Author's Note: This chapter is spoiler-ific, including details from next week's promo.
Kevin
I wonder, as I go to bed at Artie's that night, what the morning will bring. Will I wake up in my own body again? Or is there still more to be done before the swap can occur again? I only saw Freaky Friday once (the classic one, not the Lohan remake) so I'm not sure of the rules.
But I wake up the next day, still in Artie's body, and the part of me that isn't afraid of the switch being permanent is relieved. I still have time to do everything in my power to help Artie. I'm working on a plan.
Artie's dad takes me to school in their handicapable van and drops me off right in front of the school. As the ramp lowers the chair down to the asphalt, I've got an audience of McKinley students. A few of Artie's football teammates call out to him (me) as I roll forward. Others remain surly and aloof as they watch me wheel by. Karofsky is one of the standoffish ones, and I cringe to think that in Artie's life, he really did get knocked out of his wheelchair after trying to defend Kurt from this bully. He shoots me a dirty look, but I figure this is the extent of the bullying directed towards Artie. Karofsky and Azimio did say, afterall, that they wouldn't hit a kid in a wheelchair. Now that Puck and Artie are tight, I figure the kid's reasonably safe.
I take the ramp into the school and find myself just as lost as I was the first time this happened. The actual school is maze-like and large, nothing like our set. The counselor's office, for instance, doesn't open directly into Mr. Schuester's apartment. (I find that particularly humourous, by the way.)
Somehow, out of sheer luck, I pass in front of the choir room on my trip down the crowded hallway. Mercedes is singing and playing the piano. It hits me that I know how this is supposed to go. I'm supposed to talk to her, with all the sensitivity of a blunt axe, and Tina's supposed to listen in by the door. Tina then follows me down the hall to my locker and we have an… an altercation. There are parts of this scene that I like, but for the most part, it only further complicates things between Artie and Tina. Jenna agrees. If only we were allowed to write the script…
"Troubled times
Caught between confusions and pain, pain, pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain, vain, vain
If you must go, I wish you love
You'll never walk alone
Take care my love
Miss you love"
"Hey, girl," I greet Mercedes, rolling into the choir room and stopping next to the piano when she pauses to correct a wrong note. "Journey, huh? Mr. Schuester's been influencing your song selections I see. How are you supposed to dip that in chocolate?"
She smiles, sadly. "It's the solo he wanted to give Kurt…"
"Hey, Kurt is happier," I say, patting her arm reassuringly. "That's what matters, right? And the rest of us guys don't have to worry about defending him now. For now, the locker room is safe again."
Mercedes glowers darkly at me. "Yeah, because he ran away," she scoffs. "After everything Blaine said to him about courage, he just ran. And the worst part is that he didn't even think about me. Not once did he even look back."
"What do you mean?" I recite my lines automatically, knowing instinctively that this isn't the part I need to change. That comes later. First order of business – offend Mercedes. Because offending girls is just what Artie does, that's him. "He's gay, Mercedes, why would he think about you?"
She seethes. "Not everything is about the dating game, Artie!" I can mentally count down the time I have left until Mercedes explodes. And sure enough, she rises from the bench as I cower slightly. "That's the problem with you and Kurt and every boy at this school. If you aren't trying to date a girl, you just treat her like her feelings don't even matter!"
"Uh… I just remembered I have to tutor Puck before school," I lie, just as I know Artie does during this scene, and wheel myself back a few paces. She rolls her eyes but nods before turning back to the piano. As I leave, I hear Mercedes belting out her next power ballad of the day, sure to be an iTunes chart topper by next week.
"You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know."
"Hell, yes, get it girl," I mutter to myself, smiling as I locate Artie's locker. The sound of Mercedes working her chocolate thunder into a No Doubt ballad fades away. And suddenly, Jenna is decked out as cheerleader!Tina and hovers in front of me.
"We have a big problem," says Jenna, acting her part convincingly. She doesn't crack a smile as she glares down at me. Her gothic cheerleading uniform, complete with 'GC' for Glee Club emblazoned across the megaphone, is even more hilarious than when I'd seen her wearing it during rehearsal.
"Is the problem your… outfit?"
She fumes quite credibly. "No," she says, in a measured tone. "I heard you talking to Mercedes. You've just done her more harm than good, Artie. Are you still that insensitive to what girls are feeling? Mercedes deserves kindness, but instead you were harsh. Well, enough. I'm not going to stand by and watch you do it to Brittany, too."
"Cut."
And this, I decide, is where we do a bit of rewriting.
"Excuse me?" Jenna falters, losing her composure as I deviate from the script. That's when she notices that time around us is standing still. Her jaw drops, along with the backpack she's carrying. "… How did you do that?"
"That's what Rachel did last night when Mike was sending Artie's wheelchair up the flag pole," I clarify, launching into a full explanation of what transpired last night. Jenna listens in amazement as I relay how I changed the script with the result of Artie and Mike actually being friendly with one another.
"It makes more sense anyway," Jenna comments. "Given how kind Mike was when he accidentally knocked Artie out of his chair after being pushed by Karofsky. Mike's kind of adorable that way…"
"I know, damn him," I joke.
"So, you changed Artie's reaction to Mike and… and now he and Artie aren't going to be fighting during episode nine?" Tina asks, cocking her head sideways. I nod proudly. "So… if Artie and Mike aren't fighting… do Tina and Artie still need to fight?"
"I've done some serious thinking about this," I say. "And I think… I think not. I mean, think about it. In 'Wheels,' Tina and Artie go from being friends to ignoring each other for awhile. So in this episode, why not have Tina and Artie go from ignoring each other to being friends for awhile? Doesn't that make the most sense?"
"More sense than Tina parading around as a glee club cheerleader," Jenna giggles, tossing her head from side to side and making the curly pigtails with the blue streaks bob comically. "I guess she wants Artie to notice her."
"You do look cute," I say. "Artie definitely noticed."
"I think Ryan's trying to indulge my request," Jenna retorts, doing a little curtsy. Dianna, Naya, and Heather tend to flit around in the Cheerio uniforms just like Jenna's doing now.
"Remember, in this world, Ryan isn't calling the shots," I remind her, feeling a surge of rebellion. "We're in charge. And we've got a friendship to fix. So, what do you say? Follow my lead?"
"Let's do it," Jenna agrees, amicably.
"Action!"
The world around us resumes its activity as though there were no interruption. I take a deep breath, hoping desperately that my plan will work. Everything I say and do now will leave its mark on their lives. I know that whatever happens next will have a lasting impact on the future of Tina and Artie. I only hope I do right by them.
"You're right, Tina," I say, contritely, bowing my head. "If there's one thing I learned from dating you, it's that I really don't know how to treat the ladies. How do I do this right?"
Jenna softens. "Respect Brittany," she breathes. "Listen to her. If she needs something, be sure to put her first, not yourself. And as for Mercedes, be sensitive to the fact that she misses her best friend. We have to be her best friends now. We're part of the original glee club. We have to stick together. To help her."
I nod importantly, but inwardly, I realize this isn't quite what I had in mind. In my mind, it doesn't take long for Tina to encourage Artie to dump Brittany and get back with her. And likewise, I'd imagined Tina dumping Mike immediately in favor of reconciliation with her first love.
And yet, I realize this will make them happier in the long run. If Tina and Artie eventually want to be more than friends, we'll leave that up to them. But for now, this is a good start.
I extend a gloved hand. "Friends?"
Jenna disregards my offer for a handshake but leans down for a hug instead. "Friends," she agrees. "C'mon, let's go catch Mercedes before the bell rings…"
