Crazy a LOSH fanfic by Katzedecimal

"The phrase 'young and foolish' is aptly considered, even for a 12th-level mind."

"I beg your pardon?" Querl arched an affronted eyebrow. He walked into the shadows, towards the silhouetted form.

"I thought it unlikely in the extreme. I had life all figured out - or so I thought. Such was my arrogance."

"What are you talking about?" He could see that the figure was an adult male, bulky of build.

"Yet I came to the conclusion that it was unbecoming to a 12th level intellect to pursue personal emotional attachments, while there was still so much wrong in the universe."

No, not a bulky build, Querl realized as he drew nearer, a slender build aided by an exoskeleton.

"I withdrew from my life and abandoned my relationship. By the time I realized my error, it was too late."

Fading light played over the figure; the scalp that showed through the thin greying hair was ashen green. Querl started to shiver.

"In my desire to correct the universe, I forgot that I was part of it. In my desire to understand life, I had discarded the very being who gave my life meaning. When she died, it hurt all the more for my regret. The universe had shown no improvement and both of us had suffered due to my own failure to trust in her. Such was my fall." The figure turned and Querl stared in shock into his own, ancient eyes, "Don't make the same error. You can't solve what's wrong with the universe by sprocking up what's right with it."

Querl sat up, gasping for breath, his heartbeat slamming. He swallowed and looked at the chronometer, then looked beside him. Dim light outlined the slumbering figure of a woman, her breath whiffling. He reached over and lightly stroked her cheek, noting how her breathing momentarily quickened though she didn't wake. He turned and snuggled up, spooning himself against her back, and kissed her shoulder.

Note to self, he thought as he wrapped his arm around her and closed his eyes, Do not ever wear long Elvis sideburns, and especially not at 460.

Brainiac 5 pressed the transderm to his vein and sighed as the analgesic took hold. The migraine of the last two weeks had tapered off enough that he could concentrate again, but he still required strong medication to control it. He was relieved from active duty and they'd all been scared off by his pain-shortened temper anyways, so nobody was bothering him. This state of affairs wouldn't continue forever, so he was taking advantage of it while he could, as much as he could bear. He looked up - technically, looked down - as the Omnilab door irised open. "'Morning, Lyle."

Lyle faded into view and stared at him for a few moments. "Man, you must really be missing Koko." A datapadd ricocheted off his shin and he laughed, "Gotta aim higher, Brainy."

Brainy arched an eyebrow at him. This position afforded him a premium view of Lyle's crotch, which was well within throwing range. "Thanks, Lyle, but I'm already spoken for. You should apply to Rond if you wish to indulge your masochistic fantasies."

"Yeah I should've thought that one through better, shouldn't I," Lyle grinned, "Brainy, why are you hanging upside down? That can't be good for your headache."

"On the contrary, it seems to helping. This should be the last of it; Doctor Gym'Ll is satisfied that my yodine has levelled off and is in the appropriate ratio with the effector, even if the levels themselves are considerably higher than the Coluan norm."

"Yeah, yeah, you're not normal; three weeks of poking and prodding just to tell us something we already knew," Lyle grinned. A stylus bounced off his knee. "What are you working on?"

"A containment field for Cos's quarters."

"To keep his powers from, uh, escaping?"

"Quite."

Lyle laughed, "I left the lab late one night and came across Gear and Ferro stuck to the wall, doing the Monster Mash or Tetris or something. Poor guys. I guess the Twick Squad razzed Kid Q about it, 'cause they've all been threatened with suspension if they harass anybody else, including you."

"I wondered about the recent lack of voyeur activity. But I would think they'd consider being temporarily relieved of duty to be something of a holiday. I know I do."

"Ah, no, she meant hanging them from flesh hooks. It's too bad she pulled the plug on the twicks. A bunch of us got together and made these to fix 'em out, but you can have 'em anyways."

Querl swung until he had enough momentum to flip himself off of the oscilliscope rails, wincing as the landing jarred his head. "What is it?"

"It's cheesecake!" Lyle beamed, "And a little beefcake just for variety." Querl's hand fluttered to his forehead. "We figured, if they want to find cheese that badly, we'll give 'em some to find."

"Which means there's a catch."

"Absolutely! - You can't see a sprockin' thing," Lyle laughed.

Querl smirked and put the chip into a reader. "These are very artistic," he said, after viewing a few of the images. He tilted one of Imra and Nura, silhouetted against a bright backlight, "This is quite well done."

"We knew you'd appreciate them but they'd be all disappointed," Lyle grinned, "I like that one of Ayla, all sheathed in lightning. It's quite striking."

Querl deigned to dignify that with a Look but not a response. Instead he said, "This one of Laurel, you took this through an infrared filter, correct? It's quite original."

Lyle beamed, "We were going with the 'heat vision' angle. Wait'll you see the one of Cos."

"Cos? As in Cosmic Boy?"

"Yah!"

"There's Coscake in here?"

"Yah!"

"Lyle. I'm not sure I could handle Coscake at the best of times and the best of times is not now," Querl informed him. He cycled through the images and recoiled, "Oh grife, it's the Chippendale costume..." Lyle burst into laughter. "Doctor Gym'Ll's repeated attempts to suck my brains out through a hypodermic needle weren't sufficient torture enough to satisfy your sadistic Schadenfreude needs, you have to subject me to images of Cosmic Boy with a sheet of magnetic fabric stuck to his nipples as well? And I must say, it is not improved by the addition of Jazmin. Those platform shoes do not flatter her legs." Lyle was almost falling out of his chair, howling. "That had better be the worst of it. There can't be anything worse than Chippendale Coscake..." Querl cycled to the next image and facepalmed at the sight of a reclining Durlan, robe hiked up to show a few tentacles. "Chamcake?!?"

"I knew you'd love these!"

"You are dead to me." Querl advanced the images again, "Lyle, being invisible from the chest down does not make you look sexy. It only makes you look like an uninstalled Borg queen." Fortunately Lyle was not drinking anything. "Ah... but this one of you and Rond is very well done."

"Laurel took that one."

"Oh... really." Querl arched an eyebrow, wondering how one was supposed to react to the news that one's betrothed was present in the same room with one's best friends who were naked and nude with no clothes on. Probably not with appreciation for artistic merit. He thumbed to the next image, "Oh. ...oh my." He felt his cheeks grow warm as a blush scaled up his face.

"HA! You've reached the special Sister Snuzzlebunnies collection. Ask me how I know."

"She did mention that she'd kept her uniform, although I note she's only carrying it." Querl gazed at the image of Andromeda wearing her old Legion belt, boots and gloves, then closed the reader, "I believe I shall save these for later. Thank you, Lyle. These are all quite lovely - even the terrifying ones."

Lyle beamed, "You're welcome. I figured they'd cheer you up some."

"It's appreciated." Querl sank down onto the step and rubbed his temples.

"How are you feeling?" Lyle asked softly, sitting beside him, "Aside from the headaches."

Querl thought about it for several minutes. Finally he reached up and snagged a sheet of plasfilm off the bench. He folded it in half and tapped it, then unfolded it. "Like that."

Lyle took the plasfilm and turned it over a few times. Like creased plasfilm? Like garbage? No... Like a part of him that was there but missing was now present, complete. Lyle nodded understanding, "Rond and I have noticed some differences, even with the pain making you snappish."

"When am I not snappish?" Lyle laughed and Querl sighed. "This is who I really am," he said sadly, "I don't think even I like me very much."

"Yah, what am I, chopped liver?"

Querl hmphed and smiled then looked up, "I hallucinated you saying those very words, when I turned off my implants."

"See? You are a genius!" Lyle put his arm around Querl's shoulders and said seriously, "You're being too hard on yourself. There are people who feel threatened if everyone isn't all sunshine and smiles, and they are never going to accept that you have issues that have nothing to do with them. Since they're generally too stupid to see past their own noses, they shouldn't even count on your horizon."

"I know that. I'm worried about the people who do count."

"Nah. We know you. Besides, circumstances have changed."

"It's hard," Querl whispered, "I honestly don't think I could do this without you and Laurel."

Lyle looked at him a moment. He was a pretty good judge of when hugs were called for and this seemed to be such a time. He reached around and pulled his friend's head down to his shoulder and rested his cheek atop the feathery blond hair. "I don't think you would have done it if she hadn't set it in motion," he said gently.

Querl reached up to return the embrace, settling into Lyle's arms. "I don't think I would have, either, even after the Spike disabled them and I realized how dependant I'd gotten. The thought of disabling them filled me with abject terror. I don't know if Laurel was right, or if it was just me."

"I suppose we'll never know," Lyle agreed.

"I'm afraid I'll shift that dependancy onto her. The events on Apokalips already made me aware of how I've become dependant on you. I never used to be like this. I was self-reliant."

"Only because you had no choice. Can't depend on anybody when there's nobody there to depend on," Lyle shrugged, "See, that's one of the circumstances that's changed. You have us now and we know you. We know about the robots and the Sleepnet and Colu and your mother. We know what shaped you."

Querl had to smirk, "Hmph. Now you sound like Laurel."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It was meant as one."

Lyle smiled. Getting a compliment from Brainy was feat enough; getting him to admit it was almost unheard of. "How are things going with her?"

Querl closed his eyes briefly. "I understand what you mean now," he whispered.

Lyle beamed and snugged him, "Good. You deserve it."

"I don't know why she puts up with me. You know I'm not the easiest person to be with at the best of times, and then she wanted the implants out."

"I thought it was clever the way she got you to talk yourself into removing them," Lyle said slyly.

Querl rolled his eyes, "Yes, that was embarrassing. It took me far longer than it should have to realize that that's what she had done."

"I thought only Brainiacs were allowed to manipulate like that," Lyle teased.

"All the more reason to take her as my bride," Querl smirked, "To retain our monopoly on that talent." He sighed and shook his head, "She's been so wonderful and so patient and I've been so miserable."

"Why did you put up with her, when she was such a xenophobe?"

Querl smiled at memory, "Because I saw the moments when she wasn't."

"Yeah. That's why we put up with you," Lyle grinned and smooched his cheek.

"If she ever gets sick of me, she'll be free to go. I won't stop her, ever. And at the same time, I'm terrified that she will." Tears stung Querl's eyes, "I lost her twice already, I don't want to lose her again."

Lyle heard the suspicious sniffles and started rocking, "What makes you think you'll lose her?"

Querl was silent for so long, Lyle thought he wasn't going to answer. "I've been having strange dreams lately," he said finally, in a haunted whisper, "Dreams about myself... and death."

"You dream you're going to die?"

"Not me - her. And I go crazy," Querl shivered and leaned his head against Lyle's shoulder, "In one, I shaved my head and turned into Doctor Frankenstein, trying to resurrect her."

Oh boy can I see that happening! "Nah, I can't see that happening."

"In another, I built a robot duplicate of her."

"Nothing says love like building a realdoll in your image," Lyle nodded sagely, then frowned, "Didn't Doctor Noonian Soong do that?"

"Who?"

"The guy who built Data. No, forget it, way before your time."

"Oh... grife. You just had to remind me, didn't you."

"And he was only fictional!" Lyle beamed, then turned serious, "I don't have any answers, Brainy. Maybe Sister Andi might, I don't know. All I can tell you is you're not alone. Love makes us very aware of our mortality."

"Hmph. Very aware - the Coluan lifespan averages three times the galactic norm," Querl said in a haunted voice, "I'm going to watch a lot of... people die."

Friends. Loved ones. But that's practically the same thing for you, isn't it? Colu is so emotionally repressed, they don't distinguish between platonic and romantic love. And you were raised by robots. "That's happening already, with our line of work," Lyle sighed, "With the things we've seen and had to do... honestly, it's a wonder we don't all have post-traumatic stress disorders."

Querl wiped his eyes and fell silent for a while. Eventually, in a very, very soft voice, he said, "Sometimes I think my mother was the lucky one."

"What do you mean?"

"With twelfth-level intelligence comes twelfth-level emotion. She doesn't have emotions. She doesn't feel anything. Not fear, not love. She's completely untouched by the universe. Sometimes, I wonder why she thinks she's missing anything."

"She's insane, though. She's insane because of it. That's kind of proof we're meant to feel this way."

"Still... sometimes I envy her."

Lyle looked concerned, "Would you really want to be without Andromeda though?"

Querl sighed, "No. Or you."

"Can't have it both ways," Lyle grinned, "But... I understand what you mean. It scares me, too. But it's also when I feel the most alive."

"You're going poetic again."

"Sorry."

Querl was silent for several minutes. When he spoke, his voice was very low and hesitant. "I love you, Lyle. I know I don't say it, but it's true."

All the times you've wondered why I put up with your twelfth-level dickery, moments like this are why. "I love you too, Brainy. Always have. And I'm glad you've found someone who can love you the way you need. All her experience, it's made her stronger. You won't lose her, Brainy; she can handle you now."

"I wonder if I can handle her," Querl sighed, "I had to do this. It wouldn't look good for Mother Andromeda's husband to be a basketcase."

"No better than it'd look for Mrs. Brainiac to be a clueless ditz," Lyle replied.

Brainy smiled and nodded. "Speaking of which... I was hoping you and Rond would agree to stand as witnesses to our marriage?"

Lyle blinked, "S-sure! We'd be honoured!"

Querl abruptly fixed him with a steely glare, "No pranks."

But Lyle shook his head and smiled. "No pranks," he said in a soft and unexpectedly adult voice, "There's a time and a place and that isn't it. But... grife, I'll be sore the next day! Rond's got such a mad-on for a man in a tux."

"That was possibly more information than I required but thank you for sharing."

Lyle looked at him a moment. Once, that would have gotten a disgusted snort and after the 'upgrade', an overly-delighted laugh. Now it got mild, unbiting snark and a fond smile. "It's good to see you happy for a change. Both of you," he said softly, then they both looked up as the dedicated threshold hummed.

"Laurel!!"

Lyle grinned as his arms were suddenly vacated, "Whoa, is it just me or did it get brighter in here all of a sudden?"

"Hm, I do feel stronger," Laurel grinned, then buried her face in her lover's silk-fine hair, "Mmmmmmmm, Squirrel therapy..."

Querl looked up at her, concerned, "Is something wrong? You're early."

"We finished early, that's all. You're feeling better?"

"The headache is subsiding and Doctor Gym'Ll is satisfied. I should be better company soon," Querl replied, gazing up at her adoringly.

Laurel threaded her fingers through his, "Like I was complaining. Lyle, did I complain?"

"Only that he was hogging the sheets," Lyle grinned.

"Which he doesn't need to do, I swear this guy's a furnace," Laurel grinned, pressing her cheek against the top of Querl's head.

"Your toes would be useful in the manufacture of dry ice," Querl retorted.

"That's why I need to warm them up on you."

Lyle was laughing. This echoed every night in bed with Rond; clearly, some things were universal. 'The friends thou hast and their adoption tried, grapple them to your soul with hoops of steel.' I don't have any answers for you, Brainy, he thought, watching his friend reach up to kiss Laurel, without reservation. The number of people Brainy would let see him like this could be counted on one human hand and still have digits left over. I don't even have them for myself. I only know that I'm still too afraid to take the steps you've taken. You say that Coluans typically live three times as long as us...

Laurel babbled on about her day, expressing her doubts and fears, letting Brainy soothe her, challenging her self-perception when it was needed. Lyle let himself fade, preparing to slip away.

... but Brainiacs usually don't.