I'm sorry this took so long but here it is I hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own any Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Post 12/30/2010
Chapter 7: The Bush
At first, it was so quiet, not a single sound came to my ears. I had wondered if they finally realized I was just an insane little girl that they should not have even bothered with. I felt that way most of the time myself; even my own family felt that way. Therefore, why should other people think different about me? I was the girl that could not be touched, would not talk and ignored most of the people that spoke to her. So why would everyone think I was not a crazy girl who needed to be locked up away from the rest of the world. I myself thought such a thing should happen.
Be sides I was happy where I was at or at least I thought and felt as if I was happy. Never truly knowing what being happy was. I guess you could say I was content with my lot in life. Sure, I wished the nurses and doctors would let me be and that I could just drift off in to the world I had created in my mind. Those things never happen, yet I was fine with how my life was going. I was away from the one thing that could truly hurt me.
I was still puzzled about why I was brought home from the hospital. Anyone who paid attention could tell my mother did not want me there. So what was it that made her bring me home when it was clear that she had no interest in me at all. So many questions and no way to get answers that was the story of my life. However, I did have to say that if I watched closely (which I did) I was bound to find out all I needed to know.
Not only did I watch I also listened which lead me to be able to hear the sound of footsteps came to my ears. With each step that was taken, I knew they were coming closer to the bush I was huddled underneath. "Willow, I'm sorry please come back," Paul called out to me, this in turn just made me push back even more. My mind was screaming for him to go away, to let me be. I wanted them all too just go, to forget I was here, that I was even alive. That is when I remembered my wolf and how much I would miss him if I could never see him again. This in turn made me wonder if he would miss me if I were gone, somehow I knew he would.
However, even with that thought running through my mind I could not pull myself away from the bushes trunk. Closing my eyes tighter, I focused on what was going on outside of the bush. I could hear someone crying, I knew that it was not me so who was crying. Could it be Claire or maybe Nessie, though I have to say I did not see Nessie as someone to start crying over something like this. I do not know what it was but there was something about her that made her different from other kids; though, I could not seem to put my finger on what it was. With this knowledge, I knew that it had to be Claire but why was she crying.
Had Paul done something to her as well. He did not seem to the type of person who would hurt a little girl, nonetheless he did touch me. While I wanted to ponder this for a bit longer, I did not get the chance to when the sound of more footsteps as well as people yelling came to my ears.
"What the hell happen?"
"What happen? Why is Claire crying?"
"Where hell is Willow? Paul, where the hell is Willow? What the hell did you do?"
At first, I did not know who had spoken first until the other two voices had spoken. With the fact that I knew the second one was Quil and the third voice belonging to Seth that only left one other guy for it to be, Jacob. I tried my best to listen to all that was being said however, that became hard to do when everyone started talking on top of each other. What few words I did hear only told me what I already knew. I had crawled under the bush after Paul tried to push my sleeves up.
Very simple story to tell yet for some reason those four guy and two little girls it require a variety of words to tell it. Through the whole uproar, I could still hear Claire crying this knowledge made me sad. I did not like the fact that I was making her cry, that I had hurt her. I knew it was my actions that had caused her to start crying I learned this fact when Quil had repeated back to everyone else what Claire had been trying to say through her tears.
If I could have, I would have dragged myself out from underneath the bush just to make her stop crying. I just could not seem to do that. My whole body was frozen in place and it seemed nothing was going to get me to move, not even Seth. I knew he was upset about what was going on. I could hear it in the tone of his voice, it kept changing with each word he spoke. I have spent many years paying attention to the tone of other peoples' voices. There was no hiding from me how upset or mad you were I could always find out whenever you choose to speak to me. I was not sure if he was getting angry at me or at someone else. All I knew was I was not going to be climbing out anytime soon to find out.
I knew I could not take it if this young man who I was coming to like ended up just like all the rest. He was mad and knew somehow some way he would make me pay for what I had done. Now I really did wish they would all go away, forget about me. If making them upset or mad was all I could do then it was best they did just leave me under this bush. I just hoped they realized that too and soon. I did not want them to keep trying to get me out only to find themselves more upset at me for wasting their time. With these thoughts in mind, I began to wonder how I could let them know that it was fine to leave. That I did not need them to stay if all it did was make them angry.
Only I knew there was no way to express this fact unless I came out from under the bush, which was not going to happen. In the end, I figured it would just be best to forget about what was going on outside of the bush. There was nothing I could do to change all of their minds. Therefore, I would just have to stay under the bush until they did finally give up.
Then I would find a way back to my mother's house where I would hide in my room for the rest of my life or until they finally let me go back to the hospital. To say the truth I did not think it would take my mother all that long to make that happen. Curly up tighter, I kept my eyes closed as I closed off myself from everyone outside of the bush and prepared myself for a long wait. However, it was not even a second after I did that Seth's voice pulled me back to the one place I was trying to forget about.
"That's great and all but where the hell is she Paul? Where did she take off? Think you forgot to tell us that little part." I could not help jerking back in to the truck of the bush from how loud Seth was yelling. Saying it startled me would be an understatement. Who was he yelling at. The answer to that question came faster than I thought it would.
"I don't know. Her screaming freaked me out, I started looking around to see if there was something behind me causing her to, and when I did, I didn't see where she went! I swear!" Paul hollered back. I knew they were talking about me I just could not believe they were wasting their time on a no body such as myself.
"What the hell! You don't know where she went. How the hell could you not know where she is? Are you blind?" Seth barked back at Paul before I even had a chance to figure out why they were arguing about where I was. Hearing nothing but silence after that I assumed it was over with; however, I was wrong.
"I just cannot believe you would so such a thing. You know what she means to me. Really, what were you thinking Paul? How would you like it if I did something to Rachael that she did not like or want to be done?" Seth stopped there for a second, just long enough for me to wonder whom Rachael was. "I'm working my hardest to get Willow to trust me, to trust us then you have to go pull one of your stupid stunts. Please tell me what the hell were you thinking?"
"Maybe if you kept a closer watch on her none of this would have happened," Paul snapped at Seth for what he had said.
"What hell did you just say," Seth growled out before a loud ripping sound came to my ears.
My eyes popped open as the last few words that were being said, just before the growling came to my ears. A smarter girl would have questioned the growling; however, I was too busy focusing on what had been said. I now knew Seth was not mad me, he was mad at Paul. He really did care for me; it was not just something in my head. Someone cared for me; someone truly liked who I was. Wanted to get to know me as a person, not just for the insane girl I was believed to be.
My heart swelled with such happiness, something I had never felt before. I wanted to climb out from under the bush, run to Seth and hold on forever. I knew he would keep me safe, that nothing bad would ever happen to me as long as I was with Seth. Only I could not seem to move. Even now after hearing his words I knew that I could not help asking why. Why me? I was nothing special. In fact, I was far from being special. I was just an insane little girl whose mother let the world think she beat on herself.
Feeling this sudden need to know more, also hoping that it might let me in on why Seth cared for me I listened to what else was being said between the guys. Only by the time I, started listening once more there was no more talking. In fact, the only sound I could hear was whining. This confused me quite a bit; I could not seem to figure out who would be whining. By this time, Claire had stopped crying, in fact, I could not hear her at all.
Thinking about it some, I started to realize I could only hear two sets of footsteps. On top of that, another sound was coming from the group that was left outside the bush; I just could not seem to place what it was. Stumped on what could be making the new sound I started to get lost in my mind as I listed off all the things it could be. I would have still been doing that if I had not been pulled back by the sound of Seth's voice saying my name.
"Willow, honey please come out. No one is going to hurt you. Paul is sorry for what he did. He did not mean it. Sweetie he did not know you do not like to be touched. It will not happen again. So please come out." I could hear the sadness in Seth's voice and as much as I wanted to go to him, to believe he was telling the truth I just could not move. I had heard those same words before, only in the end to find out that it was nothing but lies. There was no way I would fall for that trick again. Wanting, no needing to find a way to block them all out I buried my head in to my arms even more. Making sure to cover my ears up; however, it did not help for within seconds of doing that I heard Seth talking to me once more.
"Willow, please you need to come out. Come on sweetie it is time to eat. I'm sure you have to be hungry. Don't you want to come out so you can get something to eat before all the guys eat it all? Come on Willow, please." My stomach grumble from hearing Seth talk about food. I had not eaten since last night and that was not that much. As I have said before my brother is not a good cook, which does not matter much when I never really taste the food to begin with. However, right about now I was quite hungry. I was just not going to chance that it was just a ploy to get me to come out.
"Willow, sweet little girl won't you please come out. I need know you are safe. Please Willow, I can't see you and that scares me. Willow I can make them all go away if that will make you come out. No one wants to hurt you honey, please Willow. Please come out." There he was gain asking me to come out, to come to him. I wanted to so badly but I still could not move. Therefore, I let his voice do that only thing it could for me now. I used it to help relax myself and just as I figured, I was drifting off to sleep.
There was just one problem I could not seem to stay a sleep. Every time I would drift off a new sound that I had not heard before would come to my ears. The one that really got my attention was the sound of movement coming from all around the bush. This had to mean that they were looking for other ways to get to me. I was not at all happy with this face.
Needing to know how many there was I started listening closer and counting the footsteps I heard. By the sound of steps that were being taken, I knew there had to be more than just one person walking around the bush. That or the one person was moving around very fast. I did not see that as being possible so I went with the theory that there were a few people walking around out there. It was not too soon after that, that I started to hear voices coming from those said people.
"Nothing over here. How about on your side?"
"Nope, I got nothing. I have no idea how we are going to get her out of there."
With the voices being too muffled or too far away, I was not sure which I could not make out who had spoken them. I just knew that neither one was Seth; however I did not have to wait very long to hear his voice and what he had to say confused me greatly.
"Hold on I have an idea. Jacob, over to the far left, phasing now."
"I'm heading that way now. Remember to take it slow. Don't forget that she will be scared of whoever approaches her, no matter who it is," Jacob called back.
On top of hearing what Jacob had said I also heard many footsteps moving around. Then out of nowhere, the bush started to move behind me. Suddenly my eyes dart open and I glance around scared of what I might find. At the same time, I pull my knees tighter to my chest and pushed back on to the bush's stump. To say I was stunned at what I found moving towards me would have been an understatement. For I had no idea, how it was possible, let alone how he knew, I was here but somehow my wolf had found me.
I eyes locked with his instantly. I did not know what it was there was just something about the way he looked in to my eyes that made me feel something I had never felt in my whole life, loved. Gradually he moved closer to me, I knew he was doing this so I would not get scared. One day I hoped to tell him that he could never scare me. He was my wolf and I knew he would never hurt me. Do not ask me how I knew I just knew.
Once he was with in arms reached, I let go of my legs and brought my arms up to wrap around his neck, pulling myself away from the bushes truck as I did this. The second I felt his fur I could not hold back my need to be close to him any longer. For that reason alone I snuggled up to him and buried my face in to his neck.
It felt as if time had stood still from that moment on but I knew it had not, for I could still hear everyone moving around outside of the bush. I was hoping that they would just leave, let me stay with my wolf. I was happy with that idea; however, I knew that was not going to happen. At some point I was going to have to let go, drag myself out from under the bush otherwise someone might see my wolf. I knew that if he were seen nothing good would come of it. They might even try to hurt him and I could not let that happen, I needed him he was my only friend in this whole world. Well that was until I meet Seth but I still could not lose my wolf.
It was just as I was about to let my wolf go that I felt myself being moved. Lifting my head, I was shocked to find myself being dragged out from under the bush. Fearful of what was to come I gripped on to my wolf tighter. I would have probably held on forever if he had not started to nuzzle me with his nose. I tried to keep my laughter in but in the end it was too hard and a soft laugh escaped from my mouth. I knew what he wanted me to do; I just could not seem to do that was until he whined softly. Loosening my grip on him, I slowly pulled my arms down to my side. Before I knew it he was licking my face, which caused me to giggle. I wish I had not giggled because right after I did he turned from me and took off.
I tried to stop him by calling for him to stop; however, I could not seem to get my voice loud enough for him to hear or maybe he just chose not to listen to me. Sitting up I pulled my knees up to my chin as I waited to see what would happen next. I knew someone would come find me and when I heard footsteps coming from my left I knew they would be here any second. Even though I knew they were coming I could not help pushing myself backwards until I bumped in to a tree that had been behind me. It was right at this moment that Sam and Quil came in to my line of sight. I could feel myself shaking, I knew I had done something wrong and now they were going to make sure I learned a lesson.
"Willow, sweetie, are you ok?" Sam asked
I was not sure how I was suppose to answer him. Even if I would talk to him that had nothing to do with why I was confused. I was sure he was here to punish me for what I had done so why was he asking me if I was ok. It made no sense to me, then again none of this did. My whole life was a big mystery to me.
"Willow please calm down. No one is going to hurt you. We just want to make sure you are fine and not hurt in any way. Can I please come closer to you?" It was Sam again asking to come near me. Before I even thought about it my head was shaking no to him. The only person or thing I wanted near me other than my wolf was Seth and he was nowhere to be seen. In fact I had not heard from him since he called out to Jacob that he had a plan. I could not help wonder what happen to his plan because he nothing to do with what had happen and what was going on right now.
"All right Willow that is fine for right now but you cannot stay here all day. You need to let us help you. I am sure you are hungry. Do you want to get something to eat?"
I knew I was hungry but I had learned from passed experiences not to fall for the nice routine. Therefore, I stayed where I was, there was no way I was moving an inch until I saw Seth. I knew he would never hurt me just from the world he had said earlier. I was safe with Seth, no one else. If I had not known better, I would have thought Seth knew I was waiting for him because within second of me wishing he would show up he walked out from behind the trees on my right.
At first when I heard a noise to my right I had thought it was one of the other guys coming to help Sam and Quil out. Just the thought alone had me shaking more. I did not even realize I was holding my breath until I let it out when Seth came in to sight. Never taking my eyes off him I watched as he walked over to Sam whispered something in to his ear before turning towards me. Glancing back and forth between Sam and Seth I waited to see what would happen next. I did not have to wait long before Seth took a step towards me.
"Hi Willow, is it ok if I come over and sit next to you. I promise not to touch you and I won't make you do anything you do not want to do," Seth asked as he took another step my way. Again, I did not even think about it before my head was nodding yes to his question. I had not even finished nodding before he was sitting down next to me. At the same time Sam and Quil made their exit from the area.
"Are you ok Willow?" Seth asked.
I did not have to think before answering him, therefore I quickly nodding my head yes.
"That is good, I am happy you did not get hurt while you were under the bush. Were you scared while you were under there?"
This question I did have to think about, I would not say I was scared about being under the bush but I was scared about what would happen when I finally came out from under the bush. I wanted to tell Seth that only I knew there was no way I could get the words out. In the end I shook my head no figuring that someday I might be able to tell him the truth.
"Well that is good," he stated as if he only half believed me. I could not help wondering if he knew I was not telling him the whole truth. After thinking about it for a few more minutes I knew that there was no way he could know I was hiding something from him.
"Are you hungry Willow?"
That one I also did not have to think about to answer, therefore I nodded my head without having to think about it.
"I thought so. What do you think about me taking you back to the house so you can get cleaned up as well as eat some breakfast?"
I must say I was taken aback at first by what Seth had asked me. Did he not understand what had just happen after that guy Paul touched me? There was no way he could take me back to the house unless he meant for me to walk with him. I just did not know if I would be able to get up, walk back to the house with him only to find out my punishment was waiting for me there. After thinking about it, I knew I had to shake my head no and so I did.
"Willow, please listen to me, no one and I mean no one is going to hurt you I will not let them. So please Willow let me take you back to the house. I promise not to touch any part of your skin at all. Just let me help you, please."
I could not believe he was begging me to let him help me. What was it about me that made him want to help me so much. None of this made any sense to me, then again nothing about my life made sense to me. Glancing in to Seth's eyes, I knew he had meant ever word he had said to me. I just had to let go of my fear and finally trust someone. I just did not know if I could do that then I remembered what Seth had said after finding out what had happen to me. I knew then if there was anyone, I could trust it would be Seth. With a quick nod of my head, I gave in and let Seth know he could take me back to the house.
"What! Are you sure? Ok just stay calm we can figure this out. Damn, I mean darn please do not tell Emily I said that in front of you. All right, I think… no that will not work. Ok what if… no that will not work either. All right the only think I can think of that might work is if I pick you up by the knees and shoulders, I can avoid touching you. Is that all right with you?" I think my answer took Seth by surprise for I had never seen anyone stumble over their words the way Seth had just now. Although, he did seem to pull himself together rather quickly.
Not sure how to answer if, I knew we were taking a risk but I also knew I could not stay hidden in the woods for the rest of my life. Even if that did sound like a good idea at least to me. Knowing Seth was waiting for an answer I tried to nod my head yes only I could not seem to get it to move. I knew it was my fear taking hold of me again. All the what if's were invading my mind and I could not chance that his hand or arm might slip. Then where would we be right back to me freaking out. I could not let that happen nor would I let that happen. It was all becoming too much and I had no idea what to do until I glanced in to Seth's eyes pleading with him to help me.
Everything after that happen so fast before I knew it Seth had moved to his knees, picked me up and started walking out of the woods. Unable to help it or stop it I started shaking and pleading that this would work. That Seth would not touch me that we could make it back to the house without something bad happening. "It's all right Willow, I have you. I won't let anyone or thing hurt you," Seth whispered close to my ear. It was almost as if he knew that just those few words would help to calm me down and they did. The next thing I knew I felt the wind blowing through my hair as Seth took off in a sprint.
Burying my face in to Seth shoulder I let myself feel free for the first time in my life. It is as if I was flying through the air, only I had Seth's strong arms holding me, keeping me safe from all that could hurt me. I should have been scared of all the emotions that were running throughout my body but I was not. I could not help but enjoy them, all of them. Then before I knew it they had come to an end. Seth started to slow down and I could hear voice coming closer to us. Tilting my head up, I could see that we had made it back to the house. With this fact know I slowly prepared myself to be set down once Seth entered the house only that never happen.
While Seth did slow down he did not stop until after he had carried me through the living room, up the stairs and in to the first bedroom at the top of the stairs. Gently he placed me down on to the bed and sat down facing me. "Are you all right Willow? I did not touch you did I?" He questions came at me so quickly I was not sure which one to answer first. I also did not want him to flip my answers and assume I was not all right and that he did touch me. I had to think; however, no matter how much I tried to figure out how to answer him nothing came to mind.
Lost as to what I was going to do I pushed myself backward in to the pillows that were piled at the head of the bed. The whole time I kept my eyes on Seth hoping maybe he would figure out I was a bit confused. He shook his head for a few second before speaking once more. "Ok I'm sorry Willow that was too fast for you let me ask you again only this time I will ask each question one at a time. Is that ok with you?"
I quickly nodded my head yes to answer him.
"Ok good now my first question are you all right?"
Again I nodded my head yes to answer him.
"Good I'm glad, now did I touch you at all?"
This time I shook my head no. He had not touched me, I would have felt it the second he did touch me. The burning would have start instantly, it always does. No matter how much I try to block it out or hope it does not happen it always does and I can never hide from the pain.
"Thank goodness, now we need to get you cleaned up. I am going to go downstairs so Emily can come up with your stuff and help you get clean up. Is that all right with you?"
I did not see a problem with Emily helping me as long as she did not try to touch me. I could not feeling guilt for thinking such a thing. From the second I got here Emily has been nothing but nice to me and not once during the time I was in the kitchen did she try to touch me. Hanging my head down out of shame I nodded to answer Seth that I was fine with Emily coming up to help me.
"That is good, I am going to leave me now but Emily will be right up," he told me just before stood up to leave. Slowly he backed out of the room keeping his eyes on me until he was out of the room and almost to the stairs. That is when he finally turned from me and headed down the stairs. I tried my hardest to keep my fears of being left all alone in a room I had never been before. However, in the end I was unable to keep the memories at bay and all too soon I found myself drifting back to my first day in the room with padded walls.
All around me was nothing but white. All the color in my world were taken from me, well not all. I can still remember the blackness that came when they turned out the lights for the first time. While most kids are scared of the shadows that stream through their windows at night I was not. For there was no windows in the room I lived in for eight years. How I wished there was just so I could have a hint of light in the darkness but there never was.
Unable to take it anymore I grabbed one of the pillows behind me as well as the blanket at the end of the bed. Making my way over to the far corner I set the pillow down before lay down on the floor myself and covering myself with the blanket head and all. Squeezing myself between the two walls I waited for what was to come next. For I knew when it came to my life bad things were always right around the corner, no pun intended.
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