have you as their mother."
"I like to think they are."
For a moment none of them spoke. They couldn't believe they were actually sitting there together, talking about their lives, lives that they had led without each other. Erin had become everything she had ever wanted; she was a mother and had reached high positions in her line of work. David was not different from what she knew he would be; he wrote books sharing his experience with the world and living life in his own way, like always.
"Any men in your life?" David asked curiously.
"I've been divorced for a year and I am not like you." She joked. "I am too busy to have a love life, Dave. What about you?"
"I've slept with a few women since my last divorce, but nothing serious." He looked straight into her eyes. "I know who the right woman is but I haven't had the chance to be with her."
"Dave…"
"Erin, you are divorced this is the perfect time for us."
"No, it's not. You cannot walk into my life and decide when it's okay for us to be together." She looked away before the tears started rolling. "I am just starting to have a relationship with my sister again. My kids are finally getting my full attention because I am finally the person I wanted to be at work. My life is starting to make sense after all the mess I've went through." Erin looked back at him. "It's not the perfect time for us, because there is nothing perfect about my life."
"Your life doesn't have to be perfect, Erin!"
"Dave, please. You have to understand I am not the young woman you met at that bar. I haven't changed, so don't give me that look, I just grew up. I took responsibility for my life, my mistakes and my succeeds. I went through a really rough patch in the last couple of years and I am just starting to feel complete again."
"Edward is gone from your life, we can start over."
"Edward isn't gone from my life. He's always going to be a part of my life because we share three children." She bit her tongue for hiding the truth from him yet again. "But he wasn't the only bad thing in my life. I spent a lot of nights drinking and I am just starting to control that awful habit."
"I can help you. Erin, I can be there for you!"
"I am really sorry, Dave."
"How can you pass on an opportunity like this?"
She wished she could say yes to him. She wished they could start their relationship again. But she knew it wasn't the right time. It was true; she was just starting to take control of her life again. Her sister was reaching out to her, trying to fix their problems, and her children finally trusted her. She couldn't ruin all the work she was doing just to get into bed with David Rossi. No one could assure her that they would have a healthy relationship if they got back together. No one could assure her that he wouldn't run off with the first woman he saw. She loved him with all her heart, but she couldn't risk getting her heart broken again.
"It's time for me to get the girls from their dancing lesson."
"Yeah, I know."
"Thank you so much for the necklace, David, and thank you for chatting with me."
"This is it? You are going to walk away pretending nothing has happened?"
"But, nothing has happened."
"I offered you a life together."
"David, you are not ready for a life with me and neither am I."
"That's not true."
"It is. We both lead different lives, lives that aren't ready to merge together."
"Does this mean you won't give us a chance?"
"Not now. Maybe you'll have to stalk me a little more for that to happen."
"I love you, Erin."
"And I love you too, David, that's why I'm saying no."
And just like that, David watched the love of his life disappearing through the building doors. He had offered her a life together and she had rejected it. If he looked at it from her point of view, he understood why she had said no. But he kept thinking about it from his side of the story. He wanted Erin to be his and he knew he would have to work a lot to finally get that. David Rossi wouldn't give up, at some point in their lives, they would finally be together.
