"I really do miss her. How on earth could Arthur represent people like her and still be so uptight?" Alfred laughed.
"Yeah" agreed Mathew chuckling and picking up the scraps of paper.
"… So you're close with the queen of England?" asked Hermione still shocked.
"Yeah" answered Mathew.
"Arthur works for her so we got to meet her; he's on this sort of a world council."
"It's pretty cool actually" America agreed. "We work in the kids sector of it; I represent America and Matt is Canadia."
"Canada!" Mathew snapped back.
The other two nodded satisfied with the answer, but Harry was still curious about something.
"Hey guys, the queen said that he drank six bottles of Ale. Does he drink a lot?"
Hermione elbowed him, apparently that was in the 'too personal a question to seem friendly' zone.
"Yeah, he does" answered Mathew shrugging.
"He most of the time he either just starts wailing about how that one" he said pointing to America, "Abandoned him".
"It usually goes something like this" said America.
Alfred turned to Mathew and tried to remember how that day in the bar went.
"Well this is fun" he said taking a sip of his cup as if it were beer.
Actually he could go for some beer right now…
"I figured it was high time we got together and turned up a pint again" said Mathew in his best English accent.
"Five drinks later" Alfred narrated in a deep voice.
Canada had his head on the table and drinks in his hand and groaned.
"I am catholic, or am I protestant?" he slurred. "God, I don't know".
"Uh is he okay?" asked Ron, genuinely concerned.
Really Canada is just an amazing actor, and has had plenty of practice in this routine.
Unlike his brother who could out drink Russia in a Vodka contest, Canada actually gets drunk.
Although to be fair, America is out like a light after one shot of strait bourbon.
"He always gets like this when he starts drinking" America waved off mater-o-factly.
"You don't know me!" slur-yelled Canada, pointing to himself and swaying woozily.
"I am the United Bloody Kingdom and I can hold my liquor better than you any day".
"Dude calm down!" America pleaded backing away from the Canadian perfectly playing the Brit.
"Shut up!" Canada stomped. "I felt bad about the way old Frog Face was treating you, so I saved your ass".
America slowly backed away but then Canada (Playing England still) started banging his glass against the table.
"I thought maybe we could be friends and bond over our mutual hatred of France, but nu-uh.
Then Mathew looked at Alfred, tears in his eyes and started flailing his arms around and then at Alfred.
"You didn't want to be friends with me" he cry-wailed, and ranted all at once.
"You just wanted to tell me not to tell you what to do, and you didn't know what to do anyway, I think that you form of politics is…"
"Next morning" America narrated again, cutting off the rant because it was seriously starting to creep him out how Canada knew every word.
Now Canada was shivering and had his jacket covering his head and his knees tucked into his chest.
"Why won't the light just shut up? I swear I'm never going to drink again. Someone please kill me".
"Dude can party!" America smiled pointing over to his shivering lump of a brother.
"No he cannot" sighed Harry.
The two gave a phony bow to their and laughed at their perfect performance.
"Welcome to our odd and crazy lives." Chuckled Mathew
"Wait, your brother lets you drink?" asked Ron
"Nah. I just get root bear" lied Alfred (He may be physically nineteen so it is technically illegal, but since he is actually a few thousand years old, he thinks he is entitled to it).
"By the way Matt, how did you know everything he said?"
Canada's face went from happy to angry instantly.
"I went with you remember?" he gritted, not being able to help the flecks of green flash in his eyes.
This time however, the three noticed the light green glow shining from behind the glasses.
"How can you keep forgetting me? I'm the one who called the taxi!"
"Sorry, sorry, now I remember" America defended. "You helped me drag Arthur out right?"
Although not nearly satisfied, knowing that considering Alfred's anger issues they needed all of medicine they had left for real emergencies; Canada forced his jealousy down and his eyes returned to their usual violet-blue hue.
"But you said there are two things he would do?" pointed out Hermione.
"Oh yeah" remembered Mathew, "So either does that or beat up and curse out anything in sight" he shrugged.
"Usually me..." America grumbled.
"He does what!" Yelled Hermione, banging her hands down on the table, causing half the table to stare at her.
"Sorry" she said, and then lowered her voice.
"He hits you!" she growled.
Things were starting to make a lot more sense.
The pain tolerance, the need to ignore the world.
All symptoms of child abuse.
"Yeah?" said Alfred confused. "Don't your brothers?"
Harry and Hermione, who were both lacking in the sibling department (Dudley doesn't really count since they mostly ignore each other), looked to Ron.
"Well yeah" he admitted. "But only as a joke, never when he went into some sort of drunken rage!"
"I don't get it? What's the big deal…?" America trailed, until he understood.
"No, no, no, no" he said frantically, waving his hands in front of him for emphasis.
"This is not a child abuse story, I promise".
"Yeah" agreed Canada quickly. "Alfred is the one who declared war on Arthur".
"A little brother cannot declare war" explained Hermione.
"And you both do display the symptoms. Irritability, high pain tolerance" she listed off.
"Trust me, I fight back" America tried to defend.
"That does not justify him to hit you in the first place!" stated Harry.
He was horrified, in his entire life his aunt and uncle may have been cruel, but they never hit him!
Locked him in rooms yes, but ever physically touch him, no.
The nations however were groaning inside.
They were inwardly cursing themselves for making their older brother seem like a drunken maniac who hits children.
England was actually a great father figure; he never hit them, smoked around them. He even limited his drinking too.
He didn't become more violent until the Alfred grew up and made him grow a little bitter.
At least towards them he was always pretty kind.
They have heard some pretty… interesting stories from other nations and enemies he's faced, especially Spain.
But he was always kind to children and gave the twins a great childhood, probably to make up for the awful one he had as a child being hounded by France.
Even when it comes to Sealand, despite the fact he keeps bugging him, Arthur has never resorted to physical force, or even cursing.
"Look, you have said he has tried to kill you with a chair, and now we have proof that he is an alcoholic and has hurt you." Hermione tried to reason.
"Okay, you are completely right about the alcoholic part" America explained.
"But he is not a child abuser. When we lived with him, he didn't even curse around us. He never smoked or drank, he treated us like glass. In fact it was really annoying and one of the reasons I left him."
"Even with Peter, another kid he takes care of. As much as he annoys him, even sneaking in to go to work with him, not once has he even cursed at the boy, let alone hit him."
"Ivan on the other…" Alfred whistled at the end to imply that's a different story.
"Are you sure?" Hermione stressed, not completely convinced.
"Yes we are completely sure" assured Canada, going back to his now slightly cold pancakes.
"Yeah we just a have a really odd, screwed up family. For example, Francis flirts with all three of us" Alfred stated simply.
The other three dropped their forks and Canada started choking.
"He flirts with his little brothers?" gaped Ron in absolute shock.
No wonder they have so many problems and disorders. They grew up with complete nut-jobs for parental figures.
America almost slapped himself. They had just gotten into the clear and he just had to go and say France was some sort of incest driven pedophile.
"You okay bro?" he said to Canada patting him on the back,
"No!" he shouted to him. "Papa does not! Well… he does, but he does that to everyone."
The trio was seriously in shock.
"We are going to have to explain what 'it's complicated' means now, aren't we?" America sighed.
The three nodded, but they didn't see how this could possibly explain the chaos their family has had them living through.
"Okay, first off." He began. "Mathew and I are the only ones who are related by blood".
"Huh?" the other three asked confused.
"Yeah, Arthur and Francis just found us and adopted us." Mathew explained. "Actually I think it was Tino who found us. Also, I think before Tino you were Antonio's and I know Ivan had me for at least a year or two and Mikkeland Susan owned us for a while." he corrected himself. "We've been passed around quite a few times."
"But anyway" Alfred continued "then Francis and Arthur fought for custody over us and Arthur won me and Francis won Mathew."
"When I turned around six, they went to trial again and Arthur won me" explained Mathew.
"And then a few years later I wanted to move to America" said Alfred "Since that's where we think I was originally from and I called the embassy and got my job as the kids' ambassador".
"The next year I did the same, except I called Canada for my job" added Mathew.
"So they just…found you?" questioned Harry.
"Yeah, they were on a trip to Maine and we were just wondering around the forest when Tino found us".
"I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm having trouble believing this. People don't go to court to fight for a child they just found in the middle of the forest, they send them to an orphanage." Stated Hermione.
"Well" America sighed. "I don't think they really wanted us until they found out we both inherited a lot of gold and other stuff".
Really it was not lie.
They have no doubt their brothers loved them, it's just at first they were literal goldmines.
"And to put one over on the other" added Mathew. "They spend most of their time trying to screw things over for each other."
"Actually it was Francis who paid for my flight to America and got me the job there in the first place, just because Arthur was against it" agreed Alfred.
"Although they both really did love us. They treated us great when we lived with them. And Francis just means it teasingly when he flirts; he does that to absolutely everyone." Said Mathew. "Remember last year, he did that to Hermione too".
Hermione shuttered at the memory.
It was creepy.
"Once I think he practically stalked Roderich until Elizethbeta hit him on the head with her frying pan."
The two broke into laughter at the last one.
"As annoying as she is with her insistence to 'ship' us with everyone, including each other, she is an awesome lady". Nodded America.
"Is she the one who started 'Caname'" asked Hermione, having to stop herself from laughing along with them.
Canada's face immediate turned beet red and he looked down.
"Oh god" groaned America. "I thought that was over with."
"Look, my best friend Kiku is from Japan and he is super obsessed with Anime and Manga and stuff like that." He explained, while the others listened closely.
"And recently, thanks to a certain Hungarian" he gritted. "Yaoi"
Hermione and Harry looked confused, while Ron (the resident anime expert between the three) burst out laughing.
"Seriously?" he chuckled.
"What's Yaoi?" asked Harry.
Ron turned and whispered it in their ears and both immediately started laughing too, not caring if the entire room was now looking at them like nut jobs.
"It's not funny!" whined Canada.
"Yeah" insisted America. "Do you know what it's like having your best friend constantly shipping you with people? One he locked us in a closed and refused to let us out until we kissed."
"What did you do?" giggle Hermione.
"We banged on the door screaming until Arthur found us and opened let us out."
Now the three were in absolute hysterics.
'Why there isn't a T.V show about their lives?' Ron thought 'it would be a hit'.
"Oh and it gets better" continued Alfred sarcastically.
"So they apologized. Kiku being 'the respectful Japanese man' he is, promised to never do it again. And he didn't. Instead he and Elizethbeta started following us around with Camera's filming out every move and writing Manga for it. I read a few, and their downright creepy" he shuttered.
"And then to top things off not only did they read it. I found out Francis bought a copy of every photo and manga they made!"
Suddenly it did not seem nearly as funny anymore, mostly since a man that Mathew calls 'papa' wants to see Manga of him and his brother kissing, but they did notice they seemed to be getting more information when they were laughing instead of asking questions, so they just continued.
"And to top it all off" complained Alfred. "Now they are writing and photo shopping things with Mathew and my other best friend Gilbert, and me with my arch enemy Ivan, The one in the alley that day, and Arthur. Yes that Arthur. And did I mention that they both happen to be more than three times age!"
Now the three were getting really creeped out. Exactly who are they're friends associating with?
"Wow someone needs to make your life into a show or something" laughed Ron, forcing himself not to show how he was really feeling.
"I know, I should totally tell Kiku about that". Agreed Alfred.
A minute later the bell rang and the five packed up their bags and headed to their next class.
The twins ran ahead of the trio, wanting to get to class early hopefully avoid being sat next to either Draco or his goons again.
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When the trio thought the coast was clear, they began talking to each other.
"I don't even know how to comprehend what I just heard" Ron said.
"Seriously, my life was practically royalty compared to them" agreed Harry, running his hand through his hair.
"Wait a second" said Hermione. "Do you think…"
She turned to look around for Draco and when they met each other's eye, before she could even get a word he smirked and said "Every Word" and sauntered away.
"Well there is a whole new goldmine of probably traumatizing experiences for him to torture them with" groaned Ron.
"Well, at least we know one thing" shrugged Hermione.
The others looked at her and raised and eye brow. That little 'session' they had there did nothing except raise for questions.
"We definitely are not giving up on them" she stated, flipping her hair and walking away for a dramatic exit.
"Does she really need to do that every time she says something smart" sighed Ron following after her.
Soon all three were on their way to the class room.
