Okay, so this chapter didnt go the way I originally planned, but I'm still happy with the way it turned out. My apologies to anyone who had thier hearts pining for a big reveal. I also have been asked some questions that I have decided to answer in an Authors note at the bottom of the chapter.


Jaspers POV

I stood on the porch.

She sat in her truck.

I stared at her.

She stared at me.

I crossed my arms.

She crossed her arms.

There weren't any pistols involved but this was undoubtedly a Mexican standoff.

I waited.

She waited.

What were we waiting for? I hope she knew the answer because I had no fucking clue and I was starting to get uneasy.

After about ten minutes of staring she got out of the rusted pick-up. For a brief instant I thought we hit a turning point but I was wrong. She stared at me from beside her truck rather than from within it. She lockdown on her emotions again. I didn't know which was worse. Feeling her or not feeling her.

I stepped down off the porch slowly and took a few steps in her direction, stopping when she flinched away from me. Then she took a deep breath and walked slowly toward me. She stopped leaving a good six foot gap between us, not that I minded the distance, but it wasn't like Bella to remember to give vampires there space.

I looked into her eyes and saw a glimmer of something beneath the hollowed out chocolate colored eyes. Then the glimmer was gone leaving me with a slight sense of dread and the feeling that this wasn't the same girl we had left in September.

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna burn.

"Where is… What are you doing here?" She changed her question, but I could guess at what she wanted to know.

"I'm alone," I told her. "I came back because I wanted to make things right."

"Make things right," she repeated tonelessly.

"Yes, I--"

"You can't make this right." She interrupted bluntly. "No one can make anything right anymore. Nothing will be right ever again."

I was surprised by the certainty on her face as she spoke over me. My mouth hung open a little as I failed to find an adequate response to that.

As I stared at Bella -- crumpled in on herself, eyes hollow, and heart unfeeling -- she reminded me of a flower… She was wilting.

"Bella, sweetheart," I all but moaned. "I want to fix what I've done. I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. Words cannot encapsulate just how sorry I am. Let me help you. I want to help you."

Her anger burst to the surface and she glared daggers at me.

"Help me? Help me! Where were you Jasper? Where were any of you?" She shouted. "Where were you four months ago when he left me broken in the woods, all alone on the forest floor? Did you know they had to put out a search party to find me? Of course you didn't know, you didn't even stick around to find out! You left, you all left, and not one of you had the decency to say goodbye!" She took a deep breath and before she continued to yell, "Where were you when I was all but comatose in my bedroom waiting for him to come in through my window and tell me it was all a bad dream? Where were you two months ago when--" her voice caught off abruptly as a sob erupted from her throat.

She shook with her sobs, her became drenched with tears, and for once the blood rushing to her face held no sway over my actions. I was too consumed with self-hate to notice my bloodlust. Causing pain appears to be the only thing I'll ever be good for. Every sharp intake of air she breathed was a reminder.

It used to be, that I was caught up and consumed by my love for Alice. I never had the same self-loathing as Edward, until that dreadful birthday party. I had come to terms with being a vampire and did the best with what I could. But now watching her too frail body shake, knowing I had brought this torment to her by being weak… Yes, I loathed myself. I couldn't even reach out and hold her, comfort her, because I threw away the right to offer such intimacy when I tried to kill her.

"I shouldn't have come…" She gasped out and took a step backwards toward her truck. Then another.

What do you think you're doing?! A voice yelled at me.

Letting her go. She should go. She should get far away from me and the pain I leave in my very bloody wake.

You can't let her leave!

Yes I can.

Talk to her! Apologize! You owe her that much!

Yes, I do.

Her departure was starting to pick up speed.

I moved forward and begged, "Bella, please wait!"

I reached out instinctively and grabbed her arm to stop her retreat.

"Let go of me!" She screeched with a sudden blast of overwhelming fear.

I let go of her immediately and dropped to my knees in despair. I did this. I made her afraid of me. I ruined her life. I ruined my brothers life. No wonder Alice was saying goodbye to me. I wouldn't want me either.

Bella POV

He. Grabbed. Me.

He grabbed me.

I know it was an overreaction but my mind and my body aren't really on the same page anymore. I knew that Jasper would never hurt me, at least not like that, but the second his hand was wrapping around my arm the adrenaline surged through me.

Even now, knowing I overreacted, it still took a few minutes for the guilt to set in and the adrenaline to fade away. For those few minutes there was nothing but silence from him, where he kneeled on the ground. All I could hear was my own breathing as I tried to steady myself.

"Jasper?" I whispered, knowing he could hear me. "Jasper, I'm sorry."

His eyes snapped up to meet mine and, surprisingly, I held his gaze.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" He asked; his tone was harsh and I flinched away from him. His eyes didn't miss that and they dropped back to the ground in what was clearly shame.

He came here looking to make things right, to apologize. I knew he was sorry and he didn't have to be. It was just a stupid accident. I forgave him as soon as it happened. As for making things right, I knew nothing would be right again, but he didn't have to suffer with me. One of us might as well be happy.

"Jasper, look at me." I commanded with more authority than I actually felt.

He looked up.

"I'm not angry about what you did on my birthday. It was an accident, they happen, especially around me. I sort of accepted the fact that I might end up on the menu when I started hanging around with a family of vampires."

"Bella, if it weren't for my actions, you wouldn't be like…this. Edward would still be here, the others would still be here, you would still be happy…"

I ground my teeth together angrily and spoke through them. "If it weren't for Edward, Edward would still be here. I take it leaving wasn't your choice, it was his. He left me after he promised he wouldn't. I wasn't good enough for him…"

Jasper hissed and leapt to his feet. "He told you that you weren't good enough?"

"He was right," I said quietly staring down at my feet.

How could I explain it to Jasper? That I was too plain, too ordinary to hold on to the one who meant the most to me? That I couldn't fight back when it mattered the most? That I was broken beyond repair, body, mind, and soul? I couldn't.

"That's bull," he growled. "You are the best thing that ever--"

"Please!" I interrupted. "Please, I don't want to talk about this. I can't."

"This is my fault." He said reaching up to run a hand through his hair.

I was beginning to recognize that movement as a symbol of his agitation. Where Edward would pinch his nose, Jasper combed his hair with his fingers. I was surprised and slightly delighted that I recognized this little detail. These days I barely noticed the most obvious of details, never mind smaller ones. An as quickly as the delight came, it went, chased away by the burn of happy memories of the fairytale creature I loved and could never hope to deserve.

I shoved off the pain and tried to reassure him, "It's not your fault Jasper. I don't blame you. No one blames you--" but it was clearly the wrong thing to say.

"That's just it, Bella!" He snapped, his voice rising an octave. "No one blames me! No one blames me because its expected of me! I'm expected to screw up! And when I meet expectations everyone is there with excuses for me and pity and no one is angry or disappointed because I didn't disappoint!"

I patiently kept silent and let him rant, sensing that this speech had been brewing under the surface for awhile now and that he needed to get it out.

"I'm the weak link and you nearly died because of it… I could have killed you…"

"You didn't." I pointed out the obvious.

"I made you afraid of me," he whispered.

"No, you…" I was going to tell him he didn't make me afraid of him, but the memory of him grabbing my arm flashed through my mind. I was afraid of him, even if it was just for an instant, but not for the reason's he thought. "Jasper," I said, "my…fear has nothing to do with you or what you did on my birthday."

He snorted in disbelief.

This isn't subject I wanted to talk about. Ever. But I needed to make him see, I didn't want him to hold onto this pointless guilt.

"Jasper," I whispered, "how long have you been back?"

He looked confused by the subject change. "This would be day three. Why?"

"I take it you haven't been into town?" I asked now avoiding his eyes.

"No…" He couldn't see where this conversation was heading.

If he hadn't been into town his super vampire hearing hadn't picked up the local gossip that refused to die down in the absence of my presence. People were polite to my face, they weren't heartless enough to talk about me right in front of me. They did however love to drag out that "I'm-so-sorry-for-you" face. I'm not usually a violent person but, God, how that face made me want to punch someone.

"Jasper," I spoke slowly now, "I'm not afraid because you attacked me… I'm afraid because someone else attacked me."

I watched him with my peripheral vision as the emotions flitted across his face. First shock, followed by confusion, then anger… He settled on anger.


Author's Note:

So there have been questions repeatedly asked that I feel compelled to answer.

--- Did Jacob/werewolf rape Bella?

* Although I think Jacob has the tendency to be a jerk I have decide to not make him the rapist. My apologies to anyone who enjoys Jacob as a bad guy. He will eventually make an appearance in the story but for right now he doesn't fit anywhere.

*As for another werewolf doing it, it seems unreasonable because the rest of the pack would know what he'd done due to the mind link.

--- When was she attacked? When does all this take place?

* For those who read over or forgot this part:

Bella was raped two months after Edwards leaving.

Jasper came back four months after Edward left Bella

(Jasper enters the story around the time Jacob entered in New Moon).

--- Can I write longer chapters?

* The chapters are short because I am now writing outside my comfort zone. I usually write lighthearted stories or dramas with a little humor to take the edge off the creepy. I use fanfics as a way to practice different writing styles and genres, this is my first real attempt at a depressing/angsty/hurt/comfort type a story. (I'm sure at some point the story will get fluffy but for right now I wanna get my emo on.) As I get more comfortable with it I'm sure the chapters will lengthen. Be patient.

Also, on a more personal note, I know I don't reply to every review I get and that's because I suck at responding to reviews. I do appreciate them however, and would like to thank everyone who has reviewed my story so far and thank you for following this strange product of my overactive imagination. Thank you so much for responding!

PS. I am more than happy to answer any questions as long as the answers do not ruin/reveal the plotline of my story.