Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I'm not Stephenie Meyer, and I also don't own the song.
A/N: This chapter is just Bella learning about leukemia. It's just information about the cancer, basically. If you think it's too boring, there's no huge plot twists in it that you have to read. (I didn't even want to go back and edit it...) The next chapter will be up very soon (7pm) so it's skip-able if you really don't care about the technical stuff. :) Honestly, if I were reading this, I would skip it. But some people might want to know, so, here ya go.
~Emmett
Chapter 6 – Day 9: And weaker
Song: How to Save a Life by the Fray
Step one, you say, "We need to talk"
He walks, you say, "Sit down, it's just a talk"
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Because after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
Things you told him all along
Pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
And where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things:
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Bella's POV
Edward was right. That was only the beginning. Everyday he got weaker and weaker over the next few days. Eventually he couldn't make it down the stairs without help. On the 6th day Emmett had showed Edward the piano they had and Edward played it everyday. As he got weaker he had to take more and more rests between pieces. Now, after each song he was out of breath and had to take a break to lie down. I didn't understand how he could be so frail already. We weren't even halfway through the month!
Before, I hadn't wanted to know that much about Edward's cancer. I thought understanding it would make it more real. I internally thought if I just ignored it, it would go away. Obviously, that didn't work.
Not I knew that I had to know what's happening to Edward. If I ever wanted to learn, I'd have to do it now, before he died, because after would just be too hard for me. So on the 9th day of Edward's last month, when Edward was taking a nap, I went to find Dr. Cullen in his study.
I knocked on his door and he called for me to come in.
"Yes Bella?" He asked, swiveling his chair so it faced me.
"Well, Dr. Cullen, I was just wondering if you could tell me about Edward's leukemia. I want to know what's happening to him." I said hesitantly.
"Yes, yes come in, have a seat," He pointed to a couch on the other side of the room as he got up to sit on it himself. "On one condition." He said. I was not expecting that.
"And that would be…?" I asked nervously.
"Call me Carlisle." He smiled, and motioned for me to sit, which I did. Then he started. "What exactly do you know about it?"
"Nothing, really." I answered honestly. "Just that it's a cancer, it's killing Edward, and his mother, Elizabeth, had it."
Carlisle nodded, thinking. "Well, there are several different types of leukemia. The kind Edward has is called Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, or CLL. It's the most common leukemia in adults, generally 55 or older. Children almost never get it, which is why it took so long to diagnose Edward. CLL also sometimes runs in families, so I wouldn't be surprised to find out Edward's mother had CLL. With me so far?" Carlisle asked when he saw my somewhat confused expression.
"Yeah, Edward has CLL because his mom had it."
"Probably, yes. Do you know exactly what leukemia is?" I shook my head. "It's basically a cancer of the blood marrow, which is why we tried to do a bone marrow transplant with marrow makes white blood cells, red blood cells, and platelets. White blood cells help your body fight infection, red blood cells carry oxygen to all parts of your body, and platelets help your blood clot. When you have leukemia, the bone marrow starts to make leukemia cells, which are just abnormal white blood cells, but a lot of them. Though they are a form of white blood cells, they don't work the same; they grew faster and don't stop growling when they should. Eventually the leukemia cells crowd out the normal blood cells. This leads to anemia, bleeding, and infections. Leukemia cells can also spread to the lymph nodes or other organs and cause swelling or pain. Now, Bella, you have to understand: Chronic Leukemia – the type Edward has – can rarely be cured. Even if we knew what it was sooner, there's little chance it would have make a difference."
I nodded. I didn't trust myself to use words at the moment. It's a hard subject to comprehends: your love's blood is killing him. Something that is vital, and everywhere in the body, is killing him. Even though I know the answer will never truly present itself to me, I still have to ask "why him?". I didn't even realize I spoke the question out loud until Carlisle tried to answer me, but to no avail.
"I…I don't know, Bella. It really depends on what you believe. Some people might say it was just God's will, while others might just say you have to look at the science and conclude that his body was just weaker than most, and it had the misfortune to be infected with a deadly cancer."
"What causes leukemia?" I couldn't help ask.
"Experts don't know. There are risk factors, but none of which apply to Edward: exposed to large amounts of radiation; exposed to certain chemicals such as benzene; had some types of chemotherapy to treat another cancer; have Down Syndrome or another genetic problem; smoked."
"No, none of those apply to Edward." I sighed. "So, is there anything else I should know?"
"Well, we haven't talked about the symptoms, but you probably already know those." Carlisle said.
"Yeah, fever and night sweats he gets a lot. Headaches. He bruises really easily – which is getting worse. Bleeding, like bloody noses. Those are becoming more frequent. I know he can get sick really easily, and he's always tired and getting weaker. He's also losing a lot of weight and says he's not hungry." I said.
"Yes, when he loses his sense of taste, food will be absolutely disgusting to him, and we'll have to give him all his nutrients through an IV." Carlisle sighed.
"Wait…he's going to lose his taste?" I asked
"One by one. First his taste, then smell followed closely because those two are so much connected. Then eyesight, though he should be able to make out general shapes and colors. Hearing will go next, then his sense of touch."
"He won't be able to feel my touch?" Uh-oh. I thought back to a few days ago when he said he couldn't live without my touches. He's not going to like this at all.
"Once his sense of touch goes, he'll soon follow, a day, sometimes two, later. It's the very last thing to go, and he'll probably be so close to death he night not even notice."
I didn't know if that made me feel better or worse.
"Won't he go into a coma before he dies?" I asked.
"Yes, for him, about a week or two before he dies, but that partly depends on how quickly he deteriorates. It could be sooner or later, it's sometimes hard to tell."
I nodded.
"Is that all you were curious about?" Carlisle asked.
I nodded again. "I should get back to Edward to see if he needs anything." I murmured. I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to ask, and even if I did, I didn't know if I could handle anymore. I already knew too much about the deadly cancer than I ever wanted to know for any reason. I was watching it in action first hand.
I got up, thanked Carlisle, and headed back to Edward's room. He was still sleeping, exactly as I'd left him. He had bruises under his eyes as if he didn't usually get enough sleep. He was pale and I could tell he was having night sweats again. As I walked closer, I saw some blood trickling down through his nose.
I sighed. Not because I was tired of taking care of him – I would never get tired of that. If I had to care for him every second of eternity I wouldn't hesitate or complain for a minute. I sighed because I knew the reason I was taking care of him – he was dying. It wasn't shocking or unexpected, it just killed me inside.
I got a tissue, wiped it up, and threw it away before I could smell it. Then I got wet washcloth and laid it across his forehead to help with the night sweats. I would lie by his side until he woke up.
A/N: Ok. I do not know that much about cancer. I haven't been through it, though I did know someone vaguely that did. This is all information that I got off of websites.
I promise that the story gets more interesting; it's not all about this. This is just part 1. Part 2 is much more exciting. I already have some of it written and I can't wait to get it up!
~Emmy
