Note: You will soon find out how Morgan finds the Reid Journal.
-Chapter 8-
Three weeks were gone now, no sign of Reid, the training for the investigation teams even ended. It was time to return back to home and get back to BAU cases but none of us could move ahead without having a team member missing, that too an important one. We decided to return to Virginia but held meeting at Hotch's place almost every night, sharing ideas, evidences, just about anything to find the lead on this case.
Breathing, became just credit to me. I lost concentration from everything. I couldn't sleep still and nightmares about Carl and Reid just kept me haunted. I still drove, place to place, putting up missing posters. The main target was Carl. He knew who he hired to complete the job of disappearing Reid. He was questioned, harshly, but he kept saying he had no idea.
A month passed, Reid's mom even called in. She was worried because she didn't get a single letter from her son. As a team, we decided to not tell her, but her doctor was given all the current info. She was in a fragile state to know her son was missing for many days now.
And, then, we got a call from the police department where Carl was held at. They told us that yesterday a man came in to meet Carl around the evening and was arrested right away as a suspect for Reid's kidnapping.
Next morning, I and Hotch drove two hours to get there. I drove silently while listening to the radio. Hotch was also lost, looking outside his window. Our team was not the same anymore, even the king of emotional suppression seemed failing. His sad looks further deepened my sorrow too. After Haley died, Hotch became even distant but we all knew how protective he was of Reid, like his younger brother. It was not only that his team member was missing but a part of his family, a part of his life.
And for me, the cause of living was missing. I could only foresee struggle for me. A month without Reid seemed like many lifetimes had passed since I saw his face, the bright smile, the not so funny jokes, random statistics, food talks, his books spread around the whole longue, his ramblings...and his presence. Tears were soaking my desperate eyes and I quickly blinked them away before Hotch could get a hint.
I remember having him and Garcia over for weekends, doing pajama and movies nights together. From sci-fiction to horror, we would stay up all night glued to the TV. It was something that kept us away from all the stress that our job constantly provided.
At last, we arrived at the station. The man was kept in a room. Hotch entered along with the local detective while I stayed back. He quickly denied any assistance in the disappearance act. He was one of the youth center worker who simply came to see Carl. Hotch couldn't digest it easy. He knew something was fishy. This very same man was found in records meeting Carl a day before Reid's disappearance. Next, I was sent in. The man seemed to have recognized me but kept quiet. I sat in front. My eyes told the story clearly, I was suffering and the man kept staring me down. His eyes too told that he was the one behind this. The change in his behavior was evident, a sudden confidence, almost showing pride now replacing the terror.
"Where's Dr. Reid?" I got to the point.
"No idea! he answered rapidly now sitting back, almost relaxing.
"If you tell us where he is, we might be able to get you out of this!" I presented.
"Look Agent, I know you must be desperate but I really have got nothing to do with this" He said. Something was off about the way he spoke.
All the interrogation techniques I learned, practiced, invented, got tossed away instantly. I was just too desperate for any clues that I was projecting random ideas around. I couldn't move on so I decided to step out.
"Rosey red cheeks.." The man suddenly said and I turned to see him holding the Reid's photo and commenting with a smirk.
"Excuse me?" I frowned.
"I was just merely commenting on this photo" he replied. I stayed there for few minutes just eyeing him down. He remained confident. I walked straight to the rest room, splashing my face with water, letting tears wash away with it. So much time had passed and we were still nowhere. Oh, the feelings of helplessness was beyond what my soul could handle.
Sometimes, I would feel like running away, somewhere far from all of this, where no sadness existed. Other times, I felt like killing, throwing things around, violence erupting inside me. It was not in Derek Morgan's nature to just sit back. The worst parts were the nights, where depression took another level, anxiety and negative thoughts would fill my attention.
And now all of it was gone... And, when his absence completely torn me apart, I would seek to read his words, which only fuelled my grief more.
Reid's Dairy
Lots of time passed, I simply laid on the floor, waiting for my muscles to come back under control. I wonder how and what must be happening in my premotor cortex as I just waited. My wrist was still on fire. I never expected life to take such sudden twists, where I would just lay there, staring at the same ceiling for hours, I had every detailed memorized. Once in a while my stomach would growl making some sounds. I was just dying to hear something, even my own voice.
But, finally, the chemicals flushed out of my system and I sat slowly shifting around, first crawling, feeling weird, dragging back to the mattress. I had to examine my wrist covered in bandages. I could feel a device running inside. It was just so sore. I was just so hungry, I could feel the passing-out flashes coming in and out.
He, Sam Elliot, suddenly entered with a large tray in his hands. The food aromas rapidly boggled my mind. I was almost salivating inside like a dog. He put the tray down, on which a spaghetti plate, juice, and fruit salad was set. Life returned, I felt in heaven.
"You look happy" he commented.
"Can I eat this?" I asked without contacting his eyes.
"Of course, I made it all for you, here" he passed the tray to me. I just dug in right away. I paid no attention to him constantly staring at me. My stomach cried happy tears when food made its way down.
"Look at this smile, marvelous" he pointed out the big smirk I had on my face.
"Thank you...for..this" I pointed to the tray. I could see sympathy in his eyes, weird. In few minutes, I felt full, so good to be like this again.
"I was a little mad that you tried to run away" Elliot confessed.
"People are waiting for me, my mother and friends" I explained.
"I don't care and so should you. Forget them!" He exclaimed. I decided to ignore the insane artist.
"Don't you have any friends, how' bout your parents?" I asked.
"I don't need anyone, I got you now" He smiled while speaking. I decided to not say anything anymore, it was only making me more sad. Silence maintained. I played around with my fingers while he watched me. It was annoying but I tried to ignore it. The awkwardness increased and I had to give in.
"What did you do to my wrist?" I asked finally. He just kept looking.
"GPS detector, now I can chase you down anywhere you might go" he answered and I gasped lightly. I wanted to cry instantly but I remained strong until he at last decided to leave.
I relaxed when the door closed and I let loose, weeping like there was no tomorrow.
"I wanna go home, God please!" I begged "I haven't done anything to deserve such treatment, please, I want to go back now!" I cried while talking to no one.
"God, do you even exist?" I asked out loud "What do you get from watching me miserable like this?" I madly questioned.
"WHY ME?" I yelped "Not fair.." I cried.
Morgan, it's only been a month, but I feel severely home sick. I can't just stay in this room all day long, without any clue of time, I had nothing to do before...now I write, but still, he sometimes doesn't come for very long periods of time. Maybe, he goes out to work, to meet other people, does other things. I feel like I'm a prisoner.
I am starting to feel a little insane now, I talk to myself, make happy stories in my mind. I might not come out of this if you don't hurry. I don't know if I can wait any longer. I am losing all patience. Maybe, it is much more than a month, I have no clue of time.
I am starting to forget, how sunrise looks, how rain feels. I broke too fast I guess and I blame you Derek! You just made me so happy that now I'm suffering badly. Wish, I hadn't known you and felt so alive before. But Morgan, I want to meet you once, just once, please, find me.
...x
x
x
I had a great day today, finally. In the morning, he injected me again, I knew he was going to make another project today but the next thing I know, he carried me upstairs and back into the yard. The sunlight illuminated the whole world and he put me down on cool green grass. I could see the skies, clouds, birds, sun. It felt so unreal. I know I was crying, happily, enjoying the sight before me.
Although, I couldn't move my hands but I could see feel the coolness radiating beneath the grass, of my living green friends, I even missed them. The sensation of a new place just made my day. He came over, starting to play with my limbs, setting the right pose. I just prayed that he spared my head in the position it was in. And, he did.
He went off to the side and worked. I rested there not minding anything at all. I was in comfort. In the past, I took this for granted, not realizing how small mere things matter so much when they are gone. I enjoyed the day there, watching the clouds go by, a breeze would come by once in a while lifting up my soul again. Then, I felt something crawling on my arm. Uhhh, I couldn't move or do anything. It tickled immensely.
He spent hours there, and I watched the sun set as dark blue hues started to spread around. Slowly, twinkling stars appeared, and the space above just seemed so far. I started to count the stars thinking most of them didn't actually existed anymore. I was just so lost that I didn't realize my paralysis was gone. My arms twitched and I stretched a little. The painter was not there anymore. I sat up now viewing the huge mansion from the outside. It felt so majestic, but sad. Every room was lit up with lights. The dark skies contrasted the scene well.
"Not as sophisticated as Rossi's" I said to myself. I stood up, my legs went limpy for a while but I managed to walk again. The backyard was huge, with trees surrounding the boundary. There was a small flower patch here too. Solar lights illuminated the path towards the door.
Another cool breeze went by, my legs shivered. He made me wear shorts now, part of his idiotic artwork. I looked around, there was no exit from this mansion, had I seen any, I would've just run for my life. But sadly, I had to return back inside. The interior of the house unmatched any decorations I had seen in life. I explored around, wishing for a telephone nearby, cell phone, anything...
I entered the big TV lounge, where TV was on, and one couch sat the man in his robe. He acknowledged my presence and waved.
"Come here pretty thing" he called. I followed and sat beside him "You look amazed?" He said.
"Nice house" I praised.
"I did it all myself" he mentioned. My eyes went straight off to the television, sports news with low volume. I missed TV a lot too. I just hadn't realized it till then.
"Hhmm...can I ask for a favor?" I requested. He nodded taking my arm in his hands and he traced his palm over it lightly.
"White marble flesh" he commented.
"Hmm..I don't want to go back into that room. Can I stay here, on this floor?" I asked but he was too lost in examining my arm.
"Can I?" I asked again and he was rubbing my arm hard now.
"STOP!" I snatched my arm back. He came out of his trance. He simply took my other arm.
"Of course, you can stay here, this mansion is as much yours as it is mine" he spoke.
So now, I get to watch TV, look at clocks, know the time, visit the kitchen, take free baths, play in the yard, do house chores, cook, and listen to radio. The changes are drastic. I recovered a little, living more like a human now.
I even have my own room, comfy bed, warm blankets and coffee. But, he's smart, there is no phone connection here, no internet, all windows are sealed, the yard has no exit, and there is no main door, as far I could explore. There are no knives around, no sharp tools in the kitchen. For cooking, I cut using the forks and the butter knives.
Morgan, now that I am in better conditions, I can wait easily. I know BAU won't disappoint me.
Whose sorrow sounds bigger to you, Morgan or Reid? Let me know in Reviews. Thanks for reading. :)
