Hey there again,
Okay so, this time, I won't even apologize, I feel like my apologies have started losing their meaning due to the number of times I've used them -_-'
So yeah, it's been a while, I suck at being a consistent writer, I know, I know. But you know what I love the most about this piece? It's the fact that whenever I come back to it, I always look at it differently. I usually write down whatever cute idea I have, or the first insight of a moment I see before falling asleep, or even that stupid pun I read somewhere because who knows, it might be useful in the future. I have an actual fold in my computer with this, and whenever I go look back to the oldest notes to see if it switches on my creativity I always get overwhelmed with joy because damn, I sure had a whole different idea of how I wanted this story to go in the beginning, and I think that's amazing.
Sure, I take years to upload a new chapter, but that's mostly because I start writing a sad moment and then when I come back to continue it, I'm not in the right mood. Or because I get very excited and start writing nonstop and then when I come back to it and read it out loud that part just doesn't fit in the whole story. And that happens… a lot, unfortunately, because I have no method whatsoever (but honestly, I can guarantee none of you would be reading this right now if I strictly followed the topics I wrote at the beginning of this journey. Not even I would read that nonsense.).
I feel like I have evolved so much since the first chapter, from a naive kid to a not so naive young adult (did I tell you I started college? It's amazing! And honestly nothing what I was expecting). And hopefully, my story and the characters in it evolved as well.
Just one final thought, don't you sometimes feel like life sucks the creativity out of you?
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter~
Law doesn't really know what woke him up, but one moment he was in the line between consciousness and sleep, the other he was wide awake, his eyes fully opened, although his surroundings were pitch black. He could feel a heavy arm around his waist, a hot and steady breath near his neck and a leg tangled with his own. He panics, not remembering who the person lying beside him might be, not remembering where he might be. His whole-body hurts, the kind of pain he can only associate with being run over by a truck, multiple times. His head feels like a bomb, ticking nonstop and about to explode at any minute. The surface underneath him is uncomfortable and cold against his spine, even with a thin layer of whatever fabric that is.
Then, and without a warning, flashes of what happened during Penguin's party start to overflow his brain, making his headache even worse. He doesn't remember the whole picture, only a few faces and a few locations at the beginning of the night, then his memories turn into a confusing blur with a few lost but vivid episodes, people whose appearance he can't quite describe and remember properly, the smell of smoke and vomit always following him, a permanent claustrophobic feeling wherever he went. He doesn't remember exactly the time he realized he was getting so drunk he was starting to lose the control over himself, and yet he still decided to keep going, like one more drink wasn't going to make a difference. He doesn't remember properly how the night ended, how he got where he is laying right now, his mind is just so useless he feels like he slept through a few years straight and woke up in the distant future.
But then there is Luffy in his memories, sweaty and so drunk he couldn't stand still. Then there were his own friends, so warm and welcoming to him it was like they had known each other for years and were all part of the same group. The night was just so confusing inside of Law's head he almost couldn't resist the urge to punch himself for letting everything get misled together, for not being able to stop when it was the right time, for not being able to control himself. He's more responsible than that goddammit.
He deduces he's at Penguin's apartment, at least they all agreed at the beginning of the night to crash there once the party was over. And he also suspects that the person glued to him is no one other than Luffy, because whom else could it be really, and to whom else could that scent belong to. He feels a wave of relief wash through his body. He doesn't want to think about what could've happened to him if at least one in the group didn't take the responsibility of taking care of a bunch of drunk idiots. He feels stupid and irresponsible, like he didn't know the basics of staying safe on a way out at night, as no one lectured him for hours and hours whenever he said he would go out with his friends, like he just forgot everything, like he didn't even care about himself and what could've happened to him.
Law feels trapped and uncomfortable with what he suspects is a blanket, all tangled up between his legs. He tries to move to get it out of him, tries to stretch his legs, but that's a hard thing to do when one can't see shit and is not sure if moving is helping or just making the whole situation worse. He feels Luffy moving next to him, his face getting closer to his collarbone, and his grip getting tighter around his waist, his fingers digging the fabric of his clothes, pushing him closer, like unconsciously making sure he wouldn't leave. Law feels a sudden warmth blossom inside of his chest and spreading all over his body. His heart starts pounding hard against his ribcage, the blood pumping so loud on his ears he's sure that, if anyone was awake, they would hear it.
He wants to move again, to get the damn blanket out of his fucking legs, but he's afraid Luffy will wake up and realize he's cuddling him and move away. He tries to roll to the side, as gently as he can manage, changing his position and realizing half of his body is so numb and useless he barely has the strength to even do a simple task like that. He ends up facing Luffy, his hot breath hitting his face gently, their noses so close the tips touch. It crosses Law's mind then that he could kiss him if he wanted to, even without being able to see anything it would not be that hard to calculate the distance. It would be as easy as moving an inch forward, only an inch and the lightest of the perks would be enough to feel his lips against his own.
But he doesn't move, because he doesn't want to, it was just a thought that crossed his sleepy and tired mind. He keeps telling himself that until he realizes the only reason he didn't do anything was only because he was afraid Luffy would wake up. Only God knows what would've followed, and it was that possibility that kept him frozen on his place.
Sometimes Law thinks Luffy's into him, with all the puns and the shared smiles, the long-lasting stares and so on that last night was a perfect example of, or so he thinks it was. He then remembers he was the one asking for the puns, he was the one that saw a genuine and pure smile on Luffy's mouth when, in reality, there was just falsity splashed all over it. Law doesn't understand him, he's just so hard to read, so unpredictable, one moment he feels like he has figured the guy out, the other he seems like a total stranger to him.
But Law also doesn't understand what's wrong with himself either, it's like he changed into a different person without even realizing it. Things seem more complicated now, more frustrating. He finds himself often doubting if he's doing things correctly or not, finds himself questioning and pondering before acting when before it was the opposite, he would do whatever he wanted and arch with the consequences after. It's like somehow, he grew up and became aware his actions do influence people around him, that a simple word or a simple gest could either have a devastating or uplifting impact on someone, that if he did kiss Luffy right there and he woke up it could lead either to him freaking out or him wanting more, and Law honestly doesn't know what terrifies him the most.
And he hates it. He hates how it's just so hard to understand what goes through Luffy's head. He seemed such an open book a few months before, so easy and ready to be read, but right now he's just like an ocean, the more you think you know about him the more you realize there are dark things hidden deep down just waiting for the right time to come out and ruin everything you took for granted.
Law knows Luffy checks him out when he's not looking, he can feel his eyes on him, and Shachi used to point it out a lot before Law threatened his life if he didn't shut up about the goddamn subject, but at same time it feels like Luffy does things without really meaning anything, like he looks at you but doesn't really bother to see you, laughs at something because other people are laughing too, like a copycat that is just trying to blend in and not call for attention. And Law can't stop himself from feeling pity for him, and he hates it because the last thing Luffy has ever needed is pity.
Law decides then he doesn't want to think about that, there's no point in wondering if Luffy is into him or not, simply because the feeling would not be reciprocated. Instead, he falls asleep again while trying to push the thoughts out of his tired brain, letting himself feel comfortable under Luffy's embrace, surrounded by his addicting smell and warmth, and wishes neither of them had to wake up in a few hours and face the real world again.
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The next time he wakes up the room is no longer dark. Instead, there's sunlight coming from the two big windows right next to him and noises coming from the kitchen. He's now once again facing the ceiling and Luffy's half on top of him, with his face blurred on the curve of his neck, seeking unconsciously for protection against the sunlight. There's also an arm grabbing him still, one hand resting lightly on his hip, the other one lost somewhere between them.
Law tries to move, this time to get away from Luffy's embrace, but he finds it harder. Whenever he tries to move an inch Luffy just buries his face even deeper on the curve his neck, his lips pressed against his skin and his breath making him shiver every time he exhales. He looks down at him from the corner of his eye, trying to free his neck. Luffy seems just so peaceful, even with dark circles underneath his eyes, contrasting with the pale tone of his skin but matching perfectly with the blackness of his hair, so soft against Law's cheek he finds it to be a pleasant surprise.
"Luffy?" Law whispers, low to not disturb the others still snoring beside them and tries to move once more. Luffy's answer comes through the form of an incomprehensible mumble against his neck. "Luffy, c' mon, I need to take a piss," he tries again and manages to get Luffy to loosen his grip on him. Law then grabs Luffy's arm and lifts it slightly, only so he can get free from his embrace, then proceeds to slide out from under the rest of Luffy's body. He sits there for a while, facing the windows and with Luffy curling up in a ball behind him, trying to cover his face with the pillow and his hands. He feels so exhausted and pathetic that he needs to fight a sudden urge to crawl back to where he was, to go back to sleep and forget his needs. He takes his time pulling himself up, his head pounding so much it's like someone's using his brain as a drum, and his body being so numb he fears he may fall down any minute.
He stumbles through the sleeping bodies, forgotten shoes and all the blankets laying around without tripping more than just a few times. He heads to the bathroom, stepping inside and closing the door behind himself. He takes his time in the toilet, and then his time looking at his own reflection, trying his best to recognize his old self. He looks like shit. His eyes are red in the corners and so puffy it's like he was stung by bees on both of them. His hair's an oily and tangled mess and his face is so pale he could easily be portrayed as a ghost. He doesn't like looking at himself, doesn't like what he has changed into, but there's not much he can do.
He washes his face with cold water, splashing it everywhere but not minding it, after all, it's not his bathroom. He picks up Penguin's toothpaste and tries to wash off the horrible taste he has on his mouth with his fingers, but the flavor of mint only helps him get more nauseous than ever.
He leaves the bathroom and heads to the kitchen, hoping he doesn't seem as tense as he feels.
Penguin's making breakfast, or so it seems like he is. Judging by the mess, Law guesses it isn't working out that well. He stands there by the door for a few moments, wondering if he should go help him or not, or better, if he has the energy to even get where the guy's standing. "Need help with that?" He then asks, feeling sorry for him because he clearly didn't know what the fuck he was doing, judging by the state of his kitchen. Dirty containers everywhere, flour everywhere, just a mess everywhere.
"Law! Jesus Christ, you scared the living shit out of me!" Penguin says loudly, knocking over a Tupperware. He doesn't seem to mind the noise he made too much but, for Law and his poor head, it was pure torture.
Law takes his time recovering, pressing his forehead with his palms as if that helps in anything. "Sorry," he then mumbles, approaching Penguin and having a hard time trying to figure out what the well he was trying to cook.
"Pancakes," Penguin says as if reading his mind, "I was trying to make pancakes, but I never really made them before, so I'm kinda confused, as you can probably tell." He laughs, an uncomfortable laugh for being a useless person that only on occasional days of his life feels the necessity to cook for himself. He looks up at Law with his eyes wide open and a full toothy grin that makes him want to leave the kitchen and pretend he never entered. It took him a second to realize Penguin was actually directing his hopes to the person behind him, so he stepped aside, seeing Luffy standing there like he was half dead and still not properly awakened yet.
"You work in a coffee shop! You totally gotta help me with this shit, man!" Law hears Penguin saying but he doesn't pay much attention to him, just leans there against the counter and contemplates the idea of going back to the mess of blankets on the floor.
"I make coffee and grab already made pasties from the display," Luffy tells him, approaching the counter and sounding as miserable as Law's feeling, his voice so rough and low it's barely audible. "I can't cook to save a life really."
"Well they ain't no princesses, so they'll have to be satisfied with what we present them and shut their mouths. I just need some sort of specific directions really, because this recipe is bullshit," Penguin says, completely ignoring the fact Law's there and listening. "Now please tell me what the hell I'm supposed to be doing."
Law keeps looking in their direction with one of his glares, probably wishing one of them would notice he's still there, and sees Penguin scratching the back of his neck while showing Luffy the ingredients laying on top of the counter. Luffy approaches, seeming overall unaffected by Law's presence, like he didn't even notice he was standing just beside him, like he's ignoring him. He grabs a pair of eggs and breaks them against the counter with mechanical movements, as if moving is painful, dirtying the counter with the egg white. He looks at Penguin's phone and reads what Law supposes it's the recipe with frowned eyebrows.
"It can't be that hard," he hears Luffy muttering before starting shoving every ingredient inside the bowl while Penguin mixed everything together as vigorously as only one without a hungover could do, a big cloud of white flour making both of them cough in the process. Turns out the hard part came when they had to actually cook them since Penguin didn't really own a proper utensil to cook pancakes and therefore they had to content themselves with using a large frying pan that Penguin claimed to be non-sticky but turned out to be the exact opposite, no matter how much butter they used to keep the batter from touching the pan directly and how gently they tried to flip it with the help of a plastic spatula.
Sachi joined them by the time the third pancake was being flipped and, after giving Law one of his weirdest looks so far, a scary smirk with a very disturbing eyebrow move, he joined them too. Apparently, and according to him, it was outrageous to flip a pancake with a spatula, so he had to interrupt the process while explaining that a true pancake is flipped by moving the pan. He ended up grabbing it out of the stove, trying to flip the goddamn pancake and failing miserably as it kept glued to the base. Luffy laughed when Penguin started to, and laughed even harder when Shachi also started to. The situation wasn't at all that funny, but, for some reason, Law ended up enjoying their presence. For a brief moment, he forgot his headache. He forgot the pain in his back. For a brief moment, he was actually enjoying himself and the company. For a brief moment, everything actually felt okay, but that sensation ended as abruptly as it started because when he looked in Luffy's direction and really focused on him he noticed there was not a single drop of joy on that. The smile was there, the laugh was there, but they were both wrong.
Luffy must've felt his stare on him that time, because as soon as their eyes met his smile died a bit, but he quickly looked away when Kid just shoved Law aside to grab one of the few already cooked and ugly pancakes that were resting untouched on a plate beside him. It's only then Law realizes their laugh woke everyone up, when they start complaining about the noise and about how selfish all of them are. Law just feels like he was punched in the gut, it was what he recalls best from last night all over again. Luffy laughing without meaning it, pretending to be having a good time when in reality he looks as tense as a block of concrete, always looking around as if trying to find an escape route.
Law's keeps looking at him, still in the same position looking in the door's direction, the only way out of the room. He doesn't really know why, but he steps aside and leaves the kitchen, motioning for Luffy to follow him with his head after passing in front of him.
He heads to the living room, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from a forgotten jacket that surely belonged to Sachi due to how ugly it was. He then opens the glass door that looks like a mere window to the common eye but that actually leads to a small balcony that barely even has enough space for one person. He tells himself he just wanted to smoke, nothing more, and that Luffy joined him not long after by mere coincidence.
Luffy closes the door behind him and the noise Law's friends make gets blocked, although partially, allowing the sound of the traffic on the road ahead to stand out. They end up sitting there, because it's more comfortable that way and because the railing doesn't really cover the view and manages to give them some sort of shadow from the high sun. The brightness of the sunlight makes Law's eyes hurt and his face gets warmer and warmer as the time passes by, but he finds he doesn't mind because there's a cold breeze that comes occasionally and makes the moment better.
He looks in Luffy's direction, him being so close their shoulders and legs touch, him opting for sitting with his legs folded underneath him while Law preferred to just stretch and stick them out of the railing. Luffy looks like he's also enjoying the moment, with his eyes closed and his head resting against the door behind him, although that could also mean it's so bright he can't keep his eyes open, Law isn't quite sure.
It's only then that Law realizes Luffy's forehead was sweaty and that he was actually trying to control his breathing. His nostrils twitching furiously every time he inhaled. "You okay?" He ends up asking after a while, trying to speak as low and calmly as he could manage.
"Yeah," Luffy answers, but it's so low on his ears that he would've sworn the guy was far away if their sides weren't touching. "Just nauseous."
Law decides to not insist on the subject, and instead lights another cigarette and watches as the breeze blows the smoke away, the smell remaining every time he blows it out of his mouth. He offers Luffy one, just for the sake of it, and receives only a slight shake of head in return.
And that's when Law noticed them, all the scars on Luffy's arms, from wrist to elbow. Some big, others looking like a mere scratch. Some old, others brand new. They stand out on Luffy's thin and pale arms like a food stain on a white shirt, even though Law's sure the worst of it is in the part he can't see. That's why he insists on using a cardigan even when it's hot as hell outside, Law thinks, and realizes he was staring when ashes fall on his leg and burn a small hole on the fabric of his jeans before he has time to shake it off.
"So, hum," Law hears Luffy saying, his eyes still closed, clearing his throat in the process and sounding uncomfortable, "did you sleep well?"
It takes Law a few seconds to realize the cuddling, Luffy's face on his neck and Luffy's arm around his waist were not implied in the question. In fact, it took Law a few seconds to realize that it was not more than an excuse to fulfill the void and the silence between them, that it didn't have any malice or more meaning than that. "Yeah, it was nice," he ends up responding, but he was more focused on the scars than on the actual question.
He tries not to look at them, he really does, but it's hard to look away when he's trying to see just how many they actually are. He hears Luffy clearing his throat again, sees him moving and getting self-conscious, trying to hide his arms but failing miserably as there was nothing to cover them up with.
Law feels the air shift, the ambiance getting awkward and suddenly he is the one in need to fulfill the lack of communication, to make Luffy feel comfortable again. "There's no need to hide them, I already know they're there," Law says, trying his best for his voice to not sound judgmental.
He sees Luffy's body get tense, his posture so rigid even his chest didn't seem to move while breathing. The atmosphere got heavy and suddenly the sunlight wasn't enough to warm Law against the cold breeze. Luffy looked so shocked with Law finding out about his secret, so resentful for letting his guard down that he looked small and fragile, like an abandoned teddy bear on a park after a family picnic.
"Sorry," Law ends up muttering when he couldn't stand the silence anymore, but doesn't add the I shouldn't have said anything because, deep down, he knows that yes, him saying that was a good thing, at least now he knows what's happening, or at least a parcel of it, and Luffy knows he knows, and that should break at least a wall between them, right? Should make him feel more comfortable around him because now Law knows what's under the cardigan and there's no need to pretend everything's alright. No more excuses. No more lies. No more lying and faking. Or so Law stupidly hopes.
"Please don't tell anyone," Luffy tells him, low and rough, looking so miserable and desperate Law's afraid he'll break in tears, but at the same time looking at him so fiercely and with such determination, it's almost mesmerizing.
"Why would I?" Law asks, trying to sound supportive when Luffy's breaths start to come out way faster than what they should have, trying to calm him down.
"I'm serious, Law! You have to promise you won't tell anyone, not even Shachi," Luffy says, all of his body shaking, bringing his pinky finger up and exposing all of his bare right arm, but looking so intensely into Law's eyes that he doesn't have enough strength to look anywhere else and break eye contact.
"Only if you promise to call me whenever you need anything," Law says, putting all the meaning on his words and Luffy just nods, seeming overwhelmed but thankful Law isn't making a scene or calling him out for hurting himself. When Law joins their fingers, he's immediately crushed with the excitement one gets after discovering something no one else knows, after being given an important responsibility, or shared a secret that only a few know about. He feels important, needed, useful in a way he hasn't felt in a long time. More than a broken person, Luffy's is now a potential patience whom Law will know how to properly help because it's easier to make a cut stop bleeding than knowing the proper words to use to comfort someone, and that's what Law's helpful with.
They're still sharing a stare when Jean comes and knocks on the glass of the door and calls them for breakfast, looking annoyed and without paying much attention to both of them and their situation, which is why Law takes a mental note to appreciate him some more in the future.
He lets Luffy get inside first, finishing his last cigar in one big puff of smoke and throwing the rest out of the balcony, not really minding if it falls on top of someone else's head. He grabs his forgotten jacket from the living room's floor and throws it at Luffy's back, making him stumble to grab it before it falls on the floor, sharing a brief smile that only they know the meaning of.
They end up eating the remnants of the ugliest and worst pancakes Law has ever eaten, but Law finds he doesn't mind, because at least now Luffy doesn't seem as uncomfortable as before, being able to move freely without worrying about hiding his scars.
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It's only when Law arrives at his own apartment that he realizes he feels like his soul is being sucked out of his body. It's only then, in the safety of his own place, that his body collapses and his legs can't stand his own weight, as if the moment he closed the door behind him he also triggered a switch that made his body stop pretending it was alright. He has to sit on the floor for a few moments for his head to recover from the elevator's movement and stop spinning. He feels the urge to throw up, and he would if he didn't make Shachi stop the car in the middle of the road for him to throw up the few bits of pancakes he ate in the sidewalk just a few minutes ago.
He feels so weak and sore he wonders if during the night he didn't get involved in a fight with everyone inside of Blueno's Bar and lost miserably to all of them.
He fights to stand up again and walks towards the bathroom's direction. He would honestly prefer to just throw himself into the soft mattress of his bed, but he stinks too much to get near his pure and clean sheets. He takes off his clothes and shoes and lets them stay spread all over the bathroom's floor, stepping inside of the shower before finding the exact point where the water comes out at just the right temperature. He rests his face against the cold and humid tiles of the wall and lets the hot water wash away all his worries, regrets and pains. He ignores the fallen packaging of shampoo forgotten next to his feet and grabs the soap, starting to scrub his skin furiously, as if it will help in any way other than help him get clean.
He scrubs his waist, his chest, his neck, and his shoulders harder than the rest of his body, trying to erase Luffy's touch from them, but the soap doesn't seem to make much difference as the feeling keeps there, like a burn, an itch that doesn't go away. Eventually, he stops, defeated, his skin all red and scratched.
Bringing his face up, he lets the water hit it and run drown his neck, shoulders, and chest. The hot steam reminds him of Luffy's hot breath on his neck, and it makes him wonder what it would look be like having him panting next to his ear. Law tries to shake the thought away, but once again he fails miserably. It's like once you meet Luffy it's impossible to erase his presence. His body feels weak and he has to lean against the tiles once more to prevent a fall.
He wonders what Luffy's lips would feel like against his and against his skin, and he wonders if he really did have the chance to touch them and lost it, or if it was just a dream mixing with his memories.
The hot water doesn't help him, the whole warmness of the bathroom doesn't help him, and he doesn't have enough strength to prevent his cock from reacting, or to fight the urge to touch it. His legs feel numb and in no time he's cumming hard, but too soon. He watches as everything goes down the drain and, not long after that, the water starts running cold, but he stays in the same position, without even turning it off, too perturbed to function and to think.
Eventually, he gets out, pouring wet from head to toe, and stands in front of his mirror. He feels confused, embarrassed, mortified and his face shows just that. He doesn't know what he's doing anymore, what the itch inside his chest means. He suddenly wants to break something, the sink, the mirror, his own arm, just something, but he doesn't, he's too tired. Instead, he walks towards his bedroom, leaving a wet trail behind, and throws himself to the bed, not even bothering to get under the covers or to put some clothes on. His hair quickly soaks the pillow, but he doesn't care, he's too focused on trying to take Luffy's face out of his mind, too focused on trying to forget what just happened.
He hears his phone ringing from the living room and he ignores it too. He doesn't remember ever feeling so lost in his entire life, so disoriented, so out of control. And he hates it and hates Luffy even more for making him feel like that. He wants to punch him, punch him so hard his face gets unrecognizable. Wants to punch him and don't stop until his eyes stop being so shiny, until his teeth so white and perfect, until his nose breaks and his cheeks bleed. Until he has a face Law doesn't want to stare at.
He ends up falling asleep, the clock on his bedside table marking only four in the afternoon.
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"Earth to Law, over."
Law sighs, annoyed, and tries to pay attention to the lecture despite the interruption, it proving to be hard as the professor keeps insisting in staying on the other side of the room and talking low. "What do you want, Shachi?"
"Can you stop ignoring me?"
"I'm not ignoring you," he responds, rolling his eyes.
"Yes, you are, you're pretending to pay attention to the damn lecture this whole time while I'm here trying to have a decent conversation with you," Shachi says, not even making an effort to try and keep his voice low.
"I'm not pretending to pay attention, I am trying to pay attention, but someone just keeps talking," Law says, starting to get irritated.
"Then why haven't you taken a single note, uh Law?" Shachi grabs Law's blank sheet from under his arm and holds it in front of his face, as if to prove his point.
"Why are you so damn annoying?"
"Because you've been avoiding me like the plague. You don't answer my phone calls or message me back. Sitting next to you in class is basically the only chance I get to talk to you for fuck's sake."
"Then next time I should sit somewhere where there isn't enough space for you," Law says, putting the most faked smile he can manage on his face and then returning his attention to the professor once more.
"Law, I'm serious, and you know it, that's why you're acting like a child."
"The only child here is you," Law mutters and notices the glares in their direction, all from people who could only hear a few words from the professor before but that now can't hear anything besides their conversation. "Now shut the hell up and let me pay attention to the fucking man. It's already impossible to hear him, don't make it even harder."
"We're not over," Shachi says, this time lower and next to his ear, a warning. "Me you. Lunch. Got it?"
"Whatever, just shut up," Law says, thankful he stopped, the headache that had been haunting him for the past few days coming back in full force.
On the contrary of what Sachi believes, he's not avoiding him, he really isn't, their path just hasn't crossed in this past few days and he hasn't been in the mood to answer his calls, or any calls for that matter. There's just so many things he needs to get done, so much shit that's overflowing him. He doesn't have time to do anything and he can't even manage to finish anything decently. Two days ago, he forgot to do a goddamn resumé and it was the first time he has ever left an assignment get overdue in all of his students' life.
There's just so much shit that came out of nowhere and that he's not following up. He doesn't have enough motivation to study, and his mind always wanders off whenever he's trying to pay attention to what the professors are saying. The notes once highly looked up as being excellent are now pure shit, or nothing at all. So yeah, it gets really under his nerve when Shachi just comes and demands for attention and time when Law doesn't even have time for himself.
And with Shachi comes Penguin and Jean, and everyone else that suddenly got an interest on him, as if he didn't have enough annoying people on his daily basis already.
Law notices the professor moving, coming closer to his desk. He sees his lips moving but it's like the sound doesn't reach him, and then suddenly everyone's raising from their seats and leaving, Shachi next to him telling him to hurry up that he's hungry.
He follows the people, wishing Shachi loses him in between them, but the guy keeps close to him, as if anticipating Law's wish. He tells him Jean and Penguin will meet them there, but that will arrive a bit late as their lecture was on the other side of campus and Law doesn't really know if that's a good or a bad thing.
"So," Shachi starts while they're waiting in the line to get the food, "You're gonna start talking before they arrive because I know you're shy and they don't need to know."
Law snorts in disbelief. "Shy? Are you calling me shy? Really?"
"Well, yes," Shachi says, like it's obvious and he's an expert in detecting shy people. "Otherwise why would you have so many problems with opening up, huh?"
"I don't have problems with that, there's just nothing to talk about," Law says, annoyed. It's been a week since Penguin's birthday party and Shachi's dying to find out what's happening between him and Luffy and doesn't accept the fact there's nothing. Penguin insisted on the subject in the beginning too, but it didn't take him so long to get bored and leave it be. Shachi, on the other hand, is just as stupid as a rock.
"Yeah, sure. As if I'm blind," Shachi says, and remains quiet while choosing the food to put on the plastic tray. He goes sit on the corner further away from the door as possible, with only a few people around. "I just don't understand why you don't want to talk to me about it. I tell you everything, and I'm your best friend."
"Just because you tell me your shit doesn't mean I have to tell you mine, that's not how it works. Plus, there's really nothing between him and me. I don't really remember much from that night, I was drunk, in case you don't remember, and drunk people do stupid things. But you should already know that, you're drunk all the fucking time," Law says, bitterly and he knows Shachi didn't like his tone, or his words, but he doesn't care, he's done with trying to explain it peacefully.
"Exactly, that's why it's bothering me so much. I've seen you drunk before too, and you never acted that way that's why I'm asking," Shachi says, filling his mouth with food and chewing it loudly. "It's not even about that anymore."
"Then it's about what?"
"It' just… You look so off this planet lately, so distracted. Of course, I understand if you don't want to tell me, it's your damn choice, but I honestly think keeping things to yourself isn't always the best way," Shachi says, looking straight at him with a worried expression, and it makes Law wonder if he has really been acting so differently. "I just want you to know that I'm here to talk, and to help with whatever I can. You tend to overthink about things and sometimes a more straightforward approach or point of view can help, you know?"
Law sighs, more tired than upset. He would honestly tell him if he could, if he didn't promise Luffy to keep his whole situation a secret. "I know, Shachi, I know. And trust me, I would tell you if there was anything to tell, but there's nothing between him and me."
"And do you want to have something with him?" Shachi asks, not satisfied with Law explanation and catching him off guard that it makes Law choke on his goddamn water, dropping it on his plate and watering his tray.
"The fuck, Shachi," Law says, cleaning the mess he made with the only napkin he has, stealing Shachi's one too. He looks at his ruined food and sighs again, it's not like he was hungry or anything. "No. I don't."
Shachi comes closer, his chest almost touching his plate. "You sure?"
"Yes, and this conversation is absolutely pointless," Law says, but Shachi only looks at him, his brows frowned. "Look here, Shachi, I know you're a dumb fuck, but I am not gay, got it?"
Shachi nods but doesn't seem too convinced. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words die before even leaving as Jean and Penguin arrive and sit beside them, Penguin saying loudly how his lesson was pure shit and Jean nodding in confirmation.
Law has never been happier to see the two of them.
He notices Shachi looking at him from the corner of his eye, and he knows the guy's not over yet. He knows Law's hiding something from him, that's why he keeps insisting, but what he wants to know is not what Law keeps as a secret. And, to be honest, Law does want to tell him Luffy has been cutting himself for only God knows how long, wants to tell him Luffy's been hurting himself and that he's the only one knowing and therefore the only one that can help him if the moment ever comes. Wants to tell him there's no romance involved, nothing other than that, but that, at the same time, he's afraid he'll ruin the opportunity to help the guy out because he's just useless when it comes to words. But he can't, because Shachi can't keep his mouth shut and Nami would, sooner or later, know, and with Nami everyone else inside Luffy's circle of friends. And Law doesn't have the right to share the secret Luffy has trusted him like that.
"-so yeah, we can do that. I actually need desperately to revise this shit," he hears Penguin saying next to him, before the guy looks at him. "You in?"
"In for what?"
"To study, Law," Shachi says, looking at him with an expression as if to say, there you are, distracted again and Law swears to god he would punch the life out of him if they weren't inside a public place.
Law rolls his eyes and ignores him. "Yeah, I'm in."
"Okay, great, then we can meet in the library or something. I still have to go grab my shit at home-" Shachi says but is interrupted by his phone's ring. He looks at the screen and frowns. "Yes, Nami? Again? Hum, yeah, sure. Be there in twenty minutes. Ok, yeah, see ya," he says, ending the call and sighing exasperatedly, leaning back against the chair and pouting, his arms falling in his sides in defeat. "I'm sorry guys, I can't come."
"What happened?" Law asks, probably too fast as all of them look at him weirdly.
"Well, Luffy won't be able to come to work on time, again. I'll be covering his shift for him, I guess. I swear to god that guy owes me so much," he says, looking at Law and expecting a reaction.
"What happened with him?" Penguin asks, pouting like a child whose plans to play with his friends got canceled last minute.
"Dunno," Shachi answers, shrugging, "he disappears sometimes, but no one ever tells me the reason. But well, whatever, Nami needs my indispensable person so I don't complain. You guys could come too, the place has been awfully quiet lately, I can join you every once in a while. Plus, he may appear later on and free me," he suggests, and everyone nods in agreement, after all, Bell-mere's has more coffee and pastries than the library will ever have.
.
.
.
Law curses loudly and hits the closest rock, making it fly far away from him. He's angry. No, he's beyond angry. And the worst part is that there isn't really a reason for it. He just is.
His body feels heavy, and his footsteps pound loudly on the sidewalk. He's walking almost robotically, his eyes looking straight forward but without registering anything. He's not paying attention to where he's going, he's only relying on his subconscious to go on the right way and, so far, it's working just fine. He's has walked down those same streets so many times he could do it blindfolded by now.
The streets are chilly and yellowish due to all the illumination. He could've caught a bus, or even a taxi, it would've saved him a lot of time and energy but, truth is, the more time it took him to get home, the less he would have to study and kill his brain cells with yet more information. He saw the line of people waiting by the bus stop right after he left Bell-mere's and there was no way that amount of people would fit inside of a goddam bus, at least not comfortably enough. So it was either wait an hour for the next one, sell the liver to pay for a taxi or walk and, even though he feels tired and his head hurts, that was by far the best option. And once he found the right pace it wasn't even that hard, he drank so much caffeine during all the afternoon that it's like his body is almost an independent part of himself, a mixture of limbs just walking forward while his mind wanders.
He lets the chilly breeze hit his face without caring. He feels frustrated, useless because he can't seem to assimilate anything these days. It's like his brain has created some kind of barrier between him and the piles of books and texts that he needs to know word by word. He feels utterly out of place, demotivated. He doesn't care what cell does what. He just doesn't. And, yet again, he must, or else he may as well just quit his course and go home, and that's completely out of question. He has not worked his ass off for half of his life now for nothing.
He tells himself that it's just temporary, that he has felt the same way over some subjects, just not only over all of them at the same time, and that's what's bothering him. He has nothing to worry about.
People pass right past him like he's nothing but an obstacle on their way and he envies them for once. He feels like he's trapped on a limbo, just heading forward but not really with anywhere to go. Sure, he's going to his apartment, but he doesn't want to, he would much rather stop exactly where he is at and contemplate the beautiful sun that is almost out of view and that will only come again tomorrow. He would, but he also knows that's procrastination talking loudly inside of his mind, so he quickens his pace. He can't let that sort of thoughts germinate inside his brain, otherwise, they will propagate themselves to the point where he would just avoid everything work-related.
He decides to put his headphones on, raising the level of volume until all the city's mundane chaos is blocked out, until he sees the people moving their lips while passing by him but without hearing a word, until he can only hear a horn here and there and that occasional car whose noise resembles a monster growling. He suddenly feels all his anger building up, his blood starting to boil inside of his system, his nails piercing his palms. He relieves a great part of it with a kick on the nearest light pole, but it's not enough. He feels a striking pain on his right foot where he knows will be a bruise sooner or later but it's not enough. He needs to punch something else, break his knuckles, see the blood dripping from them after.
People look at him while passing by. Some stop for a few seconds to take a better look, but he finds he couldn't care less. He would punch them all if he could, reak their noses and jawlines.
He goes sit on a nearby wooden bench, full of graffiti and pigeon shit. He lets his head fall onto his hands, his arms resting on his thighs. He presses his palms against his closed eyes and sighs. He needs to get home, he has work to get done. And yet, all he wants is to go back to Bell-mere's. With luck he will still be there, cleaning everything and closing the place. Law shouldn't have left, he realizes it now. He should have stayed, should have said goodbye to his friends and see them leave through the door while he remained sat down. But no, he's a goddamn idiot.
He curses and runs his fingers through his hair, knocking his hat down in the process, and recalls the afternoon in his head.
Their study session ended up being a complete failure. The Bell-mere's was full of customers from the moment they arrived to the moment they left and they barely found a place where the three of them could sit together, having to satisfy themselves with a tiny round table that barely had space for a person to have a snack, and to go steal two chairs from nearby tables.
Shachi ended up not studying much with them, at first because there was no space for him to do so whenever there was a period of time without new customers, later, after they moved to Law's usual and spacious corner, because customers just kept entering. And, to be fair, him, Jean and Penguin didn't study that much either. Well, not really, Jean actually stayed focused most of the time, taking his pauses whenever new pastries or coffee arrived at their table, which was every half an hour or s, while Penguin kept his eyes glued to his phone, sometimes grinning at the screen, others just looking at it with his headphones on, saying he was watching a YouTube video that explained perfectly the subject they were studying.
Law, in the beginning, managed to make a few very good notes and to summarize a few pages, but that productivity quickly vanished the moment he saw Luffy through the window, running and all flushed, his straw hat dangling on the back of his neck. He entered Bell-mere's in a rush, apologizing for being late to Shachi, who just threw him his uniform in a silent demand for help, as the line kept getting bigger and bigger.
From that moment on, the amount of time Law kept his eyes on his books was minimum, compared to what he spent looking at what was happening behind the counter. Shachi didn't join them at the table until much later in the afternoon, preferring to stay and help Luffy with the customers, which, for Penguin and Jean, came as a surprise. Why would he stay there working when his improvised shift ended the moment Luffy entered? Especially when he's always bitching about whenever he needs to cover Luffy's shift. They just don't know Luffy enough yet, Law realizes then, otherwise, they wouldn't say a thing.
Law takes a cigarette from his pocket. He has been smoking so much lately he can feel his lungs deteriorating, but he finds he doesn't care as much as he should, nicotine helps him calm down more than anything else can. He remembers noticing Luffy was acting weirdly. He keeps his red cardigan on over his uniform, even though his face was a red and sweaty mess, but about the reason behind that he already knew about. There was something else. His movements were more mechanical than usual, he moved as if it hurt him, cautiously. He kept his straw hat hanging in the back of his neck when he always takes it off and puts it on the safety on the counter and, most important of all, he never once looked in their direction, not from the corner of his eye, not directly.
It was only when Law went to the counter to order another round of coffees that Luffy looked at him. It was only then that he noticed the tone of his neck was slightly different from the rest of his exposed skin. It was only then that he realized his neck was covered with makeup, and one can only assume the worst that can be hidden under that.
He exhales deeply, watching as the cloud of smoke leaves his mouth only to dissipate a few seconds later. How can he go home when he doesn't know what happened to Luffy? How could he concentrate on anything other than that? How could he leave it be when Luffy had promised he would tell him these kinds of stuff and clearly didn't?
He stands up, deciding that going to his apartment was useless. Instead, he starts walking all the way back to Bell-mere's.
He needs to know.
.
.
.
When he finally gets there it's already way past the time the coffee shop closed, but there's still some faint light coming through the big windows. Shachi didn't stay to close and Nojiko left before they did so, or she came back, or maybe Nami, or Luffy is there all by himself, which he hopes.
He approaches the door and knocks. It reminds him from the time he wanted to knock the damn door down before Nojiko opened it for him with a not so pleased glare. It seems like years have passed since then, so much as changed. With luck though, this time, it will be Luffy opening the door for him. With luck, he will be happier to see him than Nojiko did.
No one opens, so he knocks again and again and it's only when Law's about to call Luffy's phone to tell him the maniac knocking is him that the door opens.
"Sorry, we're clo-" Luffy says, sounding annoyed, but, once he notices him, his eyes go big. "Law? What are you doing here?" He asks, opening the door enough for him to enter, closing it right after. "I thought you went home."
"That was the plan," Law says, putting his backpack on top of one of the nearby tables that were already clustered near the wall. "But then I thought you might have wanted some help."
Luffy seems a bit surprised, and Law notices he didn't buy what he just said, but he doesn't question it. "Not really, I'm almost finished here. But feel free to stay. Do you need me to turn on the internet for you or something?"
Law shakes his head in response, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "We need to talk."
Luffy looks at him, his head tilting to the side. "Hum. Sure, about what?"
Law takes a few steps forward until he's right in front of Luffy, standing taller than him. He brings his left hand up and touches Luffy's neck slightly with the tip of his index finger. "What about this for a start," he says, returning back to his initial position.
Luffy looks at him, only to look away right after. He seems taken back and ashamed, like a kid caught lying. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Law rolls his eyes. "May I remind you what we pinky promised?"
That seems to trigger something, judging by Luffy's change in position. He took it as a threat, Law thinks, and that's not at all what he intended. "It's nothing, really, don't worry about it."
"Then why hide it?"
Luffy looks at him, his eyes vague. "Because people ask questions. Because they start to get annoying when they don't realize they should drop the subject on the first hint to do so," he then says, his voice sounding angry and annoyed, and it makes Law question if it really was a good idea to come back.
Luffy storms into the kitchen area then, leaving Law all by himself, but not for long, as he quickly follows him. "Maybe that's because said people get worried," he says at Luffy's back and watches as he throws all the empty packages of flour and sugar and so on into the trash bin.
"Maybe I don't want them to worry about me. Maybe I just want things to go back to what they were," Luffy says, sighing loudly afterward. "Wouldn't you prefer to go back as things were?"
Definitely not, Law thinks. "Back when you used to gave me free food with puns?" Law asks, receiving a nod in response. "Back when Bell-mere's was my second home and I spent most of my free time in here?" Another nod. "Back when we barely talked? Back when we barely knew shit about each other?" Luffy's response came out in the form of silence, his eyes gazing the floor. "Back when I didn't care shitless about you? Back when I only knew you existed because you served me coffee?"
Luffy takes his time to respond, and Law waits. "It was a lot easier back then," it ends up coming low, as if even him didn't buy is own words.
"I've never pictured you as someone who liked the easy stuff," Law says and provokes half a smirk on Luffy, that just closes his eyes and shakes his head.
"How do you always know what to say, uh?" Luffy asks and Law responds with a smile. He approaches him and helps him throw all the useless and dirty packages into the trash bin. They stay cleaning in silence for quite some time, the silence only being interrupted by Law asking where this or that should, but he finds he doesn't mind it.
They clean everything quite quickly, and the smell of the cleaning products gets misled with the still strong scent of pastries and sweets, creating an odd but pleasing mixture. They say in silence a few more seconds, admiring their work.
"How come you didn't insist more?" Luffy asks, looking up at him, so close Law wonders how their arms aren't touching. "It doesn't sound like you, letting go of a subject so easily. I doubt my speech has had any impact on you, and yet."
Law smirks down at him, crossing his arms in front is his chest, almost like an excuse to do something and not let them just hanging there. "You'll tell me when you feel like it. There's no rush. I'll wait"
"What if I take too long?"
"Well, I'm not going anywhere, am I?"
.
.
.
Law ends up going with Luffy to his place after finishing cleaning the Bell-mere's floor and counter, which took longer than what he has expected. They take one of the last buses of the day, a small one that only took three more people inside other than them. From the inside, it looks smaller than from the outside and there's barely enough space in the short corridor for Law to walk through the last row of seats without having to knock people with his backpack.
He decides to sit by the window, Luffy sitting right next to him, and regrets deeply his decision. There's no space for his legs to fit in the space in front of him, and he has to take some of Luffy's space, as his legs are a lot smaller and don't face the same problems as his do. Luffy doesn't seem to mind, but Law still feels like he's being too spacious, and he hates his height for it.
However, aside from that, the bus trip is, by far, the best one Law has ever had since he moved to the city. He has used the nocturnal busses before, but he never found a driver as mad as this one. He speeds when he shouldn't, and speeds even more when he can. The route that should be twenty minutes long gets reduced to seven, and if that's not saying enough, he doesn't know what is. In one of the roundabouts, the bus was going so fast they even had to take an extra round just because the driver couldn't get out safely and on time. Law feels like he's inside a rollercoaster, and he knows he would throw up if he had already eaten dinner.
Luffy keeps laughing the whole time, eyes closed and mouth wide open. His face gets all flushed and it's like he's suffocating with his own laugh that doesn't let him breathe properly. It's weird, but the first thing that comes to Law's head is the thought that that is the most beautiful thing he has seen all week, and he can't stop himself from laughing too.
When they finally get out, the driver tells them goodbye like he knows them for years, laughing and waving at them as they exit the bus, only to disappear right after in a speed that sure exceeds the speed limit. It's the chilly breeze of the night that makes Law come out of the sort of trance he had fallen into, bringing him back to reality.
As he looks to Luffy, it's almost like he has felt the same thing, his grin gradually dissipating. In only a few seconds, it's like nothing had happened.
"Well, that sure was fun," Luffy says, and starts walking, not even bothering to check if Law's following him or not. And that makes Law grow angry, although it's not really that important. He decides then to fasten his pace until he has picked up with Luffy and doesn't say a word. He takes out one of his cigarettes and notices there are only a few left.
They walk for a few minutes in complete silence, one that Law doesn't like, and it's only interrupted when Luffy stops in the middle of the sidewalk, looking at a very dubious drug store, stating that he needs to go do some grocery shopping before going home. Law follows him once again and it's weird, because the first thing he thinks is that it's like Luffy is trying to make some time to not go home, because all he bought were a few things that were totally not essential and could've waited for another day, and he took a long time to do so, always acting like Law was not there, behind or right beside him.
Law kept his mouth shut once again. In fact, it was only when he was waiting outside for Luffy to pay the few groceries he bought that he snapped, only when the guy passed right past him like he wasn't even there. It was only then that it finally hit him.
"I know what you're doing," Law says, catching up with Luffy once again and grabbing one of the two plastic bags he was carrying without much resistance.
Luffy looks at him and arches an eyebrow. "What do you mean with that?"
"This whole thing of you ignoring me,"' Law says, "I get it."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Law rolls his eyes. "Of course you don't. But, just to let you know, ignoring me and acting like I'm not here doesn't really make me go away."
He sees Luffy shaking his head from the corner of his eye and feels the tension between them disappear as fast as it started. "Yeah, I know."
The rest of the walk passes by smoothly, as they talk and joke around until they reach Luffy's building. The night is beautiful, the dark sky shining with all the city's lights, no stars to be found. The street is calm and deserted, as if they unconsciously left the city and entered some sort of abandoned area, only well kept. Law finds then that he likes this kind of neighborhood, quiet and peaceful, not like the one he currently lives in. It's close to the campus, yes, but at the same time it's also close to the bohemian part of the town and that means there are drunk people walking down the street and making a lot ton of noise almost every night.
Luffy doesn't let him call the elevator and makes him use the stairs, saying the thing is a human trap that has caught more people than what he can count on both hands, including himself. Law feels his tights burning with each step and wonders if it wouldn't be preferable to just get stuck inside of the damn elevator, even though Luffy lives in the first floor.
When they reach Luffy's floor, he hears Chopper bark and scratching the front door of Luffy's apartment and, once the door is opened, he comes outside in full speed and almost knocks them both down the stairs, even being such a small dog. He sees Luffy pick him up and let him lick his face while laughing loudly. Law approaches them and pets him behind his ears, his attention being so quickly redirected to him that Law has to grab him so he won't fall from Luffy's arms. "Traitor," he hears Luffy saying, although his voice sounds amused, and then walks inside of his apartment, Law quickly following him with Chopper moving furiously on his arms.
As he enters, he sees Luffy going in the kitchen's direction, so he puts Chopper down so he can follow him. He closes the door behind him and notices how the apartment looks pretty much empty. The living room, once filled with Luffy and Ace's things, as well as some of the dog's toys laying around, has now only the couch and the tv, although some toys are still on the floor. There are cardboard boxes piled up against the wall behind him. Books, photos, things, Ace's stuff are just some of the labels he can read. Luffy's handwriting may as well be the worst he has ever seen, and he sees a lot of bad handwriting on his day to day basis, after all, he deals with a ton of soon to be doctors.
"Luffy?" Law calls, heading to the kitchen and finding him sat on the counter looking at Chopper eating enthusiastically his food from his bowl. He waits until he looks in his direction with a curious expression on his face and then uses his thumb to point to the living room behind him. "What happened there?"
Luffy seems confused for a few seconds, blinking repeatedly as if wondering what Law may be referring to. Then his face brightens. "Haven't I tell you?" He asks and waits until Law responds with only a slight shake of head. "I'm moving."
It takes Law so out of guard that it takes him some time to process the information. He feels like he has been punched in the gut, and it must've have shown on his face because Luffy quickly explained he's moving to another apartment closer to the Bell-mere's area, and not moving to another country or town. A smaller and cheaper one, since, according to him, he can't afford the one he's currently living in on his own.
"Plus, this is too much space just for me," he adds, shrugging his shoulders like it's not a piece of important information. "But the whole process is taking way longer than what I expected. I've been packing all my stuff for two weeks now, and when I finally finished it, I had to wait to take everything to the new place because Franky got late."
"Is Franky that creepy guy with the blue hair?" Law asks because he does remember one of Luffy's friends having that name, although he hasn't seen him more than a couple of times after the whole period Luffy was tied to a hospital bed. Luffy nods and seems surprised that Law actually knows who Franky is, although he doesn't say anything about that. It makes Law wonder if Luffy normally mentions his friends by name to people that don't even know they exist and expects them to either ask who the person is, or to just pretend they do know them. "Is it why you got late to work today?"
Luffy looks at him dead in the eye, clearly not liking where the conversation was heading, and nods again. "We kinda lost track on time."
"I see," Law mutters and decides to change the subject, not wanting them to fall under a weird ambiance once again. He has had enough of that. "Do, hum, do you still have your kitchen utensils here?"
"Don't tell me you want to cook dinner," Luffy says, jumping down the counter, his expression changing completely. He opens one of the lower cabinets and takes out a very old and very used skillet pan, pointing it at him. "And with that I mean please tell me you want to cook dinner."
"Yeah, I mean, I am no master chief, but I can sort something out," Law says, grabbing the skillet and putting it on top of the stove.
"It's not like I can complain. My culinary skills sure are worse," Luffy says, standing up but not minding closing the cabinet.
"You sure? I still remember those pancakes you've made."
"In my defense, Shachi ruined everything, they would've come out just alright if it wasn't for him," Luffy says, crossing his arms in front of his chest and pouting dramatically.
"If you say so," Law mutters, playfully, and opens the fridge, only to find it pretty much empty. Well shit. "Your fridge is more depressing than mine."
"I didn't want to buy food until I moved for good to the new place. And since I don't really adventure myself too much into the kitchen, I thought it wouldn't be a problem," Luffy says, scratching the back of his neck and sounding embarrassed. "I wasn't quite expecting you to stay for dinner though."
"What were you going to eat then?"
Luffy shrugs in response. "Probably cereal, or some cookies I bought just now."
Glad I stayed then, Law thinks. He takes a small packet of butter and a package of shredded cheese from the bottom of the fridge and wonders what the hell he can make out of that. "Do you have like, pasta or so?" He asks and watches as Luffy opens yet another cabinet and takes out a packet of fusilli.
"I also have canned tuna," Luffy says, grabbing three big and round cans. "Lots of it actually."
"That will do," Law says and opens the freezer, hoping there was something else forgotten that he would be able to use. He ends up finding a pack of frozen peas. "Okay, I'll need a pan to boil the pasta, some garlic, and milk or something similar, have any?" Law asks and waits for Luffy to take out from the cabinets everything he said, closing them all this time.
Law fills the pan with water, adding some salt in there, and then puts it in the stove until it starts to boil, adding the pasta right after. Meanwhile, he starts to mince the garlic and throws it to the skillet alongside with the butter. He can feel Luffy's eyes on him, watching every move, and that doesn't make him as uncomfortable as it should, him just there, sat again on top of the counter, just looking and without saying a word. Chopper has fallen asleep right next to his bowl and doesn't do much until he smells the food being made, then his tail starts to wiggle but, other than, he stays down. Law adds the peas and some salt and pepper, stirring until everything is well misled together, then, he adds the milk, continuing to stir and hopping all that mess is edible enough in the end.
"Can you see if the pasta is cooked already?" He asks Luffy and waits until he grabs a fork to take out a piece and shove it inside his mouth, burning his tongue in the process.
"Almost," he responds, getting closer and peeking to the skillet from underneath Law's arm. "Need help with anything there?"
"Yes," Law says, stepping aside and lending Luffy the wooden spoon. "My arm is getting tired. Just stir this while I drain the pasta."
"This smell so good," Luffy says, his belly making a noise like it's alive and eating itself. Law wonders how he would just eat cereal while being that hungry.
It's only when Law is adding the pasta to the skillet that he notices how domestic the whole situation is, how well they just managed to create a proper meal with basically no ingredients. He throws the pan to the sink and stays admiring the food, Luffy involving the pasta with the rest of the ingredients in a way so tender for it not to fall off the edge of the skillet. He notices how he grabs the wooden spoon firmly, how his movements just feel so fluid and natural, how he is showing all the skin of his arms without minding that Law can see everything. He notices how Luffy's face is all flushed, although he doesn't' know if that's due the fact he's in front of the stove of if he sure is feeling Laws gaze on him.
Law feels his neck and chest getting warmer and warmer, his palms all sweaty. He doesn't remember feeling so aroused in a long time and it's that thought that makes him snap of out his trance. He decides to search for the cutlery and the plates for them to eat in an attempt to occupy his mind with something else.
They end up having dinner in the couch, as the dinner table and the chairs have are all aready gone to the new place. They watch a movie that was already in the middle when Luffy turned on the tv, but Law barely pays attention to it. He wonders how Luffy's place might look like. He already knows it's small and only has one division, but at the same time he feels like he needs more details, so he can only wonder the colors inside, the proportions, the shape of the windows, but he's sure it will look great once Luffy gets his things all set.
He ears Luffy eating beside him, sucking the food from his plate like a vacuum cleaner does with the dust. He mutters it tastes delicious and moans every once in a while and that only makes Law feel more and more glad to be there instead of being at home, although he's sure the weight of his backpack will soon enough be on his shoulders again, as he will not be able to stay at Luffy's place until too late. He suddenly loses all his appetite, remembering he has so many things he's neglecting right now. But, surprisingly, he finds he doesn't care about the amount of work he still needs to do, doesn't care if he needs to stay up the rest of the night to finish it all, so he eats the rest of his food with a smile on his face because there is no other place that he would rather be than there and if Luffy asks him to stay the night he knows he will stay without even minding the consequences of doing so.
"This is the best food I have eaten in days!" Luffy says enthusiastically, tapping his belly, and it makes Law wonder just how poorly is been eating then. He changes his position in the couch and sits cross-legged, turning his body to Law and looking at him with his eyes full of life. "In return, you can ask me whatever you want, and I'll answer."
"Anything?" Law asks, and Luffy nods, not breaking eye contact. He knows what he wants to ask, and Luffy does too, but at the same time, he decides against it. It would be too easy. "Can I see the bruises?" He asks, and watches as Luffy gets caught off guard, his forehead frowning slightly, but then nods, standing up and heading to the bathroom, coming out moments later with a handful of cotton discs and the other grabbing a bottle of make-up remover. He sits in the same position, but closer, his knees touching Law's right thigh.
"Yes," Luffy says, handing him the cotton and the bottle. "You can see them," he adds, and it takes Law some time to realize it's him that has to remove the makeup because Luffy has said he would answer anything, not do.
He feels a shiver run down his spine as he spills some of the liquid to the cotton disc and starts taking the makeup off Luffy's neck, him flinching every once in a while whenever Law presses the disc slightly harder against his skin, feeling his Adam's apple moving every time he swallows. It takes a while, and a lot of cotton discs, but eventually it all comes out, leaving only purple and yellowish bruises and irritated skin behind. He looks at them from one point to another and feels relieved for the fact that, even though they still look awfully bad, they're healing.
Law notices then that in some places they have the form of fingers and realizes that Luffy didn't try to hang himself as he feared but, instead, he was shocked. He feels the anger build inside of him as he watches the way they go around the soft skin of Luffy's neck and wonders how someone could even think about squishing it with their bare hands to the point of doing that much damage. He realizes then he has an enormous urge to kiss them, to lick them, to run his tongue through his skin and just feel how it is like, to discover how it tastes.
"Why didn't you ask what happened?" Luffy asks, his voice low and rough, him being so close his hot breath hits Law's face tenderly.
"I told you," Law responds, and his voice sounds so weird and desperate it's embarrassing. "You'll tell me when you want to. I just wanted to make sure they were not too serious."
After a few moment o silence, Luffy asks "why are you like that?" and, before Law has time to ask what he meant by that, something in his face changes, something that Law only noticed once Luffy was on top of him, their faces only a few inches apart, the bottle of make-up remover getting knocked down on his side, soaking his jeans.
He moved so quickly Law didn't have time to react, and then it was too late. His limbs felt like jelly, his heart was pounding painfully against his ribcage like it was about to explode. The only thing he managed to do was to bring his arms up to push him out, but they quickly fell onto Luffy's tights and stayed there, grabbing him firmly in place on his lap.
His breathing was shaky and uncontrollable and, by the time his brain managed to process all the information, their noses where already touching and a wave of terror rushed through him, but he only managed to move his head slightly to the side and muttered a faint "I can't" that didn't even convince himself.
"You only can't if you don't want to," Luffy says, so close, so low, his voice sounding so rough as if the distance was killing him too.
"What if I don't," Law says, trying his best to not look away from Luffy's gaze because he knows if he looked anywhere other than there he would be condemned.
"Then I would call you a liar," Luffy says, moving, his hands cupping Law's face while his lips traced slightly the contours of his face, barely touching but leaving a warm feeling behind, from his cheekbone, to his ear, to his forehead. "Because I've seen the way you look at me," he brings his face down, until he has it buried against Law's neck, inhaling deeply his scent, making Law catch a breath and shiver.
He takes one of his hands down until it finds one of Law's, squeezing it hard. "Because I can't feel the way you grab me in place," he murmurs on Law's ear, sitting more comfortably on Law's lap and rocking his hips just slightly, making Law moan and feel dizzy.
Luffy keeps the other hand placed on Law's face, preventing him from looking away, his thumb tracing his lower lip. "But I'm not doing anything until you tell me to," he says, biting his lip while breaking eye contact and looking down at Law's mouth, wanting it as much as Law wanted his.
"I don't want to," Law repeats, and it's clearly not true, he just wanted to see Luffy's expression after being caught off guard, an act of small revenge. He grabs his thighs harder when Luffy tries to get out, embarrassed, and moves his face forward until their lips clash together, harshly. It's the messiest and most desperate kiss Law has ever received and given to someone, both of them trying to dominate the other while simultaneously trying to breathe. It's brutal and it makes Law's chest burn from the inside out.
Law wants to grab Luffy's hair back until his neck is exposed and he can dig in, tucking in his scent and feeling its soft skin between his lips, between his teeth, making him shiver and moan like he just did to Law. But he decides against it, not today he thinks. So he just keeps kissing him, sucking on his bottom lip, biting it, exploring with his tongue Luffy's mouth until he's panting and moaning against his own mouth.
And then it's all over, too fast, too soon. He feels his underwear sticky against his skin. All of his excitement and need suddenly getting washed away by confusion and perplexity. He feels angry, powerless, overwhelmed.
"You okay?" He hears Luffy asking before he shoves him to the couch, not roughly, not aggressively, but at the same time not at all in the way he wanted.
He doesn't look at Luffy's face until he has his backpack on his hand and he's in front of the door, ready to leave. He hesitates, his hand already on the doorknob, and looks back, seeing Luffy still in the same position and it's the worst decision he has made that day. The look of sadness and misery splashed across Luffy's face killed him inside then, but Law only thought really about that once he was far away down the street, with the wind pushing his clothes against his sweaty body and without a phone to call a ride home.
Feel free to leave a PM^^
Remember that it's okay to feel sad. Keep trying your best. You're still alive and that's already a big accomplishment.
