Exclusive Chapter: Jace's view.

It's been five days, and she's still gone. My heart remains punctured, my life;meaningless. I've hardly moved since she was taken. I can't leave my room, or even the bed besides necessary bathroom trips without the pain and guilt of possibly living me life, when she was not. Saying, even thinking her name hurts. Everyone brings food in for me, it remains untouched besides the few nibbles every now and then to keep them from pestering me.

The only problem with lying motionless is that it allows time for thought. My thoughts never leave –Clary. I jolted at the mention of her name. Stupid, I tell myself. How could I believe I'd ever be happy for real? I was going to be married, something I never saw happening, even if we weren't going to have the wedding for a few years. I knew at heart, she was mine.

She's gone.

The tears hadn't come. I presumed it was half denial that has held back the tears. But now I believe it goes beyond that, whether it's that I haven't cried since I was a child and Valentine, whom I thought was my father, had taught me to show no emotion.

My reverie was disrupted when there was a slight 'knock knock' on the door. "Go away" I grunted. "Jace, please talk to someone" I heard Maryse's soft and worried voice. I was surprised Clary's Mum didn't come to see me, I suppose she's grieving herself. Somewhere deep down I felt empathy for her mother and Simon, but I pushed it aside due to my own self pity and arrogance.

A few moments later Maryse opened the door. I saw the shock on her face when she saw the state of myself and my room were in. Childishly, I turned away. I felt more vulnerable than I had in years and was slightly embarrassed. "Jace it's ok to be sad. But please eat something atleast" she said pleadingly. "Not hungry" I replied. Truthfully, I wasn't. Yet I noticed I'd lost weight over the past few days.

A few moments had passed and I suddenly realised something. Maryse had lost Max. Yet she continued her life. "Sorry" I said solemly. Her intake of breath let me know she understood. She left the room. I turned as the door closed to see a meal on the dresser. I wasn't sure what time of day it was, the curtains were closed and it was always dark in the room. I mostly judged the time by the crack of light between the curtain and the wall. I unplugged the clock yesterday as it became unbearable counting the amount of days she wasn't here.

The emptiness wouldn't leave me. And begged for the tears or something to come. But all I needed was Clary. I needed to hold her and keep her safe, something I have failed so many times before.

I began to feel drowsy and slowly slipped into the darkness of sleep.

I dreamt of Clary in my arms once again. It was five years later and it was our wedding day. A few years away we decided was better, as we were still teenagers. I said "I do". She had tears streaming down her glowing face and I felt the warm water drip onto my cheek and soon realised I was crying also.

I woke up and realised my pillow was damp and my eyes were wet with tears. False happiness hurts, mostly because eventually you are brought back to reality, back to pain and unhappiness.

For a while I cried. It wasn't much, but far more than i had expected. It was the best and worst dream I'd ever had.

She couldn't be gone. Not when I needed her so. I prayed... I begged...nothing.

I soon fell back into the land of dream, to find her waiting.