Part Five
Clara looked around the interior of the TARDIS. It had changed from when they'd first arrived in Victorian London. The last few hours had been hard on her. Actually, the last few days, had been hard on her. Granted, her whole relationship with the Doctor was strange. She knew that he changed faces. Deep down, she knew that's what his people did when they were either seriously injured or their bodies wore out. She'd actually had met two of his previous selves and had interacted with his entire time stream, but to actually experience regeneration first hand was scary. Because, even though her impossible life with him, she'd only really gotten to know the 11th Doctor, and to her, he was her Doctor.
"I don't like it," she told this new man, this man that was claiming to be the Doctor.
"I'm not entirely convinced myself. There should be more round things on the wall; there used to be more round things. I wonder where I put them?"
Clara looked down at the console and wondered how she'd ask him to take her back. She didn't know this new man, and wasn't completely certain that she wanted to stay. He got up from where he'd been sitting, and began his decent to the main part of the console room.
"I'm the Doctor," he said. "I've lived for over 2,000 years. Not all of them were good. I've made many mistakes, and it's about time I did something about that."
Clara lowered her eyes. And then looked back at this man, this impossible, mad man with a box. "Like Rose?"
The Doctor froze at that. Rose… He'd left Rose behind when he went to defend Christmas. And he'd promised her that he wouldn't ever leave her behind again. But, hadn't she been the one to leave him to fight his last battle on Trenzalore? Alone?
"She chose to leave me," the Doctor said seriously as he started the TARDIS on her way back to Clara's time. "That was her choice."
Clara shook her head. "She chose not to watch another man she loved grow old and die. She knew you were in your last life and knew that if she went to Trenzalore, she would have to watch you die. Would you have asked anyone to do that? Especially when she was only really getting past the last time she'd been to Trenzalore?"
"What would you have me do?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "But do something."
The Doctor frowned, really thinking about what Clara had told him. And then he remembered about how they first met. "Who gave you my number? Do you remember? A very long time ago, you phoned a help line, and you ended up phoning the TARDIS. Who gave you the number?"
Clara looked confused for a second, but realised that abruptly changing the subject was something the Doctor was very good at. "The woman… the woman in the shop."
"Then there's a woman out there who's very keen for us to stay together." He looked her over, and could still see doubt playing over her features. She still wasn't sure of him, of who he was underneath the change, and his attitude to the woman that was his wife. The TARDIS landed and the Doctor braced himself for the possibility that Clara may leave him. "How do you feel about the subject?"
"I'm home."
"If you want to be."
"I'm sorry," Clara whispered. "I'm so, so sorry. But I can't. I don't know you anymore." Her phone rang, and the Doctor, the 12th Doctor, knew who was on the other end. He knew it was him calling in his final moments on Trenzalore.
He waited and then followed her out of the TARDIS. "Will you help me?"
"You shouldn't have been listening."
"I wasn't. I didn't need to. That was me, on the phone." The Doctor was getting a little tired of his companions leaving him after he regenerated. Most didn't know how to handle the 'new' him. Or they had trouble adjusting to the fact that the man they knew him to be wasn't around anymore. Or they just didn't want to see that he was the same man underneath it all. "You can't see me, can you?" He turned from Clara, and saw in the distance a blonde woman talking to a younger version of himself. Turning back to Clara, he continued their conversation. "You look at me and you can't see me." Again, he turned back to look at the other conversation he was having – one he remembered having with Rose nearly 1,000 years before. He saw Rose look over her shoulder and directly at him. His younger self had followed her gaze. What had Rose said to him?
He tried to remember as he told Clara, "Do you have any idea what that's like? I'm not on the phone. I'm right here." Rose hadn't even met this regeneration yet and she had told him that there was only one man she would travel with. "Standing in front of you." There was only one man that Rose would call her husband… But Clara, she couldn't see that. Yet. "Please, please just see me." Rose hadn't even met his new regeneration, but still, she had already accepted him as her Doctor. He was just hoping his impossible girl would see it too.
Clara moved up to him and really studied his face. Eventually, she began to smile. "Thank you," she whispered after a good long moment.
"For what?"
"Phoning." She reached up and hugged him around his neck. He didn't hug her back. Not really.
"I don't really think I'm a hugging person, now," he protested.
"I'm not sure you get a vote," another voice cut in. Clara pulled back from the Doctor and smiled as she saw Rose standing not far from them. "Doctor?"
The Doctor swallowed as he took in the appearance of his impossible Bad Wolf. It had been 700 years since he'd last seen her. 700 long years since she'd asked to be left behind in London. And yet, throughout those long years, he had never stopped thinking of her, and had never stopped loving her. To see her again was a miracle. "Why are we in Cardiff?" he asked.
"Because the TARDIS bought you to where you needed to come," Rose answered. "She knew that you had been here, with Clara, when I talked to a younger version of you."
"How did you get here?"
"Jack found my vortex manipulator." The two of them stared at each other before Rose looked down. "We should get moving before you come over here and work out who you are." Clara looked over at where the other Doctor was kneeling. She looked like she wanted to go over and talk to the younger Doctor. "Clara, he wouldn't know who you are. That Doctor is 300 years younger than the Doctor who first met you." The younger woman nodded slightly before Rose and the Doctor pulled her away. "Let's go get some chips. I've wanted to get some for ages!"
The three of them walked away before Clara thought about the TARDIS. "What about the TARDIS? Wouldn't he know that it's here?" Clara asked.
"The three of us can see the TARDIS," Rose said, "But to everyone else, she's invisible. It's how I knew you were here. I felt her land. The younger Doctor didn't."
"Why?"
"He's too busy trying to work out how Rose Tyler can be back in this world. Or if he had just hallucinated the whole conversation with her," the Doctor said. He looked over his two companions and wondered what Rose really thought of him now. The woman in question felt his eyes on him and she reached out to take a hold of his hand.
"Remember our first date?" she asked him quietly.
He looked down at her and gave her a little half smile. "I took you to the end of the world, and then we had chips."
"You told me that you were the last of your people."
"You told me that I'd always have you." Rose felt her eyes welling up when she heard her promise from so long ago issue out of his mouth. And though she tried to hide it from him, he noticed. He stopped her and gently lifted her chin so he could look into her beautiful hazel eyes. "Hey, what's with the tears?"
Clara had walked a few feet ahead of them and when they stopped, so did she. Turning to look back at them, she couldn't help smiling at the pair of them. She'd gotten to know Rose really well in the three months they'd travelled together after the whole Time War adventure. Rose was a very capable woman who could handle herself in any situation, and hated when other people tried to decide things for her. She'd never willingly accept comfort or help from anyone – except from the man who was offering that very thing.
"I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. I was so afraid of going back to Trenzalore that I let you go alone. And I wish I could've changed my choice."
The Doctor didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around his Rose and tucking her head under his chin. He felt one of her arms make its way around his waist as her other hand fisted in his shirt. And though he had said he wasn't a hugger in this body, he thought he could get used to hugging Rose Tyler. Come to think of it, his ninth body (tenth if he included his war self), hadn't been much of a hugger either until this woman in his arms had come along.
"My Bad Wolf, you are forgiven, always and completely forgiven."
Rose smiled, and pulled away from him slightly. With the hand she'd fisted in his shirt, she wiped her cheeks. "You told me that by Lake Silencio."
"It must have been hard for you to face Trenzalore, knowing that I was probably going to my death."
She nodded. "And I didn't want to think about it. So if I stayed in London, I could always imagine that you could come back."
The Doctor smiled. "So, what about those chips?"
"Yeah, I could really go for some chips right about now," Clara piped up. "Doctor, you're buying."
"But I don't have any money."
"Some date you are," Rose laughed. "Alright, Time Lord, Clara, chips are on me."
HDSGH
Just before they returned Clara to her correct time with the promise of getting coffee when they returned for her, Rose asked how she was really doing.
"It's strange, you know. Seeing him change. I wasn't sure how to take it at first."
Rose smiled and nodded. "I know exactly what you mean. I was like that when I saw him change the first time. He didn't even tell me what was happening until he was actually regenerating."
"What did you do?"
"I wanted him to change back. After he told me he couldn't, I cried a bit. And then gave myself time to get to know the new him. I knew he was the same man after that."
"So when you saw the Doctor this time?"
"I'd already decided that he was my Doctor. It didn't matter to me what he was like on the outside. He's still the same underneath it all. He still has the same passion and drive to explore and save planets." Rose smiled as Clara took in her words. "Just give yourself some time, and give him a chance. If you're still unhappy after a reasonable time has passed, then we'll leave you. But he really does need your help."
Clara looked confused at that. "Why? He has you."
"Do you know why he travels with others?" Rose asked. Clara shook her head. "It's to help keep him grounded. To remind him of the humanity that's in the world. I won't be able to remind him of that anymore, because I'm like him. I can regenerate, just like he can. And sometimes, I'll forget too and I'll need reminding." Rose smiled and returned to the TARDIS. "We'll both need your help, but we won't force you to join us if you really don't want to travel with us."
"Thanks Rose. For giving me the option."
"It's what friends do."
HDSGH
The Doctor looked over at his wife as they made their way around the console. It had been many centuries since he'd had help flying the TARDIS, and he actually appreciated the help. Neither had really spoken since they'd dropped Clara off at her apartment. Once they were safely in flight, he stepped back from the console and asked, "So what do you think?"
Rose looked over at him and really took in his new appearance. "You're older. More dignified. Oh, and not ginger."
He rolled his eyes. What was with the ginger comment? It wasn't like he was obsessed with being ginger. Just because his previous two regenerations had wanted to be ginger, didn't mean he wanted to be ginger now. When he noticed that she was giggling, he tried glaring at her. That made her laugh harder. She knew he couldn't be angry at her forever, and she loved it when he tried.
"At least someone is finding amusement at my expense," he pouted.
"That look doesn't suit you, Doctor."
The Doctor sighed and went to sit down. Rose followed him up to the balcony noticed that there was only one tall, leather bound chair on the balcony surrounding the console unit. Stroking the wall, she mentally asked for another chair to join her Doctor's. She smiled when a comfy lounger appeared close to his. Again, she caught his frown as she sat beside him. "She may be your TARDIS, Doctor, and you are her thief, but I am her heart. You're not going to get rid of me that easily, my Doctor."
"How did you know this was me, back in Cardiff?"
"Because I can feel you, in here," she tapped the side of her head. "I can feel you like all Time Lords or Ladies can when they meet another Time Lord or Lady." Sitting forward on her chair, she leaned over and cupped his cheek and bought his gaze level with hers. "You'll always be my Doctor, no matter what."
He caught hold of her hand and kissed her wrist. "So how did you know that you needed to go back and talk to past me in Cardiff?" He moved their joined hands to the edge of his seat. If he'd allowed her to continue holding his face, he'd get distracted. And right now, he knew he couldn't afford any distractions. Rose allowed her remaining hand to cover his hand that was holding her other hand.
"Because you told me about meeting me there just before I went to the Library. At the time, I didn't know I was the Bad Wolf. Kind of ironic, don't you think? I go back to encourage a past you to love a past me."
"What about all those other times I saw you?"
"I figured the Doctor had seen me briefly in 1969, so I arranged just a short stop there so he could see me, before I travelled ahead to get the envelopes from him just before he went to Lake Silencio. And then I found the 10th Doctor's TARDIS from when he was stuck in 1969 with Martha Jones and recorded the message I heard myself say that began the 11th's own journey to 1969. My last stop was Cardiff in 2009, which is when I caught up with you and Clara."
The Doctor looked down at their entwined hands. Rose was too good for him. It had been such a long time, if ever, since someone had done so much for him and had given up so much of herself to see that he was happy.
"What did I do to deserve you?" he asked quietly.
"No one deserves to be alone. You, most of all, my Doctor."
"Is there anything I can do to repay you?"
Rose thought about it. But not for long, because she knew there was something she'd been wanting from the Doctor for the longest time. Ever since she'd told him she'd dreamed of marrying him and he'd said that they would if she lived – that had been just before her second regeneration into River Song. "There is something that I've wanted for the longest time, but I never had the courage to ask for it. I knew it would complicate things back when I was in my third body."
The Doctor looked at her with curiosity. "When I was studying for my doctorate, I found out that the Time Lords were a telepathic race. Of course, I already knew that, after meeting you and the Old Girl. But in my research, I found there was something special that sometimes happened between married couples on your planet." Rose paused for a bit and licked her lips, trying to find the words to express her desire. "John taught me a lot about the telepathy of your race, and told me about the bonding ceremonies. How some could be for just one regeneration and some others were permanent, lasting through all the regenerations of the people bonded together."
He sat up straighter and bought his hand up to her cheek. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, and he was hoping Rose was asking him what he desperately wanted to hear.
"Doctor, John and I shared the lightest of these bonds. Since he's been gone, it's been so lonely in my head. I don't want to be alone any more. I don't want to have a future without you." She swallowed hard and looked straight into his blue, blue eyes. "I want to have that permanent bond with you."
His hearts leapt within his chest. Perhaps Rose didn't know the depth of what she was asking for, but he certainly did. She was asking him to marry her, and to love her, for all time. When he had first asked her to marry him so many years ago, and had forged a light bond with her, he never imagined he would get the bond he most desired from her. It wasn't something that his people did lightly. A permanent bond meant that their lives would be forever bound to the other. There would be no other person in the universe for them.
"Are you sure?" he croaked out.
She nodded. "I'm sure, my Doctor."
He stood up and pulled her up with him. A permanent smile seemed to be plastered on his face. "Then, my Bad Wolf, my Melody Pond, I would gladly have this bond with you." He cupped her cheek and saw the joy he felt mirrored in her eyes. He leaned down and gently placed his lips over hers. Her fingers found the back of his neck and they threaded through the tiny strands of his hair at the nape of his neck. They both sighed with pleasure and as he buried his fingers in her hair, he deepened their kiss.
