Chapter 7

*** Stop right there, are you criminal scum? ***

"No," I answered. Trying desperately not to look guilty. Was I a criminal? Probably not. Everything I had done her I had done in the name of justice, which meant It was okay.

"Did you blow up Fugly Bob's?" Armsmaster continued.

I waited for a second, looking back at the now ruined building. Maybe I could claim that Grue had suddenly gained explosion powers or something? No, that probably wouldn't work. Claim the existence of a second cape with explosion powers?

"Yes?" I said questioningly.

"Yet you say you aren't not a non-villain?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm not a villain," I replied, trying not to get tripped up by his answers.

He looked sceptical, so I started looking for excuses, when I suddenly remembered that afternoon. "You can tell I'm not a villain because I'm doing the same thing Glory Girl does?"

Armsmaster didn't look very convinced, but continued the conversation anyway.

"So, first of all, thank you for blowing up Fugly Bob's, maybe now Assault will actually fit in his costume again. Secondly, why did you blow up Fugly Bob's?"

I couldn't help but notice that he had his Halberd at the ready, probably preparing to attack if he didn't like my answer.

"I was trying to catch Grue," I replied.

"I'm assuming he was robbing the place then?" Armsmaster asked

"Yeah. Also, I think maybe Grue is a she. Last time we fought, she was robbing a dress store."

Armsmasters armored hand went up and started scratching his chin, metal fingers smoothly caressing his magnificent beard.

"Hmm, interesting, did you happen to spot Circus nearby?"

"Nope," I replied. I was wondering whether or not he would return to the whole blowing up Fugly Bob's thing. I was hoping not.

Armsmaster started walking back and forth, pondering over something.

"Well, it's still good to know. I'll inform the rest of the Protectorate. We don't want some PR scandal for using the wrong pronoun when we arrest her," he said. "Know, do you have any idea why she might want to rob Fugly Bob's?"

I thought about it. Why would a degenerate criminal like Grue rob a fast-food place?

"Because he had the munchies?" I replied.

"Hmm, yes, I see, we'll need to make sure she doesn't fall in with the Merchants if she's abusing Marijuana…"

"Well, I'll let you get to it then, see ya!" I said cheerily, trying to oh so very subtly walk away.

*** A regular Holmes ***

So apparently, Grue was now a pot-head transsexual. Armsmaster thought to himself. Well, at least that explained his, or hers, or perhaps maybe xirs, crime spree. Grue probably just needed money to pay for the operation.

He felt very, very happy that Grue was a shaker, and not a changer or a tinker. He still remembered all the sensitivity trainings they'd had to go through when Trainwreck had decided he wanted to be an attack helicopter. Some angry protestors had decided that destroying his rotors to reduce his mobility meant being disrespectful of his chosen gender identity, and it had all ended horribly.

Putting that thought out of his mind, he surveyed the damage to the burger tent. Most of the outer walls had been destroyed, blown apart by small projectiles. Grue's darkness had already disappeared, so he could see the extent of the damages Shadow Stalker's new bff had caused.

He suddenly realized he'd forgotten to ask her (At least it looked like a her, probably, thinking about it she had been kind of flat. But stating that she was a he because she had no breasts was probably even more insensitive. All this shit was getting hard to keep track of.) her name.

Then, he suddenly realized that he'd also forgotten to arrest her for causing unreasonable amounts of collateral damage. Oh well, if this girl (probably) was able to catch Grue on her own, then he wouldn't have to deal with any of this new-fangled gender-bullshit, which served him perfectly well. Also, Battery would be happy that maybe her husband would be able to get in shape again. The Fugly Bob Challenger had taken a toll on his figure.

And, of course, there was the fact that the new girl had not, in fact, been a criminal. His lie detector had taken care of that. It was so incredibly useful! If only PR wouldn't get angry when he asked random people on the streets whether or not they were criminals. Crime-fighting would be so much more efficient. Now he was forced to bring Nostradame with him if he wanted to arrest people without catching them in the act.

Speaking of Lisa, the girl had told him she'd already identified this new cape out of costume. The problem being, of course, that she'd also been able to unmask two other capes. In other words, acting on that information directly would pose a problem. If only they could set up events in such a way that they would be forced to unmask themselves…

Oh well, for now, he could just file the new information on Grue, and then call Brandish to blame her daughter for all the devastation. That would probably take attention away from his own mistake of forgetting to arrest the girl.