Well guys, I am tired, and quite drained. Emotionally, life has been hell. Quick question, do you hate it when people try and tell you how you feel? I do. Pisses me off. If it can't be found in a textbook, it apparently isn't valid. And the only way to validate that emotion is to ,"Decribe something similar," which I refuse to do. If I feel like a fargle, then I will damn well feel like a fargle~! *stomps foot*. Eri-chan's life lesson of the day, don't try to figure out the "text book" emotion, just yell, cry, or write about it. But don't say you're sad if you are ugg, and don't say you're happy if you're KYAAAAAAH~! Alright? Thank you. Now, on to chapter 7.
Chapter 7: Day 2. Paper Hearts
Edward's P.O.V
I feel as though I'm just barely scratching the surface. It is kind of like looking through glazed glass. You can see into the next room, but you aren't quite sure what's there, what it really looks like; You're not sure how it makes you feel. If I could describe my life, it would be composed of glazed widows and musty curtains that are pulled tight together, leaving a trace of dawn to be shown.
I want to get better, I really do, but there is something that holds me back. Some type of clawing at my ankles, begging for me to stay, to accompany it. It sucks; being alone. You find your comfort in the arms of the monster, the beast within. You understand each other so well; go through horrific changes in order to see on the same level, but in all reality, you fell from the platform in which you once stood. You've decayed. Why? To find some compassion in the world. Isn't that fucked up?
I pull the covers tight to me. My eyes burn with tears and tiredness. I have a hard time facing the darkness around me. The eyes stare through the mist around me, their sneers evident in the twisted shades of charcoal and grey. I never enjoyed being afraid, it really wasn't my place to be any more, I had given up that right long ago as well. It's kind of funny, I gave up the rights of childhood long ago, but they find a way to etch themselves back into my mainstream. How pathetic.
I allow myself to close my eyes, ignoring the faint whispers about me, focusing on the small ring of colors behind my closed lids. Soon enough, I feel myself sink into a low layer of sleep.
I fail to recognize the place in which I stand. All I see is darkness, so pitch black that I am unable to see my hand in front of my face. I shrug and walk forward until I see a flicker of light. Then, in an instant, the room is fully lit by blue light.
A transmutation?
That's when I hear it.
Screaming.
Two young voices screaming at the top of their lungs. I can see myself in the circle, my brother beside me, slowly fading into nothing.
I find myself screaming now. Even though it happened almost 10 years ago, I make the same mistake. I ran towards my brother, but before I can grab his hand, he is gone. My younger self is on the floor, dragging himself to a suit of armour and transmuting the soul to it. In another flash of light, more screaming is heard. I cover my ears and wince. I knew the situation too well. I lived it every day, after every blink. I open my eyes now that the noise has stopped.
My younger self is sprawled on the floor, blood pooling around him from the loss of his arm and leg. He is passed out, now being picked up and carried off by the caged soul that is Alphonse.
Then I hear her voice.
"Edward," she coos.
"Mum?"
"Edward, come here sweetie," she says softly.
"Now Ed, hun, I thought I told you to take care of Al for me and be a big boy?"
"I tried mum, I really did," I said sadly.
"Then why is he the one with out the body? Why aren't you the one in that suit of armour? Ed, why did you damn your baby brother?"
"I don't know! I didn't have control over this. I didn't choose this! If I could change it, then I would mum, believe me," I said with tears streaming out of my eyes, "I would give everything to change it all," I cried.
"Oh Edward, why couldn't you just let me rest? You were such a smart boy," she said sadly.
"I'm sorry mum, I'm so sorry," I gasped, sobs squeezing out of me.
"Now, now. Tears aren't going to help now are they? Look at me Edward, look at mom," she said.
"I can't see you," I said.
"But I'm every where Ed," she said.
I felt a breeze on the back of my neck.
"Now, look at me," she said.
I looked around, but couldn't see anything. It was still pitch black.
"Why wont you listen to me?" She asked.
"I'm trying!" I yelled to her.
Then an ugly creature appeared before me, loose strands hung off of charred decayed skin. Narrow slits filled with light where her beautiful eyes once smiled. I turned my head away.
"Why won't you look at your mother Ed?"
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
The creature grabbed my chin and forced my face towards hers, so that we could see eye to eye. Her face formed into a nasty smile. Her teeth were gone, a dark substance that resembled sludge slid off of her body and onto the floor.
"That's better," she said. The smell of death was one I could not describe.
"Well, are you satisfied with your results huh? Am I the mother you were hoping to see? Was your brother's body worth this Edward? Come now, tell mom," she said, an angry twist to her words.
"No," I said quietly.
"Speak up!" she screeched.
"No ma'am," I said louder.
"That's right," she hissed. She struck me in the face and forced me to the floor.
I cringed and rolled into a ball.
"You sniveling little bitch, look at you. At the mercy of your own creation. Look at all the sacrifices you went through to create me, and now you wont even give me the respect I deserve? Pathetic," she spat, kicking me in the side.
I winced but remained where I was.
"Get up," she said quietly. The lethal tone she held made my skin crawl.
"Get up you bastard!" She yelled, kicking me again.
"I'm sorry!" I yelled.
"Sorry wont cut it now get up!"
I rose to my knees, and tried to get myself up, but she swept me and let me land on the floor again.
"Faster!" She yelled again, but I didn't have the strength to move.
"Get UP!" she roared, dropping to her knees and grabbing me by the collar.
"You bastard! You wont listen to me, you wont respect me, you wont even look at me," she cried, slapping me from side to side with each word. Her blows stung. But her words seered.
"Why don't you love me?" she asked, dropping me to the floor again.
"I'm sorry," was all I could mutter. I cried freely and let her continue to abuse me, until I could no longer see clearly.
This was my fault.
Roy's P.O.V
I watched the boy nod off to sleep, and I had a smile on my face. He seemed tense, but it seemed to ease with time. I couldn't help but feel some what proud of the progress we made. It seemed too good to be true.
I had to wonder if he felt the same. If this was really helping him out as much as I thought it was.
I sat there lost in thought for a while until the slumbering blonde made a whimpering type of noise.
I rolled on to my side to see him. His expression was pained, and he murmured things in his sleep. I was curious as to what the alchemist was dreaming about, and continued to watch him.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
I was confused. What was he sorry about.
Now he winced in pain and started to cry.
"Shit," I thought.
"I'm sorry!" he yelled, shifting from side to side, tears coming faster and harder.
I began to shake him trying to wake him up.
"Hey, Ed, wake up!" I called to him.
"He put his arms on mine and tried to push them away.
"I said I was sorry, please leave me alone!" He cried, trying his best to get me off of him.
"Ed, ED WAKE UP," I yelled now, unable to shake him from the nightmare.
"It's all my fault mum, I'm sorry," he whispered, letting go and settling back into the bed.
"Ed," I called, stroking his hair.
He made no attempt to open his eyes.
"Ed can you hear me?"
No response.
I shook him lightly, trying to wake him, but nothing seemed to work.
I brushed loose strands from his forehead and felt myself pulling back from it.
"Holy hell, he's warm," I said out loud, slightly surprised by the fever.
"Oh, damn, it must be from all those friggen cuts," I sighed. I needed to clean them again. They were probably infected.
I left the bed side and went to grab the small medical basket, returning to his side and peeling off the numerous bandages that were soaked through with red.
I shook my head as they coiled to the floor.
Why couldn't I have been there?
I brought out the small brown bottle and began to rub down the wounds, watching them bubble.
"Ah!" He winced. I frowned.
"Sorry Edo," I whispered, trying to clean them as fast and effectively as possible.
Some began to bleed again, while others peeled. I dressed them all alike and tossed out the old products. He laid outstretched now, his face still pained. Sweat began to form on his forehead, which prompted me to find a suitable medication for him to take.
After finding some water, I put the pill in his mouth and coaxed him to swallow it, until he did.
I sighed and laid back down beside him. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. As much as I could try to do, there would always be something that I wouldn't have control of, such as his past.
I only know as much as he was willing to let me know, and at this point, I felt like I was the one still in the dark. I was hoping that he would soon open up a little more to me. It was only day two, and he had plenty of time to do so, but I didn't want to be the one who stood in the way of his recovery. In the end, I was curious if I was going to be the one to save him.
Or if I was going to be the one that stripped him of his wings.
Ugg, writer's block sucks. Well, I guess this will be a filler chapter to hold you guys over until the next chapter. I'm way too tired to pull out my normal 3,000 words, so yeah, sorry about that. Sorry for my suckishness, so yeah. I hope to update all stories within a week.
Thanks for those who have read and reviewed, and for those who have added in faves and alerts, it is very appreciated.
Please review, so I know how to please you guys, and btw, I think I might kill off a character. I have very violent plot bunnies right now. One shot to the first person who can figure it out!
Happy Reading,
~Eri-chan
