Warning to all the Annette haters, this chapter is told from her prospective. Since it's Annette pov, it's by far the tamest chapter in the story. I said earlier that I didn't hate her. In fact, I've always wondered what Annette is thinking or feeling about what's going on while Sebastian and Kathryn play cat and mouse.
Chapter 7
Happiness
Annette Hargrove awoke to find Sebastian gone. Ever since she'd forgiven him for calling her Kathryn's name while they were making love in his room, he'd never stayed an entire night. He'd said that he had only called her Kathry just to make it look real. She had believed him, but thought it would be pointless to explain how that made it worse. He had deliberately hurt someone he claimed to love just to get even with someone he claimed to care nothing about. Why couldn't he just forget about Kathryn and be happy? She couldn't help taking it as a bad sign that he seemed unwilling or unable to do that. She had eventually forgiven him – she didn't seem to be able to stay angry with him no matter what he did. He always knew the right thing to say, the right look to give her, the right way to touch her. It was as if he had some evil superpower that kept her tied to him even when she knew she should probably be running in the other direction.
She got into the shower as she thought about last night. It had been like it always was – sweet, tender and profound. It was like he saw into her soul, knew how she wanted to be touched and kissed. She shivered as the hot water ran over her skin. Now he was gone and she was alone. She got out as the water started to turn lukewarm.
As she dressed, she couldn't help but think back to the aftermath of the accident. He had seemed so angry with Kathryn and so happy with Ann. But that hadn't lasted. Even though he still seemed angry with his stepsister sometimes, she had also seen the way he looked at her when he thought Ann wasn't paying attention. In hindsight, she should have known how he felt about Kathryn after reading his journal. She had been the central theme, the only theme, it contained. Even when he was giving a vicious, scathing critique of her, he still sounded almost awestruck.
She had tried to convince herself that Kathryn was evil personified because it was easier that way. Easier to absolve Sebastian if she believed that Kathryn was his pied piper. The Svengali who had led him astray and corrupted his good character. But Ann was far too honest with herself to hold onto self-deception for long. Unfortunately, being honest didn't stop her from loving Sebastian.
She had just finished with her hair and makeup when her phone rang. She looked at the caller id, hoping it was Sebastian, calling from Hawaii. Would he have landed there already? It was Robert. She felt her heart catch in her throat. She hadn't spoken to him since she left him for Sebastian. Why was he calling her now? She wanted to ignore the call. She still felt guilty for what she'd done to him, and she didn't know what to say. Finally, after the third ring, she took a deep breath and answered.
"Hello," she said, sounding a little hesitant.
"Hey, Ann! It's Bobby. How are you?" It's Bobby. As if she could ever forget him.
"I'm doing alright. How are you?"
"I'm good. I'm in New York for a few days. I started not to call you. I didn't know if you'd want to see me."
She was silent for a moment, trying to decide what to do. She couldn't believe that he wanted to see her at all. "Sure. I think I can spare a few minutes to have coffee with an old friend."
Annette felt a little wistful as she sat across from him at the coffee shop down the street from her apartment. She and Robert had been much more then old friends. They had made plans for a future together. Marriage, children, mission work in South America. He was going to be a pastor of a small church and she was going to be a doctor. He would heal their souls, she would heal their bodies and together they would feed, cloth and teach them. Perfect fit. He hadn't changed much. His neat sandy hair was cut a bit shorter and didn't fall into his eyes on occasion anymore, and there was a touch of sadness in his gray eyes that hadn't been there before.
"What brings you to New York," she asked finally after they had gotten through all the small talk and discussed everyone back home.
"Mission's conference."
"So you're still planning on doing that?"
He nodded. "They still need someone new. Pastor Ringle isn't getting any younger, and surprisingly there just aren't that many people willing to move out to the middle of nowhere and live in a hut for the rest of their lives."
She smiled. "They'll be lucky to have you."
"Are you still planning on becoming a doctor?"
"Yes. They have a pre med track at the high-school and I've already heard from a few good colleges. Just trying to decide which one is best right now." The truth was that she was waiting for Sebastian to make up his mind where he wanted to go. She realized how pathetic that was. Not that she wanted to be close to the man that she loved. But that she had basically changed everything about herself to suit him. He had done the same for her, and they still didn't quit meet somewhere in the middle. "I was thinking of working at a free clinic once I finish."
Bobby studied her quietly, his warm gray eyes searching her face. Ann had always love his eyes. They were so kind and thoughtful. "Ann, are you happy?"
The question startled her. Was she happy? Yes, for a few hours every two or three days. When she was with Sebastian and he made her forget about everything else except what they felt for each other. Then she was deliriously happy. But the rest of the time… She felt tears sting her eyes and she tried to blink them away.
"Ann?" He reached over and touched her face the way he always used to and her tears started in earnest.
She cried on his shoulder until she couldn't cry anymore, until she was exhausted from it. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to push him away. She was thoroughly ashamed of herself.
"It's okay. What are friends for?" He smiled at her reassuringly. "I just wish I could take your pain away."
She frowned at him. "Why aren't you angry with me?" Things would be so much easier if he were angry, if he weren't so aggrevatingly kind.
He laughed. "Why would I be angry with you?"
"Because I…" She let her voice trailed off and sighed. He handed her a napkin and she wiped her face.
"Dumped me? Rather unceremoniously?" He shrugged. "Maybe I should be. But I love you. I just want you to be happy. I had hoped that you were. It would have been worth it if you were."
"What would have been worth it?"
He looked away. "Losing you. If I can't make you happy, I'd rather that you be with someone who can."
Her heart ached at that. The truth of the matter was that he had made her happy. She had forgotten how it had been with him. If he answered a question, you could always believe that he was telling you the truth. She had taken that for granted when she had it. Bobby hadn't been perfect, and neither had she. But they had worked together. They had the same dreams, the same goals. They wanted to spend their lives helping people who weren't as blessed as they were.
Ann ended up canceling her plans for a movie and dinner with some friends to take Bobby on a tour of New York.
"He's in love with someone else."
They were standing outside the Metropolitan Museum of Art when she blurted it out.
"What," Bobby asked, surprised at the suddenness of her statement.
"Sebastian is in love with someone else."
"How can any man in his right mind not be in love with you?" She looked at him to see if he were teasing her and saw the sincerity in his eyes. She smiled. This was Bobby she was talking to.
"He loves me too." She could tell from the look on his face that he was doubtful. He didn't believe that you could love multiple people.
"He told you this?"
"That he loves her? No. I don't think he's admitted it to himself yet. But I see it."
"Is that why you're unhappy?"
"Partly. It's also because we're from completely different worlds. It's not a class issue. It's… it's the way he sees the world, the way he thinks. He doesn't believe in the same things I do. And I know he hides things from me. Sometimes he even lies outright."
"Why do you stay with him?"
"I don't know. It's hard to explain. I am happy when we're actually together. It's just when we're not that I have the problem with. He just knows how to make it all seem like nothing matters except how we feel."
"Ann, a wise woman once told me that love isn't how you feel. It's what you do."
They were standing on the stoop of her apartment building in silence. It was late, but neither of them wanted to say goodnight.
"I had fun tonight, Ann. I missed you."
"I missed you too, Bobby."
"Well, I'd probably better be going," he said but made no move to leave. He just stood there looking down at her. "Just give me the word, and I'll go bet the hell out of this Sebastian guy. You deserve to be happy."
She laughed. "Is that allowed for Divinity students? Beating the hell out of people?"
He smiled and shrugged. "I'm sure that under the right circumstances exceptions can be made. Night, Ann."
She reached out and tentatively touched his hand. "You did make me happy, Bobby." She kissed him on the cheek quickly before going inside.
Sometimes she would sneak Sebastian into her bedroom. Her father trusted her so much – too much – that he never checked on her and never noticed what she was up too. But it happened so infrequently that it was easy to hide. Usually, Sebastian would send her flowers and a card. On the card was the number of the room he had rented for them at the Belleclaire Hotel. It was always a beautiful room, but it made her feel… cheap.
She sat on her bed looking at the card she'd just received and thinking about her visit with Bobby. She missed her old life, but she ached for Sebastian. She had been forewarned about him and she had still let herself fall for him.
Eventually she went to met him there. He opened the door looking rested and tanned, his blue eyes perfectly complimented by the pistachio green shirt he wore.
"Hey," he said softly as he touched the side of her face. "You're late. Is everything alright?"
"I'm fine. I had some things to deal with. How was Maui?"
He smiled as he pulled her into his arms. "It was Maui. Pretty damn near perfect. I'll take you next winter. We can spend the entire winter break in swim suites." He kissed her and she forgot everything that had been bothering her. "We can dance on the beach in the moonlight. Go deep-sea diving."
She felt his lips on her neck as he unbuttoned her blouse. She unbuckled his pants. They undressed each other quickly. Sebastian carried her to the bed and lowered her onto it. Making love with Sebastian was never quick. He usually put the emphasis on foreplay, prolonging it sometimes for hours. So, it was nearly two hours later that they lay next to each other, breathing heavily. "I missed you," he said finally.
"I missed you too," she said as she curled up against him.
"What have you been up to while I was gone?"
She paused for a moment. Not because she was afraid to tell him about Bobby, but because thinking about him brought back all her doubts. "Bobby was in town for a conference. I showed him around the city."
She felt him stiffen. "Bobby? You're ex, Bobby?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Did you have a good time?"
"Yes. It was good to see him again."
"Annette, look at me," he said softly. She looked up into his eyes. He studied her silently for a minute. "Do you miss him? Is that what's wrong?"
She was tempted to lie. She didn't want to hurt him. "I loved him," she said simply.
He frowned thoughtfully and kissed her forehead.
When she went home that night, she was careful not to wake her father. He probably knew that she was having sex, but he had never said anything about it. He had told her long ago that when she had sex was her decision, he just wanted her to be careful with her body and her heart. "Everybody thinks they know what love is when they're your age," he'd said. "Most of the time, though, they find out they were wrong."
It had been bad enough to face everyone after having so loudly and publicly declaring that she would keep her virginity until marriage. But it was far worse facing her father. Sometimes she felt as if she'd become a different person, and it was a person that she didn't always respect.
Thanks for the high praise Kaila! I hope you like this chapter, even though it's not S/K centric. We'll get back to them in Chapter 8.
