Father and Son Relationships
Ah the father and son relationship. The supposedly strongest of all relationships. There is nothing like a father and son bonding: endless days by the sea fishing for fun, laughing non-stop about just anything that can be turned into a joke, causing trouble for your sister and mother together, getting in trouble together, learning actual life lessons that your teachers fail to teach you, learning about your craft or in other words the future job you would have when you got older, and last of all, talking about marriage and girls. If you got all of these down, and were able to talk or follow through without a problem in the world for even at least two of these things, then your relationship would be okay right? Besides, nothing can ever get between a father and his son right? Wrong.
I can honestly say this, my relationship with my father was so much better when I was younger. Even though I went to the Army and became everything he wanted me to be, our relationship was going downhill. I guess I changed and so did he. I knew that deep down, part of what he saw in me wasn't what he wanted me to be. It may have had to do with my process of thinking when it came to girls or something like that. But I'll get further into that later.
I love my father. And I still love him. But the times I want to remember most are when I was just a child. Now things were so much easier when I was a child. No girl drama, no high court drama, no stupid traditions to follow, but just me and my own world that only I lived in. I didn't have to think about war, I didn't have to think about my future. All I had to think about was right then and now. I know this sounds pretty naïve of me, but what can I say? I loved life then!
But back to my father. He was always the best mentor for me. He took me fishing, swimming, and everywhere a father would take his son. I can honestly say, everything that I needed, I learned from my father. My relationship with my father changed over the years. It didn't change for the worst, but it didn't change for the better. I just finally grew up. And on that day when I was about eighteen, just a year and a half before I was to become Captain of my section of Imperial Army, my relationship with my father changed completely. I always hated him for that day, but I found in my heart some forgiveness, when he finally died. He never knew how much I hated him, but he also didn't get to see how much I loved him. So there was always an awkward space, but for that, I am truly sorry.
When I was little, my father and I used to talk about everything. And I mean everything. I looked up to him. I adored him. I thought of his as a god. I wanted to be just like him. He had a loving wife and four beautiful children. My father had an amazing career and was a good General in his time. Everyone loved him and respected him. So I looked up to him. He always seemed so wise, and caring. But I knew that one day it would all just fall apart, and the saddest part is, that it was over a girl.
Now, my father and I did not fight over a girl, to win her affection. That is disgusting. Though it was the custom of Chinese men to take in other women as their mistresses or wives, my father was not that type of man. And neither was I. In fact, my father still had the same picture of me, as a young boy who pushed away little Jia when she tried to play with me. I don't think he ever got that idea in his head, that I would soon grow up and possibly fall in love. So he never thought that women would ever be a deterrent for my career.
And they weren't. At least not to me! I mean I would pay attention to them now and then, but they were just people to have around, just as shallow as that sounds, but it was true. I think most of the time, the reason why I acted that way, was because I kept looking for one girl the whole time.
I saw Mulan a second time, at the Imperial Ball. This time I didn't make the same mistake I did last time. But she wasn't coming to me or making this any easier for me. It was almost as if this whole time she was ignoring me. I didn't blame her. I honestly hadn't completely recompensed for my actions, but I wasn't going to let that get between Mulan and I.
Towards the end of the dance, part of the time when couples actually started slow dancing, I looked around for Mulan. But she was nowhere to be seen. I looked around the entire palace, completely missing my slow dance time with her, but I finally found her wandering through the gardens. I ran after her.
Mulan looked like she was about to cry. I didn't know why, so I listened in. But I guess I came too late. Her friend was leaving and Mulan looked as if she was about to collapse upon the ground. I had never seen Mulan that weak in my entire life. When she turned to face me, I could have sworn she was going to cry so hard, but she didn't.
I was in the garden watching her. Mulan immediately turned around and looked at me.
"Shang!" She shouted at me. Mulan shook her head. "Please help me stop them," she pleaded with me.
"What do you want me to do Mulan? Chase after them? They're on horseback! I can't catch up to that!" I answered her, trying to be as comforting as I could.
"We can always try, can't we Shang?" She asked me, her eyes pleading.
I shook my head and walked over to her with a saddened look. She was so sad, yet strong enough to keep her emotions in tact. "Mulan, there is nothing I can do. I'm sorry." I shook my head and sighed, "You should know that once a woman makes up her mind, nothing can be done to change it. I'm sorry." Mulan looked away from me, probably angered by the fact by my stubbornness. But I, as stubborn as we both were, walked up to Mulan and moved her face to look at mine. I honestly stood there, completely frozen and unsure what to do. All I knew was that I wanted to kiss her and make things better. "Fa Mulan please don't be mad at me, just as you have been when I first met you, and the second time when I was at your home. You know I would do anything to help you out."
But of course Mulan ruined the romantic moment we shared because she could not stop thinking of her friend, Abi. And I honestly didn't blame her. "Abi was my best friend and she was there when I needed her most, and now I feel as if I have failed her." She said to me.
I sighed in impatience. It wasn't her fault. "You did every thing you could. Abi will understand and thank you later, I promise." I assured her.
I noticed that Mulan tried to smile, but tears poured down from her eyes. "You know," She said as the tears fell from my eyes, "She left with him because she found someone who loved her, someone who believes in her. Shouldn't I be happy for her? Yet at the same time I feel as if she is making a mistake. I mean, this goes against every thing my mother and father taught me, against all rules of tradition. But she's happy. Isn't that what matters?" She looked at me questioningly.
I didn't know what to say to that. Everything she asked, contradicted what I had learned and grew up with. "But is it enough to give up every thing? Is love worth it?" I asked me.
She didn't say anything. Mulan was completely distraught and I didn't want her to be worrying. When she didn't say anything I wiped the tears from her eyes and reassured her that every thing would be fine. I pulled Mulan in closer and she cried on my shoulder.
Soon Mulan finished crying and smiled at me and thanking me for being there. But honestly, I would have been there any time she ever needed me. And with that I saw the perfect opportunity. I smiled and whispered, "You are a strong lady Fa Mulan. Don't you ever forget that. Any man would be lucky to have you," I then leaned in closer and kissed her gently on the lips. She didn't struggle or pull back saying that it was forbidden. The kiss I had secretly waited for ever since I reached my teenage years and remembered her, or when I came back to her house, and lastly when our eyes met at the last ball. "Including me," I said once we parted, confessing my love for her. I squeezed her hand once last time before I left and smiled. For the first time, in a long time, I saw Mulan genuinely smile back at me. From the shadows of the trees, I smiled as I watched Mulan jump up in the air and giggled like any girl in love.
I never forgot Mulan after that. I wanted to spend more time with her. Even as I with my friends and the girls they "loved", I kept thinking of her. But my father didn't agree with my heart.
One day, I came home, from something, I honestly can't remember what. I walk in the front door and I was honestly laughing before. But as I walk in the front door, I find my father staring right at me with his arms crossed. I immediately stop laughing. "What's wrong father?" I asked nervously.
He tsk-ed and shakes his head. "Where were you earlier?"
I shrug it off. "Out with friends."
He gives me this look, as if he was trying to say that my story was unbelievable. "Oh really?" My father asks sarcastically. "And were there any girls there?"
I look at him incredulously with my eyebrows arched. "Yes there were," I said slowly, "Why does that matter?"
My father, who I saw was quickly getting angrier by the second, immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me to the stables. I followed him, only because he had a tight grasp on my arm, and feared what would be the result if I tried to pull away. He finally let go of me and boarded his horse. "Get on," he commanded.
I, who was quite not understanding at where this was going, asked him, "Where are we going?"
"I said, 'GET ON'." He boomed.
I immediately got on and followed him as he rode off. I was too distraught, trying to think about what he was getting angry about and where I went wrong, that I didn't realize where I was going. If I had actually paid attention, I would have figured out where I was going and maybe had a slight indication of what my father was going to do and maybe stopped what would have happened next.
As we neared the place, my mind became more aware of where we were going. Everything looked so familiar. Everything seemed more familiar. It wasn't until we got into the neighborhood that I realized: I was going back to Mulan's house. It was a bit unexpected. I was shocked and surprised. I wondered what my father's motives were, and hoped they were for the best. "What are we doing here father?"
I had hoped he would say something along the lines of this: "I'm sick and tired of you always talking about Mulan and getting all sappy-like and dream-eyed all the time! You're always hanging around other ladies! It's about time you tell her father how you feel and ask for his blessing to marry her before she goes to the Matchmaker and you lose her! I can't have you acting like this! Man up Li Shang!"
But I was wrong.
He got off his horse and I followed. My father remained silent. We stood not too far from her house. My father then turned to me and said, "You need to tell Mulan, that you do not want to see her again."
My heart skipped a beat. "Excuse me? What did you just say?" I asked dubiously.
My father gave me this look that I can't really describe. But I had seen it many times before: when he was disappointed. And it was then that I knew, I had better get my act together or that I'd better listen. "Your lust for girls is taking over your drive to becoming a Captain, which will stop you from becoming General like your father. Now how much of a disgrace will I become? And worse, what about you?"
I always hated when my father talked about me succeeding him. It was almost as if he only wanted me to succeed so he could brag about my accomplishments and say that it was all due to his discipline and severity. But it made him more like a machine than man. More of a General, than my own father.
I almost wanted to laugh when I heard what my father said. "My lust for girls?" The only girl I really cared about was Mulan. Sure girls often crowded around me, but I was never really interested in them. But what angered me was the fact that I had to get Mulan out of the picture. So I responded calmly, "I will not follow your orders father. I don't understand what your reasoning is behind it."
He looked at me and sighed. "You're so lost Li Shang! Your head is never in the Army practices or in the classes. You're up and in the clouds! I can't have you like that as you focus on your career! That is why you must tell her. NOW." My father grabbed my arm and started to pull me up to her porch.
"No," I said and pulled away from his grasp. "I'm not following."
He grabbed my arm again and looked at me with the most demanding eyes, "If you don't follow me, I can assure you that every day that you live with me will be a living nightmare. I'm not afraid to say you are a dishonor. Do you think Fa Mulan will love you after that?" I thought the answer would be no, because I thought she was just like any other Chinese woman. They mainly married for honor. But I didn't know. "And when you give up all that you have worked so hard for, everything you ever wanted for a woman, I can bet you that your life will be miserable. All those things can wait Li Shang. Trust me. She will wait. But I won't. So you either leave the house and forget Army Academy, or marry her."
I didn't want to disobey my father. But I didn't want to cut Mulan completely out of my life. I was just getting to know her better and then I had to just cut it off right there. I was this close to leaving my father right then and there. But I didn't. Why? Because I was a coward. He left me feeling a bit of uncertainty with Mulan, as if marrying her would be like investing in sailors who go searching for new land, or investing in a cow farm: the outcome and profit would be small, and the likeliness of success was small to none.
And so I stood at Fa Mulan's door once again, for the third time. I looked at her house, which I knew so well, even though I only visited twice before. As I walked up the steps, I silently cursed my father, with the hate growing stronger and stronger with each step I took. He said I would have more time later for "that sort of silly things", that I needed to refocus, and that I would never become General with an attitude like mine. What did he know? Nothing, that's for sure.
My father knocked on the door because god knows I didn't want to and because I couldn't take it. But mostly because he knew I wouldn't do it. Through the screen door, I looked at Mulan's mother, whom I felt I knew so well, and Mulan's grandmother, whom I wanted to know more. In the back, I saw her father, a man I would know like a father.
"Good evening Fa Li," I greeted Mulan's mother somberly.
"Yes good evening Fa Li," my father greeted her, "How are you this fine evening?" He asked.
"I'm quite fine thank you, General Li." She opened the door and gestured for them to come inside. He stepped in and I followed as a dog loyally does, or as a sheep does to the shearer though it knows its sad fate. "Please come inside and have some tea and join us for dinner."
"That would be wonderful; Shang and I would love…" My father started, but I interrupted.
"No, speak for yourself." I said a bit angrily. My father and Mulan's mother, whom I knew, knew something was up, looked at me. But that's the thing. I should have spoken for myself and had the courage to stand up to my father. "We don't have time to stop and eat father. I must get back," I said with several hints of growing anger in my voice. "After all," I turned and gave my father, the dirtiest look anyone could ever imagine, "I must focus on my training. Isn't that right father?" I asked sarcastically, hoping to show him my disgust and anger in the matter. However, it didn't work.
He sighed and turned to ignore me and walked into the kitchen to speak with Mulan's father. Now at the time, I thought this was the last time I would ever see this house. Probably the last time I would ever speak to Mulan, or her hospitable family. And I knew that perfectly well. But I didn't want to stay to make it awkward between Mulan and I, because we both knew he loved each other. But I was destined to this fate. The main reason why I left was because I was a coward and such a wimp for not sticking up to my father. But more importantly, I was a coward to Mulan.
Before I followed my father into the kitchen, Fa Li gently grabbed me by the arm. I could have easily pulled myself away, because I honestly wanted to do so, but I didn't. I knew what was coming up though: a series of questions.
"Li Shang," she whispered. "What is wrong?"
I looked away in sadness. "Fa Li, I am deeply sorry for what I have to do. More importantly, I'm sorry for what I have to do to your daughter. I never meant to cause her this pain."
"Li Shang," she pleaded. "Please tell me what is wrong. Maybe my husband and I can fix this!"
I shook my head. "No, there is nothing you nor I can do. Once my father makes up his mind, he sticks to it."
She tugged on my arm. "Li Shang, surely there must be…"
I gently pulled away from her grasp and looked at her sadly in the eyes. "Fa Li, there is nothing we can do. Nothing at all. I am sorry for what I must do." I turned and walked to the kitchen, but before I entered I said, "Just tell Mulan that this is not of my choosing or doing, but it is my father's. However, I will understand if you do not look at me with the same respect anymore or treat me the same way. But I do ask for your understanding of my place in this matter." I sighed and walked into the kitchen.
My father and Fa Zhou immediately turned and faced me when they heard my footsteps. "Ah, there's my boy," my father said. "I could hear you a mile away with the treading that you're doing."
"I didn't think that the point was to come here unsurprised father," I argued. "I didn't know this was a test."
"Test? Bah!" He exclaimed. "You are a soldier! You are to always be on the alert, even for "little tests" as you call these. I'm just preparing you son!" He then turned and faced Fa Zhou and whispered in a tone that he thought I wouldn't be able to hear, "See what I mean? He's as ignorant as ever! His head is up in the clouds instead of on the ground on the battlefield!"
I growled and clenched my teeth, gritting them with each word my father said. Fa Zhou, on the meanwhile, watched from the sidelines observing as my anger exploded each time with stronger bursts, as I did my very best to control my outbursts. But for some reason, at that very moment, he knew exactly how I was feeling. "Ah Chen, he's only a boy! He isn't yet a General. Give him another year or so! He'll improve! He'll do whatever you want him to do! I see much of your spirit in him. Ah he might even be better than you."
I smiled, for the first time since coming here on this visit. I smiled for the first time in a few days. I smiled for the first time, in front of my father. That smile, calmed me down just a bit, but enough to keep me from losing it. But that smile soon turned sour with just a few words from my father.
"From what I see though," he argued, "I don't see how he can be even better than the dunce in the school. And the thing is, he won't do whatever I say, he'll do whatever your daughter says."
That lead to a mouth led agape by Fa Zhou and silenced gasps in the back, which I guessed came from Granny Fa and Fa Li. "Now what are you talking about Chen?" He asked suspiciously.
My father laughed heartily. Honestly at that moment, I felt like punching him, just to stop that evil laugh of his. "Don't you see it Zhou? Our children are in love! And they probably have been ever since they met! But I can't have that happen anymore! I can't have Li Shang pining over a girl, even if she is your daughter. I'll admit, the match was made in heaven and I am glad that they met each other. But there is another time and place for this. I can't have this happening right now."
Fa Zhou looked at my father with the most peculiar look in his eyes and then at me, with a look of sympathy instead. He sighed and closed his eyes, as if to contemplate on the entire thing. Fa Zhou then opened his eyes and asked, "Li Shang is this what you want?"
"Bah! Forget what he wants! This is about…" my father started. But Fa Zhou held up a hand to stop him.
He gave my father a look that I can't really describe but one that had my father definitely deserved! They then both turned to me, both with different looks, but the one I wanted to focus on was just Fa Zhou's. He asked me, "Honestly tell me Li Shang! What do you want to do? Now I know you were a boy who once hated girls when he was little, but may I remind you, that all changed when you met my daughter. I now see you as a man who has the ability to have any girl he desires, but for some reason, when all these beautiful young ladies rush towards you, I see you running for the door, except," he paused and my heart jumped a beat, "for when you see my daughter. I've seen the way you look at her, I've seen the way you've held her hand, I've seen so much Li Shang. But your father is right; you must focus on your career. But don't forget, you can have both; however, there is a balance required. Yin and Yang. You know the story. But, let me ask you, is that what you want? Do not let another person stop you from your dreams Li Shang, even if it is…"
"That is enough Fa Zhou," my father interrupted. "My son was taught to be obedient. He will listen to what his father says. But you are right. The decision is all his. Go ahead Li Shang. Tell him what you really came here for."
I wanted to scream, "I came here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage! My father originally wanted me to come here for something else, but you're right! I can have both! I want Mulan to be my wife while I am a Captain back in the Army!" That would surely please both sides of this argument and it would please mine wouldn't it? But I kept thinking about the wrath my father would unleash on me. Why couldn't I just think about my own happiness? Why did I have to be a coward? For the first time in a long time, someone had asked me, what I wanted to do. I hadn't made that decision in a long time. And how did I repay him? By slapping him painfully right in the face with my decision.
I sighed. In the background I heard tiny footsteps. Her tiny footsteps: soft and quiet. I didn't want to say it, especially with her there, but I had to. My father would have killed me. "Fa Zhou," I said somberly, "I came here to tell you that I no longer wish to speak to your daughter Fa Mulan. I must focus on my career as a soldier, which I hope will in turn lead me to becoming a Captain and with a little more determination: a General. Spending time with your daughter has led me astray from all of these goals and she has become a deterrent to me." I looked up and sighed, closing my eyes, trying to focus on her in the background. "I hope you understand," I said finally.
In the back, I heard her running quickly to her room, sobbing heavily as she ran. I looked away from her father and tried to hold back my feelings, which got harder and harder to do. My father put a hand on my shoulder and whispered, "You handled that test very well individually Li Shang. You have a lot of courage to do so." He then turned to smile and bow in respect to Fa Zhou, who just sat there staring at him. "I hope this does not change our good relationship Zhou."
Mulan's father sighed and replied coarsely, "It does not General."
My father, taking the hint, left the kitchen and said to me as he walked out the door, "Li Shang, I will be waiting for you outside on the horses. Meet me there soon."
I wanted to say, "I'll be right behind you father! Don't wait for me!" because I was a coward. I couldn't stay there and face the Fa's alone, let alone Mulan. So I turned and started to walk after my father, without biding Fa Zhou goodbye or bowing to him, which I should have done in respect.
He then said to me as I walked out, "Your father may be waiting for you Li Shang, and your career may be waiting for you also, but I can assure you, my daughter will not be waiting for you." I immediately turned and faced with him with a look of pure shock on my face. I wanted to drop down at his feet and beg him to reconsider. But I didn't. "That was the decision you made Li Shang. And the world won't wait for you. But I hope that as you continue to age and get older in this world, you will learn from your mistakes. Your father may have said that you had great courage to answer to me, but that didn't take any courage, and you know that. The real courage would have been to stand up to your father and tell him how you truly felt. I hope you learn to follow your heart soon before it's too late Li Shang." He replied, which answered my question: It was too late to take it all back.
I sighed and walked out, where I found Mulan's mother and grandmother. Her grandmother immediately glared at me and walked out of the room. Fa Li, who was the one of first to forgive me after all of this, unsympathetically answered before I could speak "Get out of our house Li Shang."
"But Fa Li," I pleaded, "I'm…"
She shook her head and pointed at the door.
I knew I deserved all of this. They had to understand, but even I couldn't understand. I had this coming. I sighed and looked down the hallway to Mulan's room, where I found her standing at the end, staring at me. I knew then that if there was anyone that I had to explain myself to, it had to be her.
"Mulan," I started and walked toward her.
She immediately ran into her room and shut the door on me.
I knocked on her door several times. But there was no answer. I sighed and decided to explain myself. I sighed and looked down at the floor. "Mulan, please come out so I can talk to you and see your face. I'm sorry for what I did. I had to do that. My father would have been angry with any other choice I said. But I really do love you and…" I looked up and found myself staring face to face into the eyes of an angry Fa Mulan. I shook my head, completely taken aback by her, "Mulan, listen I…"
She pushed me out of her doorway and said, "No! This time, you listen Shang!" Mulan looked at me fearlessly in the eyes. "You had your turn to say whatever you wanted and I heard it loud and clear from my hallway. Don't tell me you're sorry, because I know you're not! You could have easily said whatever you wanted, but you didn't! You were a coward and did exactly what your father said. You know, watching that whole thing unfold in front of me makes me wonder exactly, whether everything you've told me was true or not! Well congratulations Li Shang! Applause to you! You're a great actor! Because I believed every single word you said."
I tried to grab her hand and tell her that everything I ever said to her was true. I really do love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And that I'm sorry for hurting her. But she pushed me even harder and punched me in the stomach. Mulan said something to me in a whisper; I never thought I'd hear this from her ever. "Get out Shang."
I was taken aback. "What did you say?"
"I said, 'GET OUT!'" She yelled at me. "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!" Mulan started to charge at me, but I backed off in time, and her mother and grandmother came in time to hold her back. Even though Mulan did not have the military training, I could have swore she could have easily gone through those women, but she didn't to not hurt me.
I started to walk back to her, but Fa Li turned to me and glared at me. "Get out now Li Shang. Or I will call the police on you."
I knew that after hearing that type of cruelty, I was no longer welcome to the Fa household. As I walked out, I turned and saw Mulan crying on the floor with her mother and grandmother consoling her and calling me all types of names I never wanted to be called.
I walked out the door and was bid goodbye by no one. I shut the door and walked towards my horse where I found my father. I boarded my horse and he looked at me.
"What took you so long Shang? Did the Fa's beat you up for breaking their daughter's heart?" He laughed apathetically.
I glared at him, finally having the courage to stand up to my father. "Don't joke about that ever."
He shrugged it off. "Okay Li Shang. I know you're angry now. But when you get older, you will understand all that I have done for you and thank me." My father started to put his arm around me, but I swatted it off. He looked at me with a hurt look. I scoffed. My father then turned away and answered, "You had the chance to say that you wanted to marry her and lose your career."
I shook my head and yelled at him. "No I didn't have the chance to say that! Because I know you would have killed me for saying that and disobeying you. For your sake, I'm going to hope I will turn out to be a better General than you, because I hope that I didn't just lose Mulan for nothing."
I immediately rode off, without waiting for him. My horse was much faster than his and eventually I lost him and rode off somewhere else in the forest, and he rode home, knowing to leave me alone. And as I sat underneath a tree in the forest, I thought about what he said to me, "When you get older, you will understand all that I have done for you and thank me." But as I got older, I never did understand.
AN: Well thanks to support from Crazyalmu007, babyle, Leila Wong, I will probably be continuing this story. Don't worry, It will get better when Shang and Mulan meet again at Wu Zhong Camp. :) But this is how Mulan and Shang stopped talking for a year. Don't you want to hear Mulan's side of the story? Read my story, Stories Behind the Songs (which is a collection of one-shots that i promised my readers) The chapter is called "At Fifteen" based on Taylor Swift's song "Fifteen". I think every teenage girl can relate to this song. So I thought it would be interesting to relate this to Mulan. If you're interested here is the link: (.net/s/5528768/1/) Thanks! R&R!
Special Thanks to:
pinkprincess16 - thanks for your review! I really appreciate it! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
crazyalmu007 - this chapter was just for you! :) thank you for your support! You are the best! Seriously! Thank you so much!
babyle - haha I will be going into movie territory! That's the most important part! I'm not sure if I'll do Mulan 2 though...we'll see. Thanks for your review! Thanks for the support!
BlueEyes - thanks for your review!
Trakrat - oooh I will totally check out your stories now! haha I can say right now, I was a bit depressed when I didn't get your reviews. You are like the best! Thank you for all your reviews! I don't take you for granted! Ever! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Leila Wong - I will definitely continue this story! I really appreciate your suport! Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy this chapter! I hope you got my PM
