Yes, thank me now for the fast update. ;) Thanks for your wonderful reviews last chapter! This chapter has a lot of dialogue, and Kate gets a little more philosophical than in the past, so hang in there and just accept that she's moody (rightfully so, I think!). The Jack and Kate interaction may be a little heavier, a little less lighthearted (mostly the end) at times but I tried to put in a good mix of everything. Enjoy...


Left or Right?

"I kissed him," I tell Lucy almost bashfully as we sit in some swanky bar in Manhattan. For some reason I'm embarrassed about it, even though Jack hasn't brought it up since or acted like it was a big deal. "Two days ago."

She rolls her eyes at me. "So you kissed your husband. Big freaking deal."

I wonder if she's really the person I should be talking to about all of this, but I think Grace is my only other close friend that I remember from more than four years ago. And I'm not talking to her about this, not until I figure out how the hell we became friends, and how the hell I came to trust her enough to go into business with her. I don't know the details on Lucy's split from Ted, but it wouldn't be a stretch to think it was painful.

"Lucy! I hardly know the guy!" I take a swig of my drink and the vodka burns as it rolls down my throat. "You know him better than I do."

"At least you still have a husband," she mutters, rolling her eyes again and tipping back her drink. I'm not in the mood for her attitude, and sympathy hasn't always been my strong suit...

"I'm just saying..."

Right, and like I haven't been through anything life-changing either...

"What happened?"

"I don't even know... it just wasn't working Kate, believe me. I don't know how I misjudged our relationship so badly. We were happy together for like a month, tops. We just let it drag on after that."

Okay, so I guess I do feel bad for her. I may not have liked Ted, or enjoyed his company, or his conversation, or the way he dressed, or the fact that he was in love with my best friend, but I never wished bad things on them. Lucy always looked so happy. I wonder if Jack and I have ever been close to breaking things off? He did say we were intense. Mental note- ask him about this later. Also ask about the mean message on the answering machine from his mother. What was that all about? I don't think I want to meet her.

"I'm sorry," I offer her, because really, what are you supposed to say to that? Better luck next time?

Lucy's face softens as she empties her glass. She always could drink me under the table. "I don't really want to talk about it if that's okay." She smiles at me and I think I see her eyes glistening. Poor thing. "I'll just leave it up to you and your amnesia to remember all the gory details."

She gets another drink from the bartender and orders me one more. "So can you explain all this Grace stuff?"

"You and Ben had just broken up- he was your boyfriend, by the way. Cute, not much up there, though. Anyway, you took it really hard and one night she ended up coming out drinking with us." Lucy shrugs, and this whole thing must not have been such a big deal after all.

"So our friendship is based on an alcohol fueled night, over a guy who I don't even remember?" Go figure. Drunk would probably be the only state I'd ever I let the spawn of Satan into my life. Guess I'll have to start mostly over with her, too.

I learn a lot from Lucy- that I dated Ben, Mark, Nathan, Brock, and Dan before I finally met Jack. Streak of bad luck, I guess. She fills in some of these holes I've been wondering about, but I'm not nearly satisfied enough, because these people she's telling about mean nothing to me. I don't remember them, and I haven't met them yet since the whole car crash that gave me amnesia thing.

Jack insists on picking me up, telling me that he always does on these nights I go out with my friends. I might find it annoying if this city wasn't filled with so many creepy cab drivers. I wish I could remember some of the situations we put him in while he chauffeured my drunk friends and I around the city just to make sure they got home alright.

"You two were done kind of early tonight," Jack says after we drop Lucy off at her place.

I feel kind of irritated and I'm not sure why. Maybe learning all of these things about my life wasn't as great as I was expecting, because now I'm only more upset that I can't remember any of them, at the fact that I can't remember how I got to this place in my life.

"Yeah. I'm kind of tired," I lie, feigning a yawn and looking out into the brightly lit city.

We stop at a red light and Jack rests his hand over top of mine. "You're sure you're getting enough rest? Feeling alright?"

He means well, I know that, but it makes me feel like he's playing doctor with me. And the first time we play doctor, this is not how I want it to go. Ha.

"I'm just frustrated, Jack, that's all. I feel fine."

We're silent for most of the car ride, and I can't help but feel that there's some tension strung through our air. He opens my side of the car and takes my hand. I still get flutters.

"I wish I could help you more." His eyes are soft, full of concern, and I can tell he means it.

"I know."

I plop down on the bed when we reach the apartment. Maybe closing my eyes and willing all of this to float away will work. Maybe I can just start over. The mattress sinks with weight beside me and Jack's lying on his side, head propped up with his elbow, a small smile on his face.

"What?"

"Nothing," he shakes his head, but can't wipe the smile off his face and continues anyway. "I was just thinking about when you got stung by a jellyfish. On our honeymoon."

Ouch. I knew I always had a right to be scared of bodies of water I can't see through!

"And this makes you laugh because...?" Jerk.

"If you remembered... oh God," he starts, breaking into a light chuckle. "You hobbled around the beach until-"

"Shut up," I say quickly. No time for nice words right now.

There's a green bikini, and there I am, holding my ankle and hobbling around, getting sand all over myself. I look like a drowned rat. Jack's laughing at me, wrapping his arms around me trying to get me to hold still, but I seem to be yelling at him or something. Oh God.

"Until I let you pee on me," I say, finishing his sentence.

I remember something! I can't believe it! This isn't like Lucy's painting at all- I remember this scene vividly and I know exactly what happened. And I get to see a tan Jack running around the beach with his swim trunks on. This whole regaining my memory thing? I could get used to it.

"Yeah," he smiles, rubbing my arm. "You remembered?"

"Yeah," I agree, "I remembered." We both grin, and it's like some kind of weight is lifted off my chest. Even if it consists of him chasing me around a beach trying to pee on my leg, I finally have a memory of Jack and I together. But it ends there and fades to black- the last I see of this scene is Jack grinning at me, presumably about to get his way.

Ew. I can't believe I let him pee on me. No couple- married or not, should be that close.

"My God, Jack. You're a doctor, you couldn't have thought of any other way?"

He shrugs. "Not when that worked just as well. I seem to remember you feeling better straight away."

Why does he always have to grin at me like that? That innocent, I beg you to forgive me, I dare you not to fall for this, kind of look. Damn him.

He lets me mull over this revelation, and I stare at the ceiling. "It's late," I finally say, because I hear his breathing shallow out.

"12:15," he says, scoffing at his watch. "Screw it, I'm calling off tomorrow, yeah? We'll spend the day together?"

I smile back at him. "Sounds great."

"Okay, well, I think I'm going to head to bed anyway, though. Need anything?"

We're adults, right? Surely I shouldn't push him to the couch every night anymore, giving him a life of sore backs and fitful sleep. Yeah, we can share a bed. It'll be fine. Trust yourself, Kate!

I pat the empty spot beside me and Jack raises his eyebrows in my direction. "You sure?"

"Of course. Just don't try anything." He smiles at me reassuringly, but I still feel like I've said the stupidest thing ever. He's not that kind of guy.

Even though Jack has no problem stripping down to his boxers straight in front of me, and hell, I watch every second of it as inconspicuously as possible while I'm pulling some clothes out of the drawer, I still feel the need to take my pajamas to the bathroom and change there. Subconsciously, I must be trying to act like a skank, because I've picked out some boyshorts and a thin strapped tank top, but I feel as nervous as I probably should when I walk outside the confines of the bathroom.

"Umm... which side-?"

Jesus, I don't even know which side of the bed I sleep on. I've kind of been spreading across the whole thing the past few nights. I can add that to the list of things I don't know, but I'm starting to think it would be easier to make a list of things I do.

"You've always taken the left," he says softly. "But hey, if you've always wanted the right, here's your chance."

I laugh awkwardly because I'm not sure what else to do. I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

Jack climbs in next to me after he turns out the light, bouncing me around while he tries to get comfortable. He's silent, but I can tell we're both reeling.

Here it goes. "Was it weird that I kissed you? I mean, is that too... weird?" Damn. I wish I could think of a different word.

He turns on his side so he faces me, and my first reaction is to pull away when he puts a palm to the side of my face, but I decide it feels good there. Maybe like it belongs there. I'm not sure.

"Nope," he says simply, adding with a laugh, "Feel free." Phew.

"I'm trying, you know. I just..."

"I know." The look in his eyes is soft and understanding, and I'm once again reminded of why I fell for this man, reminded of why I'm falling for him again. I'm falling for him.

There. I've admitted it.

And suddenly, I understand all of this more clearly. While it's incredibly frustrating, I can't control when or if my memories come to me; I can't control whether or not I remember Jack, or our life together. All I can do is wait, and hope, and get to know this Jack, and this Kate.

The hand on my face falls slowly until it rests in front of my chest, clinging to my tank top as I'm filled with random questions again. Those brown eyes are still staring into mine, though I can't tell if he just wants to look at me, to see that I'm really here, or if maybe he's expecting me to say something.

"Kate?" he asks me suddenly, softly, closing his eyes briefly. He skims a hand over my bare arm and shivers run over me.

"Hmm?"

I have to close my eyes when he trails the same hand down my neck and stops pointedly in the middle of my chest, tracing a small circle there. But I don't want him to stop.

"Do you trust me?" It's almost a whisper.

I find myself nodding without any thought, because I do trust this man, and I don't feel like I can say I hardly know him anymore. I may not know all about our past, but I feel how we are together, and that's enough for now.

"Good," he breathes against me, and I'm aware that our bodies have moved closer together, almost touching fronts, like some sort of magnetic force took over.

And a second later, he brushes his lips over mine so softly I have to make sure it's really happening.

All of this is really happening.