Secret Disires & Fears (K-4)

Timing: Around the girls' second visit to the realms. Shortly before Kartik leaves Gemma a letter in warning ('A Great and Terrible Beauty' pg. 283).

The dream I now write seems to be just but a blur in my mind. I can feel it slipping away even as I write. I curse myself for this.

The details aren't so important. I can remember the basics of it, at least for now I can. Which is probably why it is best for me to write it down as fast as humanly possible.

They were all together, Gemma and her friends, the blonde, the akward one and the beauty. Unfortunately, I can not seem to place where they were. The only thing I can clearly recall of that was that the area was dimly lit, if there was any light at all.

All of them were in a circle, their faces plastered with ridiculously large grins. Yes, they were happy, very much so. Something didn't seem right about their expressions, it seemed almost demonic. The whole memory of it makes the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.

They were mumbling. Their words were spoken too softly and quickly for me to make out what exactly they were saying, my sense of hearing was obscured. Whatever it was that they seemed to almost chant, it made the blonde giggle.

I can roughly remember that something was moving in the background. It wasn't so noticable at first and seemed like just another shadow, but in seconds the figure had expanded to a full grown man's height.

This is where I woke, I must surely have looked aghast, cold sweat trickled down my forehead and I hadn't exactly combed my hair. However, this was no issue at all in my mind during the time.

I gave myself time to calm down a bit so I could think clearly and review the last few days. I got up and began to walk about, which helped my thoughts form considerably. I was still a bit on the tense side at that point, but much less so than before. Small fragments of the dream replayed over and over, images of the girls' faces, the figure lurking behind them. It was not exactly soothing to have in your thoughts.

After going over all of this, I have come to a conclusion that Gemma has in fact entered the realms. This is one of my greatest fears. There is still a slight chance that I am wrong, but it is very, very slight. The concept is not hard to grasp at all, I knew it would come to this all along really.

I will not ask for more help from the Rakshana, this choice I made as soon as the question came to me. I will not inform them that I have failed to keep her away from the realms, that she has not listened and obeyed me. She has most definitely not closed her mind.

I will not give up so easily. I will contact her somehow... I'll leave her yet another note. She must not keep on playing this little game of hers. It is much more than a game, she must understand this, though I find it incredibly difficult to think of a way to teach her that.

I have not failed, and I refuse to do so lightly.