It was only for a fraction of a heartbeat that his eyes absently drifted her way but that was long enough for the vampire to see everything-every detail he wasn't supposed to be seeing. Her arms were lifted threading through her long hair. She looks small with her shoulders hunched and her eyes focused ahead only half aware of the world outside of herself.
They are walking back towards the only place Susannah knows as home, the car ride from the mansion was a silent and tense one. Neither Elijah nor Susannah wished to tread into the reasoning behind the silence and the air of rejection.
He sees them. For only a fraction of a second.
Perhaps it is the sunlight beating down on her smooth honeyed skin. That exposed them, or maybe it was of Susannah's own violation.
They are bigger than Elijah ever dared to imagine. All of the sudden the notion that he had in his head of Susannah having white wings seemed absurd. For a space of a heartbeat the silence feels like silk, and then all at once it shatters under the noise of a wing unfurling. They were gold-bright, shinning, polished like he had never seen before.
And then they were gone, as if they had never been.
He quickly turned away and continued forward.
As if he had never seen.
Entering the home had been a relief he didn't know he needed. The line of his tightened shoulders relaxed as he moved to the kitchen in order to find something to ease his sinful hunger.
Susannah didn't follow him instead moving up the stairs to meet Arael, and make sure that being alone did nothing harmful to the younger angel. Her eyes betraying her by following Elijah.
Entering the room Arael had chosen for himself Susannah sees the young angel curled into a large blanket as he watched a movie play in front of him. His mouth parted in relaxation as some of his dark hair was swept in front of his blue eyes. His wings limply hanging across the width of the bed.
"My absence didn't cause any alarm, did it?" Susannah asked hesitantly, standing by the bed as she ran a hand over the soft feathers. Arael tensed at her soft touches, instantly recoiling away.
"Sister you mustn't worry so much about me." He didn't turn to look at her, his posture didn't change in the slightest, his reply was nothing but flat.
Susannah released a sad sigh. "I do not like the idea of you being alone. It is my responsibility to protect you and I cannot do that if I am not with you." You're my little brother, my true family.
"And what of the responsibility to yourself?" Arael responded quickly. His gaze no longer focused on the images playing on the T.V, but on the angel who gave up almost everything to save him. And so the young angel forced a smile and pretended that not every day was a bad day.
"I am not sure I understand,"Susannah stated. Her hand grasping the bottom of her shirt, twisting it around repeatedly before releasing.
"You allegiance has always been with me, even when I least deserve it." Arael shifted uncomfortably his eyes darkening." Have you ever stopped to ponder how undeserving I am of your sacrifices? You allowed your place in heaven and in our family to be taken in order to serve your responsibility to me. I just wish for you to be selfish."
A bout of sadness filled Susannah. When had Arael grown more mature than half the garrison? And for a second it was like he was telling her to let go. Her hand tightened into a fist.
She didn't deserve to be selfish.
She blinked back the tears in her eyes,"You really are only a child when convenient."
Arael laughed a little before growing somber.
"Don't hate me forever, Susannah," He whispered." I couldn't bare that."
Leaning down she placed a solid kiss on her brother's forehead. "I never once hated you Arael and I never will."
"But you don't forgive me?" He asked with a sad, bitter smile.
"It's not your fault." Susannah denied. Because that small part of her, the selfish, dark, and wrong part of her was angry. Angry at all of the angels in heaven who did nothing for the humans on earth...even when she used to be one of them. Angry at their hatred. Angry at Lucifer for making black wings seem like a wrong thing. Angry at father. And some miniscule part of her was angry at Arael. Even if the anger was misplaced, it still existed.
She had crossed a line with her anger. It wasn't his fault, not really. Besides she knew Arael had already been punished enough. Guilt and shame filled her. He deserved her devotion and she hated that it was being taken away little and little every passing day by none other than Elijah.
Susannah could remember praying every night before she allowed the human notion of rest to overcome her. Begging for forgiveness and love and affection from her family. Not just for herself but for Arael. And one thing she could always count on from her prayers was the silence that came after.
Arael smiled, a smile that promised he felt the same. "You should talk to Elijah."
Susannah raised an eyebrow,"Why should I do that?"
"Because he is good to you." Arael said thoughtfully. "Men like him are far from being anything like angels and so men have the chance to be noble, in a way that angels cannot."
"You think he is noble?"
"I think he will be for you."
Susannah looked into her brother's eyes, as she bit down on her lower lip anxiously. "How do I speak of a past so- vile? Of a family so estranged?"
"He will understand and even if he doesn't he will try," Arael claimed with complete and utter confidence.
Susannah curled her legs beneath her body, feeling like more of a child than Arael. "You are so certain Elijah is- good. Even when you know just as well as I do that he has done things. Things that would turn any other angel away."
"I know you. If you thought Elijah was as destructive as his actions, we wouldn't be here. Angels see the beauty in everything. In your eyes, Elijah is beautiful."
Susannah smiled, a truly heavenly smile.
"You are so wise little brother." And she could see, in the darkness behind his large blue eyes, that he didn't believe her. She wished she could take that place away and replace it with light.
"And you are so kind sister."
Susannah turned to leave, standing in the place of the doorframe before she paused. Knowing she had much more that needed to be said.
"I'm sorry I blamed you for our fall." She seemed to cringe as the words fell out awkwardly and the tips of her ears burned in shame. "I'm sorry," She whispered. "I don't know why I could ever blame you for something out of your control or-"
"We shouldn't talk about this right now, Susannah." Arael said with hooded eyes. "You need to talk to Elijah."
"Elijah can wait."
"Susannah," Arael said looking at her sharply," Maybe the reason I won't let you in is because you keep trying to break in."
"Arael listen to me." She moved forward gripping his small arms and staring into his eyes. "I need you to hear how sorry I am. I know it doesn't mean anything to you, and I know it doesn't erase the pain I've caused. But I have to say this. And I will keep saying this. I am sorry. I do not know how I became like this. I do not want to be like this. But I- I have always been selfish. I have always had it within me. I have always been obsessed with having my family with me because I did not know I could go on without them."
She seemed to begin to emotionally fall apart. "I discounted your pain and overvalued mine."
She has always been a bystander in family destruction, never realizing she herself possessed the capacity to inflict it.
Hot tears had started falling down her face, and Arael wanted to shrink away. This was the first time he had ever seen Susannah like this. Even when she laid broken down, covered in blood at their family's feet. Not one tear had fallen from her eyes.
And when they looked at her she had seemed to shine with determination, for Arael.
Arael could almost hear her words, the words she had spoken with such strength as she had took him in her arms and fallen. "I am Susannah. I am not afraid."
"Go to Elijah."
Arael turned away. His body language showing that he was done talking. Susannah ran a tired hand over her tear stained face and left with heavy steps.
Elijah sat at the small wooden round table in the kitchen. A glass of cherry red blood sitting in front of him. Lifting the cup to his lips, he tipped it slowly allowing it's continents to flow, soothing the hunger so deeply ingrained in him. He had heard everything. The pain lined so thickly behind Susannah's and Arael's voices. It was like smiling after being slapped by the one you love most.
He never liked hearing others pain, especially the kind he knew he couldn't comfort.
He had felt the vibration of Susannah's tears, a kind of pain hive. Rustling inside of her. Elijah couldn't help but wonder when he had grown so attuned to her.
Elijah knew he had no place getting involved in the wounds of family so he remained silent when she appeared in front of him. Her eyes still watery with tears, her lips still trembling and her fist still clenching. Instead he pretended he couldn't see any of it. He would only do more harm otherwise.
Susannah instead watched him blankly. A million thoughts played through her mind but she decided to focus on the Blood in the cup that Elijah drank heartily from. Blood was such an essential part of vampires lives. Many lived only to find a way to supply it. In hopes that eventually the hunger would fade, only to realize it would never fully cease. "I assume it would be difficult, relying on blood to survive."
"In the beginning it was much more burdensome." He replied after a moment. His dark eyes pinned her as he gestured to the seat next to him. She wanted to ask of this 'beginning' anything to get him from seeing the residue of agony that laid openly on her face.
Moving slowly, Susannah sunk into the seat, her body situated to face Elijah.
Her own panic at having to speak stole the thoughts from her head. Sitting in silence, a silence that always seemed to draw Elijah closer because it reminded him of the eye of a storm. He had always had a particular adoration for any he could be silent with.
Inhaling deeply she turned away from him, It's not that she didn't want to look at him. It's that she didn't want to be seen.
Swiping her tongue over her lips nervously, feeling the electricity of his eyes. Susannah had believed she would never truly trust anyone. Yet, the decision had been made. Something deep inside of her was convinced he was safe. Even if she knew trust was really only self delusion.
"I have forgotten everything I wanted to say."
"No you haven't," Elijah tapped his index finger on the polished wood thoughtfully. "You Just do not want to speak."
His tone was rough and seductive. And when he touched her it felt different from all of the other ones. There was more purpose, more meaning, more realization. Her stomach fluttered and she wanted to fall into him.
"You will fail me, just as everyone else has."
"I will." Elijah said openly. His eyes were still dark, and his expression was still the same. Yet something felt different. So importantly and significantly different. All he could see was her, with her skin aglow and her lips parted. It was more than any man could appreciate.
His touch grew more confident even when his words flattened. "Why? His voice was a ghost in the quiet. "Why give me your trust when you know it's such an easy thing to shatter."
"Perhaps the easy giving of it will make it harder to break."
His touch kept drawing a harsh breath out of her. And for a second she liked being lost in him. It tickles and she almost smiles, beginning to feel hazy as his fingertips grace up the junction between her shoulder and neck. Pausing to feel the blood thumping in her veins. Her hands moved involuntarily to the labels of his jacket drawing him closer.
His hand feels cold against her heated skin as he wraps it around her throat. His fingers caressing the hair at the nape of her neck. It was like she was being owned. He was patient yet thoroughly dominant with his movements. As if he was saying I am in charge. And being in charge meant controlling my own urges too. Maybe more than I'll ever attempt to control you with.
Her eyes met his. Elijah can see she is trying to be indifferent.
He moves his hand beneath her chin, when she attempts to turn away he pulls her back. He soothes his thumb over the skin of Susannah's lips. Enjoying the way wide sweet curve of her smiling lips part. He wished he could release his control and taste her. Divulge into her.
If he kissed her he would see how important she is. However Susannah's kiss would kill them, and his consent would sign the death certificate.
The authority Elijah always kept in his palms was giving way to the feel of her skin. He felt as if he was being consumed by fire, a fire he wasn't ready to relinquish control to. So he released her. Even if his own mind and body hated him for it.
"Sometimes I don't understand you." Susannah said hesitantly.
"Why is that?" Elijah asked clearing his throat and adjusting his jacket.
Her eyes search his face. Before her gentle words fan over him. "You never say what you mean."
"Not saying what you truly mean keeps you alive."
Susannah frowned, her brows furrowing. "Is that all you think about? What it takes to survive?"
"That's what it means to be a Mikaelson, Susannah. No one ever wins; just survives."
"Has it always been like that?" She inquired. To read Elijah you had to look into the full intensity of his eyes and even the getting lost was an easy task.
"It seems like it has." Elijah leaned in his chair his face contemplative. "I can faintly remember the ways of my home before we changed. My siblings and I had our own language. We could communicate and exchange without one word being spoken. Of course some bonds were stronger than others, but we were together. I don't think at the time we realized how lucky we were. Not until it began to all fall apart into nothingness."
Susannah bit her tongue. He spoke with so much warmth yet desolation. As if he knew the years had strained and torn the original bonds between his family.
"Did- did becoming a creature of darkness cause this?" Susannah placed her hand over his.
Elijah chuckled bitterly. He almost wished it was that easy. To blame vampirism. To blame his own birth-giver.
"We caused this ourselves. We were foolish. We fought brutally, attacking each other's weaknesses. Only family knows the exact placement of the heart. The tragedy is that we could still live with the force of our ire. The infuriation at being born with one another. It's a kinship that last through life and death, immutable, unchanging, no matter how great the misdeed or betrayal. Blood cannot be denied. Not with our family."
Susannah shook her head. "I do not see how you can blame yourself. Not when this was forced upon you."
"Some of the damage could have easily been prevented. Had I let go, and let Niklaus have a prize neither of us deserved. We fought tooth and claw, over her."
"Who?"
Elijah looked into Susannah's eyes. A part of him wished to disappear into the memory of Tatia. But he couldn't even begin to conjure her, not when something so utterly delectable sat in front of him. Begging to be seen now. Now he could drift into the tenderness of Susannah's hands on his, the worry in her eyes. He was an original. He had been wounded far, far worse, emotionally and physically. But now he couldn't even truly dive into the depth of his past pain, now there was an angel with skin golden as if the sun was apart of her and eyes as colorful as a beautiful soul tearing into him for daring to get himself hurt.
"Tatia." Her name didn't send the same dagger through his stomach.
"You loved her." It wasn't a question. Susannah already knew he did.
"Without preamble but even in love I am not the kind to forget the tarnish on the reverse side of the brightest coin."
Susannah raised an eyebrow at that. "What was it like...to love someone. Someone not apart of your family?" Her wayward mind shooting immediately to Arael, the only person she truly considered family.
"It consumes you in every way imaginable." Elijah said with a dark tone. His eyes immediately finding hers. "It is something I refuse to believe in any longer."
Susannah could feel him telling her something deeper than his words. Elijah Mikaelson would do anything in his power to keep from falling in love.
"I can comprehend that. Once bitten and twice shy. However if it was me...I'd get a bigger dog and bite back."
