A/N: Yea, next chapter! This one was fun, I must say. :D I hope you like it. Oh, I realized I haven't really clarified where and when they are, exactly, so here goes. In this story Arthur has become king, and it's around the time that season five started, but Gwen isn't queen, and I'm sure you've gathered that they all know about Merlin's magic. I'm not sure if magic is outlawed or not, but it doesn't matter for the story, so, you know, whatever. :) Also, it has been brought to my attention that Lancelot was in the first chapter, but has been forgotten for the rest of my story. That was a sloppy mistake on my part, and I apologize. I originally intended to have Lancelot in my story, but decided to leave him dead, instead, and forgot to erase him from my draft. Sorry for him being there, I'll delete him, right away. Hopefully, he didn't make too much of an impression. Alright, on to the story. No more stalling. That's it. Here ya go! Charge!

Emptiness. Floating in dimensionless matter, waves of pleasure and ethereal warmth. Nothing exists, but nothing.

But then, pain.

Unspeakable agony overwhelming the dark, rushing and crashing, choking and bloody. Surely, this was death.

Merlin woke with a start and drenched in a cold sweat, the memory of his dream retreating slowly into the recesses of his mind, the pain inside of him reducing to a slight burn. He gripped his tunic where his hand rested on his stomach, and took deep calming breaths, despite the pain in his lungs from it. He stared into the dark treetops above, dappled bits of moonlight peering through the foliage, the sight of the light calming him. As the seconds passed, the memory of his nightmare disappeared completely, and he was left wondering at the receding terror in his mind. He started scratching his arm, feeling the need to move, to feel. Because this was the way it should be. Sounds and smells and biting cold. Not the emptiness. Not the welcoming, comforting, smothering nothing.

He didn't need those leaves. He didn't.

And even as he told himself this, he would lay awake for several more agonizing, endless hours before exhaustion took him.

He would wake with red marks in his palms from where his fingernails had pierced the flesh.

"Merlin?"

Merlin sighed, and resisted the urge to rub his temples,

"Yes, Gwaine?"

"I-I'm sorry?" he sounded almost embarrassed, and Merlin's irritation dissipated, if only a little,

"Gwaine, for the thousandth upon thousandth time, you didn't. Do. Anything. Wrong. Now shut your mouth before I'm forced to remove it," his voice was pleasant and light, a voice meant for tea parties and not discussions regarding drugs and hurt feelings. Gwaine laughed a sincere laugh, a sound that lightened Merlin's heavy heart considerably.

The morning air was crisp and uplifting, the patchwork sunlight illuminating the dewy fallen leaves of the forest floor. Merlin's horse snorted and tossed its head, a cloud of steamy breath billowing from its nostrils. Merlin patted its neck, and listened to the soothing, wet clip-clopping sound of its hooves on the ground. They'd woken up rather early, too early for Merlin, who hadn't slept hardly. The others didn't have to know that, though. Life was just easier without the scrutinizing stares of a bunch of very well armored, very stubborn knights boring into your back.

He breathed in deeply, an instinctual thing he did when outdoors. Unfortunately, the action must have triggered something inside, because he immediately erupted into a violent coughing fit. Pain tore through him as he gasped for breath and the taste of blood erupted into his mouth. He pulled off his neckerchief and coughed into that instead, the blood staining with the red as he gagged. Finally, it ended. Merlin cleared his throat and spat on the ground, before unclasping the water skin from his saddlebags to take a long drink. It stung his raw throat and swallowing was hard, but he didn't care.

"You okay?" Arthur asked, twisted in his saddle to look behind at his manservant. Merlin felt a small rush of anger at his question,

"I'm hacking up congealed wads of blood and phlegm. I'm just dandy," he grumbled, then immediately felt guilty. Arthur didn't look hurt, but frowned at Merlin a little as if gently scolding a temperamental child. Merlin flushed and ducked his head, not sure if he should apologize.

There was an awkward silence, for a few moments, before Gwaine, much to Merlin's relief, spoke up,

"Could you really do that?" he asked curiously. Merlin turned to his left where the long-haired knight rode,

"Do what?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Make my mouth disappear," Gwaine answered, smiling widely as if the idea tickled him to no end. Merlin smiled,

"That, or I could impair your ability to...express," he said mischievously. Gwaine frowned a bit contemplatively,

"Waxen flowers raise their jolly whatsits?" he asked. His face instantly fell at the words that had flown so proudly from his mouth. The knights' jaws dropped, and there was a split second of quiet before they all burst into laughter. Gwaine turned beet red, and huffed,

"Your foxy shoes can't touch, milady!" he cried indignantly. Merlin howled and doubled over, tears of strain pricking at his eyes. It sent waves of pain shooting through him but he couldn't stop. He didn't want to. Elyan and Leon fought to stay on their horses while Arthur's mouth stood wide open, no sound escaping as he struggled to draw in a breath. Percival was buried in the mane of his steed, massive shoulders shaking. Gwaine looked offended and shouted,

"I can't smell my nose! Make the trees stop snubbing my pink," he whined. Arthur finally managed to gasp in a breath and yelled desperately,

"Merlin! Merlin, make it stop. I-I can't breathe," he wheezed and fell into another fit of laughter. Merlin nodded, took a moment to compose himself, then, with a thought and quite a bit of reluctance, returned his friend to normal. Well, as normal as Gwaine could be.

At least he'd been able to make his friends happy. If just for now.

…..

"Will this cover two rooms for the night, and some hot meals and baths?" Arthur thrust the bag of coins onto the bar with the flippancy of a man who'd spent far more in his lifetime. The eyes of the bartender went wide at the bulging sack, his hand tightening its hold on the dirty rag he'd been wiping the counter with. Merlin rolled his eyes at the ludicrous amount of money, knowing Arthur loved to show off by giving people more than they needed. Truly, it might have been endearing, if it weren't so idiotic. Arthur was adored by his people already; there was no need to waste perfectly good silver. Arthur smiled dashingly at the barman, and Merlin was suddenly glad that the knights were wearing armor without the Pendragon crest. It would do them good to travel without the hindrance of a bunch of screaming fangirls at their tails. The barkeep nodded, snatched the bag as if it would disappear, and said,

"Aye, that'll do, I think," Even when Arthur was in disguise, he dreamed and breathed to looks of pure adoration he would get from people when he overpaid them.

Merlin, Gwaine and Percival shared a collective look of disgust. Growing up as commoners, the three of them, they had a greater appreciation for being…frugal, with what money they could spare. Suddenly, a much larger bag of coin was thrust onto the counter, almost falling over the sides from its immenseness,

"And I," Gwaine said, "would love to gain acquaintance with your tap," he said. Merlin sighed with a slight smile and rubbed his forehead.

Okay, maybe Arthur should carry their funds.

The room arrangements would be established as such: Percival, Elyon and Leon would share a room, while Gwaine, Arthur and Merlin would share the other. Merlin's stomach twisted with unease as he thought this over in his head. Just the day before, Gwaine had spent about five minutes profusely apologizing to Merlin for something that was entirely not his fault. Really, Merlin had tried to get a word in to apologize himself, but Gwaine would have none of it.

But despite the reassurances and perpetual niceness on both ends, Merlin knew the truth. He felt guilty for hurting Gwaine, though he didn't remember what he'd done, exactly. All he remembered, vividly, was the mind-numbing pain and anger, and the hatred and fear he'd felt as something kept trying to get closer. He also remembered snapping back to reality with a jolt, Arthur's concerned, and somehow, furious face in front of his. Later, when the knights had been averted to talking, and Arthur had sent dozens of heated glares at Gwaine, who would not leave Merlin's side, the warlock had pieced together well enough on his own what had basically occurred. Again, the reality of his own shame froze his gut as Arthur opened the door to their room.

It was simple but comfortable looking. Two small beds remained next to each other at the far end of one wall to the right, while a single window and a tiny dresser and mirror took up the other. Arthur sniffed, a sound he made anytime they stayed in less than royal accommodations. It wasn't disdainful or snobbish, merely a ceremonial part of his preparation for a night as a commoner.

"Alright then," he said, "One of the beds will be mine," neither Gwaine nor Merlin argued against this. Arthur was still their king, no matter how much of a prat he was, and they weren't going to risk the wrath of an Arthur who'd had to sleep on a hard floor the whole night.

"Sounds good!" Gwaine chirped, then began bounding his way to the other bed. Arthur's hand shot out like a panther, grabbing the knight around the collar and yanking him backwards. Gwaine gasped and flailed as he was dragged back, his tongue waggling comically as he stumbled to a standstill,

"Merlin gets the other one, dolt," he said, before thrusting Gwaine away like a piece of dirty laundry. Gwaine put his hand over his heart, mock aghast,

"Arthur!" he cried, "I was just kidding," he whined. Merlin stifled a laugh and made his way over to the bed. Honestly, he would have liked to argue that he could sleep on the floor and would. After all, it was the least he could do. But he knew that his efforts would be in vain, so he tossed his pack onto the straw mattress and decided to be happy he had one for the night. Honestly, his insides hurt constantly now, not sharply so, but an endless dull ache that he had to fight so as not to darken his mood.

He sat on the mattress, and resisted the temptation to fall asleep then and there.

He was exhausted. Unfortunately, not exhausted enough that he couldn't think. His mind roved over the past few days with sickening clarity, and he wanted to bury his face in his hands and hide from the world. He saw Gwen's tear-streaked face, and Gaius' fear-filled one. He saw Arthur's determined, concerned gaze, and his own trembling hands covered in blood. He saw Selina's hopeful smile, and a small bottle filled with harmless looking leaves. Finally, he saw Gwaine's desperate, hurt eyes. His stomach churned so stormily with guilt, he had to fight not to be sick again. He really didn't want a repeat of that anytime soon.

After all, the last time hadn't been all that pleasant, to say the least.

"Merlin," a voice said. Merlin snapped his head up, startled, but tried for a smile when he saw Arthur looking down at him with his arms folded and his brow drawn together. A couple seconds passed as Merlin fidgeted under Arthur's piercing stare

"I'm going to check on the horses," Arthur said suddenly, leaning his head slightly but not turning all the way towards Gwaine, who was unpacking silently at the dresser. He nodded and stuffed what suspiciously looked like a girl's petticoat into one of the drawers.

"Come on, Merlin," Arthur said, turning on his heel, and striding to the door without waiting for an answer. Merlin swallowed past the lump of fear in his throat and stood to follow. King's orders, after all.

As they made their way down the stairs and out the door, the unease in Merlin grew to unbearable heights. What did Arthur want? Merlin could only guess at the things he was thinking.

Merlin had failed.

Yes, Arthur was concerned for him, but it was like being concerned for a person who'd broken his own arm. It was Merlin's own fault. His own stupid, stupid mistake. He was supposed to be Camelot's protector, the guardian of the Herald of the New Age.

Some protector you made, sick and weak and dragging your friends around miles away from their homes so you can get better. You. Have. Failed.

Arthur wasn't sure what he was going to say to Merlin. He'd seen the boy on the edge of his bed, pale and hunched, his face a mask of pain and self-pity.

All Arthur knew was that it had to stop.

Now.

The night breeze caressed his face and ruffled his hair as they walked behind the tavern to the stables. The sound of Merlin's dragging footsteps behind him let him know that the young warlock was still there. Still there, but still not himself.

Arthur was going to fix that.

They reached the stables, and the musty smell of hay and dung assaulted them along with a warm breeze as they entered. A row of stalls took up one wall, the animals inside snorting and stamping their hooves on the ground in response to the sudden human presence. Arthur threw away any pretenses of checking up on the horses, and turned to face Merlin with what he hoped was a stern face, his arms crossing over his broad chest and his feet planted wide apart,

"That's enough," he said simply. Merlin was looking at the floor, his shoulders near his ears as if he were expecting a beating,

"What?" he asked, his voice betraying nothing but innocence, but his flickering eyes and fidgeting hands speaking differently.

"This," Arthur said, gesturing vaguely with one arm, "the guilt, the avoiding my eyes. It needs to stop," Merlin looked up, something not unlike annoyance flashing across his face. Honestly, Arthur preferred that.

"And why shouldn't I feel guilty, Arthur? Would you rather I be proud of what…of what I've done?" Arthur could see the pain in Merlin's eyes behind the anger. He wanted to erase it, attack it head on with his army at his back. Arthur softened his voice, wanting Merlin to understand,

"This isn't your fault, you id-" Merlin threw back his head and laughed a humorless, manic laugh. It sent chills up Arthur's spine.

"Not my fault! Not my fault? Look at me, Camelot's great protector, felled by his own craving for his burdens to be gone," at his own words, the snarl left Merlin's face, his shoulders slumped with fatigue and regret, and his breathing became quick and ragged, his voice panicky,

"I couldn't stop it, Arthur. I was-I was just so tired of it all, I couldn't rest," he looked down at his hands, his eyes met Arthur's pleading and bright. Arthur uncrossed his arms, and started forward, but Merlin backed away from him, still talking,

"The wisprend, it-it…I didn't have to feel anymore," his voice cracked, "Freya, Balinor, Morgana…it was as if they had never-never been. It didn't hurt anymore, Arthur. There was no more destiny, no more death…no more," he gasped in a little then, a small, broken sound, "I've failed you all,"

Arthur felt a fountain of fury rise up inside of him.

Okay, that was it.

He strode up to Merlin, and in one swift, decisive movement, whacked him upside the head with his hand.

"Oww!" Merlin cried, and reached up to rub his head. But before he could, he was swept up in Arthur's embrace. The king would have laughed if he had seen the look on Merlin's face.

"Idiot," he said, then pulled away and held Merlin by his shoulders, making him listen, "Seven years of saving the kingdom hundreds of times over without one break, and because you make one stupid mistake, you think you've failed? I knew you were clueless Merlin, but not that clueless. It was a bad thing you did, I'll give you that, but this is pretty much the most addictive drug in the world, and, frankly, I'm surprised you haven't resorted to outside methods for relaxation before now. That's all in the past now, it's time to suck it up. We have enough to deal with in the present, kay?" Merlin swallowed, and nodded, looking relieved, somehow. Arthur was glad of it. He softened his tone and looked directly into Merlin's eyes, knowing he was going to end this, here and now, "I need you to hear this, and understand, alright? This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Geez, the only reason this happened was because you were trying to help some woman and her family. Stop feeling guilty, now. It's not good for your health, or mine. Especially, mine," Arthur smiled and Merlin laughed, a sound like music to Arthur's ears.

"Now then!" Arthur shouted, pulled his hands away and clapping them together, feeling suddenly awkward with all this feelings business, "Shall we join Gwaine for some mead?" Merlin wrinkled his nose,

"I hate mead," he said. Arthur put an arm around his shoulder and began steering them both back to the tavern,

"Two for you, then!"

Merlin sniffed and swiped a sleeve across his nose, which was running from the cold, happy that he hadn't cried in front of Arthur. Their little "talk" truly did make him feel a bit better. He still wasn't sure that none of this was his fault, he still blamed himself, but Arthur was right. It was time to stop dwelling in the past. Meaning, last week.

As they rounded the corner of the building and saw the light spilling from the cracks of the tavern's front door onto the gravel road, Merlin stopped in his tracks at the sounds of commotion from inside, followed by an all too familiar voice yelling,

"Honestly, mate, can't we just talk this ov…OWW!"

"Hell, Gwaine," Arthur growled, and sprinted to the door, Merlin hot on his heels.

The sight that greeted them…wasn't good.

Chairs and plates flew wildly around the room, fists flew randomly as Merlin found himself, once again, in the middle of a tavern brawl.

"Princess!" a strangled, yet happy sounding voice yelled. Merlin searched through the chaos, and saw the source of the call. Gwaine's back was pinned against a table by a massive hand around his throat, which was attached to an equally massive man who might as well have been spitting fire from his eyes the way he was glaring at the knight. The rest of the knights were battling in their various conflicts throughout the room. Arthur groaned, and almost looked as angry as Gwaine's attacker,

"Gwaine, what happened?!" he yelled, then ducked, narrowly missing being clobbered by a flying mug. Gwaine wrapped his hands around the one around his throat and kicked feebly at the man choking him,

"Well, you see," he said, out of breath and struggling to free himself, "There was this petticoat…" Just then, the impact of something on the side of Merlin's head sent him sprawling to the floor. A shoe? He groaned and started to rise when, suddenly, he felt it.

Oh, no, oh, no, not here! Not now!

The cold was spreading, easing its easy way through his limbs and strangling his lungs,

"Arthur," he tried to yell, but it came out as a pained whisper. No, no, no, no, no, no, please, no not again, "Arthur!" he gasped, the pain exploding inside of him as he curled up, unable to speak again as he struggled not to bite his own tongue off from the convulsions. His mind succumbed to darkness, he couldn't see anymore. All he knew was the pain.

There were so many people, so many. They hated him, all of them, they were kicking and spitting and he couldn't breathe. One of them was grabbing at him, clawing at his clothes tearing flesh, drawing blood. No, no, let me go! Merlin struggled to fight it off, but it was lifting him. He tried to kick and scream but he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe! Arthur!

No, Arthur won't help you. He hates you. They all do, there's no one left.

The pain was unbearable, the dark was getting worse. How could it be so dark? He wasn't being carried anymore, but someone was still touching him. Grabbing at him, they wouldn't let go, he couldn't cry out. Don't touch me!

And then the pain was gone, and there was only darkness.

...

A/N: *Evil chuckle* Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, I couldn't resist a cliffhanger, since I haven't done one in a couple chapters. I hope you can forgive me. ;) Please REVIEW if you enjoyed this. OK, drum roll please! DADADADADA...Hooray! I have reached almost 70 followers now, which just makes me so happy, really, you guys are great. ;D Again, reviews are so appreciated. Hope you liked it. Next chapter up soon!