A quick recap/refresher/tl;dr:
Set before Cora's arrival in Storybrooke, Emma is being watched over in her sleep and she strikes up a tentative relationship with Regina when she catches her using magic at the pier. In turn, Regina forces Emma to accept she is magical and begins to slowly train her in harnessing her power. Henry has a dream of Regina leaving and Regina eventually confesses to Emma that she's teaching her magic in order to arm her against an arriving Cora. During a late night session, they kiss.
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x ~ x
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"Sometimes I feel like a caretaker of a museum - a huge, empty museum where no one ever comes, and I'm watching over it for no one but myself." Murakami
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x ~ x
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Emma knows people are starting to talk, starting to worry. They see her muttering over her breakfast in the morning trying to toast her bread with her words, or they see her yellow beater of a car parked in front of Regina's more nights than it isn't. Even Snow and Charming have begun to wonder why she's asking about things 'attacks' and 'weapons' and what an 'armada' is and if they have one in Storybrooke. Frankly, it's exhausting and Emma feels just a little guilty wishing that Cora would just come on and attack already, especially because she knows that with every day that passes, they're one day closer to it. She can feel it now. Ever since that night where Regina helped her light the candle, she has been more...aware... and it's terrifying her.
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Every time she's ready to give up and tell Regina she's not going back to the house on Mifflin street, having given herself a migraine from trying to boil water with her mind, she catches a glimpse of Henry, or her parents, or Ruby - the people she cares about and loves - living life easily and happily and changes her mind. She can still feel Cora's steely grasp around her heart when she's hovering in that twilight place of memories before she falls asleep. She has heard about Regina's reign, but knows Cora's will be worse. So she keeps returning, night after night to the darkened house with the blinds drawn shut as if that would be enough to keep out the bad, to keep Regina safe.
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Regina.
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They hadn't kissed since that night. They hadn't even talked about it. But the memory of it would blindside Emma randomly - like at 10.42 in the morning as she picked up the phone to call...someone she couldn't remember. She couldn't tell which was more exhilarating, kissing the Evil Queen or feeling magic course through her. This was the stuff of fairy tales and stories that kids would tell themselves to feel better - and here it was, happening to her. If she was honest with herself, the hope for a repeat performance was part of what kept her going back, but every dawn, Regina would smile, call it a night and show her the door. It seemed after that first initial kiss, Regina grew even more distant, even more removed. Everything became about Henry and protecting him. With every night that passed, Emma saw Regina become more resigned to her fate, as if disconnecting from the world would make it that much easier when the time came. She missed the Evil Queen, she missed the Mayor, she missed Regina and all the snide and sarcastic comments that came with her. She was bored with this teacher who's sole aim was to protect and impart knowledge. So when Emma received a text telling her to meet at the well tonight, she could feel this would be important, one way or another.
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They have grown beyond the lessons in the darkened house on Mifflin street, and even past Regina's extensive back yard. They have settled into a routine, or at least Emma has. She would be woken up by Henry, who didn't understand why his mom was always so tired in the mornings and drive him to school, she would have some coffee, go to work, pick up the kid, have dinner with her parents and then put Henry to bed before she would sneak out to Regina's where she's slip in from the back to avoid detection. She didn't know what Regina did during the day - she never quite dared to ask beyond 'have a good day did we?' or 'Kill us some unicorns have we?' as she crossed the threshold. They would begin immediately, with Regina relentlessly throwing spell after spell, threat after threat at her student until the dawn broke and she would send her out the back with nothing so much as cup of coffee.
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She knew Cora was approaching - she didn't need reminders from Regina. She could feel a heaviness in the fog that rolled in from the harbour. She could smell a sour stench, like rot and decay, grow stronger every day. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand when the breeze blew from the ocean. Regina had warned her Cora would likely approach by sea (apparently water has magical properties regardless of what realm you're in). And while she knew she should be terrified, and she was, Emma was also blindsided often by the memory of hot lips and cold hands on her skin and she couldn't wait for more.
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So here they were, midnight at the magical well. Emma had cracked a joke at first, asking if this was the other world's version of lover's lane or making out behind the bleachers. Regina responded by dimming the natural light of the stars and moon to near blackness and beginning their lessons for the night:
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"Everyone, magical or not, is aligned to an element. Earth, air, fire or water. It's this element that we draw our very essence from." She began, conjuring up small manifestations of each element before them. "Like that cartoon the kid watches?" Emma teases. Before she can continue however, the ground beneath her begins to move, the wind begins to swirl around her and she's knocked down and windswept - with fire and well water swirling around her. "Neat trick," She laughs at the all too literal actions taken by the other woman, "But subtlety isn't exactly your strong suit Regina."
"No, it's not." Regina responds, flicking her wrist and causing the wind to pick up speed. "I've always found it overrated."
"Very funny." Emma tries to stand but finds herself thrown back to the ground with a ripple of forest floor below her. She can see Regina watch her intently from the other side and realizes suddenly that this was a very, very bad idea. She feels like a kid who's tricked into meeting someone off the internet or something. "I give up, I give up," She shouts towards the other woman, boredom now across her face. "Regina!" She can feel the fire getting hotter, instantly evaporating the water that was constantly pouring down on her. "Make it stop!" She tried to push herself up from her lying position, but couldn't get enough balance on the ground that was grabbing up towards her. "Regina! This isn't funny!" She started to get scared, terrified this was all a ploy to kill her, to take Henry and leave nothing behind of the Storybook town that time forgot. It could be, Regina was patient. Hadn't she lived 28 years without change, each day, each year the same except for her son? "I could care less about your amusement Miss Swan. You want it to stop, stop it yourself."
"I can't! Make it stop! Please!" Emma begins to crawl, if she can't stand, she'll use what she has - but the heat and the steam are too hot and she can feel her hands blistering as she tries to break through the wall.
"You're thinking like a peasant Miss Swan. I expected more of you."
"I trusted you Regina."
"Again, that's of no consequence to me. You can get out of this Miss Swan, if you want it bad enough, if you use what I've taught you." Regina hops up onto the edge of the well and crosses her legs as if she were watching a council meeting and not the demise of her enemy-slash-protégée.
"You've taught me about candles and cups of water and shit!" Emma yells out - "You've taught me shit about real magic."
"Oh really? I'm sensing some rage, Miss Swan. Use it. What does rage feel like?"
"Helpless! Rage feels helpless." Emma wants to cry, wants to throw up, wants to be in bed watching 'Say Yes to the Dress' or some stupid bullshit Snow puts on to 'bond'.
"No, helplessness causes rage, pure rage, is different for everyone. Feel it. Use it."
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Emma had sworn to herself she would never feel helpless when she left prison - but this is pretty damned near helpless as it gets, being held captive by a psychotic evil queen. She let Regina's words sink in, trying to decipher them. How do you use rage when you can't punch? Kick? Scream? Her usual tactics are useless. She feels the rage at being powerless build up, a hard knot in her stomach that bubbles not up but down, down to the very ground she presses against for dear life... And the angrier she gets, the more the rage bubbles over, the more she starts to shake... Or at least feels like she does until she realizes that the ground has slowed the quakes and she can push herself up to a full stand. Emma plants her two feet firmly on the ground and realizes that the shaking she feels isn't her, but it's her actually being one with the ground enough to steady it, calm it.
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Regina's first lesson of the flame comes back to her and suddenly it all makes sense. She can't fight Cora with her usual tactics of kicks and punches because Cora wouldn't fight like that, Cora would use magic. Clarity and purpose wash over Emma now. She knows what she needs to do - if not how. She has mastered Earth, at least in a small way, by channeling her emotions down to the ground. That leaves Wind, Fire, and Water. She can feel her skin buzz, the same way it buzzes when she knew she was near a perp. She can just feel it.
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"Any day now Miss Swan." Regina shouts, feigning disinterest, but through the flames and steam, Emma can see a glint of pride in Regina's eyes as they bore into her own. That glint, that chance that Regina feels something towards her other than hatred or destruction cause the rage in her belly to...change...to a curious feeling that she hasn't felt in a very long time. A stillness that she can't place washes over her as she closes her eyes, unable to think with Regina staring at her like that. A delicious sense of anticipation for something to happen... If she could only hear herself think...If only the winds would stop, quiet themselves.
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The winds slowly taper down...
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Emma opens her eyes as she realizes the winds have slowed, causing the fire and water that spin around her to slow as well... Her mind races as she tries to contain her emotions. That stillness is what she needs to cultivate, to maintain. They stop spinning and the rush of the wind is replaced by the whistle of steam - of water hitting fire and evaporating instantly.
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And it's over.
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It's all over.
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Relief washes over her as she glances around her, not trusting the exercise to be really and truly over. It was almost too easy. Emma takes a step out of the circle that she was held in - "There's not even a mark on the ground!" She exclaims loudly to Regina as she marches up to the other woman. "You almost killed me and there's nothing to even show for it!" She punches Regina in the arm, hard, before she flinches. "Well, almost nothing." Her hand, still blistered from getting too close to the wall, shows that it wasn't all in her mind.
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Regina hops off of her perch on the well and stands before her pupil, taking the swollen, damaged hand gently between her own. The flesh is red and oozing and she's both a little surprised and impressed Emma hasn't complained about it yet. "I'm sorry." She mutters quietly, focusing her energy and her gaze on the task at hand of healing the younger woman. "It was extreme, but I was suspecting you were getting bored of me." Regina teases, hiding her apology behind the joke, "And we couldn't have that."
"Well I'll say this, Regina, you certainly how to keep a girl captivated."
"Oh, how 'punny' Miss Swan," Regina replies, her eyes flicking upward from their intertwined hands directly into Emma's green eyes. How could they still be so green, so sparkling in the dark? She quickly forces her eyes back down, "I hope you understand why I did what I did?" She asks, her voice taking on a false sense of confidence.
"Because you can't help but show off?" Emma snips. She can feel a warm sensation spread from her outstretched hand towards the rest of her - she can feel Regina's in hers. She can feel, if she thinks very hard, the cells in her hand growing, regenerating, pushing newly formed, flawless skin up and out until it's back to normal, complete with the scar between her third and fourth fingers from a knife trick had gone horrible wrong.
"You have to learn how to use your magic without me holding your hand Miss Swan. You have to be able to use it when there's no one on your side and you have nothing left but you." Regina's hand gently squeezes Emma's on that point.
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In the dark, with being a few inches apart from the Evil Queen, her skin nearly glowing in the faint moonlight, Emma notices the feeling in her belly that quenched the flames, that stillness, is still there. A moment passes and she inhales sharply as she realizes it's the stillness you feel before a lover begins to undress you...the very moment before worlds and bodies crash together in a messy heap of elbows and mouths and -
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"Again!" Emma demands, as she leaps away from Regina and takes her hand with her. "Another one, another test!" She laughs as she takes a few steps backwards, putting as much distance as she could between the two of them.
"Cocky, aren't you? You barely made it out of that one alive."
"But I did, without your help. I'm kind of a badass Regina, I don't know if you know that. I've slain a dragon, and even defeated an Evil Queen or two."
"So I've heard..." Regina's form is lit from behind, a small orb of fire that appears in her left hand. "I'm game, Miss Swan. You dodge, dart and generally survive my fireballs and we'll call it a night - just think, going home before dawn, a hot shower, a warm bed."
"I have a better idea your Highness. If I dodge, dart and survive your fireworks display, you have to kiss me." She surprises herself with that one.
"Excuse me?"
"What? Is the big, bad Queen afraid of little ol' me?" Emma laughter rings out amongst the darkness and the trees as she turns on her heel and runs away, not giving Regina the choice to reject the offer.
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So they run.
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They run through the woods like 10 year olds playing a game of magical tag. Regina chases Emma, hurling fireballs as she shouts out directions and suggestions until Emma is able to run and deflect at the same time. Sometimes she uses ice, sometimes she uses fire, sometimes she's able to divert it from the original course back to it's owner. It's not elegant, but it's effective and Regina feels her heart grow a little lighter at the thought that she taught the Savior how to defend herself. A drop of redemption in the vast sea of her atrocities.
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Emma, for her part, feels a thrill she hasn't felt since Boston, with her heart pounding and her racing, her muscles aching as they pushed her body further and harder. Sure she was running from a witch in a forest as opposed to chasing a jumper on the cracked concrete of Boston, but a chase is a chase is a chase and Emma loves it, no matter where, no matter what. What's more, Emma's far more comfortable being the hunter instead of the hunted... She darts behind a tree and doubles back behind Regina. "Where'd you go Swan?" She watches as Regina stops dead, realizing she's not chasing anyone anymore. "Swan?!" Emma waits quietly, using the moonlight to help her pick her way closer and closer to the evil Queen. She wills her heart to stop racing but realizes that it's not her heart that's pounding, but Regina's - it must be because it matches the puffs of air that are coming from the other woman's mouth. She can feel Regina's heart race in her chest and it's disturbing and confusing but she doesn't want to think about that. She thinks instead about how to best turn the tables on Regina... She's still thinking when the forest lights up in a flash and she's knocked down on her ass. "That's cheating, your Highness!"
"You took too long," Regina calls out as she walks towards, and then past the heap of savior on the ground. "You have to be decisive, you can't second guess yourself, ever. You'll drive yourself crazy if you do."
"You would know." Emma mutters as she pushes herself up off the ground and follows after her.
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x ~ x
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"What are you doing here Miss Swan?" Regina asks, her body blocking Emma's path into the house.
"I won." Emma uses the same tone she would if she were talking to an 8 year old, but then given Regina's less than mature responses, she's not particularly surprised.
"You most certainly did not."
"I most certainly did - and then you cheated."
"There is no cheating in Magic."
"Whatever, I won." Emma sidesteps her way into the darkened house and shrugs her jacket off and tosses it on a chair in the living room.
"Where are you going now?"
"Kitchen. I'm hungry." Emma explains, as if once again, she's talking to a particularly slow 8 year old.
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Emma had made a realization on her way home from the forest, and that was that she didn't want to go home. She wanted to go to Regina's home. She wanted to pick the other woman's brain and stand too close to her and feel that stillness in her belly again - and then she wanted to push past it, push their lips together, pull her hair in her hands and generally make out with her. She knows this is likely one of the worst ideas she's ever had - she can't imagine making out with a semi-virginal Evil Ice Queen from another dimension is ever a good idea, but it'll be worth it. Especially if there's a good chance that one, or both of them will die soon by the hand of some crazed, psychotic Joan Crawford impersonator.
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Which is why she finds herself flipping on the lights as she walks into the kitchen and searching for some cereal.
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"Go home Miss Swan." Regina demands, "We're through for the night."
"But I'm hungry and I'm here and I'm hoping you haven't had a chance to poison anything. Then again," Emma turns, having grabbed some milk from the fridge, "I don't really know what you do during the days." Her voice falters, but she forces it to recover as she turns back around to search for a bowl, a spoon. "You know the kid's right, you have lousy taste in cereal. Bran, Oat? Where's the marshmallow monsters and sugar loops?" She talks because she doesn't want to think. This is the first time she's seen Regina out of her cloak since the dock all those weeks ago... Her already slender frame has been reduced to the bare essentials of skin and bone, her suit hanging off of her not quite the way it once did.
"Sugar rots kids brains."
"My brain's pretty intact." Emma responds, sitting down at the kitchen table and pouring a bowlful of Corn Flakes.
"That remains to be seen - I mean, you're here aren't you?" Regina looks down at the blond at her table, leaves in her hair from their earlier brawl in the briars. "You're not leaving are you?"
"Nope."
"Well then, I'll be headed off to bed, don't forget to lock up when you eat your way out of my kitchen."
"Sit." Emma kicks out a chair from under the table towards Regina.
"Did you just...kick my furniture?"
"Nope, I used leg magic. Now sit." Emma smiles up sweetly before shoveling another spoonful into her mouth, completely disregarding the look Regina was shooting her. "You know, that look really used to terrify me. Not so much now."
"Goodnight." Regina turns around and walks out the kitchen, flipping the lights off as she leaves.
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"You know I'll just follow you." Emma points out, rising with her bowl of cereal and making her way out to the foyer. It's dark, but she can still see Regina's form standing on the stairs.
"Why?"
"Because I'm starting to get you. You're corrupt and cruel and narcissistic -"
"The word you're searching for is Evil dear. What did I say about being decisive?"
"Perhaps even Evil."
"I am. No 'perhaps' about it."
"So's the rest of the world Regina." Even as the word evil leaves her mouth, Emma heard the pressure against her chest, like a hand pushing on her heart, disappointment.
"It is."
"It's not an excuse. I can't excuse what you did in the past. That's not my place -"
"That's where you're wrong, you're the savior, Miss Swan. That's what and where your place is. Your place is to judge, and my place is to be judged."
"I'm not my mother Regina, you need to accept that." She peers up at the woman who's shoulders have begun to sag with the weight of 68 years of sorrow.
"Once again, good night Miss Swan." Regina climbs the stairs, one step at a time and pauses when she reaches the second floor hallway. She knows Emma won't give up that easily, at least she hopes not.
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The thought that after all this time she still hopes hurts her.
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Hope to Regina Mills is a four-letter word, a concept that she doesn't have the luxury of indulging in. She's not ready to go to her room, it's too intimate, too much Emma in her one space of safety, her retreat. She won't allow her to go into Henry's room either - she keeps that shut, every toy and comic exactly where he left it. On days where she's having a particularly difficult time, she opens the door and allows herself to be exasperated at the mess, swearing she'll make him clean it up when he comes back from school - but he never does come. She's trapped herself into a corner and the only way out is up.
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x ~ x
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AN: First of all, I know this is loooong overdue. I'm sorry - somewhere between posting the previous chapter and this, I decided to quit my job, pick up and move clear cross the country...and then find work and an apartment... (So you know, nothing major :) The good news is, I'm fairly settled and have managed to write a few chapters at once (full disclosure, this chapter came out to 15 pages so I split it) so I'll be able to post on the regular. I've also managed to plot the ending and the follow up (should there be a desire, so you know, let me know via feedback!)
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(Another) AN: As always, feel free to drop a line of feedback, even if it's a 'hey, you kind of suck' line... (Please and thank you :)
