The Final Fantasy VII FAQ
Chapter 7
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII belongs to Square Enix.
At Bone Village
Akari: Hey everyone! It's me, Akari! Welcome to the-
Random reader: (throws random huge materia)
Akari: (gets hit face-first) What the hell was that for?
Random reader: You made us wait for more than a year just for this stupid update you BLEEP!
Akari: No I didn't! I just started writing last March 03!
Random reader: You started this fic ONE YEAR ago. March 03, 2006. Rings a bell?
Akari: Oh. (looks at calendar) Right. My bad. :P
Cloud: Now that's what I call living in the past.
Akari: I didn't ask for your opinion so get lost!
Cloud: Fine. (grumbles, walks off)
Naminé: Mom, your "guests" are here.
Tifa: Guests?
(Rest of FF7 cast comes in)
Cloud: (looks at Naminé) Are you sure she's not my daughter, Akari?
Akari: Hell no!
Vincent: She's Kairi's Nobody, so in a way, Naminé's our daughter.
Akari: So technically, Roxas is YOUR child too, Cloud.
Aerith: (sparkles)
Cloud: Great. Another son I didn't ask for.
Aerith: (beats Cloud senseless with Princess Guard) Stop resenting our children!
Cloud: Maybe I would if YOU would stop resenting ME!
Tifa: I'm always here for you, Cloud.
Red XIII: (holds a paw to his head) Not again!
Rufus: Such sickening sweetness…
Akari: Someone here stop them before I get diabetes.
Everyone else: (look at Akari)
Akari: What? … Oh yeah. I'm that someone. (writes)
Tifa: (Now beating Cloud with Premium Heart)
Cloud: Why do I always get beat up?
Aerith: This is for messing up my flowers at church! (SMACK)
Tifa: This is for not noticing my boob job! (POW)
Aerith: This is for giving the Black Materia to Sephiroth! (CRASH)
Tifa: This is for buying a flower from Aerith AND giving it to me! (BAM)
Aerith & Tifa: This is for looking at the girl in the bikini at Costa del Sol! (SMASH CRACK BOOM)
Vincent: This may take a while.
Yuffie: Let's get on with the fic!
Lord Makura
bloody awesome chapter!!
here my question for vinny : what do you feel when yuffie call you vinny (or somebody else)
(please don't kill me T T )
Akari: Let's peek inside Vincent's mind.
Vincent: (brings out Cerberus and starts loading bullets)
Akari: On the other hand, never mind.
(start of hypothetical situation)
Vincent: (ambling out of his coffin with a glad-to-be-alive look on his face)
Yuffie: Hey Vinny! (runs off with his materia.)
Vincent: …
Cait Sith: G'morning, Vinny! (hops away on his mooglesaurus)
Vincent: …
Tifa: Good morning, Vinny! (sashays off to get her hair done)
Vincent: (twitch, accidentally bumps into Cid)
Cid: Get out of the effin' way Vinny!
Vincent: (grumbles)
Cloud: Yo, Vinny-
Vincent: (transforms into Chaos) WOULD YOU ALL STOP CALLING ME VINNY? IT ONLY HAS TWO SYLLABLES LIKE MY REAL NAME SO THERE'S NO USE IN SHORTENING IT!!!
Cloud: (squeaks) O-okay.
Vincent: (reverts)
Vincent Fan Girls: Yay Vinny- (get obliterated)
(end of hypothetical situation)
Aerith: (to Vincent) You sure have a sick mind.
Tifa: I know someone sicker.
Akari: (twiddling her thumbs while looking at the ceiling)
One Winged Cetra
this chapter was the best thank you so much for updating.
question time!
nanaki i don't get you're family tree-your dad is the race as you but your grampa is a human. i thought that it meant your mum was a human but that just gives disturbing images in my head if you know what i mean so can you plz explain.
Cloud: So there's really no need for the audience to cook up scenes involving bestiary.
Cid: It's "bestiality", you stupid kid.
Cloud: (to Akari) Please… let me say something decent… even once…
Akari: (reading KH manga) You said somethin'?
Cloud: (dissolves into tears)
sephiroth why do you name your hair?-bangs of doom is so lame.
Sephiroth: Funny you should ask. I didn't name my hair myself. Akari here was surfing some sites in search of info about me because she's a stalker.
Akari: A role which I'm proud of.
Sephiroth: Some website out there called my bangs "The Bangs of Doom"… hey, fans, if you're going to name my hair, name it something more original. Calling my hair Bangs of Doom makes it seem like a biological hazard.
tifa do you have your own style because in AC you stole rinoa's look (not being mean just wondering) cause we all know that Tetsuya Nomura-san likes to put ff8 in everything.
Tifa: Wuh? I didn't steal Rinoa's look! My bangs are on the right side of my face! Rinoa's bangs are on the left!
Aerith: And your point would be…?
Vincent (who is not a vampire and anyone who says he is will get snipered) wat was your mum like if you remember her (if i make you upset or go quiet then i am very sorry) keep up the good work
Vincent: Hey Dad, what was Mom like?
Prof. Grimoire: Your mom? … Hmm. I can't remember. Was it Laura? Or Venus? Or Irene? I can't remember…
Vincent: Who the hell were those?
Prof. Grimoire: Uh…
Vincent: You slept with other women aside from Mom, didn't you?
Prof. Grimoire: Well how else would the gaming and anime industry get so many characters with the surname "Valentine"?
Vincent: … I don't know you anymore.
Schemergirl
Hey, you finally updated! This was a funny chapter...
Anyway. To the SHM: Do you have a leather fetish?
Kadaj: A leather fetish? Hardly.
Yazoo: One of the sponsors for the Advent Children movie was a clothing company.
Loz: We got free clothes!
Aerith: While some of us didn't. (harrumphs)
To Vincent: What do you think about wierd pairings involving you, ie Sephiroth/Vincent, Hojo/Vincent, Red/Vincent? Mwaahahahaha.
Vincent: What do I think? Well, first I mope-
Akari: Like that's anything new.
Vincent: (glares) Then I shoot random things with my gun, then I calm down because those pairings don't have any basis in real life, anyway.
Lady Lilliana
One day I'll shut up, I promise. Allele, you should consider getting yourself a fan following.
Akari (formerly called Allele): Aw, shucks. (happy face)
To Rufus: You are aware that in the game your suit looks like a dress?
Rufus: In the words of Barret from Chapter 1, the goddamn dress designer made me wear it.
Barret: But at least it wasn' a real dress, foo.
Everyone else: (eyes shift to Cloud)
Cloud: Must we bring that up every time?
Everyone else: Yes.
To Vincent: The whole problem with Sephiroth was Lucrecia's fault. Why d'ya hate YOURSELF for it?
Akari: I've been telling him that for years. Hopefully your question can get through his thick skull in ways I failed to.
Vincent: (sigh) It's in my nature to hate myself.
To Cloud: Surely there was some better way to get into the Don's mansion than to dress up as a girl. Was it just that you wanted to be pretty?
Cloud: NO I DIDN'T!
Everyone else: YES HE DID!
Cloud: What are you guys talking about? Most of you weren't even there!
Tifa: I got the whole thing on TiVo.
Cloud: (shaking his head and muttering to himself, "Why me?") We could've just barged into the place and Omnislashed Corneo's goons, Aerith.
Aerith: But if you didn't dress up, then FF7 wouldn't be as popular as it is now.
Yuffie: Yeah! We have to be the most popular game in the series! Take that FF8!!!
Rufus: And without that scene, there wouldn't be as many doujinshi titles about you as there are now, Cloud.
Cloud: … You read doujinshi?
Rufus: … Excuse me. I have to get back to the office. (runs outta the tent)
Akari: Hey! There are fangirls waiting for you outside!
Rufus (being run over by fangirls): Get them off me! SECURITY!!!
To Nanaki: How the HELL did you let Cait Sith persuade you to let him ride you?
Nanaki: Cait Sith told me he'd make me President of the WRO once it was organized. Turns out he wouldn't. (glares)
Cait Sith: But I had some people make a website for you, didn't I? Wasn't that enough?
Nanaki: Cait Sith, it only had one page. With my picture. And a stat counter.
Cait Sith: Hey, if I had even a Youtube account, I wouldn't complain. So quit yappin'.
Nanaki: I'll show you YAPPIN'! (tears Cait Sith to shreds)
Everyone else: Yay!
To Tifa: That boob job isn't fooling anyone.
Tifa: Not even Cloud?
Barret: He wouldn't know a boob if he saw one.
Cloud: What's a boob job?
Everyone else: (sigh)
FullyMenatlandObsessed, Tetsuya Nomura says in an interview that Kadaj is 16. Yazoo is 23 and Loz is 29. Though if they're Sephiroth's remenants they should all be two. And in Advent Children Sephiroth is 28.
Akari: Thank you (looks back at script) Lady Lilliana for pointing that out! I honestly didn't know that. The only resources I have are the original FF7 game itself and Wikipedia. I don't have the time (and the internet connection) to wade through all the FF7 info floating around.
Cloud: Says a lot about how lazy you really are.
Akari: Well at least I'm not a transvestite, unlike someone else I could mention…
Cloud: Dissin' me. That's a hobby of yours, isn't it?
Akari: I'm amazed. You're actually capable of brain activity.
Aerith: Oh yeah. Takes a lot of time for him, though.
Cloud: Not you too Aerith…
KumikoAnoriko
Love this story!
hey Yuffie... what are you like on expresso? I mean you act so hyper normally
Yuffie: What am I like on espresso? I dunno I've never had espresso hey can someone give me some espresso???
Everyone else: No.
Cloud: (gives Yuffie some espresso)
Yuffie: (nothing but a yellow blur bouncing off the walls)
Akari: I'm not stopping her.
Vincent: Me neither.
Cloud: Hey, could someone stop her?
Everyone else: (glare)
Cloud: Hey, I'm only as dumb as she makes me! (points to Akari)
Akari: No you're not. You don't need any tweaking to become any dumber.
Cloud Fan Girls: That's not very nice!
Akari: And so is he. (points back to Cloud)
Cloud: (sighs and faces Sephiroth) Gimme the Black Materia so I can summon Meteor now…
Sephiroth: Knowing you, you'd probably screw that up too.
Cloud: (contemplating suicide)
to anyone... What do you guys look like in kimonos (especially Sephiroth-sama wink wink)?
Akari: (giggling)
Cloud: (sigh) What is it now?
Akari: (holds up a picture of Cloud in a dress)
Cloud: Hey! You can't show that on global TV!
Akari: I already did.
Tifa and Yuffie: (laughing themselves silly over pics of the guys wearing dresses)
Aerith: Is this supposed to be Sephiroth? (pointing to a pic of Sephiroth in Edea's (FF8) dress)
Sephiroth: Hey, at least I change clothes once in a while, unlike SOMEONE here who owns nothing but pink dresses!
Aerith: You want a fight, pretty boy? Bring it!
Akari: (oblivious to Aerith and Sephiroth mauling each other) Back in the summer of 2005 I got a bunch of FF7 character concept art images and, using the magic of Paint, put them ALL, not in kimonos, but in dresses. (clears throat) I still end up with colic whenever I see them.
Tifa: She put me in a pretty blue dress. I love her.
Yuffie: How come I didn't get a dress?
Cloud: That's because you never wore one in the game.
Akari: (coughs) But you did.
Cloud: (coughs) And so did everyone else (holds up copies of the pictures)
FLASHBACK
Welcome to Midgar's Annual Fashion Show! Where we make celebrities wear uncomfortable clothes for the sake of raising money so Akari can finally buy a PS2. Tonight, the characters you've all been waiting for! Wearing floor-length creations designed by Akari AND wearing makeup, let's give it up for the almost-complete main cast of Final Fantasy VII!
Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
First up, we have ex- SOLDIER Cloud Strife modeling a lovely violet number. Come on over, "Cloudette"!
Cloud: (pushed onstage while wearing a dress of violet silk with a big pink bow on the front) I hate this.
Come on, don't be shy! Twirl! TWIRL, I SAY!
Cloud: I'll show you twirl! (brings out Ultima Weapon) Making me wear a wig and MAKEUP in front of all of these people? DIE AKARI!!!
Okaaay. NEXT!
Aerith: (walks onstage wearing a –GASP- strapless dress in red silk, luscious brown hair worn down)
Half of Midgar's male population: (whistles)
Aerith: (striking a pose) I always wanted to do this.
Huh? Whowoudathunk. Next, we have Barret Wallace, ready to show us what he wears when he wants to enjoy a nice walk in the park!
Barret: (tugging at the puffy-sleeved yellow dress with LACE he was made to wear) Foo, you can't even enjoy DYING if you're wearing this!
But I'm sure you like your wig.
Barret: (looks at the curly black hair over his shoulders) Does it have a ribbon?
Yes.
Barret: (sighs and readies gun-arm)
Thanks Barret, you can kill me later. First let's see what Tifa is wearing.
Tifa: (saunters down the catwalk to a million wolf whistles) Oh, I'm not that sexy.
Tifa, the slit on that blue slinky dress of yours reaches up to your hip.
Tifa: Yeah, but it looks tame compared to my black miniskirt in FF7.
Yes, and your face in makeup looks tame compared to makeup-covered mugs of the guys.
Tifa: (curtsies) Thank you!
You're welcome. Let's look at Red XIII next.
Red XIII: (walks onstage with head bowed down) I have failed you, grandfather…
Oh come on, you're only wearing a white dress with red polka dots on it. That's not so bad.
Red XIII: Akari, you made me wear makeup, for crying out loud. And pearl bracelets. Members of my kind DO NOT WEAR MAKEUP AND PEARL BRACELETS!
But you wear big pink hearts on your flaming tails?
Red XIII: (looks at his tail, a very big pink shiny plastic heart on its end) G-ggh… (gets a heart attack)
Someone clean Red up before this gets messy. Cid, you're next.
Cid: (being dragged by a hook attached to the Highwind) You can't make me! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!! (followed by a long list of unmentionable words)
Cid, you look like an overgrown Christmas tree. Literally. What happened?
Cid: What happened? WHAT HAPPENED? (looks down at the flowing green dress with layered skirts, red and gold trimming on the hems and sleeves) You designed it!
But I didn't design that long, wavy blond wig with the big red ribbon on top.
Cid: (now clutching Venus Gospel) DAMN &()& SHERA!
And now, the piẻce de résistance… SEPHIROTH AND VINCENT IN DRESSES!!!
Fangirls: (go berserk) WE LOVE YOU!!!
I wondered if Final Fantasy villains are friends with one another. Turns out they are. That's why Sephiroth is wearing Edea's dress.
Sephiroth: (Masamune in hand) Akari, do you want to follow Aerith into the Lifestream?
It's not that bad! I didn't even get Edea's headpiece for you.
Sephiroth: If you make me wear that thing, I would personally lock you in a room with Palmer.
(clears throat) Point taken. Vincent, you're up.
Vincent: (taking little steps because he's wearing a girl's kimono) Akari, what did I do this time?
What're you talking about?
Vincent: (tugging at the sleeve of his red kimono with violet flowers on it) What'd I do to make you force me into this?
Sleeping with Lucrecia decades ago. And for not telling the audience about that. That's why I gave you that umbrella and the sandals, too.
Vincent: (muttering) Figures.
That ends our show! Thanks to our sponsor, Cait Sith! Your generous 10000000000 gil donation saved you from the fate of wearing a dress.
Cait Sith: (hiding Rufus' credit card behind his back) It was nothing.
Yuffie, make a million copies of the tape for blackmail purposes and another million so you can sell those on the black market.
Yuffie: Screw materia, why didn't I think of this before?
Thanks for watching and good night!!
END OF FLASHBACK
Aerith: (looks at script) Wow, we filled up 2 and a half pages.
Tifa: Possibly making this the longest FFVII FAQ chapter ever.
Akari: It's the last chapter; it's the least I can do for the readers (sigh)
Everyone else: (silently celebrating)
for Cloud... When Sephiroth stabbed you, where was the blood...? I mean with what you were wearing we definitely would have seen blood running down your arm.
Cloud: This may just be me, but I think Masamune is a vampire. There wasn't any blood when Aerith got killed.
Aerith: (sweatdrop)
Sephiroth: For the record, there was blood when I stabbed Cloud. There wasn't any blood when I killed this pitiful creature (points to Aerith) because the game might've been rated Mature.
another for Cloud... In AC when you jumped down after Kadaj and collided with him and he turned into Sephiroth, how in Gaia's name did you balance yourself on his super skinny sword for so long? (you've have to have taken ballet lessons or something to keep that balance)
Tifa: That's because Cloud only weighs five pounds. Here, look. (flicks Cloud with her finger)
Yuffie: Four pounds of that total weight is hair.
Cloud: (groans)
and on the subject... Vincent, do you take ballet lessons 'cause in AC when you were fighting those were some awesome moves (spinning, twirling, leaping) thanks!
Vincent: I did NOT take ballet lessons.
Akari: (silently mouthing "Yes he did") I have proof. (plays videotape)
3-year old Vincent: (in ballet class wearing tights)
Vincent: Where did you get that?
Grimoire: (looking at the ceiling)
Vincent: (fuming) I'm disowning you.
Donna of the Grey
Funny fic you have here! Your works are hilarious! Keep writing and update. Question for Kadaj (RAWR.)
I saw you doing something bad with Naminé. O.o Won't your Mommy get mad?
Akari: (getting ready to summon KOTR)
Kadaj: It wasn't me! It was Riku! (points to his twin)
Sephiroth: (getting ready to summon KOTR)
Riku: It wasn't me! It was my replica! (points to Riku Replica)
Vexen: (getting ready to summon KOTR)
Riku Replica: It wasn't me! It was-
Vincent: (sigh) Naminé, did you do something "bad" with Riku?
Naminé: (shakes head)
Vincent: (sighs in relief)
Naminé: Sora kissed me on the cheek, though.
Kairi: (tackles Sora) Damn you!
And is it true that you made out with Sora? xD
Riku: No, it's NOT true.
Akari: Aw, he's shy.
Riku: (pointedly glares) Mom.
Sephiroth: My son's all grown up.
Akari: Don't worry Riku, I won't tell them about the time you cried because Pokemon was cancelled on TV.
Riku: Someone tell me I'm adopted…
Ryu the youkai
1.actually all the FF 7 characters are really tall... that or everyone in my city are really short.
2.Giggles at the thought of Reeve running a school
Akari: Cloud isn't tall, he's just an inch taller than me.
Aerith: Yeah. He just looks tall because of his hair.
Emperor Jaden
Ahh...A very good update, Greatly enjoyed it! Here are my new questions.
Sephiroth and Vincent: There are 10 of them, and you've got a deal, just say "when", and that points to a ship that would shame the Highwind will pick you up...A bonus to you both if you make Cloud come dressed up in a jester suit...and another bonus if you don't blow up more then 1/8 of my Empire...
Sephiroth: Cool.
Vincent: I'm in. I need the money.
Sephiroth: You're broke too?
Vincent: YOU're broke?
Sephiroth: Yeah, all my hair treatments are costing me. How 'bout you?
Vincent: Living with her (jerks head towards Akari), I need all the medication I can get.
Kadaj: If you said that you could beat up all silver haired people in FF seris...does that inculde your brothers?
Kadaj: Yes! Because we all know that I'm the strongest and all the girls like me because I'm cute and adorable.
Yazoo: If you wore a bunny costume.
The KH characters I'm sure are still there somewhere: Can you please explain your family tree? I found it confusing...
Kairi: I'm their daughter. Apparently. (points to Vincent and Akari)
Riku: Everyone says I'm his son (looks at Sephiroth) but I'm not sure if she's really my mom (looks at Akari)
Sora: (being patted on the head by Aerith) She's my mom, and that's my old man over there (points to Cloud)
Hojo: If I said I'd give you the ultimate super weapon, would you let everyone beat you relentlessly?
Hojo: I don't need your inferior super weapons for I am the strongest FF7 character ever!
Cloud: No you're not.
Sephiroth: You're delirious.
Hojo: I created you, didn't I?
Everyone else: (scratch heads)
Aerith: Here's a puppy. Gives Aerith a Chocalte nosed lab puppy
Aerith: Thank you! I'm gonna name it CLOUD.
Cloud: And why would you do that?
Aerith: I think this (points to the puppy) is what you'd look like if you were a dog.
Tifa: I apoligize or upsetting you, I think you are very pretty yourself.
Tifa: I already know that.
Cloud: Stop stringing along Tifa and Aerith...They don't deserve it...
Cloud: They deserve it, man. If only you knew the stuff they put me through!
Have a nice day! and please update soon!
Yuffie: Would you like to meet me for some Coffee to discuss ninja techniques?
Yuffie: COFFEE? I LOVE COFFEE! Sure!
TwilightFairy
I've programed my SEPHIROTH to respond to the pet name big brother. (I would much rather have Sephiroth and the rest of the SHM as my bodyguarding big brothers.) I've also wasted soo much gil to obtain the rest of the Silver haired collection. Due to random Yaoi stories between the silver hared troupe i shall refrain from yoai questions except this one.
For Yazoo. I know you are the lazy/more mature/inner femine side that Sephiroth (hell everyone) has, but your "brotherly love" towards loz makes me ask this question.(Via phone call in AC to Loz in the church "I'm not crying" part) Are you gay?
Yazoo: For the love of Cheerios, I am NOT gay! No one in the series is gay! Even Kuja's not gay! Seymour is not gay! Hojo… I'm not so sure.
Hojo: (glares) A lot of help you've been.
Yazoo: Hey, if you didn't take over Weiss' mind in DoC I would've said you're straight, but you just had to pick him, didn't you?
Hojo: Hmm… Good point.
To Sephiroth- You fell for Omnislash once, why the hell in AC did YOU NOT SEE THAT COMING AGAIN? (even though it was omnislash 5.0)
Cloud: Because he's a dumbass.
Sephiroth: Dumbass, you just ripped off Akari.
Akari: (to Cloud) Dumbass.
Cloud: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
To Cloud- Seeing you in a dress was funny. How did the whole crossplaying feild feel? (going commando in public)
Cloud: (calming down) It's a field I never want to set foot on again.
Aerith: Even if Tifa was in danger again?
Cloud: She's a big girl now, she can take care of herself.
Tifa: (getting ready to summon KOTR)
Cloud: I mean… yeah, I'd save her again so that more yaoi fics about me can be written. (sigh)
To Areith- Did you ever find out what happend to your foster mom after Reeve/Caith Sith kidnapped Marlene? (who was in your foster mom's care) (sorry i can't spell)
Aerith: (glares at Reeve) From what I've heard, HE offered Mom a date. Which SHE accepted!
Reeve: Hey, it's not my fault I'm sexy.
Akari: Reeve, you're making me uncomfortable.
Cloud: (to Reeve) Say you're sexy! Say you're sexy!
Reeve: You're sexy.
Cloud: AAAAAH Reeve's gay!
Everyone else: (sweatdrop)
Again to Areith- Did you hook up with Zack when you went the life stream?
Aerith: Yes. Yes I did. I have pictures.
Cloud: How can you take pictures in the Lifestream?
Zack: She used the spirit energy of a camera that died.
To the SHM trio- What were your reactions when you found out toward the end of AC that it was Areith that called you into the life stream not mother?
Kadaj: I went berserk and killed myself again. And again. Like I was a plague.
Yazoo: I went ballistic and shot everything, even the kitchen sink.
Loz: I felt happy.
Kadaj and Yazoo: (edge away from Loz)
to Red XI- How did you find your life partner i thought you were the last of your kind?
I'm replaying FF7 while reading this story so these questions are poping up.
Red XIII: I though so too. But now Square Enix says that I got married to my mate Dinne two years before FF7. I think.
Okay i forgot to add this question in on my other review. This is to everyone. FF7 and Advent Children Wise.
If you were trapped on a deserted island with one other person from the FF7 franchise who would it be and why? (and no it cannot be yourself.) Cloud's gonna have a hard time with that one..
Aerith: I want to be stuck with Cait Sith.
Cait Sith: Wow Aerith, I didn't know you felt that way about me!
Aerith: No, I just want to use you as a pillow.
Tifa: Cait Sith too. Same reason as Aerith's.
Kadaj: Mother.
Yazoo: Mother.
Loz: Mother.
Sephiroth: Mother.
Cloud: Sephiroth. So I can finish him off!
Everyone else: Riiiight.
Barret: Marlene.
Cait Sith: Reeve.
Reeve: Cait Sith.
Everyone else: (scratch heads)
Red XIII: I want to be with Grandfather.
Aerith: Red XIII, your grandfather is dead.
Red XIII: And so are you.
Aerith: Good point.
Zack: Cloud, so I can haunt him for ripping me off. He'll never be able to sleep.
Yuffie: Rufus. So I can hitch a ride with him when he calls for rescue.
Rufus: The Turks.
Akari: The question said to choose only one person.
Rufus: I'm the president. I can get stuck on four islands if I want to. One island for each of them. (looks at the Turks)
Vincent: Lucrecia.
Akari: Shelke. So I can use her as a lifeboat and drown her at the same time.
Dark Angel
I've got a question for Sephiroth.
Sephiroth, can I have your sword?
Sephiroth: No. But you can have a Masamune Replica. (gives Masamune Replica)
Black-Dragon-Rock
I hate you Vincent... (narrows eyes)
Yuffie's cool so don't be like nothing's going on cuz I KNOW something is going on...Nah I'm just kidding you. But I did write a Yuffentine and it is VERY to your disliking if catch my drift... One question though to you Vincent: In a lot of fanfics Yuffie calls you Vinnie but don't you hate it even more when they put Vin-Vin?
Vincent: Vinnie, Vin-Vin, I hate both of them. What sucks even more is that this hellspawn (points to Akari) calls me that everyday!S
Akari:P
Andruindel
Okay, Okay, Okay. I nearly died laughing when I read this. I've got a few questions.
FF cast in general: How do you all put up with Allele? (No offense, but I'd sock you if you were annoying me like you annoy them... )
Sephiroth: (sighs) It's part of a contract we signed.
Vincent: More exposure at the risk of dying from heart failure because of her.
Akari: Hey, it's me! I'm writing this. You can't resist me.
Vincent: In this fic, anyway.
Akari: (cries, socks him and runs away)
Vincent: Where do you live? It seems like you're always just wandering around. At least, in AC you are. Are you a hobo? (No offense, I love you to bits!)
Vincent: I am not a hobo. I am a wanderer but I have my dignity and I have a respectable dwelling-
Akari: (shouting from the living room) Yes he's a hobo! And if I ever see you with Shelke again I'LL CASTRATE YOU!
Vincent: See what I have to put up with?
Cloud: Are you ever going to choose between Tifa and Aerith? Or are you going to let them battle it out?
Cloud: I'll let them battle it out. It's fun to watch Tifa bounce.
Tifa: Cloud, what you just said degraded me as a woman.
Cloud: Don't you feel flattered?
Tifa: (somewhat impatient) Cloud, it was NOT a compliment.
Cloud: If I said that to Aerith she would've been flattered.
Aerith: (cries, socks Cloud and joins Akari in the other room)
Cloud: Damn women… (rubbing face where Aerith hit him)
Tifa: (cries, socks Cloud and joins Akari and Aerith)
Cloud: (KO)
Kadaj: In AC, after you kidnapped all the orphans, and you were in the water, why did it turn black? Did you skip your bath again?
Kadaj: I did NOT! I changed my clothes that day!
Yazoo: But you did take a bath, right?
Kadaj: Umm… maybe.
Yazoo: (shakes head)
Update soon! I love this fic!
FF cast: What's the worst part about screaming fangirls/fanguys?
FF cast: The screaming.
Gena346
I want to ask Yuffie a question. Who does she like more? Cloud, Vincent, or Reno?
Yuffie: I like whoever has the most materia (eyes Cloud since he has the group's materia. Remember that scene in AC?)
Cloud: (shifty eyes, throws box of materia at Reno)
Reno: (falls to the floor because of the weight) Careful! I might break!
Lady Ninja Maria
When are you going to update this soon?
Question for Yazzo: Will you be my Boyfriend. If not. Why?
Yazoo: I'm sorry. I can't be your boyfriend.
Akari: Because he's a gir-
Yazoo: Say that word and I will shoot your vocal cords.
Akari: (looks away)
Yazoo: Going back… I can't be your boyfriend because I am DEAD. And because you can't even get my name right.
Akari: It's just a typo. Lots of people make typos. It's not a big deal.
Maldaeien
throws self to your feet and praises
Akari: Um, okay. ("Am I worthy of this attention?")
Between your guides and this fic I have laughed so loud I fear I have scared the neighbors in a 10 miles radio. Would you mind if I ask a few questions as well? To Cid: Why did you marry Shera? Was she wearing a tea pot suit or dressed up as Lady Luck while you were drunk or was it love at first curse?
Cid: She tricked me into it, that little minx! She showed me her ring finger and said this ring or something was stuck. Then she asked me if I could get a ring stuck on my finger too so that she wouldn't have to go through life alone with a ring stuck on her finger. Then I went to sleep, and when I woke up there was this priest and he's all like "You may kiss the bride" and Shera was jumping and screaming and all… Jesus. Being married isn't so bad, though. Or maybe that's just the tea talkin'… (random curse word)
To Aeris: There's a gossip in the internet (plus picture and fanfics) that says you poledance with your staff and have attempted to teach Cid such thing. Real or just bad press?
Aerith: It's sort of true. Dancing is one of my hobbies. How else do you think I stay fit like this? I don't poledance, though. And I doubt that Cid has the capability to even shuffle his feet. All he does is sleep! Isn't that right, Shera?
Shera: (wearing a Lady Luck costume) Yes.
To Cait Sith: Is it true that the actor who was inside Alf's costume is inside your mooggle's costume as well?
Cait Sith: Who's Alf?
Everyone else: (fall over anime style)
Cait Sith: Reeve's twin brother is inside my moogle costume. So if the gang needs Reeve at a certain situation he can just rip the costume off and voila! He's there.
To Vincent: Concerning your headband: Has anyone told you that Rambo wants it back?
Vincent: (looking at Professor Grimoire dressed the same as him) Hey Dad, Rambo wants his headband back.
To Zack: How did you feel when Cloud stole your sword, your girl, your pointy hairstyle and your outfit?
Zack: I felt like stealing his sword and his girl. He can keep the hairstyle though. I don't want to go through life with "The Lion King"'s Pride Rock stuck on my head.
To Cloud: Did you feel pretty, witty and gay (happy) when you were dressed up as a woman? Why do you still keep that dress?
Cloud: Did I look like I was having a great time in the game when I was wearing that dress? And no, I did NOT keep that dress. Akari just keeps on sending violet dresses over to piss me off.
To Barret: Be honest, why do you keep wearing that sailor suit?
Barret: I wear it when I sleep. It's the only one where my gun-arm can fit through.
Thank you so much for your time, Maldy
And keep with the awesome cracktastical humor!
THE END
Akari: (sigh) Another 14 months, another chapter. I can't believe it's over. As I've said before, this is the last chapter of the Final Fantasy VII FAQ. No more stupid questions with stoopider answers. No more random stuff with characters being forced to utter senseless nothings. I'm listening to the FF7 Piano Collections Soundtrack- "Anxious Heart", to be specific, as I'm typing this and I can't help but feel a little sad, seeing as how my writing career at this site has already come to an end. But that's the way it's got to be. I don't want to keep you guys- and girls- waiting for who-knows-how-long before I update my fics, most of which were written when I was in a whimsical mood. For almost four years I tried to convince myself that I was capable of being a good writer, but seeing as how I write so little these days, I know the truth now.
Thanks to everyone who sent in their questions and waited for my latest (lamest?) chapter. This is my final work. For eternity, or for the moment, I'm not sure. But I'm sure that there are lots of fics out there that can you enjoy when I'm gone. Heck, "The Final Fantasy VII FAQ" cannot compare to the genius that is "The Army Life" (warning: fanfic plugging coming through) and all the others.
Goodbye, and keep on reading!
