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I just hope you're not going to hate Kevin! He's a good guy after all, you'll see it eheheh! XD
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Chapter 7
What. The. Hell.
Shepard's train of thought has been abruptly interrupted by Shaw's mouth joining hers, causing her a surge of different emotions.
His action is completely unexpected, but not unpleasant, not at all. The light soft touch of his thin lips brings back the good memories of the time they spent together, the pungent fragrance of his aftershave tickling her nostrils – Kevin always used too much of that stuff. A vague sense of nostalgia invades her, from what it seemed to be another life. And it actually was.
However, there's also something wrong, very wrong. Those lips should be more full and soft, kissing her sweetly and demanding at the same time, leaving her almost breathless. She'd just be able to inhale the deep addicting smell of eezo mixed with sandalwood and a hint of white musk, that always has her knees buckling – that is so his.
Kaidan.
All at once the memory of her lost love stirs her up, in time with Shaw breaking their contact. He stares at her with a mischievous smile on his face, while the Commander stays still for an endless moment, finally realizing what happened. She's been kissed in the middle of a fucking night club, in front of thousands of unknown people, by a man she haven't seen in ages.
What. The. Fuck!
How could Shaw have done this to her?
How could she have fantasized about kissing Alenko whilst she had another guy's lips on hers?
A terrific rage starts to burn inside her, Kevin's satisfied expression worsening the situation. She wants to slap his face so badly, though that would be an hell of sissy move to do – she's a badass soldier, not a girly girl.
Fuck, who cares!
Shepard's right hand closes into fist and she hits his left cheek, hard. The man stumbles for the smack, while she gives him a scorching glance full of resentment. "What the hell were you thinking about, Shaw?" she growls to him and then she turns to the exit without waiting for his answer.
As soon as she begins to walk away from him, she manages to have a look to their audience and she blushes embarrassed noticing in the distance Vega whistling excited at her, Joker staring at her agape, and–
Oh shit. No, not him.
Her knees almost collapse as she sees Kaidan standing at the pilot's side, his brows painfully furrowed and his teeth grinding.
God. Did he see it?
Of course he did. All the people in this damned place did.
Is that– Is that hurt what she sees into his beautiful whiskey brown eyes? Why?
He doesn't love me anymore, so why should a kiss bother him?
Surprisingly, her feet seem to move of their own initiative towards him, the need to talk to him, to reassure him, almost unbearable. But in that moment Kevin approaches her. "Shep! Wait!" He grabs her arm. "Please don't g–"
"Take off your hands from me Shaw. Now." She orders without even glancing at him, her tone is as cold as ice, so that he obeys immediately.
"Sorry Shep. I–"
"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." She glimpses Alenko once again from afar, and a chilly shiver runs down her spine when their eyes meet for a moment.
What am I doing? Shit, I should go away from here. And so she does, running outside the Purgatory, followed by the blond man.
"Come on, Shep! Stop!" he yells, but she ignores him, rushing in the way to the elevator. When they reach it, she halts and finally faces Kevin.
"You." She jabs at his chest menacingly. "You saw he was there, didn't you?"
He sighs, resigned. "I did."
"So why–" Her voice crackles. "Why did you kiss me in front of him?"
"Why shouldn't I? You told me you were over him."
The Commander jumps guilty at his affirmation.
Crap.
"Yeah, like hell you're over him, Shep," he continues, sarcastic.
"Fuck you, Kevin." She punches weakly his arm, her gesture is now just a way to give a vent to her frustration. "It doesn't matter what I feel. He's the one who put an end to our story. He's the one who doesn't love me anymore, so–"
"Wait wait wait," he interrupts her. "He doesn't love you anymore? Are you kidding me Shep?"
His strange reaction amazes the woman, who stares back at him with her eyes wide. "Wh– why?"
"Because this is bullshit!" he exclaims.
"Bullshit? What?"
Shaw shakes his head, sighing. "I can't believe I'm doing this again."
"Doing what?" she asks, maddened. Why is he trying to drive her crazy?
"Listen Shep." He makes another step towards her, so that he's now only a few inches away from her. "He does love you, you can count on it."
She opens her mouth but no words come out from it, her expression completely astonished.
He inhales deeply. "Look, I wanted to kiss you ever since the first moment we met this afternoon, though I have to admit that I decided to do it only when I glimpsed Alenko in the middle of the crowd. You told me he broke your heart, and it was obvious you were lying when you said you're over him. So–"
"What?" the Commander shouts. "Are you telling me you did it for me? Seriously?"
"Yes, I– Ouch. Ok ok, you got me in there." He surrenders. "Come on, after all, you dumped me because of him. Maybe I also wanted to get back at him, just a little?"
"Oh, really?" she asks sarcastic, crossing her arms on her chest.
"I know, it was a silly and childish thing to do. Yet, I couldn't help myself, I had to tease him. And it worked."
"It worked?" Her voice trembles.
Kevin nods. "His gaze full of rage has been more eloquent than any word he could have said."
The woman flinches surprised, raising her fingers towards her lips. "No. It can't be. You're wrong."
"No I'm not. He was green with envy."
"I– I don't– No. That's impossible." She leans her back against the wall, her legs wobbling. Since she woke up in the Lazarus lab, a part of her kept hoping that she and Kaidan would have find a way to resolve their problems and they would get back together. Lately she understood that that would never happen, and it took all her strength to deal with the fact that she had lost the love of her life forever. Why is Shaw now reopening her wounds?
"Stop." Her head is spinning around – it's Horizon, and Mars, all over again into her mind.
"I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real, I… I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"
"For all I know, you could be a Cerberus puppet, controlled by the Illusive Man himself. I just want to know, is the person I followed to hell and back… the person that I loved… are you still in there… somewhere?"
"Stop." Her eyelids are heavy, her breath erratic. "He has made it… very clear… he doesn't love me… anymore." She presses the heels of her hands to her temple, trying to get a hold of herself.
"Shep?" The soldier bends down on her, worried by her panicked behavior. "Hey, calm down."
"It's– It's over. He is over me. And– And I have to live my life… to take this all on myself," she states. I have got to let him go.
"Shep." Kevin grabs her shoulders to force her looking straight into his green-grey eyes. "I have no idea about what happened between the two of you. However, he's definitely not over you, as much as you're not over him. Trust me on that."
This handsome man could have a lot of flaws, though one thing is for sure: he always speaks the truth. Little by little, all the painful memories about Alenko are being replaced by the good ones, flowing in sequence into her mind.
"I think about losing you and I can't stand it. The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, even the Reapers will come around again. But you and I, we are important right now. This is what will never happen again. Us. Shepard you make me feel… human."
"I love you."
"Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me…"
Who is she trying to kid? The love that they had was too strong, she can't just let him go. And thinking about the sweet way Kaidan acted towards her this afternoon during his ceremony, the charming smiles he gave her each time she went to visit him at the hospital, the sincere apologies he offered to her, and those suspicious lines he said…
"I'm really glad you came by. Talking like this, reminds me how much I like you… We're good together."
"I really hope we're going to be able to get past what happened on Horizon, Shepard. As friends… as more than friends. I mean, I don't know… I just like having you in my life. Maybe you should just know that I'm not seeing anyone and… and that I still care."
Is that possible that Kevin is right? Oh God.
"I– I don't know… what to do…" the Commander breathes, her heartbeats finally coming back to normal.
"You can start thanking me, can't you?" He winks at her, being awarded from her by a shy giggle.
"Thank you, Kevin." She finally smiles.
"You're welcome." He grins back at her, satisfied.
Yeah, she definitely has to thank him. No matter how many upsetting things he does to her, in the end he always helps her. He's a good friend.
"Well," he adds, as he leaves his grip on her. "At least, all my efforts are worth something."
"All your efforts? What do you mean?"
"Come on, Shep. You didn't really think that we met in front of the Councilor's office by chance, did you?" He pokes her.
"Mh?"
"I knew Alenko's party was in there. I took a day of shore leave, and spent the afternoon monitoring the doors, waiting for you to come out."
"Really?" She startles. "But why? And how? And– Wait. Shore leave? You ran away saying you were busy."
"Yeah, because I didn't want to give you the opportunity to reject my invitation."
Damn it, he knows me well. Shepard thinks. "But– but why?"
"Why? We had wonderful times together, and I really miss you." A shade of sadness now smothers his shining gaze. "After your death, and your coming back to life, I tried to contact you with no success. This was the first occasion I had, and I did my best to exploit it."
"I see. Well, I'm glad you did so." She gently pats him.
"Yeah. Unfortunately, things went badly for me, once again," he mutters.
"I'm sorry, Kevin. I didn't want our evening to end like this."
"I know, Shep. It's not your fault," he reassures her, "I just hope you and Alenko will sort things out."
"But why– why are you so sure about Kaidan's feelings?"
He gives her a sorrowful sneer. "Because I know what it means to lose you."
His words strike right into her heart. "Oh."
"You're hard to step away from, Shep. Three years ago I did it because I wanted you to be happy with the man you love, and I still want that. Just– don't make my 'sacrifice' useless, please."
The red-head stands on her tiptoes and throws her arms around his neck. "Thank you, my friend."
"Yeah, I'm your friend," he repeats gloomy, holding her tight into his embrace.
"Now, I should go, Kevin." She releases herself from his hug as the elevator arrives. "But I'll think about what you said to me, I promise."
"I bet you will, Commander." He chuckles. "Now go and save the galaxy for us all. And, if you'll have a little of free time to write to your old friend…" He seizes her omni-tool, typing something on it. "This is my contact information."
"Thank you, Major Shaw. See you soon." She waves to him.
"Good bye, Shep. You'll find your friend there, waiting for you, if you'll ever want him," he whispers melancholy while the doors shut closed.
