"Lucius has quite remarkable powers, but doesn't use them most of the time, because he likes to think he's so smart that he can control a situation without using them." - Edward Kay, Co-Creator of Jimmy Two-Shoes
Chapter 7
Sweet Moment of Misery
"STOP, RIGHT THERE!" Lucifer screamed.
Jimmy screeched to a halt and slowly turned back around. Black smoke was beginning to emit from Lucifer's mouth. The master of Hell's sharp teeth were exposed and clenched together with rage.
"I, Lucifer Heinous the Seventh, order you to get back over here NOW!" His voice boomed with fury.
Jimmy slowly walked back over, trying to think of a way out. He tried his best to come up with something, but he wasn't exactly a genius when it came to these things.
This time Lucifer grabbed Jimmy by his blond cowlick. "Listen you oblivious little moron, I spared you from a torture worse than even the most gruesome slaughter because I saw you were still a complete human being. I thought 'Hey, why don't I help this kid out. I'll let him off with a warning and help him start out right in Hell. Just one blow to Samy's teeth and he'll be a full-fledged sinner, and I'll even give him a house, because I'm such a generous monster.' But NOOOOOOOO! You just had to go and turn into a Mr. Goody Two-Shoes, didn't you!"
Jimmy stood there, leaning over the fuming Heinous. "A… Goody Two-Shoes?" The fear he was feeling from before was gone now, and he actually felt a smile trying to break across his face.
The master of Hell was bellowing black smoke and growling. He felt like ripping off the brat's blond cowlick, still locked in his claw. The smile he was seeing form on Jimmy's face wasn't helping to quell his rage at all. "What in the name of misery are you SMILING ABOUT?" Lucifer questioned with a fiery rage in his voice. He didn't care about keeping control of his anger anymore. He was about to let loose on this kid.
Jimmy let his smile spread across his face. "Oh thank you Mr. Lucifer!" The boy spread his arms out wide and beamed a wide grin.
The red devil's seething fury was replaced by alarmed confusion. "What do you think you're- OOMPH" Jimmy closed his arms around Lucifer and gave him a huge, patented Jimmy bear hug. The devil could feel his body being crushed by the boy's tight embrace. "Let go OW! Heinouses OUCH don't hug!"
But Jimmy couldn't hear him. He was in his own little happy world. A Goody Two-Shoes. He had never heard of a creature like that before, but apparently he was turning into one. A Two-Shoes monster. He could even use this for a new last name! Jimmy Two-Shoes. The name rang in his ear like music. Jimmy Two-Shoes, J2S. It was perfect! He couldn't remember what his old last name was, but he was sure Two-Shoes was 1000x better.
Lucifer was turning blue in Jimmy's arms. He gasped for breaths as he tried to pry open the boy's crushing hug. "*Gasp* LET *gasp* GO OF *gasp*ME NOW!"
Jimmy finally snapped out of his daydream and released the dark blue devil onto the ground.
"*Wheeze* Sweet misery! That *gasp* was horrible!" Lucifer caught his breath and looked up at Jimmy. The sadness and fear that he was just starting to plant into the boy had vanished. There was just that same stupid, goof-ball smile and bright eyes. This kid wasn't human at all. He had to be some sort of monster.
Jimmy's face brightened. "So now that I'm a monster, can I have my house now?" He got on his knees and begged. "Please, please, please, please PLEASSSEEE?"
"Wait, what? NO!" Lucifer growled. "You haven't become a monster! You haven't even sinned! Samael still has all of his teeth!"
But Jimmy's smile persisted. "But you said I'm turning into a Goody Two-Shoes monster. By the way, what kind of power does that come with? Will I be able to glow in the dark or grow four hands? Do I get any horns or fur? Oh, it probably has something to do with my feet doesn't it? Maybe I'll be able to run super fast or kick really hard. I'll be the best soccer player ever! Or does it mean my shoes get special powers? Maybe they'll let me BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-"
Lucifer gritted his teeth and put his claws over his aching ears. The ultimate ruler of Hell was beginning to unravel. This kid wasn't just some stupid teenager; he was a terror. Not even a miserable terror, but a smiling terror. His eyes were twitching like crazy now; he was ready to pull his horns out of his head. He needed to get this brat out of his office. He didn't care about corrupting him anymore; he just needed some peace from this evil child.
"-HEY, JIMMY!" He cut into the boy's babbling, almost at the end of his sanity. "You know what? You're right! You are turning into a Goody Two-Shoes; congratulations!" He ran to his desk and grabbed the contract form and pen. "And you know what else? I'm going to give you that house! But you have to leave, right now."
As the exhausted red devil hurriedly scribbled through the form and his signature, Jimmy squealed with joy. "Oh THANK YOU Mr. Lucifer! I've dreamed of this moment ever since yesterday!" Jimmy threw his arms out wide and ran towards the devil.
"Wait, what are you doin- NO NOT ANOTHER HU- OOMPH."Jimmy's arms clamped Lucifer together tightly with his body. As the boy jumped up and down with delight, the red devil could feel his blood and oxygen circulation being cut off. "SAMAEL! *gasp* HELP ME YOU *gasp* IDIOT!"
Samael had been standing there the entire time, waiting for someone to knock all of his teeth out. "Uh, coming sir!" The troll tried to pull Jimmy's arms apart, but once Jimmy got his arms around someone, they might as well give up. Samael pulled as hard as he could but Jimmy's hugs' were air-tight.
Jimmy, not even feeling Samael's heaving, leaned over the desk and looked at the contract with curiosity. A lot of the words were complicated legal jargon, but he made out the last few sentences.
"This signature here by grants ownership of the designated residence to THIS ANNOYING BRAT, who can now claim responsibility and possession to the address of WHERE EVER HE WANTS.
Signature of Realtor/Supreme Overlord of Hell: _Lucifer Heinous VII_ .
Jimmy smiled at the contract and then stuffed it in his pocket. Just then, he felt a little pull.
"Oh hey Samy!" The boy hadn't even noticed Samael tugging on his arm the entire time, "Do you want a Jimmy hug too?"
"A what?" The troll responded in confused fear. Samael could see Lucifer gasping and changing different colors in the teen's arms. Whatever a Jimmy hug was; he knew he didn't want it. "Uh, a-actually I-" OOMPH. Samy never had a chance to escape. Within seconds he was packed tightly next to Lucifer in Jimmy's arms. He had never been hugged before. It actually felt pretty snug and warm. "H-hey, this isn't s-so bad."
But Lucifer was already turning a bright shade of purple. He couldn't feel his arms anymore and everything was starting to get hazy. He needed a way to get rid of this, this monster. There was no way he could call on his henchmen; no one could ever find out that he couldn't even handle one single 14 year old boy on his own.
Jimmy, however, was feeling great. He'd finally gotten his house, and he even made two new friends. "So now that we're all buddies, do you guys want to come over to my new house?"
In Lucifer's nearly unconscious state, he had a flash of evil genius. This was the perfect opportunity to get rid of the kid.
"*Gasp* Of course we do! You *gasp* just need to LET GO OF US! *gasp*." He was nearly passed out by the time Jimmy loosened his grasp on the two monsters.
Lucifer fell to the floor, trying to catch his breath and recompose himself as quickly as possible. Samy just stood there, smiling blankly at the hug he had just been given. The troll was feeling something that he hadn't felt in a long, long time. Whatever it was, it felt…warm.
"*Pant* Alright Jimmy," the short, red devil monster tried to put a friendly face over his angry, exhausted one, "could you show us where your house is? Pleassseee?" He fashioned a large smile, even though his insides were screaming with rage. As soon as that kid got near the window, he was going to charge and blast the little horror right through the glass.
"Sure thing Lucy!" Jimmy skipped over to one of the large, circular windows and started looking for his neighborhood again.
"L-L-Lucy?" The red devil's ears sprang up. "D-Did you just call me Lucy?"
Jimmy continued to stare out the window, retracing his path from downtown Miseryville. "Yeah I figured since you helped me come up with my new name, I could give you a special name too, like Lucy! Or maybe Lucille? Or Lucibelle?" Jimmy started to giggle. "Lucilicious! Or Lucy Goosy! Or even Lucerino!"
The short, red devil's mind began to shut down. He was starting to feel something deep inside him, but he wasn't quite able to figure it out. On the outside his ears began to wiggle and his pupils grew smaller. His whole body was numbing and his face was in a blank trance. This, this boy had to of been doing all this deliberately, just to make him go crazy. He refused to believe anyone could be this stupid and cheerful unintentionally. And now THIS. Calling the supreme lord, master, king, and ruler of Hell 'LUCY'. He was starting to become lost in his own daze before something finally snapped him back into reality.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA, HE SAID LUCY! AND LUCIBELLE! A-AND LUCY GOOSY! My ribs! They're on FIRE!" Samael was pounding on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. He was holding his stomach and laughing so hard his eyes were watering.
Jimmy started giggling; still looking out the window to try and find his house. "Hehe, I guess Lucy is kind of a funny name." Then he started to laugh too. "Hahahaha yeah and so is Lucy Goosy! Haha and Lucinator HAHAHAHAHAHA a-and LULUPOP!"
Lucifer looked around, still in a half-trance. Now they were both laughing. AT HIM. That unexplainable feeling he had was starting to get stronger. His entire body started to feel warm. In fact his head felt blazing hot. He bit his lip to try and suppress it but it kept getting hotter. He took a quick look up.
The top of his head was shooting up searing blue flames. "Oh sweet misery, not now."
He tried to put it out but he felt his insides getting hotter and hotter. He looked back at Jimmy and Samy. They were still laughing, completely wrapped up in their own amusement to notice the flames coming from his head. They were both idiots. Laughing at him, LUCIFER HEINOUS THE SEVENTH, the master of Hell and all its sinful prisoners.
He felt his body getting hotter with rage and the flames shot even higher over his head. He needed to calm down, but the sound of that brat's laughter mixed with his pathetic assistant's snickering was making it impossible.
By now, Jimmy was also holding his stomach, crying with laughter. "HAHAHAHA or-or maybe LUCILIA!"
Samy was still on the floor, barely able to speak because he was laughing so hard. "AHAHA-HAHAHAHA!"
The troll had completely forgotten just who he was laughing at. The demon who could turn him inside out with just a snap of his fingers. Who could tear off his skin and feed it to rabid Gruggly beasts with just a simple command to his vicious guards.
Suddenly, Jimmy stopped laughing. "Uh, hey guys, do you notice something weird going on?" He was still looking out the window when he noticed all of the buildings in Miseryville appeared to be melting. "I think something's happening in the- Wh-WHOA!" His body sunk several inches into the ground and he hurriedly looked at his feet. They were submerged in the floor, which seemed to be turning into squishy goo. "Hey, is the floor supposed to be doing this?"
It wasn't just the floor; the entire room was beginning to melt. Lucifer's statues were already starting to form pools of bubbling liquid, and his humongous portrait was a dripping mess of colors and paint that were flowing down his wall.
"Glublublububub-" Samy, previously laying down on the floor, had already sunken head first into the dissolving ground. The only sign that he was still alive came from his kicking feet and the gurgling bubbles rising through the floor from his buried head.
Lucifer was beginning to panic. "Alright, alright; just calm down!" He screamed in his head. The fiery rage overtaking his body was causing his powers to spiral out of control and liquefy the city. He tried to think happy thoughts, like a serpent swallowing Samy alive, or his father being torn apart by Shwartzentigers. He even imagined that Goody Two-Shoes crying and begging him for mercy. Oh yes, that was good.
Lucifer felt a smile tug on his face as he closed his eyes and imagined Jimmy screaming with pain and writhing in terror, as the boy slowly began turning into a hellish monster. The red devil's head was beginning to feel cooler.
Jimmy stopped sinking. The teenager's entire waist was below the ground before the floor started to solidify again. "Awwww, does this mean it's over?" He moaned with disappointment. He had wanted to sink all the way into the floor, like Samy did.
Lucifer forced open one of his eyes and looked up at his head. No flames, no smoke, no anything. His intense rage had chilled.
"Phew, that was close." The red devil sighed with relief in his head. He then looked around the room.
Everything in his office was a dissolved pile of goo and fluids. His bookcases, statues, monitoring station, and desk were all huge masses of gunk. He spotted a half-sunken Jimmy smiling and waving at him. Samael was nowhere in sight, but that was a trivial concern.
"Ok," Lucifer thought, biding his next move, "now I just need to fix everything and get rid of this idiot. Then I deny this ever happened."
The calmed red devil took a deep breath, "*Huff*" and tried to imagine everything completely normal. He strained his thoughts, picturing the buildings in Miseryville as all repaired and the roads as solid sheets of normal concrete. No doubt billions of monsters had sunken below the dissolved buildings and streets during his little meltdown, so he had the extra burden of restoring them all as well.
While he was stressing his brain, returning everything and everyone back to normal, he had an overwhelming urge to erase that skinny, smiley little freak from existence. Just one thought and POOF; no more Goody Two-Shoes, no more Lucy or Lucerino or Lulupop, and no more hugging.
But of course, he didn't. He wouldn't. He didn't need his powers for anything, especially dealing with some annoying, troublesome teenager. He had enough experience doing that with his own son.
The office was beginning to shake. Now Lucifer was fixing his own factory. His face tightened as he focused his thoughts on the task of repairing all the damage to his beloved Misery Inc. He made sure all his machines and equipment were in perfect condition for creating new miserable products. He contemplated whether or not it was worth the effort to restore all his insignificant workers, but luckily for them, someone needed to do all the dirty work and it definitely wasn't going to be him.
He opened his eyes. Jimmy was sitting on the ground by the window, still smiling. The boy's waist and legs were now fully rested above the restored floor. Samael was laying on his stomach close by, silent and unconscious. Lucifer quickly turned his exhausted head around the room to examine it.
His statues were all back in their beautiful, perfect conditions and his office was no longer a dripping mass of glop. He looked up at his portrait. It was now back to its original state; showing the strong, powerful Heinous towering over all of Miseryville.
Jimmy jumped up from the floor. "Wow Lucy, that was amazing! Everything was turning all gooey and squishy and mushy!" The boy turned and pressed his face against the window again. All the previously melting buildings and streets were now completely fine, as if nothing had ever happened. "Hey Lucy, does stuff like that always happen in Miseryvi-" SMASH!
Lucifer had run up from behind the teenager and head-butted him out the window. Jimmy went face first through the glass and plummeted down the huge dome factory.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh!"
Lucifer could hear Jimmy's screams grow softer and softer as the boy plunged down several stories. "Good. Maybe that will shut him up."
He turned back to his desk; his only sanctuary in this devil-forsaken hellhole. He calmly walked back over to it and plopped himself down on his favorite brown chair. Finally, some peace and quiet. He looked up at the clock.
4:56 P.M. He had spent nearly two hours with that little monster. The red devil's usual scowling face grew especially angry. It had only taken two measly hours for that kid to make him blow his fuse and lose control of his powers. He knew he was stronger than that, but there was just something about that boy that made him go over the deep end.
Lucifer rubbed his aching temples. The exhaustion he faced from his encounter with that Goody Two-Shoes and strain from using so much of his powers were finally starting to catch up to his body. "Samael, bring the limo around. I'm going home early."
There was complete silence. Samy was still lying on the floor, out cold on his stomach.
"HELLO? SAMAEL? I said get the limo NOW!"
Samy's body remained unresponsive.
The red devil was much too tired to keep yelling at his lifeless assistant. He hopped down from his chair again, this time at a much more sluggish pace, and walked over to Samy's unconscious body.
Lucifer, exhausted from the nightmare he had just experienced, began kicking Samael's body repeatedly. First in an effort to simply wake him up, but then he began kicking harder and more rapidly. He was taking out all the anger and annoyance he felt for Jimmy on the small troll. That boy had gotten away with humiliating him and never even received a proper punishment.
"Whaa- OW! OOF!" Samael was starting to drift back into consciousness from Lucifer's last few kicks. He couldn't remember anything, and the only sensation he could feel on his body was the splitting pain on the side of his ribs where the red devil had been lashing out at him. "What happened? OUCH!"
Lucifer, now calm and momentarily free of his anger, quickly spun up was of his famous lies. "You clumsy idiot, you broke one of my windows." He pointed to the broken window that he had shoved Jimmy through. "You passed out right when I was about to punish you for it, like the sniveling little coward you are."
Samy's head was a complete blank. He didn't remember any of this happening. "I broke the window and passed out? Are you sur-" Samy froze and slapped his hands over his mouth. He could already see Lucifer's angry scowl tightening. Rule #1: Never question a Heinous.
Samy groveled and then quickly tried to backtrack from his error. "I-I mean of course I did! Stupid, clumsy me! I really should have been more careful with that window!" He let out a nervous laugh before he started quaking in his shoes.
The red devil just growled. "Forget it; just be grateful that I'm in a good mood today." He rubbed his heavy eye-lids from exhaustion. "Have the driver bring the limo around pronto. I need to get back home and rest."
Samael just stood there, dumbfounded. "S-So you mean you're not going to punish me?"
The troll had never been shown leniency before. It was completely new to him.
Lucifer rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Yes, it's called being merciful. I can be compassionate and forgiving too you know! Now are you going to get the limo or not?!"
At first Samy had no idea how to react, but his face began moving into a bright smile all on its own. His boss was actually being nice to him. For the first time in centuries of servitude, he was being treated not terribly. "Oh wow, thank you sir! You know this means a lot to me. I've always dreamed of the day when someone would show me some kin-" POW!
Lucifer's fist flew straight into Samael's smiling mouth, knocking out several teeth and causing blood to splatter all over the carpeted floor.
"AAUUUGHH" Samael tried to shout with pain, but his mouth was quickly swelling into a huge, ugly mess.
The short, red devil then grabbed the troll by his large green nose and grinned evilly. "Whoops, guess my hand must have slipped. Now, get me my limousine THIS INSTANT!" He then released his grip on Samael's bulbous nose, which went flying back into the troll's face.
Samy's mouth was now completely swollen. "Yesh your Heinoush." The troll ran toward the elevator, holding his hands over his bloody, puffed up mouth. As the elevator doors closed on him, the red devil could hear Samael's whimpering and crying.
Now Lucifer was truly starting to feel better. He started to suck on his bloody knuckle; for a centuries old troll, Samael had some surprisingly strong teeth.
He paused there in his office, standing alone among his statues and furniture. The entire factory seemed to be frozen in silence. He cast his gaze out of his broken window, which was letting a terrible draft into his office.
Of all the souls of the damned he had seen in his 700 years in Hell, Lucifer had never encountered anyone even remotely close to that, that Two-Shoes kid. That boy was going to be trouble; that was for sure. "I'll have to deal with that kid soon. I can't have him spreading whatever infectious stupidity he's caught to the entire city."
Whatever his course of action was going to be, Lucifer would do it tomorrow. He was nearly on the brink of collapsing from fatigue, and everyone knows you shouldn't do any devious and sinister planning when you're tired.
"*YAWN*, I'll take care of it in the morning." He dragged his tired body towards the elevator. "Besides, how much damage could one measly child do in a single night?"
