Disclaimer: ST characters aren't mine. However, Izzie, Joe, Eli , and Cat are mine.
Chapter 7-How to Disappear Completely
Once aboard the ship, Spock carried Izzie to sick bay.
"What the FUCK happened?" cried Bones!
Jim was running in behind Spock. "Long story Bones."
Bones moved closer to Izzie. "Spock you're gonna have to let go of her if you want me to help her; so move." Spock was rooted to the spot. "Dammit man, MOVE! Christ, she's covered in blood. Nurse Chapel! Get over here!"
Jim stepped forward and grabbed Spock's arm. "Come on Spock, let Bones help her."
Reluctantly, Spock stepped back.
A few hours later, Bones met with Spock and Jim in his office.
"How bad is the damage?" asked Jim.
Bones shook his head. "She was pretty beat up. Fractured cheekbone, three broken ribs, lots of cuts and bruises and a good amount of tearing in her rectum."
Jim could hardly believe his ears. "Her…her rectum?"
Bones nodded. "Yeah. Dammit Jim there better be a hell of a good reason as to why you let her go down there with you!"
Spock silently left the office as Jim explained to Bones what had gone down on Migura II.
Meditation did not come easy that night. Spock kept replaying the image of Izzie beaten and broken on the floor of the basement. He could still hear the sound of the fat man's neck snapping beneath his hands.
The chime to his door went off.
"Enter."
It was Nyota.
"Nyota, I will be unable to meet with you this evening."
Nyota put her hand on his shoulder and saw him visibly flinch. "Spock, what happened down there?"
Spock pulled away from her. "I do not wish to discuss it at this time."
Nyota's eyes filled with tears. "This isn't going to work, is it? You and me. I knew it all along but I just didn't want to believe it."
Spock turned to face her. "It was never my intention to hurt you Nyota."
She gave a sad smile. "I know Spock. I know." Walking up to him, she gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "When she heals…tell Dr. Landry how you really feel about her."
Nyota left the room and Spock knelt on the floor, attempting to meditate once again.
Izzie was confined to sick bay for two weeks. She refused to talk about what happened, even with Bones who knew all of the physical trauma that she had suffered.
Spock came to visit her every day, but every day she refused to see him just as she had refused Jim.
Once she was released from sick bay, Izzie would sit on the couch in her quarters all day long. She ignored the transmissions from Spock Prime, who had been informed of her condition.
A week had passed since her release from sick bay when Bones called Jim and Spock to his office.
"Dammit, I just don't know what to do with her. She's refusing to eat. She hardly sleeps. It's as if all the life has been sucked out of her. I can barely get her to say two words to me. I think she's finally cracked. She's had so much trauma happen to her, even before she got here that her mind can't take it. "
Jim nodded. "She won't talk to me either. Maybe we should get someone to sit with her at all times to make sure she doesn't hurt herself…just until she snaps out of this."
Spock finally spoke up. "I will take that duty, Captain."
"What?" asked Jim. "No, Spock. I need you on the bridge."
"When Isobel was brought aboard she was placed under me. If she was in Starfleet, I would be her commanding officer. Therefore, it is logical that I be held responsible for her care."
Jim frowned. "You're really serious aren't you?"
Spock tilted his head. "I am always serious, Jim."
"Ok then, go see what you can do to help her," said Jim.
Spock moved some of his personal belongings into Izzie's room. Every day he would sit with her, feed her, and help bathe her. He slept on the couch each night, and each night he would be woken to the sound of her screaming during a nightmare. Some nights she screamed Eli's name; some nights she would scream his name.
Spock felt helpless for the second time in his life. He was unable to save someone he cared about.
Several weeks later when Spock woke up, Izzie was gone.
"Computer, locate Dr. Landry."
"Dr. Isobel Landry is in holo room 2."
As Spock got dressed he checked the computer for the time and date. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he realized that today was one year exactly since the incident with Nero. One year since he lost his mother and his home. The pang of hurt in his side had not ceased.
He walked down the halls of the Enterprise and opened the door to holo room two.
Izzie was sitting with her back to him, playing the piano and softly singing.
That there, that's not me
I go where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here
In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah, it's gone
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here
Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here...
She finished singing and slowly turned to face Spock. "It's funny you know? I mean, if I had just given him the ring, everything would've been ok. It was just a ring. It was replaceable. Just a tiny ring."
Spock walked closer to her. "Isobel."
Izzie kept talking. "You know sometimes when I look down, I can still see the blood on my hands."
Spock realized at that moment that it had not only been one year since he lost his mother, but it had also been one year since Izzie lost Eli.
"It's like no matter how much I wash my hands, the blood is still there. Reminding me that I was the one who killed him."
Spock sat down next to her. "No, Isobel. You did not kill him. The man with the gun did."
She shook her head. "No…it was me. If I would've just given him the ring, Eli would still be here."
Spock shook his head. "That is illogical."
Izzie glared at him. "Is it? No, I don't think it is. It's my fault. Just like it's my fault for going down to that planet and getting you and Jim hurt. Don't you understand, Spock? I destroy everything I touch. I am of no use to ANYONE."
Spock watched as Izzie slid to the floor and began to sob. Her strong resolve was finally broken.
He could think of no words to comfort her. In many ways he felt the exact same. He felt responsible for not saving his mother; for not saving his planet.
Sitting down next to her, he put his arm around Izzie and held her as she cried; wishing he too could find catharsis in tears. .
Finally exhausted from crying, Izzie let Spock carry her to her quarters. He laid her down on the bed and moved to get up.
"No please Spock. Don't leave," she said. "Just…can you just stay here and hold me till I fall asleep?"
Every Vulcan fiber of his being was screaming no. But the human side of him was being drawn towards her. He tried to rationalize staying with her. It is logical to ensure that she remains comforted.
Spock nodded to Izzie and lay down beside her. He had never lain next to a woman in bed for an extended period of time. Not even with Nyota. He wrapped his arms around her and the two slowly drifted off to sleep.
A/N: We're gettin there...slowly but surely. Song for this chapter is How to Disappear Completely by Radiohead.
Reviews are really nice. See that button right down there? Yeah right there...click it and leave me your thoughts please. Please? Pretty please? I've got the next two chapters finished but I'm starting to have a hard time with the last one.
