Thank you to my two wonderful Betas Butterscotch and sillybella. You guys are amazing.

Just as a reminder this story takes place after New Moon so most of the events can't be referenced in the other books. Also this is just my perspective. Just wanted to clear that up. I hope you are all enjoying the story. I am certainly enjoying writing it.


Embry stood in the doorway, surveying the destruction. He eyed me cautiously before he spoke. "What happened?" he asked softly, still not entering the room for fear I would lose it again.

"I…" inhaling deeply through my nose to calm the rage, "don't want to talk about it." My jaw was clenched tightly as the sounds of Bella's tears echoed in my mind. I refused to look at Embry; there would only be pity in his eyes. Poor, pitiful, Jacob, always wanting more than he should, the rest of the pack would be thinking. Maybe not around me, but they would still think it."Hmph." Anger and frustration clouded my mind. Pitiful—that's exactly what I was.

"Jacob, talk to me. I assume this is about her. Billy told me she had stopped by, and earlier I talked to Sam about last night…" Embry's voice trailed off. I glanced at him for the first time; he looked exhausted and worried.

"Of course it's about Bella. I just…" There were no words to describe my feelings; the rage and the pain were still too fresh. "Not now, Embry, not now." It was barely a whisper, but he heard.

Slowly Embry turned and left my doorway, but not my house. He had been my friend for as long as I could remember. He was determined to help me through this. All of our experiences—building cars, realizing that girls existed, becoming brothers in the pack—had all been things we'd done together. But this was something completely foreign to us both. I could faintly hear Embry's voice from the kitchen. He was calling the others, the concern clear in his voice. Sam would be here shortly. It wouldn't do any good. Nothing he could say would make this better.

My thoughts wandered dangerously close to Bella. Pushing them aside, I focused my rage. The leech, this was his fault. If he would have just stayed away…I didn't continue the thought. If. It was such a simple word, filled with possibility. If my life were normal, if he wasn't a parasite, if Bella had kissed me earlier, if she didn't want to be a bloodsucker; the list was endless.

Whack! My fist had found its way through the wall again. Embry was at my door in an instant, staring at the new destruction. He shook his head and walked away slowly. I wrapped my arms around my head, trying to block out the world around me. Unfortunately, it wasn't the world around me that was haunting my thoughts. It was her. Her voice, her words, her tears, and worst of all her kiss—the way her gentle lips had caressed mine. What did it mean? Was it desperation or something more? The thoughts swirled loudly in my head, so loudly that I didn't hear her come in.

"Jacob." Her voice was soft and full of worry. "You don't have to speak but I ask that you please listen." I moved my arms in order to see her, to make sure I wasn't imagining things. I nodded slowly in response to her words.

She perched herself on the end of my bed and spoke again, "This life you have isn't easy, but the choices you make have to be for you, not the pack." I propped myself up to look at her.

The pack had sent Emily. They knew I would behave myself for her. She was like the older sisters I had but who were too far away to give me advice.

"Emily." Her name came out quietly. "It is not my choice alone; she has to know what she wants, too."

"Sometimes you don't know what you want until you almost lose it." She paused, contemplating her next words. "You know how I got these scars. But do you know why?" I shook my head; we never talked about that night. I had seen it so clearly in Sam's mind when he wanted me to stay away from Bella, when I wasn't in control.

"It's a story that most people don't get to hear, but I think you need to. It may help you understand Bella and why everything is so hard right now." She looked down at her clasped hands in her lap. She took a deep breath, slowly preparing herself to tell me a story she had locked away. "It had only been about six months after Sam changed. At first I didn't know why he had left me. I, like you, did not believe in the legends. So many things about Sam had changed, and I didn't know why. I hardly saw him for months, and when I did see him he looked different, bigger, more tired than ever before. I constantly told myself that I was over him. Lies are easy to believe if you repeat them long enough." She looked deep into my eyes, knowing the lies I had told Bella. "I know you had to tell her you didn't care, but Bella is too much like me. She knows the truth. You didn't mean it, Jacob." Her words caught me off guard—they were the exact same ones Bella had used. The memory, still so fresh, ripped at my heart.

"Sam had come to the house to tell me that we could never be together again. Even after all that time, I didn't think it mattered. But hearing him say that it was over for good was too much. I argued with him in my kitchen. I told him I would never give up on him, I wouldn't let go." She was lost in the memory as tears swelled in her eyes. I knew what happened next. I had seen it so clearly in Sam's mind—the pain and the regret that would haunt him forever.

"It's okay, Emily." My words were soft. She didn't have to relive the pain for me. I sat up and wrapped my arms around her. Her point was clear; letting go was not easy, and in some cases, if you fought hard enough, you didn't have to do it. But either way it left scars, like the ones on Emily's face, or the ones that would be left when the holes in my heart began to heal.

"Jacob, you have to fight for what you want. Don't let go." I looked at her bewildered. She had to know what my destiny was, and yet she was telling me to go against it.

"There is a path chosen for me that I have to take. Rejecting it would only do harm to our people." I spoke solemnly; realization of my future was dawning on me.

"Please think about it. You don't have to give up what you love to lead. Sam didn't, and neither do you."

I breathed deeply, thinking over what my options were. "She made her decision, and it wasn't me." It was the truth as far as I knew it. That kiss could have meant anything; to me it meant goodbye.

Emily sensed the uncertainty in my body. "This isn't you. The Jacob I know fights for what he wants; he doesn't mope in his bedroom. And he certainly doesn't let the girl he loves walk away and choose to lead a soulless life. Not without a fight." She had known me forever, and she was right. But I couldn't go back.

"I am not that Jacob anymore." The words were rough in my throat. I didn't know who I was. Bella was not an option. She had chosen and so had I. My life now belonged to the pack. One day I would take my place as leader and live the lonely existence that was meant for me.

"My poor, sweet Jacob, what has happened to you?" Emily held my face in her hands and looked into my sorrowful eyes. "Follow your heart," she whispered, kissing me on the forehead before she left.

I threw myself backwards, flopping hard against the bed. Follow your heart—easier said than done. My heart wanted only one thing, but I had denied it. I sighed heavily. I didn't know how I was going to get through this, or even if I was going to get through this. Emily's words rattled around my brain—this isn't you. Her words were followed by the voice that haunted me—you don't mean it. Bella knew me too well; but that part of my life was over now.

My body ached from the tension still gripping it. I knew that the others were in my living room; the murmuring voices did not escape me. There was nothing they could do. Again I slowly locked away all the memories concerning her. It was harder this time. There was more to think about, more unanswered questions. I closed my eyes and let the memories fade. Then I slowly slipped into sleep. Goodbye, Bella.